Suspend Judgement

Have you been too quick to judge or too slow to listen lately? Suspend our judgement – easy to say, hard to do perhaps?

Whilst facilitating a recent coaching workshop one of the core topics addressed was suspending our judgement. As we discussed the topic, at first there was some hesitancy about what we meant by it, but eventually settled on the tendency to make judgements about what we are hearing as we hear it.

When we listen, the messages we receive have to compete for attention with the aggregation of all the other information that we have ever received. The accumulation of this information, acquired over our lifetime, makes up our view of the world – in essence our basic belief system.

I love this quote from David O. McKay consider this… “‘Words do not convey meanings; they call them forth. I speak out of the context of my experience, and you listen out of the context of yours, and that is why communication is difficult.”

Active listening means suspending that judgement until you are sure that you have understood exactly what someone is saying, through questioning, probing, checking and summarising – it requires an open mind. As a listener and a leader, we should be open to new ideas, new perspectives, and new possibilities. Even when good listeners have strong views, they should suspend judgement, hold back on any criticisms, and avoid arguing.

Developing the habit of choosing to suspend judgement, even just for a moment, is tough to do. If we want to communicate effectively however and get really good at listening, then it is essential. Stephen Covey said that “the quality of life depends on the gap between stimulus and response”. What we do with that gap is how we improve our experiences, and our lives. Sometimes its really tough – isn’t it? Or is it just me? I know on many occasions I haven’t done too well. But I can improve! Creating this gap in the first place is essential. We can’t choose our response, nor can we improve our response if there is no gap in the first place! I am certain that as we choose to slow down, pause, step back, allowing our minds to unclench and open up to new ideas, we can suspend our judgements. Good luck – give it a go today!

Repetition

I was just married, living in Holland in 1994 and was struggling with the language. I’d like to share a learning lesson in a kaaspakhuis (cheese warehouse) in Woerden. My first job in the Netherlands!

Dutch cheeses are ripened for many weeks, sometimes for more than a year, and are often covered with a yellow plastic coating. The plastic coating is added layer upon layer to prevent the cheese from drying out – and at the same time turning the cheese regularly maintains an equal consistency After many days of practice and repetition – I became an expert at applying the plastic and turning the cheese. It was heavy, smelly work – row, after row with shelves 12 cheeses high! I’ll never forget the smell, nor the improvement in my physical fitness & strength over the course of a few weeks of constant repetition!

I’m not exactly sure of the psychology or the science, but what I do know is, that when we repeat something over and over – it becomes easier to learn.

In simple terms repetition enhances our learning. We learn by doing. Zig Ziglar observed that “Repetition is the mother of learning, the father of action, which makes it the architect of accomplishment.”

The key to real learning is repetition.

What repeated learning will you embark upon today?

Recharge!

How often do you recharge your personal “life” batteries?

Whilst addressing a group of 18 – 30 year olds recently, I asked them how often they plugged in their smartphone to charge. Their response – daily, mostly overnight, one had a super turbo charge of 20 minutes! What was their charge at that moment in time? Everything from 27% to 97%. Daily usage drains power.

When we plug in our smartphone every night, we recognise that this device is not actually self sufficient. Smartphones require maintenance and recharging in order to function at their best. In a like manner, we know we need to plug in to recharge. After all, we have physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional needs.

When working with individuals and teams, frequently we pinpoint together what it is that might be draining their energy or “power.” A difficult boss, facing up to a challenging conversation, overwhelmed with too much work, a family problem etc.

Keeping a smartphone charged isn’t something you do just once and forget about it, it requires to be plugged in daily.

What’s your personal charge like today?

Top Tips
– Take some me time and switch off
– Slow down, consider what matters most
– Step away from the issue
– Exercise and have some fun
– Meditate
– Establish daily habits

Lessons from Flights

“What time is your flight Daryl” “4.50pm” I replied. We agree the 3.37pm train to Zurich airport will allow me to make my flight to London in good time. “It is a small airport after all.”

Arriving at the airport just before 4pm, I found the departures board – Gate E56. Up the first of many escalators, long concourses, then the first delay – passport control. What is it with these digital machines, especially when time isn’t on your side? 4.10pm

Next, security. Quickly scanning for the fastest moving line, I joined the (slowest) queue (ever), delay 2. Eventually, I filled the trays, walked through the scanner, “BEEP!” – Shoes off, body frisk, repack bags, check the boards, plane boarding – aagh! 4.23pm

Next, another 2 escalators and an unexpected tram to Gate E. Delay 3. Tram is 1 min 57 secs away and counting. Then the 1 minute to load up and another 3 minutes to Gate E. By this time my anxiety is rising, “I can’t miss this plane!” 4.32pm

Like a shot I sprint up another 2 escalators and into an empty concourse 100 metres away, Gate 56 is closing. Last to board, I make it by the skin of my teeth and collapse in my chair – phew! 4.35pm

Sound familiar? Life lessons learned (again)?

– Use probing questions

– Leave early

– Always expect delays

– Smile

– Laugh!

 

Let the E-Go

Is your ego getting in the way of your personal progress and happiness?

Ego defined – your idea or opinion of yourself, especially your feeling of your own importance and ability. For example “That man has such an enormous ego – I’ve never known anyone so full of themselves!” or “I’m glad she got the job – she needed something to boost/bolster her ego (= give her confidence).”

There may be some tell-tale signs that your ego is out of control. For example, do you complain frequently? Do you need to find fault with things both big and small? Is it right to drop the E and just let it GO? If you want to over come your ego, perhaps a little introspection will help by considering letting go of a few things.

– Let go of needing to win and be right all of the time

– Let go of controlling everything

– Let go of choosing to be offended at every little thing

– Let go of the need to always be superior

– Let go of identifying yourself by your reputation and titles

An unchecked or an inflated ego can warp our perspective of things and twist our values. Instead of letting your ego trip you up, be true to yourself, live humbly, honestly and express gratitude. It requires selflessness, frequent reflection, and courage to change.

Remember – Ego trip, a journey to nowhere.

Being me

Do you like being you?

My days are filled with being me!

More than just affirming widely held character traits like honesty, kindness and compassion, I believe in 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 – or in other words 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈 what I say I believe. Thus these character traits are not just a simple belief, but an actual practice, a way of life, not just a way of thinking.

During many of my coaching conversations magical discoveries are made during the process of self-reflection and self-exploration. Oftentimes, individuals rediscover who they are at their very core. If you are plodding along, day to day, not understanding yourself at all – then perhaps it is time to begin the process of introspection and develop more self awareness. A coach can help you on your way.

Once you are aware of who you are, 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 who you are is key!

Top Tips:

– Love who you are

– Don’t let others tell you who you are

– Don’t make apologies for who you are

– Have the courage to be different from others

– Laugh at yourself – frequently!

Quickly you’ll learn, like I have, that I am best at 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 me!

Priorities

3.33 am this morning. My mind was alert, in full flow. “Go to sleep” I said to myself. But alas, it wasn’t to be.

So here I am. Life is so designed that we constantly feel time……

Time’s pressure can often blur our focus…… and frequently do!!

Yet, as a consumer of time, I’ve realised that my management of time, tells me a lot about the management of myself.

So……, I know it is impossible to do everything, and yet I try, and try and try again!! That’s just daft! Or is that just me?

I have really enjoyed the first 2 hours of my early morning rise. I have been productive, focused on what matters most, eliminated the trivial (again) and recognised what is truly important – the essential things – as opposed to everything else.

So, now that I have my life in order again, I’m off to see my mum, go for a walk with my wife and enjoy the day ahead! How about you, what are you up to?

The Kaleidoscope of Leadership

As a child I remember having a kaleidoscope, with each simple turn a new beautiful pattern appeared.
Kaleidoscopes constantly generate changing symmetrical patterns from small pieces of coloured glass in which there are a multiplicity of nuances.
In a similar way a kaleidoscope can symbolise anything that changes continually.
Describing leadership is much like peering into a kaleidoscope – the image is constantly shifting, presenting a myriad of patterns and perspectives.
“Trying to describe leadership is like having several viewers trying to compare what they see in a kaleidoscope when the mere act of passing the kaleidoscope shakes up its design.” Neal A. Maxwell.
At its core, leadership is fluid and dynamic, shaped by a variety of contexts, cultures, and individuals.
Like the fragments within a kaleidoscope, leadership is composed of diverse qualities – vision, empathy, decision-making, communication, and adaptability – which rearrange themselves depending on the situation.

Life

Growing older, I am beginning to see that life can be frequently like a kaleidoscope.
Life brings us new lessons every day and we can get shaken up from time to time that changes our perspective.
However, by pausing, slowing down a little, reflecting and looking inside our kaleidoscope of life and holding it to the light – beautiful new patterns emerge.
Perhaps we all play the busy card too often and don’t 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩 long enough to see the beauty appear.
It is the same with the kaleidoscope of leadership.
Endless patterns, endless models, endless ideas, endless determining factors constantly shifting and shaping our leadership styles.
What matters most are the constant principles that create the most respected leaders – namely kindness, patience, meekness, humility, honesty, forgiving, commitment, respect, selflessness obedience and finally living the golden rule – do to others as you would have them do to you.
In essence, leadership, like a kaleidoscope, is a unique and evolving pattern that cannot be captured by a singular definition.
It’s a blend of different qualities and approaches, coming together in different ways to meet the demands of the moment.
Each of these qualities produces a kaleidoscope of beauty, no one can eclipse.
Wayne Dyer said: ‘When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.’
How can you change the way you look at things today?

 

 

Someday

“𝑺𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒅𝒂𝒚” is an all too frequent response I hear over and over again, in many settings including leadership workshops, coaching sessions or even in many simple conversations.

There is a real danger in the word 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒅𝒂𝒚 – what it actually means is 𝒏𝒐𝒕 today. It is very disheartening. Many discussions focus on the glory days of bygone years, with little desire for others to fulfill their hopes and dreams of a brighter future. The danger of delay is clear, life will catch up with us and we 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 run out of time.

How many times have you said 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒅𝒂𝒚, postponed or procrastinated something and never got around to it?

Often, doing what matters most will not be easy. It is not supposed to be. But, it is time to change. It is time to start that new job. It is time to make that bold decision. It is time to move forward in a positive new direction. It is time to do what matters most over those things that matter least. It is time to wake up and make those dreams a reality!

There are seven days in the week and someday isn’t one of them. The real winners in life, are the ones who evaluate the situation, make a decision, then act and are not acted upon. Choose to get rid of the 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒅𝒂𝒚 syndrome and get on with life 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐲!

Listening

The time to listen is when someone needs to be heard. Listening is not something that just happens (that is hearing), it is a conscious action of learning to listen and listening to learn.

I love this story from the biography of Marion G. Romney..“His good-humoured love for Ida was manifested in many ways. He delighted in telling of her hearing loss. ‘I once went to see a doctor about her hearing,’ he would say. ‘He asked me how bad it was, and I said I didn’t know. He told me to go home and find out. The doctor instructed me to go into a far room and speak to her. Then I should move nearer and nearer until she does hear. Following the doctor’s instructions, I spoke to her from the bedroom while she was in the kitchen—no answer. I moved nearer and spoke again—no answer. So I went right up to the door of the kitchen and said, “Ida, can you hear me?” She responded, “What is it, Marion—I’ve answered you three times.”

So, how are you doing? At home, with your spouse or partner, with your children, in the workplace, with your direct reports, or around the executive board table? Are you running on auto-pilot, nodding at the right time, dropping in a cursory yes or no to give an impression of listening.

Can you do better? Do you want to change?

Some simple tips:
– Speak less
– Be attentive
– Slow down
– Practice! Repeat, repeat, repeat