Anchors

What anchors you in the challenges of life?

A dictionary definition states that an anchor is “a person or thing that provides stability or confidence in an otherwise uncertain situation.”

Challenges

Many years ago, I recall abseiling (rappelling) for the very first time in St. George, southern Utah, from a cliff, several hundred feet high. Approaching the edge of the precipice, I was filled not only with excitement, but a great deal of anxiety too. I had a range of equipment, ropes and carabiners, plus some expert guides on hand to ensure my safety – in essence, my anchors that day. Their goal was a safe, exhilarating experience – by overcoming a significant challenge. They employed techniques and equipment that was tried and proven, allaying the dangers of the situation. The next few moments were exhilarating and thrilling as I edged backwards over the cliff, descending to the canyon floor.

Values

The challenges of life are all around us. In our topsy turvy commotion filled world, all that can be shaken is being shaken. Individuals, families and organisations need anchors too. Life has a way of testing our anchors or values causing us to drift from the safety and protection they provide.

What anchors me are those things I cherish and value most of all.  How about you?

Establish your values and choose to anchor yourself to them – by living and appreciating them daily. Therein lies safety, protection and peace of heart and mind.

Change – Speed & Agility

In our topsy-turvy, commotion-filled world, the pace of constant change is accelerating faster than superhuman Usain Bolt can sprint 100 metres.  Change can be dizzying and exhilarating!  Yet for many frightening too!

Mindset is key

It is our mindset and how we view things that is critical. Your mindset is effectively the way you think.  When faced with a change we must consider how we process those thoughts in our mind.  We need to fight against our natural instinct to resist change and our negative thought patterns that usually come at breathtaking speeds – unconsciously even.  Instead, we should embrace a more agile mindset, grasping hold of and looking ahead to the opportunities that are presented before us.  How we think about and perceive change is key.  For example, paraphrasing George Bernard Shaw “There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why. I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?”

Our world is filled with disruption, indeed all things are in commotion and everything that can be shaken – is being shaken!  For daily evidence of that fact – simply watch the news!  My thoughts turned to Dylan Thomas “Do not go gentle into that good night (as I considered President Trump’s latest remarks) …. Rage, rage against the dying of the light” – will be his repeated hyperbole until he leaves the world stage.  As the acceleration and hastening influences in our world through technology and globalisation continue at warp speeds, clinging to and living our values each and every day will be the key to dealing with the changes set to come.

Do you know what your core values are?  Have you established what matters most to you?

Pause for a moment in amongst the turmoil and vicissitudes of the day.

Determine to embrace change.  Choose to change your thoughts, to change your world.

What will you do to reconsider how you view that change today?

 

 

Be true to who you are

Our values are under attack…. personal, societal, organisational – open your eyes and see. This is a momentous challenge of our day.

Actions speak much louder than words. Know your values. Live them. Know your organisations values. Live them. Walk your talk. Be true to yourself, and those who you lead. Act, do not be acted upon.

In organisations when values are ignored and people don’t live by them, they have no meaning. When this occurs, I’ve witnessed business cultures becoming hypocritical, and employees losing respect for the organisation and its leaders. Conversely, when values are put into action, people feel engaged, energy, enthusiasm, and the drive to go beyond the ordinary all come to the fore.

“Vertigo to values brings a special dizziness” – Neal A Maxwell.

Identify the obstacles on your own path, get rid of the roadblocks and eliminate them! Always remember to choose the harder right instead of the easier wrong. Strongly-held values create powerful foundations in personal, family, societal and organisation structures. Be true to who you are and stand by your values.

Start today. Pause, reflect, identify your values and what matters most.

Balance

In recent coaching conversations, the topic of “balance” has arisen several times.

There are three areas in life – self, family and work – the key relationships – that need daily attention if balance is to be obtained.

Decide and commit to adopt the goal of balancing self with family and with work. Commit yourself to make yourself do the hard work, including the daily mental effort that is required to bring about this balance. We need to change our thoughts and what we think about, to change our world.

For example, there are three effective times for me every day to consider balance ….

– Early morning as I get out of bed – that first hour allows me to reflect, focus and plan the day ahead.

– Late afternoon or early evening when I return from work and the labour of my day.

– Late evening or when preparing to go to bed.

My top tip – Reserve a small segment of those times every day to consider the important matter of balance. Little things, will prove to be big things. Go on, give it a go!

How change agile are you?

How change agile are you? Do you anticipate, adapt and plan for changes?

As a frequent traveller, I’m always on the lookout for a travel bargain, on flights, trains and hotels. For an upcoming engagement in a few weeks’ time, I’ll be in central London 5 nights straight. Planning ahead (3 months ago) I secured a good rate for those evenings in a central London hotel. Checking my booking a couple of days ago, I discovered that I could get a much better rate only a few weeks before I’m actually due in the city, at an upmarket sister hotel. How’s that? It doesn’t make sense to me? I’m very organised and always like to book well in advance!

Agility, is the ability and your willingness to change quickly to new developments. Speed, nimbleness, dexterity and being fleet of foot all come to mind, in order to adapt to change quickly – it is key to your future. So, pick yourself up and get your running shoes on.  You’re absolutely going to need them simply to keep up with the pace of change in the world today.

The algorithms behind these advanced rates on booking sites are complex, but the key to it all is agility! Change is now the expectation – NOT – the exception.

What am I learning?

Agile leaders and agile organisations must be entrepreneurial in their mindset and approach to change – always! Best to check that hotel, train or flight booking again today…. It could be far cheaper now!

Are you stubborn?

Are you stubborn? Or obstinate perhaps?

Stubbornness is defined as “having or showing dogged determination not to change one’s attitude or position on something, especially in spite of good arguments or reasons to do so.”

However, stubborn people are driven by a resistance to being forced into doing or experiencing anything that feels against their will, even when all the evidence and opinion is pointing in one direction. A person who is being stubborn will cling to their decision regardless of the consequences. At the root of all stubbornness is the fear of letting go of your own ideas, convictions, decisions and at times, identity. Of course standing your ground I guess can be a good thing when it comes to living your values or defending something that is of great importance. But there is a very fine line between the two.

True stubbornness can and will block our happiness in life, it will harm our relationships, and can hold us back professionally.

The Key

I think the key to overcoming a stubborn streak is to “know thyself” in other words greater self awareness. Recognising too as to whether you are right or wrong in a given situation is vitally important, as I believe there is significant value to looking at something from many different perspectives. Always listen to the other side of the story, seeking to understand, then pause, consider and reflect. Everyone of us can and does make mistakes, and we are all wrong sometimes. Remind yourself that this time might be one of them. When that occurs, then its wise to admit you are wrong, and seek to repair the damage done.

How will you be more sensitive to that stubborn streak of yours?

Selfish vs Selfless

Recently, these two words have played over and over again in my mind. Perhaps writing this post today, will help – a little!! In order to understand selflessness, we must understand its opposite, selfishness.

  • Selfishness is defined as too much concerned with one’s own welfare or interests, with little or no thought for others
  • Selflessness is defined as being devoted to others’ welfare or interests and not one’s own.

So where do you stand with these two principles? Somewhere in the middle perhaps? Or is there a real distinct character trait that you can clearly identify with?

Selfishness

A selfish person frequently uses the terms, “I”, “me”, and “mine” as opposed to “we”, “ours”, “yours” or “theirs”. Generally, you’ll find that a selfish person is keen to be in the limelight, and that ultimately they’ll find no happiness in constantly pursuing a personal or business agenda filled with selfishness. Viewed in its true sense, selfishness is the absence of empathy and compassion. The products of selfishness tend to be, loneliness, arrogance, pride, lying, hypocrisy, greed, and idleness.  The selfish idleness, with its “I’ll do it later” attitude is procrastination at its extreme. I love this quote from a wise leader Gordon B. Hinckley, “Selfishness is a destructive, gnawing, corrosive element in the lives of many people. But the antidote to selfishness is service, reaching out to those about us – those in the home and those beyond the walls of the home”

Selflessness

So what of Selflessness? It is unquestionably a marvellous virtue. It is the giving of ones self in the serving of others and the giving of ones self in being served by others. Through my experience of many years of building long lasting personal and successful business relationships, the key to it all is selflessness and service. Selflessness produces kindness and dispels hypocrisy. It develops confidence, trust and the embodiment of authentic servant leadership in every interaction with others. Selflessness fosters love, confidence, and trust.

The Power of Service

The idea of servant leadership goes back 2000 years, but in his modern ground breaking work in 1970, Robert K. Greenleaf coined the phrase “servant leader” and “servant leadership” in his classic essay “The Servant as Leader”.“The servant-leader is servant first… It begins with the natural feeling that one wants to serve, to serve first. Then conscious choice brings one to aspire to lead. That person is sharply different from one who is leader first, perhaps because of the need to assuage an unusual power drive or to acquire material possessions…The leader-first and the servant-first are two extreme types. Between them there are shadings and blends that are part of the infinite variety of human nature.”

“The difference manifests itself in the care taken by the servant-first to make sure that other people’s highest priority needs are being served. The best test, and difficult to administer, is: Do those served grow as persons? Do they, while being served, become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous, more likely themselves to become servants? And, what is the effect on the least privileged in society? Will they benefit or at least not be further deprived?”

What we desperately need today in our homes, schoolrooms and boardrooms, and certainly throughout society at large – are leaders, men and women who are willing to stand for principles of goodness and virtue. In leadership standing for these principles, there is often loneliness – but ultimately the courage of one’s convictions brings great happiness, joy and long lasting relationships of trust and happiness.

How can you develop greater selflessness?

Self-awareness

“How do I improve my self-awareness?” asked a course delegate. Candidly, I responded, there are many ways, but I know for certain that a personal journal is my absolute favourite. It can be a powerful tool for self-evaluation and self-improvement. Simply stated, we can examine our lives as we come to know ourselves through our journal entries.

I received my first journal on Christmas day,1977.

Forty two years of daily journal entries later, capturing many experiences along the way, I know they have helped to establish stretching goals and to analyse my own personal circumstances. The result is a keener sense of self-awareness.  Seen over a period of years, recorded day by day and page by page provides an exclusive personal intimate pattern of your life. My journal is in fact my autobiography, my personal legacy, so I need to keep it carefully.

Journals help you reflect on and overcome challenges. They act as a meaningful compass to guide you through difficult situations. Journals are a potent self awareness tool!

The best day to start a journal was yesterday – then next best is today! 

Why not start one now – you will never regret it!

Empathy

Empathy is the “capacity to understand or share the feelings of another person – that is, the capacity to place oneself in another’s position.”

Recently – in many of the workshops that I have facilitated, empathy has been a frequent topic of discussion in the room.  As a coach and counsellor, it has struck me that empathy is looking on the heart, to seek a deep understanding of the feelings of others. I’ll often ask myself “Where am I listening from?”

Elaine Walton observed – “Because of our unique set of personal experiences, we have been conditioned to look at people from different perspectives. We could all be looking at the same person. Some of us would see the background. Others would see the clothing the person is wearing. And some would notice the facial expression and imagine what the person might be thinking or feeling.”

I have come to understand that I cannot help another person, unless I can recognise how they feel. I have also learned that empathy is important for everyone, not just professional coaches like me. It is a vital ingredient for all positive interpersonal relationships. If we couldn’t at least imagine what it feels like to be in someone else’s shoes, we wouldn’t be able to connect; we would live our lives in isolation.

Five tips for greater empathy –

1. Set aside your own point of view
2. Actively listen
3. Ask yourself – what would you do?
4. Serve others more often
5. Be non-judgemental

How can empathy help you build relationships?

Authenticity

Love her or loathe her, the long-lasting legacy of the Oprah Effect is legendary. Oprah lives and breathes authenticity. For years, everything and everyone Oprah endorsed, was akin to the Midas touch. Let your imagination run riot with me for a moment by applying the Oprah effect to some of our global challenges.

Brexit – Boris Johnson, Michel Barnier, Nicola Sturgeon, Arlene Foster, Jeremy Corbyn and Nigel Farage are all invited to meet Oprah. After some healthy debate, negotiation, hilarity and a potent mix of the Oprah magic – a resolution is miraculously agreed.

Trump – Political persuasions aside; opposites attract. Trump announces Oprah as his running mate for the next Presidential campaign – in utter disbelief the world is stunned! Maybe its Fake News – but no Oprah has received an answer to her prayer and the Oprah effect kicks into play.

North Korea – Kim Jong Un meets Oprah. Missiles cease, sanctions are removed, the world is a safer place.

In a whirlwind world tour, Oprah meets all the other G20 leaders – Climate Change, Pollution, Poverty, Terrorism, Corruption, Famine, Economics and every other global challenge is resolved.

Yes – it’s a stretch of the imagination – but isn’t it great to dream. Authentic leaders dream often of better days ahead. If that’s you, step up – the world needs you NOW!
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