Tag Archive for: change

Confronting ourselves with ourselves

How often are you confrontational with yourself?
A couple of weeks ago, I asked some confrontational questions on the subject of pride and humility in our missionary zone conferences.
It is my experience that it’s human nature to see faults in others, and yet much more difficult to see faults in 𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒗𝒆𝒔.
Most people run away from confronting themselves because it can hurt.

Call your Mum!

A good place to start, is by calling your mom (mum!) – she loves you and knows you well enough to really help!
We need to find enough humility to be willing to confront ourselves.
It is extremely important to be willing to admit and confess your sin, weakness, and failure.
I am a witness to the fact that there comes a time in life when confronting ourselves with ourselves is obligatory – a time when one must concede or confess the error of one’s way.

Yield

Ultimately, it starts to occur, when a prideful heart, yields to humility and meekness, and is “willing to submit to all things” – see Mosiah 3:19.
Departing from former ways, one begins to understand Psalms 51:10 which reads; “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.”
It is always the penitent, who know the seriousness of their sin, who approach God humbly and say, “I have nothing to offer but a broken and contrite heart.” (Psalm 51:17)
It is then and only then, that the battle with ourselves is on its way to being won.
Henry B. Eyring said; “Daily repentance is the pathway to purity, and purity brings power.”
Self-confrontation allows us to see ourselves as we really are, rather than what we want to see.
Even though it can be agonising, it allows us to grow and expand into a fuller, more settled version of ourselves.
Confronting ourselves is not about berating or criticising ourselves.

Asking Questions

It’s about asking difficult questions and committing to the process of self-reflection and self-inquiry.
“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.” – August Wilson.
It’s about holding yourself accountable.
Am I becoming the person I want to be?
Am I doing what I said I would do?
If you’re seeking to make progress in your life, learn to confront yourself.
What do I need to confront myself with today?

Groundhog Day

Every six weeks, Monic and I return to Schiphol Airport.
In the beginning of our mission, the pattern was arrivals on a Tuesday and departures on a Thursday.
Now, departures and arrivals all happen on the same day, a Friday.
We’re often there in between, for many other reasons too.
Regardless, we have a deep familiarity with Schiphol and our 42 day, six-week cycle.
Over these last 2 ½ years of consistent practice, we have learned many lessons.
Do you remember the 1993 movie Groundhog Day?
In the movie Bill Murray’s plays a cynical weatherman, who for some reason gets stuck in a repetitive time loop.
Repeating the same cycle over and over again (that was our 23rd last week) reminds me of the story line of the movie.
In the movie, through consistent practice, Bill Murray’s character Phil Connors, learns how to be remarkably resourceful by turning a challenging day into a great day.

Changes

During the course of the movie, he 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒔.
The lesson?
The more you focus on others by serving, being grateful and appreciative, the happier you will be.
In real life, through consistent practice, each missionary learns how to be remarkably resourceful by turning many challenging days into many great days.
Each missionary 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒔.
Likewise, their final day, is also a challenging one.
Transformed, these young men and women depart for home having become some of our dearest friends.
We all struggle to say farewell.
Departures are emotion filled, with tears of sadness and hugs aplenty.
In between their arrival and departure, we’ve experienced so much together – we’ve all 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐝.
Moments later, the arrivals are also emotion filled, but this time the tears are filled with joy, wonder, excitement, and hugs aplenty.
The journey ahead will transform them too.
Every time is the same, but different.
What am I learning over and over again?
We create our own reality, by living to learn and learning to live.
Over and over again, we have the choice to make today, and every day, either sad or happy, dull or inspiring, meaningless or fulfilling.
What will you choose today to make it great?

Questions of the Soul

The autumn winds of seasonal change are blowing.
Leaves are whirling and twirling, falling to the ground.
It was a chilly wet morning in Rotterdam on Wednesday.
Monic and I were already in the church, snug in a comfortable room, busy with coaching conversations.
Upon finishing one conversation, I went to find the next missionary.
And there they were.
Resting.

Chilly

The Sister Missionaries were a little tired and cold.
Huddled together, wrapped in their jackets, they were warming themselves, comforted by the toasty radiator.
All week long, like their colleagues, they’d been boldly sharing messages about the Book of Mormon, outside on street corners, busy high streets and in parks filled with fallen autumnal leaves.
Physically, their hands and feet may have been a little cold, yet spiritually, their hearts and souls were glowing, filled with a flame of fire, burning brightly, fuelled by their faith in God and their knowledge of Him.
Thawed by the radiator and warmed by our conversation, they were ready to start all over again.
Doing what, you may ask?
Providing answers.

Questions

Daily, missionaries are asked lots of questions about life – 𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒖𝒍.
• Is there a God? (Alma 22)
• Does God know me and care about me? (2 Nephi 26:24)
• Does God answer prayers (Enos 1)
• Why is life so hard sometimes? (1 Nephi 17:3)
• How can I find peace and joy? (Mosiah 2:41)
• What is the purpose of life? (Alma 34)
The Book of Mormon addresses all of these questions and more.
It is my witness that The Book of Mormon brings warmth and comfort in times of difficulty.
Perhaps you are whirling, twirling, tired or cold, physically or spiritually?
Are you in search of an answer?
Then speak with a missionary today and read the Book of Mormon.

Hand in Hand

As I sat listening to the testimonies of 16 departing missionaries heading home in a few weeks’ time, my thoughts returned to a memory, a clear image from my childhood.
I was 4 or 5 years old.

To the store…

My mum had asked me to go to the corner shop, to buy a loaf of bread.
I duly did so, returning with the bread, and chewing a toffee.
She asked, “What are you chewing?”
“A dainty” (a toffee), I replied.
She had given me the exact money for the bread.
At that point, I confessed, I’d stolen it and chewed it all the way home.

And back again…

Gently and lovingly, she took me by the hand, and escorted me back to the corner shop, to confess my guilt and pay for the stolen goods.
In those few minutes of real need, mum was there… to help, support, guide, lead me along, and walk with me, by my side.
That day, I learned an important lesson in life.
Rushing into my mind, came a reflective connection.
I thought about each of the 16 missionaries and the one-by-one moments I’d had with them.
As each of them stood to share their personal testimony, I had a very bright recollection; a specific thought was impressed upon my mind.
Metaphorically, I took them by the hand to help them find their way, like a parent with a child.
Gently and lovingly.
One-by-one.

Moments

A coaching conversation, a walk around the park, kneeling in prayer together, in studies with one another, a role play, a priesthood blessing, a telephone call, talking at the dinner table, having a meal in a restaurant, or simply travelling in the car…

Moments, just like mum had helped me to face a struggle decades ago, I was now there for each of them in their time of need, trouble, or distress.
I felt gratitude.
I felt privileged.
I felt honoured.
In our times of need, we were there “hand in hand,”  side by side, for each other.
“A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.” (John 13:34)
As we freely show the Saviour’s love through our actions and service to others, we too can feel the same love in return.
How can you feel the Saviour’s love?

Maturity

I am a witness to the power of missionary service.
Serving in a foreign land, learning a new language and adjusting to a different culture makes a tremendous difference in the life of every young missionary.
Departing from home, they arrive in the mission with many childish characteristics and behaviours.
It’s time to grow up!
Time passes.
Change happens.
Far from home, they become adults.
“When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became an adult, I put away childish things ” (1 Cor. 13:11).
Unlike childlike, childish suggests irresponsibility, being self-centred and immature.
Each of us will not mature spiritually until we choose, as the Apostle Paul phrased it, to “put away childish things.”
Missionary service is intense, demanding and frequently filled with hardship.
Yet, filled with a new purpose, each young man or woman, learns about being credible, reliable, accountable, disciplined and builds relationships of trust with God and others.
They develop their faith in God, they acquire wisdom through experience, they understand how to serve and love others.
They work hard, recognising that obedience, consistency, and endurance are all keys to success.
As they also learn to lead others, they must first master themselves and be steadfast in their service.
They choose to become Christlike and follow in His ways.
Over and over again, I watch each of them mature into adulthood.
How have you chosen to “put away childish things”?

Conversation Buddies

At our recent zone conferences, we held a communication activity.
We created a safe space to talk out loud and recreate a companionship council.
It was fun to observe, as each missionary verbalised their thinking.
They each taught one another something they didn’t know!
I noticed too, sometimes, we don’t listen to each other at all.
We may speak at each other, or past each other, rather than with each other.
Part of the exercise was to learn how to talk with one another in honest and effective ways.
Communication is an essential part of daily life, it’s like a lubricant for all our relationships.
Entering a conversation, we join with our own opinions, feelings, and experiences.
Conversations can hold immense power, create connection, and help us to grow.
With their conversation buddies, missionaries learned how to communicate more effectively, in turn leading to the need for some change.

Change

Change is hard.
We’re all human, and we all have our struggles, right?
Your biggest rival to change is most likely some internal obstacle that is going on in your head!
– A lack of confidence
– Laziness
– Procrastination
– Stubbornness
When we attempt to change, sometimes we may apply the wrong tactics.
Yet, daily, seemingly small decisions, can all add up to make a big difference.

Time

As I watch each missionary arrive at the start of their mission, over time, I see them develop, and change.
As each of them humbly turns to one another, and then ultimately turn to Jesus Christ’s great example, He increase’s their capacity to change.
Exercising their faith in Jesus Christ, it is only through Him, that they are all given the strength to make lasting changes in their lives.
He literally changes their hearts, because of His great love and empathy for the people He served.
He can and will do the same for each of us, as we accept His invitation to “Come Follow Him”.
Week in, week out, I am a witness to many, who have experienced a “change of heart” (Alma 5:26) as they learn more about divine communication.
Why not seek out a new conversation buddy, and speak with a missionary today…
How can faith in Jesus Christ help you to change?

Noise

In the Netherlands, noise pollution is a huge challenge.
One of the main sources of environmental noise in the Netherlands is road traffic.
There are statutory limits for road traffic noise.
The government encourages “quieter” tyres, silent asphalt, the installation of many different kinds of sound barriers and the insulation of homes.
Why? Because in a flat land, noise can carry over a very long distance.
We live in an area, known as the “Randstad”, and I am a witness to that noise every, single day.

Too Much Noise

Too much noise can be distracting and even overwhelming.
Yet, mild background noise can improve focus and creativity.
Many years ago, as a young salesman, I sold lots of different products, including public address systems for Premier league football stadiums.
I learned a lot about noise.

Meters

Using a 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 sound meter, I’d often conduct surveys with a technical engineer to check on background or ambient noise levels.
A calibrated meter was an essential tool, to understand the levels of background noise.
It was calibrated regularly.
To 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆 something means to rectify, to correct, to change and to standardize, to adjust precisely for a particular function, and to re-measure against a standard to measure accuracy.
I especially like the definition given by the Cambridge English dictionary which is “to make small changes to an instrument.”

Personal Calibration

In a like manner, our missionaries are asked to recalibrate or re-examine their lives as disciples of Jesus Christ, daily.
Each of them carries a small booklet entitled “Missionary Standards for Disciples of Jesus Christ”.
Sometimes divine adjustments can be painful, and circumstances can compel us to change.
Like the calibrated sound meter measures noise levels, often we need to re-calibrate our personal lives and
– our relationships with our spouse, children and other family members.
– our relationship with other friends and neighbours.
– our relationships with our brothers and sisters in the gospel.
Recalibration is important in every aspect of humanity, including our relationship with Jesus Christ and with others.
Most of us are aware of areas in our lives that need correction and adjustment.
What needs re-calibrating in your life?

Change Your Life

Earlier this week at FSY, I used one of my favourite icebreaker activities; “A conversation with a time traveller”.
It goes something like this…
In pairs, one participant plays someone from the early 1600’s and gets into character/mindset.
The other participant selects a modern-day object/something from our day and explains it to the individual posing as someone from the 1600’s.
I suggest they try and explain any of the following:
– A carry out pizza
– A Smartphone
– The Cinema
– Disneyland
– Netflix
As participants get into character, the results are always fun and insightful.
Participants switch roles and repeat.
There were lot of smiles, laughter, and bewildered faces on show.
Followed by a realisation that times, things, and people have 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒅 – substantially!
There is nothing so unchanging, so inevitable as change itself.
Everything around us seems to be changing at an accelerated pace.
Most changes in the world seem beyond our control.
Yet, you can 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞.

You can change your life…

Each of us have the power to change our lives.
“Every effort to change we make—no matter how tiny it seems to us—just might make the biggest difference in our lives.” – Michael A. Dunn
You can be a little better.
You can stand a little taller.
You can love a little deeper.
You can pick a different path.
You can walk a different walk.
You can find forgiveness.
And joy.
You can become your best you.
Because He gave His life, you can change yours.
I have experienced change first-hand through the actions I’ve taken.
As I have relied on Jesus Christ, He has helped bring true joy into my life.
He can and will for you too.

Rebuilding

It’s been an emotionally charged week in the mission field.
Change is an inevitable part of missionary life. It’s also tiring.
Every six weeks missionaries come and go in the transfer’s process.
This week 5 new missionaries arrived and 13 returned home.
𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒏, who were the backbone of the mission for so long.
As the backbone, each of these missionaries provided great strength to many others.
Indeed, they were a great support to the entire mission.
We all experience change and in the mission field it is a frequent visitor.

Stretch Zone

As change happens, routines are disrupted, and it takes us out of our comfort zone.
“If you’re growing, you’re always out of your comfort zone.” says John Maxwell.
Missionaries grow a lot, and often!
Change requires rebuilding and others to step up.
New companionships, new areas, new trainers, and new leaders.
Emotions have been running high.
Kindness and compassion take on new meaning during times of stretching change.

Discomforts

C. S. Lewis indicated there is often discomfort in change when he wrote of God’s expectations for His children…
“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of—throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace”.
As a “living house” several missionaries have been asked to step up, to train, and others, to lead.
Rebuilding in the mission is underway (again), as another “new wing, extra floor, towers, courtyard” are being added.
How do you step up during times of constant change?

Anxious About Something?

Everyone will experience anxiety feelings from time to time – its a normal human emotion!
However – “too much anxious opening of the oven door and the cake falls instead of rising. So it is with us. If we are always selfishly taking our own temperatures to see if we are happy, we will not be.” – Neal A Maxwell.
So – what can I do to change?
In recent coaching discussions and from experience – its wise to slow down a little and pay close attention to what you’re thinking!
Doubtful, fearful, negative, unrealistic, or self-critical thoughts can trigger anxiety.
Stop what you’re doing for a while, sit still, close your eyes, and breathe deeply.
Make a firm commitment to focus on healthy, positive, determined and realistic thinking.
What can you do to leave the oven door closed today?