Hinge Points

What kind of person are you?

Yesterday, I spoke in a meeting about hinge points. I recalled a short story by Gordon B. Hinckley. “I approached a large farm gate one day. I lifted the latch and opened the gate. The movement at the hinges was so slight as to be scarcely discernible. But the other end of the gate cut a great arc sixteen feet in radius. Looking at the movement of the hinges alone, one would never dream of the magnified action that came as a result of that tiny movement. So it is with the decisions in our lives. Some small thought, some small word, some small action can lead to tremendous consequences.”

It is the little things upon which life turns that make the big difference in our lives.

My conviction today is that when all is said and done what really matters for all of us and for this world is the kind of people we are.

Who are you? What do you stand for? What are you learning?

Consider this poem from T. S Eliot.

In the sudden mirror in the hall

I saw not my own self at all;

I saw a familiar face,

My father stood there in my place,

Reflecting in the hall lamp’s glare

My own surprised and watery stare,

In thirty years my son shall see

Not himself standing there but me.

What does this mean to me? Give this some consideration and thought.

Career Choices

It was 2002. Setting off in the early hours of the morning, I knew it was going to be a very, very long day. In fact, not one that I was particularly keen on.

Following a client visit in Dumbarton, I arrived in Campbeltown around lunchtime. However, the journey down along the A83 that day was absolutely stunning – Scotland at its very best!. I was there on a sales visit with a supplier, who was demonstrating a new CCTV system to a large new potential client. It was only 175 miles from home, but it had taken over 4 hours to get there. After another 4 hours of demonstration, it was time to turn around and head home. By this time, it had gone 6pm. There wasn’t much of a rush hour down there, in fact I decided that I would take a leisurely drive back home. I didn’t have any real haste. The lessons learned over those next few hours were unquestionably a pivotal point in my life.

As I started back up the A83, the sun started to set. My thoughts turned from the demonstration of the afternoon, to much more important questions – such as “What am I doing with my life?”, “I’m not in the least bit interested in CCTV – so why am I driving for hours on end selling this stuff anyway?” “Is this just all about the money?” As the light started to fade I pulled over to look over the sea towards Northern Ireland to view the onset of the night sky. It was a beautiful clear evening. As I was reflecting on all those questions and more, I witnessed several shooting stars as well as the Northern lights (for the first time), in all their majesty. As I gazed heavenward, it was a quite remarkable, inspiring light show. I stood for a while fascinated by the beauty of creation. Those few moments had a real impact upon me. I started for home determined to face the future with much more faith and to embark upon a career journey that would enable me to get up every day and really love what I was doing.

That career journey has taken lots of twists and turns over the ensuing 18 years. There have been numerous difficult decisions. Lots and lots of personal procrastination, other seemingly more important priorities, along with mega doubts & fears within myself that I could actually do something that I loved. The journey also included two redundancies, a challenging selection of opportunities in between, mixed with a real belief that I could eventually take the leap of faith, face the fear of the unknown and start on my own.

The differentiators?

A supportive family – who put up with me long enough and encouraged me to turn the dream into a reality. Supportive colleagues over many years, who helped me to understand the capabilities that I had been gifted with and developed over a long period of time. All of whom helped me develop my faith and take that step into the unknown. Thank you one and all.

“Smiles in the sunshine and tears in the rain
Still take me back where my memories remain
Flickering embers go higher and higher
As they carry me back to the Mull of Kintyre”

These are the words from the third verse of Paul McCartney’s – Wings #1 Hit record – The Mull of Kintyre. I have often reflected upon my journey that day and these words have always inspired me to reach for higher ideals, values and purpose in life. So, it is with all of us – don’t settle for the mundane – in fact never settle for it! It is important for each of us to have those meaningful conversations with ourselves and nearest and dearest about happiness and what makes each of us tick! If you are stuck in an unhappy career, perhaps its much more to do with your personal motivators. Now is not the time to revisit Herzberg’s Motivation theory – around incentives and hygiene factors – but I wish to encourage you to look deep inside yourself and question the reason and purpose of your work – is it meaningful – is it what you really want to do? Looking inward is the critical step, to face up to your fear. Now is the time for faith – not fear!

I love this quote from a wise leader Boyd K. Packer, he stated… “Faith, to be faith, must centre around something that is not known. Faith, to be faith, must go beyond that for which there is confirming evidence. Faith, to be faith, must go into the unknown. Faith, to be faith, must walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness.”

One of my favourite poems is by Christopher Logue.

Come to the edge.
We might fall.
Come to the edge.
It’s too high!
COME TO THE EDGE!
And they came,
and he pushed,
and they flew.

As you consider your challenges at home, at school, or in the workplace – reflect upon those things that really matter most. Face up to your fears, look inside and take those first few steps into the darkness – you can do it!

Stewardship

Think about it for a moment, we own very little, but are stewards over much!

As each year passes by, I have become increasingly aware of the illusion of ownership and the world’s pre-occupation with it. Oftentimes, I reflect on the fact we were born into this life with nothing, during our journey through life we exercise our greatest gift of agency, (the right to choose), and with the exception of our memories and experiences we depart this mortal life with nothing.

  • Ownership is defined as “the act, state or right of possessing something”
  • Stewardship is defined as “the activity or job of protecting and being responsible for something”

So here is the question – do you actually own your house, your car, or the latest gadget? Stop for a moment, really ponder over that question…… Is it really perhaps a matter of perspective and time? Consider this story: Two couples saw a masterpiece in a private gallery. “We must own it” said one. “It is so beautiful it possesses us, so we must possess it.” The other couple moved quietly away and said to each other, “Would that we could give it to all, place it in a public place for it is too beautiful to own and too uplifting to be kept from all”.

I have set myself a motto for this year “To BE and not to seem” which caused me to reflect on an experience I had on a business trip to India a few years ago. I managed to find some time whilst in Mumbai to visit the Mani Bhavan, which acted as the focal point of Ghandi’s political activities between 1917 and 1934. In the building there is a minimalist room where he ate, read, spun cloth, slept and received visitors. I came to realise that as Albert Einstein stated “Generations to come, it may be, will scarce believe that such a one as this, ever in flesh and blood, walked upon this earth”. Ghandi died “owning” fewer than 10 items – he truly understood the value of stewardship as opposed to ownership.

I love this little story from Russell M. Nelson. “Sometime ago, as I was officiating in the nightly ritual of getting our little children into bed, I may have seemed a bit dictatorial with the directions to ‘pick up your clothes, brush your teeth’ and other such utterances. Then our five-year-old wistfully looked and said, “Daddy, do you own me?” While she has doubtless long since forgotten her question, I have remembered it as a challenge to distinguish carefully between ownership and stewardship. Often as parents and leaders we may be tempted to direct as owners rather than as stewards. In the last analysis, we own very little, but are stewards over much”.

Consider a few words – pride, envy, fear, stress, frustration. Now think about the cause and effect of these words. Remove the idea of ownership and the foundational characteristic of each of these words collapses. As we understand the reality of stewardship and apply the principle in our home, family and business life, we can replace these characteristics with their polar opposites – humility, empathy, courage, peace, fulfilment.

A friend recommended that I read “Tuesdays with Morrie” a true story by Mitch Albom, of experiences with his University Professor Morrie Schwartz. A remarkable testament of identifying what really matters most in our life and why we all need to slow down much, much more and enjoy the journey.

What does stewardship mean for you?  Are you a good steward?

Being

I hesitate to share this story, but as I reflect upon what happened, I plead with you, let your hearts tune in for a just a moment.

There is a popular movie in the cinema at the moment – Little Women. On Sunday evening, I spent spent the most wonderful hour listening and observing to two of my favourite little women. It was a real joy as I witnessed a ‘guid auld blether’. Although both of these women are in their 80’s and 90’s and may be ‘little’ in physical stature now, they are positively huge in love and spirit for the Watson and Temple families respectively. In addition, they have influenced for good hundreds if not thousands of friends and neighbours. Thank you mum and Auntie Joyce for your kindness, love and constant examples of goodness.

My point?

They were 𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 themselves.

I’d like to comment on the pretence that far too many of us are addicted to the policy of 𝙨𝙚𝙚𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙜 rather than 𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜.

Things are not always what they seem, and neither are people. I have been fortunate in life to meet some remarkable people and great leaders, endowed with grace, humility and goodness. No matter the situation, difficult or easy, their motto was clear…

𝐓𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐦

In 2020, choose to 𝙗𝙚 and not 𝙨𝙚𝙚𝙢

Traditional Feasts

Yesterday, one of my daughters and I were the Chef’s for Christmas Day Dinner, turkey with all the trimmings.

We started early afternoon with oodles of enthusiasm by placing the turkey in the oven, peeling potatoes, preparing the other vegetables, roast potatoes, pigs in blankets, stuffing, gravy, bread sauce, Yorkshire puddings – it was our annual feast!

Time passed – we both noticed how we quickly began to tire. Our initial vigour started to wane. Giving each other a little pep talk until we once again found our stride.

My other daughter set the table and before we knew it, all 8 of us were sat down tucking into our delicious meal together. It was a feast alright. In fact, afterwards we felt so full that we both collapsed on the sofa for a wee nap to recover – we were exhausted!

As I reflected upon the experience I recognised there was a lot of learning going on!

Preparation – we needed lots of that

Planning – getting things done in the right order

Enthusiasm – was key to getting the job done

Teamwork – working together made it easier and fun

Precision – Ensuring that each step produced the right result

After years of going solo as the Christmas Chef – what a delight it was to start a new fun tradition with my daughter.

Have you any new traditions?

Pathways to Purpose

Why am I here?

What is the purpose of life?

Where did I come from?

Philosophers have struggled with these questions for millennia.  As I continue to walk on the path of my own journey, I love this old fable, perhaps even more appropriate to share in the Christmas season. I hope it will give you some clues to your own purpose.

“Once a king had a great highway built for the members of his kingdom. After it was completed, but before it was opened to the public, the king decided to hold a contest. He invited as many as desired to participate. Their challenge was to see who could travel the highway best.

On the day of the contest, the people came. Some of them had fine chariots, some had fine clothing, fine hairdos or great food. Some young men came in their sports togas and ran along the highway. People travelled the highway all day, but each one, when he arrived at the end,complained to the king that there was a large pile of rocks and debris on the road at one spot, and this had hindered their travel.

At the end of the day, a lone traveller crossed the finish line and wearily walked over to the king. He was tired and dirty – but he addressed the king with great respect, and handed him a bag of gold. He explained, “I stopped along the way to clear away a pile of rocks and debris that was blocking the road. This bag of gold was under it, and I would like you to help me return it to its rightful owner.” The King replied, “You are the rightful owner.” The traveller replied, “Oh no, this is not mine. I’ve never known so much money.” “Oh yes,” said the king, “you’ve earned this gold, for you have won my contest. He who travels the road best is he who makes the road smoother for those who will follow”. Author Unknown.

It is my sincere hope that as we serve and help others along their paths in life at home, in families, in government and business organisations we will be ever mindful of the greatest servant of all, whose birth we celebrate this Christmas Season.

It has been wonderful working with so many new clients and organisations in 2019, may I wish you a very Merry Christmas and Prosperous New Year.

Purpose, Meaning and Life Long Learning

I was inspired by Neal A. Maxwell when he observed “Each generation is consumed with building sand castles which the tides of time soon wash away, clearing the beach just in time for the next “tourists” to start the process anew”.

What consumes your time and thinking?

When all is said and done – what really matters most?

What will you focus on today that will really make a difference?

Finding your Flow

4 days, 21 workshops, 600+ participants, great fun, powerful learning and one absolutely exhausted me! I loved it!

Facilitating so many short workshops over the course of a few days called for a huge amount of focus, concentration and stamina. Not only was it difficult and challenging, it was extremely worthwhile.

In every 55 minute workshop, I was completely and totally absorbed in the whole process, I was in “the zone.” Reflecting this morning, the following thoughts came to mind..

– Being present, in the moment

– Clear goals, immediate feedback and real purpose

– A very high level of concentration on a limited field

– Finding a balance between skills and challenge

– The feeling of control – Effortlessness

– An altered perception of time

– At one with my actions and consciousness

– Feelings of fulfillment and enjoyment

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls this “Flow.”

Do you recognise any of these feelings? Have you ever felt that kind of joy, happiness or “flow”?

It was fast paced, using an outline agenda, I sang “Set a Goal” – taking everyone by surprise, there was always applause, I shared thoughts and ideas, I pulled participants into conversation, sought feedback, had discussion groups and an engaging activity to close.

I love what I do.

Find your Flow!

Decisions

We’re always deciding something.

Stripped down to its essentials, life is about making choices and decisions! Who will I vote for? What direction will I move in now? What job will I take? Who will I marry? Is that the house we really want? Will I have that healthy piece of fruit or that tasty cake?! Do I really need that new car? Isn’t it time we moved abroad? What will I have for lunch! Its election time again…. who will I vote for this time around? Big or small, decisions determine our destiny.

As taught by Robert D. Hales, we need to examine our motives every time we make a decision. Life’s plan and the challenge to be successful are demonstrated in an Aesop Fable,  “The Man, the Boy, and the Donkey.” The objective of the man and the boy was to journey to the city marketplace and sell the donkey for winter provisions. As they started to town, the father rode the donkey. In the first village, the villagers said, “What an inconsiderate man, riding the donkey and making his son walk!” So the father got off the donkey and let his son ride.In the next hamlet, the people whispered, “What an inconsiderate boy, riding the donkey and making his father walk!”

In frustration, the father climbed on the donkey; and father and son rode the donkey, only to have the people in the next town declare, “How inconsiderate of the man and the boy to overload their beast of burden and treat him in such an inhumane manner!”

In compliance with the dissident voices and mocking fingers, the father and son both got off the donkey to relieve the animal’s burden, only to have the next group of onlookers say, “Can you imagine a man and a boy being so stupid as to not even use their beast of burden for what it was created!”

Then, in anger and total desperation, having tried to please all those who offered advice, the father and son both rode the donkey until it collapsed. The donkey had to be carried to the marketplace. The donkey could not be sold. The people in the marketplace scoffed, “Who wants a worthless donkey that can’t even walk into the city!”

The father and son had failed in their goal of selling the donkey and had no money to buy the winter provisions they needed in order to survive.

How much different the outcome would have been if the father and son had had a plan to follow. Father could have said, “I’ll ride the donkey one-third of the way; Son, you ride the donkey one-third of the way; and we’ll both walk the last third of the way. The donkey will arrive at the marketplace fresh and strong, ready to be sold.”

Then, as they received confusing advice while traveling through each hamlet and village along their way to the city, they could look at each other, give a reassuring wink of the eye, and say, “We have a plan.”

Do you have a plan? Do you know where you are going…..

  • In your personal life?
  • Or in your family life?
  • Even in your career and work life?

If not – then here are some suggestions that will help along the way.

Firstly, Know Yourself. In order to make a good decision, you really need to understand yourself, your values and what makes you who you really are. There are lots of great personality tests on the market and working with a good personal coach will help you to identify what your core values are. When you know yourself, your core values and what you want out of life, decisions are a lot easier to make. By taking time here, it’ll enable you to really identify what the problem is that you are trying to solve.

Secondly, Consider the Long Term. This approach to decision making requires time, patience, and probably most important of all…. courage. It takes courage to listen to your inner self, to slow down, ponder, reflect and consider what really matters most. All of these factors allow the creation of some space for yourself, so that ultimately you will hear that inner wisdom, intuition even, thereafter making a decision will become much easier. But!! No matter how strong that intuition is, always do your homework and systematically check through the pros and cons of the options on the table first. Never be short-sighted.

Thirdly, Gather the Facts.  What do you really need to know? Decide what information you will need to gather in order to come up with and develop various options to choose from. The more options you have to choose from, then the likelihood is that your final decision will be a much better one. Spend as much time here as you need to consider and then evaluate the options at hand.

Fourthly, Listen! As a professional coach, I spend a fair amount of my time listening to others and over the years I have learned that it is much better to get other peoples perspectives, before you start sharing your own views and opinions. When faced with making the big decisions, it is always better to seek some others viewpoints and listen intently to what they have to say.

Finally, Make the Decision. After you have done all your homework, then now is the time to commit to the way forward and make the decision. Make the commitment and follow through. Even if after all of that, the decision turns out to be the wrong one, don’t let your ego get in the way, its still okay to change course. As I’ve written of before https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/leadership-essentials-humility-vs-pride-daryl-watson humility is a great quality to possess.

In conclusion, there is no scientific formula that will magic up a guaranteed correct decision every time…!!! Further evidenced in the HBR article here… https://hbr.org/2016/03/a-checklist-for-making-faster-better-decisions However, these 5 tips for success are well worn, tried and tested principles that will guide you in those critical decision making moments that are ahead for us all.

Shared Repertoire

“Would you like a pair of slippers Daryl?” “Yes please” I replied.  “I packed my own” said Philip, as we each spontaneously burst into a fit of laughter.  Our new common practice as Extra Dependent Team (EDT) coaches, meant that our shared repertoire now required the wearing of a pair of slippers.  Much better even, if they were your own and transported from a far-flung part of Europe!

“Shared Repertoire” – its not a simple phrase that just rolls off the tongue – that’s for sure.  But knuckling down under the watchful eye of our master coach Dave and working through some simple steps together, we came to understand the power of this new-fangled term.

As a new team member, sometimes it’s a little difficult to fit in.  My fellow coaches had already been working together for a while, I was the newbie.

We started to explore what we each consistently do across the team.  Picking up our markers, the flipchart was quickly filled as we recorded our competencies, processes, jargon, tools, equipment, along with our stories of success and failure.  Dave had a new term for all of that too. And then it happened.  We recognised that we were much, much stronger together, we were in sync, in one powerful moment, it felt safe with each other. I felt at home.

What does your team have, that others don’t? How do you sync with one another?