Leadership Essentials – Humility vs Pride

“Pride is your greatest enemy, humility is your greatest friend.” said the late John R.W. Stott.

In many of my coaching conversations these last few weeks I have become increasingly aware of the dangers of pride. In turn, I have spent some time reflecting on my own situation and simply invite you to do likewise.

Today, I want to sound a warning voice. Simply stated……..beware of pride; we must be alert and we must be on guard against the perils of pride. I’m not talking about the glow of pride you feel as your daughter receives an award, or upon graduating from University. Rather, this form of pride is much more insidious, crafty, cunning and sneaks up on you, creating a lofty and arrogant assumption that you are somehow superior in some or indeed many respects, before you realise it is even happening.

“There is one vice of which no man in the world is free,” C.S Lewis remarked, “which every one in the world loathes when he sees it in someone else; and of which hardly any people….ever imagine that they are guilty of themselves…”

Try this little self test.

  • Are you critical of others?
  • Do you look down on others? Do you scorn or ridicule them?
  • Do you find yourself critiquing many things your boss or colleagues share, thinking you can do much better?
  • When you do something good, do you hear a little a voice inside congratulating yourself?
  • If someone corrects a mistake you made, do you feel defensive and resentful?
  • Do you find ways to let others know of your success without appearing to boast?
  • If someone you know receives something good, do you hear a voice inside saying, “What about me?”
  • When someone does something that creates inconvenience for you, do you feel annoyed.

These points were all adapted from an article by Kim B. Clark, but I’d like to echo his sentiments and sadly confess that I have first-hand experience of the questions asked and could go on. A heartfelt sincere asking yourself these questions, is like peeling back the layers of an onion, there just seems to be more and more.

Lifetime observations help me to conclude that positions of authority, leadership and power can lead to pride and unrighteous dominion. Economic prosperity can somehow and oftentimes does lead to pride. Pride is all about selfishness, looking inwards and thinking – its all about me. Somehow, it is much easier to see pride in others, than it is to see it in yourself. Proud people are pretty resistant and everyone else is the problem. Looking at the news from around the world these last few years it is brutally evident to see examples of the dangers of pride in some of the political and business leaders on the world stage. In addition, pride and arrogance are obvious in many of todays political leaders, whether liberal or conservative, making matters much worse than they need to be. In my opinion, pride is very, very dangerous and can produce widespread suffering in society when people in leadership and power are corrupted by it.  Further, there is an overarching culture in society today that simply states…. “its all about me”. Sadly, I’m sure many will recognise that malaise. Pride’s family of behaviours includes conceit, self-righteousness, boasting, selfish ambition, showing off, vanity, and impatience.   Thankfully however there is a powerful antidote…..All of these can be replaced by cultivating humility.

Humility. These day I guess it’s an unfashionable word. The dictionary defines humility as “modesty” and “lacking in pretense”, but that doesn’t mean humble leaders are meek or timid.

Ezra Taft Benson shared “Humility does not mean weakness. It does not mean timidity. It does not mean fear. A man can be humble and fearless. A man can be humble and courageous.” I also love this anonymous quote that states: “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking about yourself less”. Humility is selfless not selfish. In fact I believe that humility is being authentic without any pretence or arrogance. It is really about being true to yourself and knowing your limitations, from the inside out.

In Harry M. Jansen Kraemar’s book “From Values to Action” he dedicates a whole chapter (4) to genuine humility as one of the principles for values based leaders. He states “you recognise the value in everyone; you know you are no better than anyone else; and the higher you move up the organisation, the more you stay grounded.”

In a Harvard Business Review article from a few year ago, it states that “The Best Leaders are Humble Leaders” https://hbr.org/2014/05/the-best-leaders-are-humble-leaders

In addition to the four suggestions made in the HBR articles I’d like to ask further – how do we cultivate humility?  In our own consultancy, the first of our strapline words is Reflect. As I have written about previously, I am an avid journal writer. By chronicling in my journals what goes well and what could have gone better enables me to learn from my actions. Over many years of doing this I’ve discovered that there is always room for improvement.

I have been fortunate to work with many humble leaders over many years. It has been my experience that humility inspires loyalty, it also helps to build and sustain cohesive, productive teamwork. Jim Collins was a fan of CEOs he saw demonstrating modesty and leading quietly, not charismatically, in his bestseller Good to Great. He called these CEOs Level 5 executives.

Collins found Level 5 executives built enduring greatness through a paradoxical blend of personal humility and professional will. They channelled their egos away from themselves and into the larger goal of building a great company. At a deeper level, he found that for leaders to make something great, their ambition had to be for the greatness of the work and the company, rather than for themselves.

Humility, like other virtues, can be developed. We can actually become more humble if we focus on appreciating the strengths of others and serving them, on being teachable and admitting our mistakes. We need…… no, we must continue to share this message in our homes, communities and business organisations to better prepare those who lead now and in the future.

Final Points to Ponder….

  1. What are some ways I could recognise pride in my speech, my attitudes and my actions?
  2. As outlined, humility is the antidote of pride. How can I develop humility?

Charitable Service

In regard to service, Jeffrey R. Holland stated it is “the finest exercise for the heart ever prescribed.”

A genuine act of kindness or a simple gesture of goodwill, always goes a long way to soften the heart of another person.  When did you last look for an opportunity to render some caring service to someone either at home, in the workplace or in your own community?

A few years ago, a friend suggested that I read “The shed that fed a million children.”

I found the book inspiring.  It reminded me that if we so choose, each of us can make a difference.  A few months later, I was fortunate to sit with Magnus MacFalane-Barrow, the founder and CEO of Mary’s Meals, at an Awards Dinner in Glasgow.  When the Bosnian conflict was making headlines in the early 1990s, Magnus and his brother Fergus were moved to help. What neither of them expected was that a one-time road trip in a beaten-up Land Rover would become Magnus’s life work – leading him to leave his job, sell his house, and re-focus his life to feeding the world’s poorest children, from the shed in his father’s garden in Argyll.

He was named one of 2010’s ‘Top 10 Heroes’ by broadcaster CNN and received an OBE in the 2011 New Year’s Honours list. In addition he was on the 2015 TIME100 list of the world’s most influential people. He is the founder and CEO of the charity Mary’s Meals, which sets up school feeding programmes in some of the world’s poorest countries, and has received numerous awards for. He has also been awarded Honorary Degrees by the University of Stirling, Glasgow Caledonian University and the University of Hull.  – for more information see https://www.marysmeals.org.uk/

In the last few years, I have been fortunate to coach a few members of the leadership team at Mary’s Meals.  What inspires me is their love, compassion and gritty determination to make a difference and help children all over the world.  Each time I visit, an indelible impression of  doing good is etched into my heart and mind. Their example of rendering service reminds me of the New Testament scripture in 1 Corinthians “Charity Never Faileth”

In the relentless fever and complexity of our modern day living and chasing the next big thing, my invitation today is a simple one – slow down a little, consider what matters most and don’t miss out on the simple things in life.   If this is you, it’s time to put a stop to it and make the goal less about being better than, or greater than, or richer than.  Notice the little things, at home, in your workplace and in the community.  Reflect up on them. Choose to do something and make a difference. Consider an act of kindness, service, charitable giving or simply doing good.  I can promise, that feelings will swell within your heart, it will increase your sense of belonging and provide a sense of purpose and meaning.

Go on – you can do it!

Vision

Whether you are familiar with the bible or not, you are likely to have heard this quote from Proverbs (29:18); “Where there is no vision, the people perish.”

It has taken me quite a while to understand what that statement really means, but a recent experience may help.

Fog

When driving at 70 mph on the motorway, what does it feel like to drive when dense fog starts to settle in front of you?

As the fog starts to thicken and you realise that you can only see a few metres in front of you, I know that my heart starts racing a little.

I flick the fog lights on taking my foot off the accelerator at the same time.

When the fog is really thick, I’ll slow down to a crawl and take it very slow, so that I don’t run into someone ahead of me.

Extremes

Take that experience to its extreme.

When fog is so dense that even moving forward very slowly is dangerous, there is also the fear that someone may rear end you, which can be very alarming.

As the fog starts to lift and you emerge from its grasp, you can see a few metres ahead, then 20, 30 and its gone.

How do you feel then?

Relief perhaps?

You start to accelerate once more.

Think about what actually changed during those few minutes on the road.

The only thing that really changed was your vision, your ability to see.

With vision you saw the road clearly ahead.

When there was no vision, you were as is states in Proverbs, in danger of perishing.

And so it is with anything in life.

When you have no vision for your life, your family, your career or for what you want to accomplish, its a bit like being caught in the fog on the motorway.

To accomplish anything you must first have a mission, a goal, a hope, a vision.

And when challenges arise, or when the fog creeps in, remember to slow down.

We must catch the vision of who we really are.

How can you increase the vision in your own life?

Values – questions

“How do I figure out my personal values?” asked a course delegate. “There are lots of ways” I responded , “but you need to ask yourself the right questions, here is one to start with – are there things I keep feeling inner promptings to do?”

Roles

Have you considered the many different roles you have in life?

Our roles are the relationships and responsibilities that we have in life. Each of us holds various roles at the same time.  Subsequently, each of us will face times when the various roles we play may compete with each other, forcing us to consider who we are and consequently what role should take precedence in a particular moment.  There may be days when you feel torn and unsure if you’re doing the right thing and making the right choices. When those moments come (and they will), pause, take a deep breath and remind yourself what matters most- you are simply one person!

Each of us can make our own list of the roles we have.  For example here are a few of my own: Husband, father, son, brother, uncle, cousin, coach, facilitator, trainer, writer, blogger, friend, volunteer, learner, steward, provider and so the list goes on.

Have you ever thought about your own roles recently?  Your roles will change in priority day to day, for example through the week, you may be more focused on career and work goals, trying to balance a few others in between.  Whilst at the weekend you may focus on a parental role, or a hobby, volunteering or serving others.  Creating a list and putting each of these roles into a priority ranking will really help you to figure out what matters most.  In amongst all of these roles – remember the most important role in life is being you!  So frequently ask yourself:

  • What do I need physically – rest, exercise, less food, more food?
  • What do I need mentally – stimulation, meditation?
  • What do I need emotionally – solitude, support, security, a pick up treat?
  • What do I need socially – interactions with friends, new connections?

Get into the habit of asking yourself these questions often, then pick the thing you need to do and do it for yourself that day.

As you consider each of your roles in life and figure out what matters most, the question will almost certainly arise “how well do I fill these roles?”  Or for that matter “what kind of performance have I been giving of late?” Or even “what kind of feedback  have I been getting in some of the roles I fill?”  Recently, I have been challenged to consider my own performance in a few of those roles.  In some areas I have rated myself doing well, in others I have some real areas that need attention.  Frankly, its a bit of a mixed bag.

 

Every now and again it’s good to reflect on your roles and visit them one by one.  Maybe it’s time for a bit of a spring clean and as you prioritise your own, perhaps there are one or two lower down the list that could be eliminated, especially if time is an issue and you have too many roles.  As we journey through life the roles themselves and our own priorities will change.  As our children are growing, I recognise how little time I have left with them in our own family home, subsequently in my own list of priorities it is ranking near the top.

Stop, pause and reflect on your roles, determine to do better and focus on what really matters most.  What will you do differently today?

Learning

I have lost count of the number of learning & development days, coaching sessions, leadership workshops both face to face and virtual I have facilitated this year….. Lots!   Perhaps, (wishful thinking maybe) I have had the opportunity to impact 1000’s of individuals lives for good?

In addition, I have posted regularly about the importance of living your personal values – almost daily! In a like manner, I have endeavoured to live them every day – sometimes succeeding and other times failing miserably.  I recall one post from a few months ago, whilst travelling on a train to Aberdeen, when I figured out that I was a “work in progress”.  As I paused to reflect this morning – three words were impressed upon my mind over and over again.

– Learning – Living – Becoming

What am I learning?

How am I living?

Who am I becoming?

So….

What are you learning?

How are you living?

Who are you becoming?

Learning can be a source of great personal insight to create growth, change and improvement – in order to reach our true potential.

Live those action plans, lengthen your stride, dream big, look up, elevate your thoughts, determine to move ahead and achieve more!

Compassion

Sadly, our dog, Fawn died last week.  However, I was a little unprepared for the compassion shown to our family.

Fawn was only approaching 3 years old. Diagnosed with a serious heart condition at a young age, her life was filled with visits to the vets, lots of medication, with lots of love she touched many peoples lives. Throughout her short life, the support we received from the Kennel Club Insurance was outstanding, in fact it was consistently world class. We’d simply taken up an offer from the breeder and it was only shortly thereafter Fawn was diagnosed with Mitral Valve Dysplasia.

It was probably one of the wisest decisions that we made, as the vet bills soon started to rocket. Claims submissions, calls for guidance and all other communications with the Kennel Club were always helpful and extremely courteous. Yesterday, was my final call, informing them of Fawn’s passing. The call handler I spoke to, Kerry, was so understanding and compassionate. I thanked her for showing so much empathy and then she explained that all those who work at the Kennel Club, are pet lovers too, who understand the situation. After the call, I realised that I have never before in all of my life been treated with so much respect, love and care. I am grateful for compassionate organisations.

A couple of days ago, we also received a lovely compassionate hand written card from Kerry at the Kennel Club.  It is great to see an organisation living up to its values.

Thank you Kennel Club.

Intuition

Something wasn’t quite right, and I knew it. Intuition – “a thing that one knows or considers likely from instinctive feeling rather than conscious reasoning”

Travelling home from London last Friday, after passing through Airport security, I stopped for a bite to eat. Faced with lots of choices, I made my selection, opting for a Cornish pasty!

I placed my order with the one member of staff who was on duty and she was very helpful, but I immediately sensed something wasn’t quite right. As she was bagging up my pasty, I asked how her day was going, she responded “fine, but I still have 3 hours to go”. There was no-one behind me and we spoke further. It turns out we’d both had a very long day, then I explored further and asked where she came from, “Venezuela” she replied. She shared the story of her last 4 days, which was filled with deep anxiety and worry for her family, especially her mother back home.

I stood and simply listened. Then listened some more. Then listened a while longer. I don’t understand all that is going on in Venezuela, but I do understand the pain that it was causing the young lady who served me that day.

I’m glad I listened to the still small voice, trusted my intuition, stopped and tuned into the conversation that followed.

Intuition is real! Stop, listen and follow yours!

Momentum

England and Scotland’s remarkable match on Saturday was a game of two halves, each filled with momentum – “the force that keeps an object moving or keeps an event developing after it has started”. England had it in bucket-loads in the first half and Scotland, oodles of it in the second.

Watching the match I went through a rollercoaster of emotions from despair to elation and then (yes) disappointment with a draw!

What happened? How could England giveaway a 31 point lead?

Momentum built for England, try after try in the first half, and then a tiny opportunity – a chink of light, appeared at the end of the half for Scotland.

Half time. Reflection time for both teams. For England, I found this quote, which resonated with me – “Sometimes thinking too much can destroy your momentum” -Tom Watson. For the Scots, pause, build some respect in the second and with a bit of luck, maybe give the Scots fans something to sing about by winning the half?

A quick try, English confidence collapses, momentum builds for the Scots, try, and another, and another – unbelievable! And yet, somehow, England dig deep, and come up with a try in the closing seconds.

Momentum in your life, in your family, in your team and your organisation is whatever your attitude determines it to be.

What action can you take to build momentum toward success in your own life or in your organisation?
#belief #attitude

Commitment

Are you committed to succeed?

As a young salesman in 1989, I had to cover a huge territory – Scotland, down to Leeds & Manchester, plus every 6 weeks, I headed over to Ireland.  Leaving Dunfermline early morning at the start of the week, I drove to Stranraer and caught the ferry to Larne.  Then I drove all the way to Cork, always arriving late on Monday evening, to work my way home that week.  It was always a long day and a long week – yet, I was committed to succeed. It wasn’t long before sales in Ireland literally took off.

We cannot accomplish anything, without commitment. “Work will win when wishy washy wishing won’t” – Thomas S. Monson.

Commitment as a word cannot stand alone. We must always ask, “Committed to what?”  Dale Carnegie once said, “If you are not in the process of becoming the person you want to be, you are automatically engaged in becoming the person you don’t want to be.”  Our journey through life is dotted with a series of commitments, interwoven with discipline – that can bring success – if we will consistently do what we have agreed to do.  A commitment to excellence will ensure that you obtain the success you seek.

What are you committed to?

#leadership