Eat Cake

How do you cope with failure? Coping with failure and disappointment are never easy…

Like you, I’ve had my fair share.

Early in my career, I was in charge of a major event that ended up being an absolute disaster. It was just awful, embarrassing, ending up with an extremely upset client.

I recall returning home late that evening considering what I should do next. Our team’s efforts had fallen woefully short of client expectations.

After wallowing in the mire for a few hours and dealing with the personal disappointment – to make me feel better, I turned to some comfort food for immediate relief! I ate cake!….For a brief moment it helped the negative emotions.

On quiet reflection I thought – “What the heck – we can do better than this”.

Key for me in that one experience included learning not to take the disaster personally, letting go of the immediate emotional baggage that arose, reflect and consider on the why of the failure, accept it, then move on.

I recall I visited the client the next day, apologised profusely, agreed some financial compensation – then moved on. Over the years though, I must confess to having eaten a few of those cakes! What have you learned from failure?

Eaten much cake lately!?

Lessons in Leadership

Being appointed to lead an organisation brings with it a host of feelings – ranging from excitement, to sheer terror!

I recall one appointment many years ago and during the first few days thinking to myself “Have they got the right person here? – just what can I do?!” Several weeks into the new role, as I was considering the future of the organisation, a rather unusual image of conflict and war kept coming into my mind. I scoured the internet for as close an image to what I had in my mind’s eye and eventually settled on this picture “The Periscope in the Trenches”.

I have reflected upon this image on many occasions and time and time again it has taught me so many insightful lessons. There will be yet more said on the start and end of the Great War.  Conflict is a daily occurrence in the world, whether it be Israel, Syria, Iraq, Lebanon, Ukraine or elsewhere – it is inescapable.

This image however of conflict and its application in the leadership world is a powerful one – let me explain.

  1. Periscopes

    What do these simple and yet powerful tools actually do? “A periscope is an instrument for observation over, around or through an object, obstacle or condition that prevents direct line-of-sight observation from an observer’s current position. In its simplest form, it consists of an outer case with mirrors at each end set parallel to each other at a 45-degree angle. This form of periscope, with the addition of two simple lenses, served for observation purposes in the trenches during World War 1″ (Wikipedia). From a position of safety, in this image, the periscope allows the soldier to see things at a different height level or in other words raises the vision of the soldier to view the atrocities of the battlefield above him. Over the years, I’ve discovered many tools to use as periscopes, to lift, inspire and raise the vision of others. Invitation #1, consider, or discuss with colleagues, what is the instrument or tool that will raise your organisation’s vision?

  2. Check in Often

    In order to assure his own and his company’s safety, the soldier had to regularly observe through his periscope the conditions that were prevailing above on no man’s land. In essence, frequently checking in on the activities on the battlefield enabled him to call for the correct actions to pursue. And so, it is as we establish the vision for any organisation, we must frequently check in on the condition of our people, their skills, abilities and needs, establishing changes in tactics and employing the right tools to ensure success. Invitation #2, when did you last check in on your people’s skills and abilities – are your key talent in the correct role?

  3. Courage

    I’ve often thought about the courage of these men who fought so valiantly, who gave their today’s that we could have our tomorrows. There is at least one moment of truth in everyone’s life; an instance, a tipping point in time where strength of character should be shown, or a stand against the odds is required. For thousands of young men, that moment over 100 years ago, began with the sound of a whistle and the command to go over the top. We need to be prepared to step up on to the firing line or step forward. Courage comes in different forms, physical and moral. Where physical courage often prompts others to follow and take action, moral courage can be very isolating. When a person stands on principle, speaks truth to power or tells peers what they are doing is wrong, others may sometimes fall away. Moral courage frequently puts people in a lonely place; however, to increase our vision, strength of character is often required by anyone to display moral courage in all of their actions. Invitation #3 – consider the courageous decisions you have made recently, have you faced up to doing the right thing?

  4. Keep it Simple 

    During the 2012 Olympics in London, two of my children and I visited the Science Museum on Exhibition Road in London. Whilst there, I was able to see close up, a periscope similar to the one on the image displayed here. As I looked at the construction of the periscope, it was a fairly crude and rudimentary instrument, much larger than I thought, made from wood, with mirrors used at the correct angles to provide a simple and yet extremely effective tool. I’ll repeat that phrase again, “Simple and yet extremely effective tool”. In order to increase our vision, don’t over complicate processes and procedures – keep it simple…..All of the time! Invitation #4 – What processes and practices currently in place, need to be simplified?

  5. Perspective

    Two soldiers are shown in this image and I’d like to think that they took it in turn to view the battlefield above them, and then discuss each other’s perspectives on the course of action to pursue. Likewise, it is with us in the organisations we serve as we consider how to increase our vision. Trying to increase vision in isolation is difficult and challenging – sharing insights, observing conditions, getting feedback from trusted colleagues is critical to success. Invitation #5 ask yourself what more can I do, to ensure that other leaders understand my perspectives?

These are only some of the lessons I’ve learned about increasing vision from this WW1 image.

What are yours?

Spontaneous!

Familiar regular routine – that’s me! Yet, listening to that inner intuition, brought about a little spontaneity, helping me step outside of the norm.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently on presence and intuition in the coaching world.  On Friday morning, I started listening even more to that small little voice, it was telling me to mix things up a bit! Entering into my mind came this spontaneous thought to head off to St. Andrews for the day with my wife. It was beautiful weather after all and I didn’t have a lot to do anyway.

Spontaneity can scare a lot of people; routine is often the preferred (and safer) route for many (me included).

However, I shared the idea with my wife.  We both embraced it and off we went for a fantastic day together.  We loved it so much that when a similar thought arrived on Saturday morning to climb Alva Glen in the afternoon, we grasped hold of that idea too and off we trotted to go climb some hills.  What a wonderful day we had and coincidentally met some good friends along the way too!

“Spontaneous – having an open, natural, and uninhibited manner”

#Spontaneity – don’t silence those thoughts, relax – listen to them, value them, embrace them, share them, action them, have some fun and enjoy!

Go on – listen up and give it a go!

Great leadership behaviours…

It’s in times of crisis when leadership matters most.

The strength of any organisation, or the strength of any nation does not lie in its buildings, its headquarters, its brands, its institutions, it universities or schools – these are all means to an end.

The strength of a family, an organisation or a nation lies in the hearts and minds of the people, individuals – one by one. When an individual knows who they are, knows of their potential, their personal worth and what they can become – then great things can happen.

Character counts. It is everything.

In my experience the greatest leaders – exemplify all of these behaviours: Kindness, Patience, Meekness, Humility, Honesty, Forgiving, Commitment, Respectful, Selfless, Obedience, Self-discipline.

They are the very roots of civility, homes and organisations. There is something reassuring about standing for something and knowing what we stand for.

Those who commit to and pattern their lives on these behaviours, will always flourish.

They may sound old fashioned, to some, even namby pamby, but quite the opposite is true – these are virtues of courage and authority. Practicing them individually and collectively will be a powerful antidote to a multitude of ills & societal problems.

What do you stand for?

Emotional Triggers

Why are we all in a hurry?

After a beautiful Sunday afternoon country walk, my wife, daughter and I drove into our street, to find it jam packed with cars on both sides of the road. As I pulled in, another vehicle was coming towards me. There was an immediate problem.

Options were limited for both vehicles. It felt more dangerous for me to reverse back onto the main road, so I made eye contact, waving my hand, suggesting to the female driver of the other vehicle to reverse. It was met with an aggressive look and piercing stare. Looking for alternatives, my wife suggested I mount the kerb on our side of the road. So I did. As the other vehicle passed by, the rude gesture and audible obscenity were a little disturbing.

A trivial incident – yet anger, hostility and frustration boiled over in an instant – an emotional trigger maybe? Perhaps there were a whole host of pressures going on for the other driver – I’ll never know.

In times past, I know too that I’ve had the occasional hot headed occasion.

Is there a road rager inside you?

In the heat of the moment, I was able to pause, breathe, relax and shift my focus elsewhere to avoid an emotional confrontation. There was some inner dialogue going on in my head for sure!

How do you handle emotional triggers?

Small things

“Let’s see how far you can reach” said the optician. As it turned out, not very far! “Okay, let’s see if I can help” he continued.

I knew my eyesight had deteriorated and it had been well over 2 years since my last test. Lockdown had delayed my test even further, plus I was now spending so much more time behind a laptop screen every day, I was sure that wasn’t helping.

So the optician went to work by trying lots of different lenses, tweaking them a little here and there. It seemed complex to me, but it was obviously simple for him. Every now and again he’d asked me to read the chart again, and little by little, my sight improved, until finally he said “that’s you now with 20/20 vision.”

What a difference, as I was able to read down to the smallest of the letters on the chart.

My vision changed.

By small and simple things, great things happen.

The world has been turned upside down.

Just like the optician helped restore my 20/20 vision, what small and simple things can you do to help someone in need, at home, at work or in your community?

Mistakes

It was a painful error. “That one wrong move cost me the game” said my son, as his younger sister wrapped up Settlers of Catan at the weekend.

Catan is a family favourite in our home – and possibly yours too.

For the second week in a row, the youngest member of our family was victorious. It was also much to the chagrin of her older brother! Yet, only a few moments previously the game was in the balance. It was simply because of one move made a little earlier in the game, that the damage was done. Ultimately, a short term advantage led to the defeat. It wasn’t until a few moments after making the move, did he realise his error, which ultimately cost him the game.

The learning occurred for my son when he owned up to making the mistake. Yes, he was irritated a little by his lapse in judgement and I’m sure he’ll learn from the error and think things through more carefully next time.

One wrong move in a game of Catan, isn’t as serious as making a wrong move in life. Yet, in life too, we sometimes make poor choices that can ultimately have life changing consequences.

Mistakes are simply a part of the learning process and are very valuable. Its okay to make them, as long as you learn from them and remember the lesson.  So, lets embrace them and keep moving forward!

What mistakes or wrong moves have you made at home, at work, or even in life and what lessons did you learn?

Massage!

Four months ago today, the UK went into lockdown – everything changed. No more travel for me. No more flights, trains, taxi’s or hotels.

I have spent 125 nights in my own bed! My sleeping patterns have never been better! But, with the new ways of working, new tests arise. Yesterday, whilst facilitating a virtual workshop on remote working, we discussed the many challenges it brings.

Video call after video call sounds like fun, but those of us now in that daily routine, are finding it pretty tough. Popping paracetamol and ibuprofen a few times a day to combat headaches, muscle pain in your shoulders, neck and back is becoming the new normal for many. In our session we talked about the tension, fatigue and exhaustion that comes at the end of the day from the high intensity of virtual interactions.

As we got into our top tips, brainstorming ideas, work patterns, moving around, setting boundaries, hydrating etc – it struck me that something happened this week that really helped me. A massage! And the salons are back open this week too!

Luckily my sister is a massage therapist. As she worked her magic on my neck, shoulders and back it relieved so much tightness and stress. I’m booked in again next week!

Go on – give it a go – you know you want to!

Annoying!

“There’s something not right with that tyre dad, I’ve had to blow it up again” said my son Kyle.

Both my son and daughter had mentioned this fact to me several times over the last few weeks. It was a little thing really, but it was starting to bug all of us.

So on Saturday I took their car into the garage and had them look at the back tyre. After a couple of minutes, he’d found a nail in the tyre and subsequently off he went to fix the puncture. Ten minutes later – the job was done and my wallet was £20 lighter.

The tyre had become a bit of an annoyance, due to the infrequent, unpredictability and intermittent nature of the flat tyre. Finally, it had been going on for quite a few weeks, plus Kyle had been into the garage before and they’d found nothing – even more annoying!

Annoyance – a cause of irritation or vexation; a nuisance.

What little things do you find annoying? What pushes your buttons?

Some top tips to deal with those little irritants!

– Slow down, breathe – is it worth getting upset about?
– Consider your perspective, the momentary issue will pass.
– Have fun, laugh at yourself, don’t take it too seriously.
– Ask yourself how important the matter really is.
– Ask yourself is their something I can do to make it better?

Obstacles

As a youngster, I was always picking up a new sport, entering a race, or trying out for a new team.

Somehow, in my first year at high school, I managed to qualify for the 100 metres hurdles at our annual schools sports day at the local athletics stadium.

My hurdling technique was limited at best, and yet I made it to the final.

I gave it my all that day, but ended up finishing in last place.

That was the end of my hurdling career! However, I did end up playing football, rugby, basketball and badminton through my high school years, enjoying a fair bit of success and failure too in many of the team sports.

The key to success in my sports journey was having highly effective coaches to help us all along the way.

I have fond recollections of the enthusiastic guidance Mr Montgomery and Mr Galbraith provided on many occasions.

In a similar manner, I feel extraordinarily blessed to do something I love every day.

As a qualified coach and recently recognised as a fellow by the Association of Coaching I have regular opportunities to help people along their way in their personal life or professional development.

Life has a great tendency to keep raising the hurdles that come along.

Yet, experience has taught me that working with a coach can help overcome any obstacles.

How can I help you improve your position?

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