The Loneliness of Leadership

This image of Theresa May in Brussels a few months ago – sparked a series of memes – poking fun at her lone figure. Reflecting on this image and many others like it, I thought of the terrible loneliness of leadership.

When the chips are down, no matter what other advisers and supporters are around – it is the leader who has to face the world alone. Forget your political colours for a moment, as I watched the demise of Theresa May, I sensed the loneliness of leadership. While watching her, there came to my mind some powerful words (applicable to us all who are in a leadership role) from William Shakespeare: “Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown” (King Henry IV, Part II, act 3, scene 1, line 31)

There is a great loneliness in leadership, the pressure and strain can be overwhelming, but like so many in these challenging roles, you not only have to live with yourself, your conscience and the inner feelings that come, but also the feelings of a nation too. Ultimately, the PM’s demise was inevitable.

As the old joke goes “it might be lonely at the top, but the view is terrific”…well, maybe for a little while.

Top Tips:

– Work with a trusted coach

– Encourage your senior team to speak up and challenge

– Get out and about, listen and get rid of your ego.

Moments

It’s often really surprising what a considerable part very small moments play in our lives.  In the world of work, we’ll probably never remember an entire conference, but will most definitely remember the moment the CEO tripped up on the stage.

“We do not remember days; we remember moments” – Cesare Pavese

For instance, I’ll never forget the moment in this picture when Fawn and Fern aligned perfectly for a split second, just as I had my camera in hand.  Impeccable!

Life holds lots of surprises, doesn’t it?  Life too can be filled with lots of uncertainty, yet frequently surprises will pop up all along life’s path.  Who knows what will exactly happen tomorrow, or where you will be in a few years time, and what you will be doing?  Only a few weeks after this picture, sadly Fawn died with heart failure.  It was a difficult time for all of our family.

Sometimes, course changes in our lives come from unexpected challenges or disappointments. I have learned through experience that we only partially control the circumstances of our life.  Yet, there will be key moments for you that may change the course of your life in a flash.  Such a moment may consist of no more than a look or a simple conversation, an unplanned event perhaps or even an unexpected opportunity.  Moments of truth arrive perhaps when we are being tested, a tough decision has to be made or a crisis has to be faced.

As you reflect upon your own memorable moments, enjoy every one of them, in the grand scheme of things they are the only things we’ll have.  They are also called moments because they don’t last very long, but can stay with us forever.

“Sometimes the moments that challenge us most, will define who we really are……”

Amongst all your moments in life, good, bad, happy and sad, which ones do you recall that were perfectly aligned?

 

 

The inner chimp

What happened to Rory McIlroy? Day 1, destruction +8, Day 2, brilliance -6, how can that be?

Yesterday, I was out golfing for the first time in nearly 2 years. It was a lot of fun. I wasn’t expecting too much – and that was exactly what happened! But I got to thinking about the challenges of what goes on in our thoughts, that directly affect our actions.

In The Chimp Paradox, Dr. Steve Peters illustrates the neuroscience behind the complex inner workings of the brain. According to Peters, we all have three parts to our brains. One being an “inner Chimp,” playing havoc with our rational thoughts and our emotional reactions, in a wrestling match over dominance when under pressure. Our inner Chimp is impulsive, it can impair our actions with self doubt & fear, chattering away in our heads with unwanted thoughts creating inner turmoil and potentially overwhelming the rational brain. When the Chimp is allowed to rule our thinking by having lots of fun, we can self-destruct. Day 1 perhaps? Rory talked about “pressure” with The Open being back in N. Ireland – at the same time holding the course record at Portrush since he was 16 years old.

Overnight – control returns.

Day 2 – The two other parts of the brain, namely the “human” and “computer” kick in and take control. In the human arena, the rational, compassionate and humane Rory resurface, he smiles and jokes with the crowd. Memory banks for reference filled with all sorts of automatic strokes of success kick in, as the computer is switched on again. Rory’s back, but sadly its not quite enough.

How do your thoughts affect your actions?

Patience

So, your patience is wearing thin…..

Perhaps a certain amount of impatience may be useful to stimulate and motivate us to action – do you agree?

“Patience -the ability to put our desires on hold for a time – is a precious and rare virtue. We want what we want, and we want it now. Therefore, the very idea of patience may seem unpleasant and, at times, bitter” – Dieter F. Uchtdorf

However, too often, we are impatient with ourselves, with our family members, friends, work colleagues and other matters. We seem to demand what we want right now, regardless of whether we have earned it, whether it would be good for us, or whether it is right.

Recently, our house sale fell through. It has been a difficult time. Consequently the topic of patience has raised it’s head in our home. Patience isn’t merely waiting, in my mind it means active waiting, enduring, staying with something and doing all that you can, including working, hoping, and dealing with the challenges that arise one by one. It also means accepting that which cannot be changed.

As important as patience is, in my experience we shouldn’t be surprised to discover that our lives are designed to give us many opportunities to develop it.

How can you take the time to develop your patience by being patient?

Commitment

So, what a week that was. Seven days, eight places, people, presentations and I’m done with driving…at least for a while!

Preston, Chorley, Warwick, Luton, Westminster, Tunbridge Wells, Crawley, Cranfield and a long drive home. A full on tour of England and motorways! I met up with lots of old friends and former colleagues. In addition I made many new friends and had the chance to interact with people of all different ages in a variety of settings, workshops, meetings and presentations. It was brilliant! In fact I loved it! However, whilst in my 20’s, I was passionate about driving, now in my 50’s, well…enough said! But, for a host of different reasons, I was committed to make the journey.

Over the past few months, I’d made several commitments, to various people and organisations. Commitment as a word, cannot stand alone. We must always ask, “Committed to what?” I recognise too that we cannot become something without commitment.

The journey of success is long and is dotted with a series of commitments to worthy goals in life. A person does not become committed to worthwhile goals just by making a declaration or decision. It is through daily progression toward established purposes.

The time to commit and recommit is now.

What are you committed to?

Responsibility

I love this true story shared by Lynn G. Robbins recently, some great lessons about Taking Responsibility.

“In 1983 a few partners and I started a new ­company that taught time-management seminars and created and sold day planners.

For corporate seminars, we sent our consultants to the client’s headquarters, where they taught at the corporate training facilities. Prior to the seminar, two employees in our distribution centre would prepare and ship several boxes of training materials, such as the day planners, binders, and forms. Also included was a participant’s seminar guidebook of around a hundred pages with quotes, fill-in-the blanks, graphs, and illustrations.

The two distribution centre employees would normally send the seminar shipment ten days before the seminar. At the time that the following incident occurred, we were teaching around 250 seminars each month. With so many seminar shipments, these two employees would often commit errors, such as not shipping sufficient quantities or omitting certain materials or not shipping on time. This became an irritating and often embarrassing frustration for the consultants.

When these problems occurred, the seminar division would file a complaint with me, as the distribution centre was one of my responsibilities. When I spoke with these two employees about errors and system improvements, they never wanted to accept responsibility for the errors. They would blame others, saying things like, “It’s not our fault. The seminar division filled out the Seminar Supplies Request form incorrectly, and we sent the shipment exactly according to their specifications. It’s their fault. You can’t blame us!” Or they might say, “We shipped it on time, but the freight company delivered it late. You can’t blame us!” Another excuse was, “The binder subsidiary packaged the individual seminar kits with errors, and we shipped the kits as they were given to us. It’s their fault.” It seemed these two employees were never responsible for the errors, and so the errors continued.

Then something critical happened. The director of training for a large multinational corporation attended one of our seminars and was so thrilled with it that she invited us to teach a pilot seminar to its fifty or so top executives. On the day of the seminar, our consultant arrived and opened the boxes of materials and discovered that the seminar guidebooks were missing. Without the seminar guidebooks, how would the participants follow along and take notes? Their training director was panic-stricken. Our consultant did the best he could by making sure each participant was given a pad of paper on which to take notes throughout the day, and the seminar turned out reasonably well, even without the guidebooks.

Extremely embarrassed and angry, their training director called our seminar division and said, “You will never teach here again! How could you have made such an embarrassing and inexcusable error with our pilot seminar?”

An upset senior vice president of our seminar division called me and said, “This is the last straw. We are about to lose a million-dollar account because of the distribution centre’s errors. We simply can’t tolerate any more errors!”

As one of the owners of the company, I couldn’t tolerate such errors either. At the same time, I did not want to see these two breadwinners fired. After pondering possible solutions, I decided to implement an incentive system to motivate these two men to be more careful. For each seminar shipped correctly, they would receive one additional dollar, or a possibility of an extra $250 each month—hopefully enough to focus their attention on quality. However, if they made one error, a one-dollar penalty wasn’t much of a loss. I therefore decided to also include two $100 bonuses for no errors. With the first error they not only lost one dollar but also the first $100 bonus. If they made a second error, they lost the second $100 bonus.

I also told these employees, “If there is an error, you will lose your bonus, regardless of where that error originates. You are 100 percent responsible for that shipment.”

“Well, that’s not fair,” they responded. “What happens if the seminar division fills out the Seminar Supplies Request form incorrectly and, not knowing, we send the shipment with ‘their’ errors?”

I said, “You will lose your bonus. You are 100 percent responsible for that shipment’s success.”

“That’s not fair! What happens if we send the shipment on time but the freight company delivers it late?”

“You will lose your bonus. You are 100 percent responsible.”

“That’s not fair! What happens if the binder division commits errors in prepackaging the individual seminar kits? You can’t blame us for their mistakes!”

“You will lose your bonus,” I once again responded. “You are 100 percent responsible for that shipment’s success. Do you understand?”

“That isn’t fair!!”

“Well, it may not seem fair, but that’s life. You will lose your bonus.”

What I did was eliminate the anti-­responsibility list as an option for them. They now understood that they could no longer blame others, make excuses, or justify errors—even when they were right and it was someone else’s fault!

What happened next was fascinating to observe. When they would receive an order from the seminar division, they would call the seminar division to review the form item by item. They took responsibility for correcting any errors committed by the seminar division. They began to read the freight company’s documents to make sure the correct delivery date was entered. They began to mark the cardboard shipping boxes “one of seven,” “two of seven,” etc., with each box’s contents written on the outside of the box. They began sending shipments three or four days ­earlier than they had in their previous routine. A few days before the seminar they would call the client company to verify receipt of the shipment and the contents. If they had somehow omitted any materials, they had three or four extra days now to send missing items by express shipment. Errors finally stopped happening, and the employees began to earn their bonuses month after month. It was a life-changing experience for them to learn firsthand the power, control, and reward of being 100 percent responsible.

What these two employees learned is that when they blamed someone else, they were surrendering control of the shipment’s success to ­others—such as the seminar division or the freight company. They learned that excuses keep you from taking control of your life. They learned that it is self-defeating to blame others, make excuses, or justify mistakes—even when you are right! The moment you do any of these self-defeating things, you lose control over the positive outcomes you are seeking in life.”

There are so many lessons to be learned from this simple story.  Why not start by applying a few of them today.

Fear

I’m usually always very confident, but on this occasion I was terrified!

Last week on our visit to Gouda, in the Netherlands, parking the car proved to be a terrifying experience. A few hours earlier, I’d picked up the rental car at Schiphol Airport in Amsterdam. Whilst searching for a parking space, we could only find a few spots by the canal. There were no barriers on the actual canal to stop you from reversing into the water! I started manoeuvring the car into the parking space, my heart started to pound harder, then fear took over. In fact, it was terrifying. I realised parking this large car (which I’d barely driven) with its electronic handbrake – wasn’t easy. One wrong move – and we’d all be in the canal.

All I could see was the cliff edge of the canal! My imagination went into overdrive. Although I’d reversed into smaller spaces 1000’s of times before, the looming danger of the canal created additional terror. One by one family members said “Okay, I’m getting out”.

Then, our son Kyle came to the rescue. He got out and provided careful guidance, from different perspectives around the car. Little by little, bit by bit, he guided me into a safe position. With great relief, I stepped out, job done.

– Perspective & Focus
– Careful guidance by others
– Small Steps
– Little by little

All help to overcome fears!

Are your boundaries set?

It is never too late to learn about boundaries.  Are yours set? Why do they matter? Do you have poor boundaries?

We understand the need for boundaries in sports such as football, golf, cricket, hockey or tennis.  Boundary lines are clearly marked on the playing field.  Out of bounds always has consequences.  Similarly boundary lines are equally important in the game of life.  Boundaries reflect what we value most deeply. They are a form of empowerment, strength, and a way for us to align with our identity, our desires, where we stand and what we stand for in the world. Having strong boundaries means knowing what you like, what you accept and equally, what you can tolerate.  Are yours discernible? We need to recognise them and protect ourselves against hazards that will come in life.

I am sure that each of us will have our everyday boundary battles.  So – what about your boundaries – have you figured them out yet?  For example, are you regularly working more hours than you get paid for at work?  Are you covering someone else’s responsibilities as well as your own?  Are you frequently bringing work or stress home with you? Are you adopting a do it yourself attitude when it may be more helpful to delegate to someone else or simply ask for help?  Boundaries matter!  We all have the right to set boundaries and have them respected.

Here are some helpful tips to consider:

  • What do you really desire in life, what are your key values?
  • Consider those things that are acceptable and those which are not.
  • Recognise that it is okay to say no!

Sometimes, boundaries will be crossed, view these moments as instructive, rather than a backwards step. Recently I had an experience that pushed me across one of my own personal boundaries, and it was only after sleeping on it, that I understood the power of simply saying no!  In the process I rediscovered a unique sense of freedom and peace of mind too.  I think this post today has been inspired by that one experience, as I simply made a promise to get in touch with my own personal boundaries again and start to reinforce them – doing so, brings great relief!

Building boundaries takes time and practice.  Setting up personal and professional boundaries is not easy, but it is worth it!  In summary boundaries help you stand up for what you believe in. Boundaries include saying what you want and what you don’t want, and recognising that not everyone will agree with that. They help you become the person you want to be.  Know yourself!

So – on you go then, get on with it!  Start living them today!

Polishing

Its time to polish the car again!

I don’t know about you, but cleaning, hoovering and polishing the car is important to me. There’s nothing worse than a dirty car.

In fact this Saturday morning, will be like many before, I’ll be out polishing soon!

It is not hard to notice when a car needs some tlc. This week I have put a few miles on the clock, however after a little bit of effort and polishing, the car will be shining again, just like new.

In a like manner, it got me thinking about how we are all in need of some tlc. However, I realised too that we are all being polished and refined through our experiences in life.

For example, this week through various coaching sessions, workshops I have facilitated, books I am reading and conversations I’ve had, I am acutely aware of the polishing I have received. I am feeling as if some personal rough edges have been polished, smoothed and perhaps, even in some respects (I hope) starting to shine. Like all of us, I’m a work in progress – and the polishing is very helpful! ”

A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials” – Chinese Proverb

How are you being polished?

change

 

Are you on the right track?

Living in Dunfermline, I have frequently travelled over the Forth Railway Bridge into Edinburgh and beyond on 100’s if not 1000’s of journeys over the last 50  years.  My dad started working as a fireman on the steam locomotives towards the end of World War II and spent virtually all of his working life driving diesel engines.  He had many stories to tell about the bridge, including the golden rivet and many a crossing during a stormy night (those are for another time!)

Recently, after delivering a series of coaching workshops in London, I returned north, departing Kings Cross Station, and got to thinking about a story I’d heard a number of years ago, by Gordon B. Hinckley….

“The course of our lives is not determined by great, awesome decisions. Our direction is set by the little day-to-day choices which chart the track on which we run.

Many years ago I worked in the head office of one of our railroads. One day I received a telephone call from my counterpart in Newark, New Jersey, who said that a passenger train had arrived without its baggage car. The patrons were angry.

We discovered that the train had been properly made up in Oakland, California, and properly delivered to St. Louis, from which station it was to be carried to its destination on the east coast. But in the St. Louis yards, a thoughtless switchman had moved a piece of steel just three inches.

That piece of steel was a switch point, and the car that should have been in Newark, New Jersey, was in New Orleans, Louisiana, thirteen hundred miles away.”

My question to everyone reading this article today is simply this…..

Have you thrown a tiny switch in your home, family, career or business life that has placed you on the wrong track?

Some years later Gordon B. Hinckley also stated that  “Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, side-tracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed.”

I believe it is never too late to get back on the right track and enjoy those beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed that we are all entitled to, in each of our individual life’s.  We simply need to recognise very quickly when we are on the wrong track and never be misled by the sunk cost fallacy.

I recently found a beautiful quote that captures my thinking for today, by Jim Rohn…

“I find it fascinating that most people plan their vacations with better care than they plan their lives. Perhaps that is because escape is easier than change.”

My invitation to everyone is to slow down a little, by considering what matters most and change if necessary.  If you are on the wrong track, you can get back on the right track anytime, by simply throwing a little switch…..!