I was inspired by Neal A. Maxwell when he observed “Each generation is consumed with building sand castles which the tides of time soon wash away, clearing the beach just in time for the next “tourists” to start the process anew”.
What consumes your time and thinking?
When all is said and done – what really matters most?
What will you focus on today that will really make a difference?
Facilitating so many short workshops over the course of a few days called for a huge amount of focus, concentration and stamina. Not only was it difficult and challenging, it was extremely worthwhile.
In every 55 minute workshop, I was completely and totally absorbed in the whole process, I was in “the zone.” Reflecting this morning, the following thoughts came to mind..
– Being present, in the moment
– Clear goals, immediate feedback and real purpose
– A very high level of concentration on a limited field
– Finding a balance between skills and challenge
– The feeling of control – Effortlessness
– An altered perception of time
– At one with my actions and consciousness
– Feelings of fulfillment and enjoyment
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls this “Flow.”
Do you recognise any of these feelings? Have you ever felt that kind of joy, happiness or “flow”?
It was fast paced, using an outline agenda, I sang “Set a Goal” – taking everyone by surprise, there was always applause, I shared thoughts and ideas, I pulled participants into conversation, sought feedback, had discussion groups and an engaging activity to close.
I love what I do.
Find your Flow!
Stripped down to its essentials, life is about making choices and decisions! Who will I vote for? What direction will I move in now? What job will I take? Who will I marry? Is that the house we really want? Will I have that healthy piece of fruit or that tasty cake?! Do I really need that new car? Isn’t it time we moved abroad? What will I have for lunch! Its election time again…. who will I vote for this time around? Big or small, decisions determine our destiny.
As taught by Robert D. Hales, we need to examine our motives every time we make a decision. Life’s plan and the challenge to be successful are demonstrated in an Aesop Fable, “The Man, the Boy, and the Donkey.” The objective of the man and the boy was to journey to the city marketplace and sell the donkey for winter provisions. As they started to town, the father rode the donkey. In the first village, the villagers said, “What an inconsiderate man, riding the donkey and making his son walk!” So the father got off the donkey and let his son ride.In the next hamlet, the people whispered, “What an inconsiderate boy, riding the donkey and making his father walk!”
In frustration, the father climbed on the donkey; and father and son rode the donkey, only to have the people in the next town declare, “How inconsiderate of the man and the boy to overload their beast of burden and treat him in such an inhumane manner!”
In compliance with the dissident voices and mocking fingers, the father and son both got off the donkey to relieve the animal’s burden, only to have the next group of onlookers say, “Can you imagine a man and a boy being so stupid as to not even use their beast of burden for what it was created!”
Then, in anger and total desperation, having tried to please all those who offered advice, the father and son both rode the donkey until it collapsed. The donkey had to be carried to the marketplace. The donkey could not be sold. The people in the marketplace scoffed, “Who wants a worthless donkey that can’t even walk into the city!”
The father and son had failed in their goal of selling the donkey and had no money to buy the winter provisions they needed in order to survive.
How much different the outcome would have been if the father and son had had a plan to follow. Father could have said, “I’ll ride the donkey one-third of the way; Son, you ride the donkey one-third of the way; and we’ll both walk the last third of the way. The donkey will arrive at the marketplace fresh and strong, ready to be sold.”
Then, as they received confusing advice while traveling through each hamlet and village along their way to the city, they could look at each other, give a reassuring wink of the eye, and say, “We have a plan.”
If not – then here are some suggestions that will help along the way.
Firstly, Know Yourself. In order to make a good decision, you really need to understand yourself, your values and what makes you who you really are. There are lots of great personality tests on the market and working with a good personal coach will help you to identify what your core values are. When you know yourself, your core values and what you want out of life, decisions are a lot easier to make. By taking time here, it’ll enable you to really identify what the problem is that you are trying to solve.
Secondly, Consider the Long Term. This approach to decision making requires time, patience, and probably most important of all…. courage. It takes courage to listen to your inner self, to slow down, ponder, reflect and consider what really matters most. All of these factors allow the creation of some space for yourself, so that ultimately you will hear that inner wisdom, intuition even, thereafter making a decision will become much easier. But!! No matter how strong that intuition is, always do your homework and systematically check through the pros and cons of the options on the table first. Never be short-sighted.
Thirdly, Gather the Facts. What do you really need to know? Decide what information you will need to gather in order to come up with and develop various options to choose from. The more options you have to choose from, then the likelihood is that your final decision will be a much better one. Spend as much time here as you need to consider and then evaluate the options at hand.
Fourthly, Listen! As a professional coach, I spend a fair amount of my time listening to others and over the years I have learned that it is much better to get other peoples perspectives, before you start sharing your own views and opinions. When faced with making the big decisions, it is always better to seek some others viewpoints and listen intently to what they have to say.
Finally, Make the Decision. After you have done all your homework, then now is the time to commit to the way forward and make the decision. Make the commitment and follow through. Even if after all of that, the decision turns out to be the wrong one, don’t let your ego get in the way, its still okay to change course. As I’ve written of before https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/leadership-essentials-humility-vs-pride-daryl-watson humility is a great quality to possess.
In conclusion, there is no scientific formula that will magic up a guaranteed correct decision every time…!!! Further evidenced in the HBR article here… https://hbr.org/2016/03/a-checklist-for-making-faster-better-decisions However, these 5 tips for success are well worn, tried and tested principles that will guide you in those critical decision making moments that are ahead for us all.
“Would you like a pair of slippers Daryl?” “Yes please” I replied. “I packed my own” said Philip, as we each spontaneously burst into a fit of laughter. Our new common practice as Extra Dependent Team (EDT) coaches, meant that our shared repertoire now required the wearing of a pair of slippers. Much better even, if they were your own and transported from a far-flung part of Europe!
“Shared Repertoire” – its not a simple phrase that just rolls off the tongue – that’s for sure. But knuckling down under the watchful eye of our master coach Dave and working through some simple steps together, we came to understand the power of this new-fangled term.
As a new team member, sometimes it’s a little difficult to fit in. My fellow coaches had already been working together for a while, I was the newbie.
We started to explore what we each consistently do across the team. Picking up our markers, the flipchart was quickly filled as we recorded our competencies, processes, jargon, tools, equipment, along with our stories of success and failure. Dave had a new term for all of that too. And then it happened. We recognised that we were much, much stronger together, we were in sync, in one powerful moment, it felt safe with each other. I felt at home.
What does your team have, that others don’t? How do you sync with one another?
Have you been too quick to judge or too slow to listen lately? Suspend our judgement – easy to say, hard to do perhaps?
Whilst facilitating a recent coaching workshop one of the core topics addressed was suspending our judgement. As we discussed the topic, at first there was some hesitancy about what we meant by it, but eventually settled on the tendency to make judgements about what we are hearing as we hear it.
When we listen, the messages we receive have to compete for attention with the aggregation of all the other information that we have ever received. The accumulation of this information, acquired over our lifetime, makes up our view of the world – in essence our basic belief system.
I love this quote from David O. McKay consider this… “‘Words do not convey meanings; they call them forth. I speak out of the context of my experience, and you listen out of the context of yours, and that is why communication is difficult.”
Active listening means suspending that judgement until you are sure that you have understood exactly what someone is saying, through questioning, probing, checking and summarising – it requires an open mind. As a listener and a leader, we should be open to new ideas, new perspectives, and new possibilities. Even when good listeners have strong views, they should suspend judgement, hold back on any criticisms, and avoid arguing.
Developing the habit of choosing to suspend judgement, even just for a moment, is tough to do. If we want to communicate effectively however and get really good at listening, then it is essential. Stephen Covey said that “the quality of life depends on the gap between stimulus and response”. What we do with that gap is how we improve our experiences, and our lives. Sometimes its really tough – isn’t it? Or is it just me? I know on many occasions I haven’t done too well. But I can improve! Creating this gap in the first place is essential. We can’t choose our response, nor can we improve our response if there is no gap in the first place! I am certain that as we choose to slow down, pause, step back, allowing our minds to unclench and open up to new ideas, we can suspend our judgements. Good luck – give it a go today!
I was just married, living in Holland in 1994 and was struggling with the language. I’d like to share a learning lesson in a kaaspakhuis (cheese warehouse) in Woerden. My first job in the Netherlands!
Dutch cheeses are ripened for many weeks, sometimes for more than a year, and are often covered with a yellow plastic coating. The plastic coating is added layer upon layer to prevent the cheese from drying out – and at the same time turning the cheese regularly maintains an equal consistency After many days of practice and repetition – I became an expert at applying the plastic and turning the cheese. It was heavy, smelly work – row, after row with shelves 12 cheeses high! I’ll never forget the smell, nor the improvement in my physical fitness & strength over the course of a few weeks of constant repetition!
I’m not exactly sure of the psychology or the science, but what I do know is, that when we repeat something over and over – it becomes easier to learn.
In simple terms repetition enhances our learning. We learn by doing. Zig Ziglar observed that “Repetition is the mother of learning, the father of action, which makes it the architect of accomplishment.”
The key to real learning is repetition.
What repeated learning will you embark upon today?
Whilst addressing a group of 18 – 30 year olds recently, I asked them how often they plugged in their smartphone to charge. Their response – daily, mostly overnight, one had a super turbo charge of 20 minutes! What was their charge at that moment in time? Everything from 27% to 97%. Daily usage drains power.
When we plug in our smartphone every night, we recognise that this device is not actually self sufficient. Smartphones require maintenance and recharging in order to function at their best. In a like manner, we know we need to plug in to recharge. After all, we have physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional needs.
When working with individuals and teams, frequently we pinpoint together what it is that might be draining their energy or “power.” A difficult boss, facing up to a challenging conversation, overwhelmed with too much work, a family problem etc.
Keeping a smartphone charged isn’t something you do just once and forget about it, it requires to be plugged in daily.
What’s your personal charge like today?
Top Tips
– Take some me time and switch off
– Slow down, consider what matters most
– Step away from the issue
– Exercise and have some fun
– Meditate
– Establish daily habits
“What time is your flight Daryl” “4.50pm” I replied. We agree the 3.37pm train to Zurich airport will allow me to make my flight to London in good time. “It is a small airport after all.”
Arriving at the airport just before 4pm, I found the departures board – Gate E56. Up the first of many escalators, long concourses, then the first delay – passport control. What is it with these digital machines, especially when time isn’t on your side? 4.10pm
Next, security. Quickly scanning for the fastest moving line, I joined the (slowest) queue (ever), delay 2. Eventually, I filled the trays, walked through the scanner, “BEEP!” – Shoes off, body frisk, repack bags, check the boards, plane boarding – aagh! 4.23pm
Next, another 2 escalators and an unexpected tram to Gate E. Delay 3. Tram is 1 min 57 secs away and counting. Then the 1 minute to load up and another 3 minutes to Gate E. By this time my anxiety is rising, “I can’t miss this plane!” 4.32pm
Like a shot I sprint up another 2 escalators and into an empty concourse 100 metres away, Gate 56 is closing. Last to board, I make it by the skin of my teeth and collapse in my chair – phew! 4.35pm
Sound familiar? Life lessons learned (again)?
– Use probing questions
– Leave early
– Always expect delays
– Smile
– Laugh!
Ego defined – your idea or opinion of yourself, especially your feeling of your own importance and ability. For example “That man has such an enormous ego – I’ve never known anyone so full of themselves!” or “I’m glad she got the job – she needed something to boost/bolster her ego (= give her confidence).”
There may be some tell-tale signs that your ego is out of control. For example, do you complain frequently? Do you need to find fault with things both big and small? Is it right to drop the E and just let it GO? If you want to over come your ego, perhaps a little introspection will help by considering letting go of a few things.
– Let go of needing to win and be right all of the time
– Let go of controlling everything
– Let go of choosing to be offended at every little thing
– Let go of the need to always be superior
– Let go of identifying yourself by your reputation and titles
An unchecked or an inflated ego can warp our perspective of things and twist our values. Instead of letting your ego trip you up, be true to yourself, live humbly, honestly and express gratitude. It requires selflessness, frequent reflection, and courage to change.
Remember – Ego trip, a journey to nowhere.
More than just affirming widely held character traits like honesty, kindness and compassion, I believe in 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 – or in other words 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈 what I say I believe. Thus these character traits are not just a simple belief, but an actual practice, a way of life, not just a way of thinking.
During many of my coaching conversations magical discoveries are made during the process of self-reflection and self-exploration. Oftentimes, individuals rediscover who they are at their very core. If you are plodding along, day to day, not understanding yourself at all – then perhaps it is time to begin the process of introspection and develop more self awareness. A coach can help you on your way.
Once you are aware of who you are, 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 who you are is key!
– Love who you are
– Don’t let others tell you who you are
– Don’t make apologies for who you are
– Have the courage to be different from others
– Laugh at yourself – frequently!
Quickly you’ll learn, like I have, that I am best at 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 me!
