Compassion

We are entering unknown territory. One word plays constantly through my mind – 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏. It literally means “to suffer with” to show mercy, pity and sympathy for another.

I am certain that as we enter the uncharted waters of our day, in the weeks that lie ahead, being more compassionate and having an awareness of others’ distress along with a desire to lighten or relieve those difficulties will be crucial for each and everyone of us.

You can show compassion by listening to others and being understanding. Please, put yourself in their circumstances and consider how they might feel. Showing compassion can be as simple as showing genuine interest in peoples’ lives.

Think of a time when someone really listened to you. How did it make you feel? How do you feel toward that person?

Lets be mindful of our family, friends, work colleagues, neighbours, especially the elderly and infirm – consider their physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.

Who could benefit from your compassionate listening today? Who could use your actions of compassion today?

Influence or Persuasion

In preparation for a forthcoming learning event I was reminded one of Aesop’s classic fables of “The Wind and the Sun.”

As I recall, it goes something like this….

In the story, the Wind and the Sun argue over who is stronger, and decide to settle their debate by seeing who can compel a passing traveller to remove his cloak.

The Wind, confident in his strength, begins by blowing fiercely.

The Wind blew with all his might, but the stronger he blew, the closer the traveller wrapped his cloak around him and the tighter he grasped it with his hands.

When the Wind finally tires, the Sun takes a gentler approach.

With the welcome beams of light and warmth, the traveller began to feel the gradual heat of the sun, as it shone brighter and brighter.

Eventually, overcome with the heat, without resistance the traveller cast his cloak on the ground.

Thus, the sun was champion.

This fable highlights a fundamental difference between influence and persuasion versus the use of force or coercion.

The Wind

The Wind’s approach represents an attempt to dominate and overpower the traveller’s will, pushing him into action.

However, the result is the opposite: the more the Wind exerts force, the more the traveller resists.

Coercion or manipulation comes to mind.

When people feel pushed or controlled, their natural instinct is to resist, much like the traveller tightening his cloak.

The harder the push, the stronger the resistance.

This is seen in situations where force or threats are used to compel behaviour — the results are often fleeting or met with opposition.

The Sun

In contrast, the Sun’s method embodies the power of influence and persuasion.

Rather than forcing the traveller to act, the Sun creates an environment where the traveller chooses to remove his cloak willingly.

This symbolises the effectiveness of using warmth, patience, and empathy to guide others toward a desired outcome.

Persuasion taps into intrinsic motivation, making people feel like they are in control of their decisions.

By fostering comfort and trust, the Sun influences the traveller’s behaviour subtly but effectively, leading to a more lasting change.

In the realms of leadership, negotiation, or communication, this fable demonstrates that soft power—the ability to persuade and influence through positive means—is often more powerful than direct force.

True influence creates conditions where others willingly adopt ideas or behaviours, rather than acting out of fear or obligation.

Just as the Sun outshone the Wind by gently encouraging the traveller to remove his cloak, the most effective forms of persuasion appeal to reason, trust, and mutual respect.

For me, there is a great lesson in this simple fable that persuasion is better than force.

Indeed, the sunshine of a kind and gentle manner is much more powerful than the threat of force of blustering might.

What lesson does the tale teach you?

 

Mary’s Meals

Over the last 2 years, I have worked with the leadership team of Mary’s Meals.  It has provided me with a great insight to the important work they do globally.  They  provide chronically hungry children with one meal every school day, encouraging education that can lift them out of poverty in later life.

As I have worked with them, I have come to understand the challenges that children face all over the world.

So, my daughters, Megan, Cristi and I have decided to help raise some money for the charity by jumping out a plane (skydiving) on Monday 25th May 2020.

We’d love your support.

https://giving.marysmeals.org/en_gb/projects/a9sa-sponsored-skydive

Do you see?

Are you quick to observe?

It was 1972 – one Sunday morning, I was a youngster and I’d determined not to go to Church with the other members of my family. Apparently, I had a bit of a reputation for running away on Sunday mornings and hung out with other friends. However, as I remember it, toward the end of the service that day, I’d walked in, sat down on a chair, and fell asleep!

The distance from our home at the time to Church was several miles and back then we’d take the bus. I recall being asked “How did you manage to find your way here?” I replied “I just walked along the route the bus took!” Little did I know then, as I do now that, “the route the bus took” was anything but direct, and added at least 2 miles on the journey!

As a young child, observation was a key learning outcome – and so it is in life. Had I not been observant on my previous bus journeys – I’d never have reached my destination that day. When we are quick to observe, we promptly look or notice and obey.

Dennis Waitley said “we learn by observation, imitation and repetition”

There are lots of examples of observational learning. Pay close attention to all that goes on today, pause, reflect and observe – you’ll soon see what I mean!

Touched

The energy in the room was high.

Then in a reflective moment one participant shared “I can relate to that” and tears started to flow freely.

The atmosphere changed.

We had already created a psychologically safe environment for sharing that day, but then the authenticity in the room soared to a different level.

Attentively, everyone focused on the personal story being shared.

It was a moment of high emotion and an intimate turning point in the workshop.

In opening up in such a manner the participant had taken a great risk in approaching a vulnerable area in their life by sharing it so deeply.

The silence was palpable.

Unwittingly, by speaking so candidly and tenderly, the participant had completely engaged everyone in the room.

Then it happened.

I watched, as those on either side felt impressed to reach out in a compassionate and reassuring way by physically touching our storyteller.

The whole experience had a profound effect on all of us in the room.

There was a feeling of connection, togetherness and unity for a fleeting moment in time.

Deep and meaningful learning moments come quite unexpectedly at times.

When they do, don’t be afraid to welcome them, gently explore them, embrace them and cherish them….forever.

Can you reach out and touch someone today?

A little push

“All it took was a little push” said the taxi driver.  Let me turn the clock back to one week ago.

My taxi didn’t arrive at the hotel.  Reception ordered me another one – it didn’t show either.  So, I walked to the taxi rank a few minutes away and took a taxi to my business client where I was delivering a workshop that day.  I always pay by card, but it turned out that he didn’t have a card reader, and I didn’t have any cash.  On the way, we stopped at a cash machine.  Then we talked.

Our conversation went like this…”So why don’t you have a card reader” I asked. “Well, I have been meaning to do that for a while now” he replied.  Probing further “How long is a while?”..”Oh, a few years I think.” We  then discussed the benefits of card readers, for his cash flow, for his customers, new business opportunities and his resistance to change.  I committed him to get the reader.

Back with the same client this week, I followed up with my taxi driver.  He is now the owner of a new card reader.  He is also benefiting in lots of ways and loves the new opportunities at hand.  For starters he’s had 6 fares from me to help him on his way! “Thank you again for the little push” he said.

Who can you help with a little push to get them on their way?

Choose the right

“There is a great loneliness in leadership, but, I repeat, we have to live with ourselves. A man has to live with his conscience. A man has to live up to his inner feelings – as does a nation – and we must face that situation.” Gordon B. Hinckley – 1969

Some may criticise me for posting this and there may be some polarised views, but these are the sentiments of my heart and mind.

Each of us will face key hinge points in our life, where moral courage and conviction is required. Last week, we witnessed, a lone man of conscience, Mitt Romney, doing the right thing.

Here are a few lines of his speech.

“Corrupting an election to keep oneself in office is perhaps the most abusive and destructive violation of one’s oath of office that I can imagine…”

“Does anyone seriously believe I would consent to these consequences other than from an inescapable conviction that my oath before God demanded it of me?…”

“With my vote, I will tell my children and their children that I did my duty to the best of my ability, believing that my country expected it of me.”

“It is not easy to be a man of integrity when all about you there are those who will forsake principle for expediency.” (Gordon B. Hinckley – 1969)

Choosing to do the right and let the consequence follow – is never easy – but it is the right thing to do.

Many will crow, lampoon and criticise Mitt in the short term. Yet generations to come will stand as a testimony to his fortitude to speak truth to power.

Choose to do right – always.

Good Manners

Okay, maybe I’m a little old fashioned, old school even, but isn’t it just good manners to show a little respect and civility?

Please.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Can I help you?

Let me help.

I’m sorry.

May I?

You are welcome.

Take my seat.

Let me share.

You go first.

Let me get that door for you.

After travelling across the length and breadth of the UK- trains, planes and taxi’s, my huge lesson is this – I know we can be more respectful, more patient, more courteous, more civil and much more polite to one another.

In my journeying. the platinum rule sprung to mind – “Do unto others as they would have you do unto them, not as you would have them do unto you.”

Respect, being civil, good manners, all lift people up!

Think what will happen in our homes, offices, classrooms, and society in general if we just treated others with more civility and respect.

Think what will happen to our relationships, to our health and well-being.

They are the foundation of respectful communication and are the actions that show people we are aware of them.

Yes, life is stressful and often uncivil, but we can change that – little by little – as we choose to embrace civility and remember our manners, lets make them in fashion again!

They are the foundation of respectful communication and help to foster positive relationships, both personally and professionally.

It is my experience that in both informal and formal settings, people who exhibit good manners are more likely to be respected and trusted.

I know too good manners are powerful and can lift our spirits.

Remember, manners cost nothing.

Please consider how you can show more respect for someone today.

What will you do differently?

Stay or Go?

“Do I stay or do I go?”

Hinge Points are pivotal moments of truth in our life – for some of us, they may be happening right now. Moments that are deeply personal and significant that enable remarkable life changes.  An instance, a point in time where strength of character should be shown, or a stand against the odds is required. Here is a story of my very own.

My personal journal entry – Tuesday 17th October 1989.  “Today, I had to make one of the most difficult decisions of my life.  I endeavoured to organise a line of thought that would actually have a positive frame of mind on the choice, the dilemma I was facing. Do I stay or do I go?”

The day before, I’d just returned from my first trip to the USA, where I had enjoyed the most fantastic 3 week holiday and road trip with wonderful friends.

The Situation

I returned to my job, Tuesday morning, to find that my employer had turned things completely on their head for me.  A great friend, colleague and mentor had been sacked…. Yes… Sacked!  In total shock and as I listened in disbelief to what had happened, my heart sank.  As the day wore on I became very, very disillusioned.  Finishing time couldn’t come quickly enough for me.  I went straight to my friends home to determine what had really happened.  As I listened to his story, it became clear that I was going to have to make an extremely difficult choice….Whose story was right? And ultimately the consequence…

Stay or Go?

I was 24 years old, still relatively young and inexperienced with the vicissitudes of life and more importantly business political life.  What should I do?  I returned home and spoke this challenging situation through with my parents. How grateful I was that evening for family who whilst growing up, had taught me strong values and principles .

Coaching

I shared the reality of the issue and we then considered every possible option that evening.  Little did I know it then, but certainly do now, that the coaching around options that my parents gave me that night, has become a stable model in my own coaching profession now, when having to consider choices in life. What was the right thing to do?  Could I work for an organisation that did these kinds of things?  It was a tough lesson for a youngster in corporate affairs.  The night wore on and my last entry of the evening was simply this…”I’ve decided to quit.”

There were many immediate consequences, including difficult conversations and very emotional situations to deal with.  However, the upshot was, I handed back the company car, faced up to the reality of unemployment, little money and endured a pretty challenging time for the next 3 months, until another (and better) employment opportunity arose.

Moral Courage

Courage requires consequence. If there is no cost, no risk or consequence, then courage is easy – and empty.  In fact, as consequence rises, so does the amount of courage needed to take a stand.  It is I believe in our very nature to admire those who stand against the odds, many great leaders come readily to mind. However, simply stated, courage is meaningless without consequence.

Where physical courage often prompts others to follow and take action, moral courage can be very isolating.  When a person stands on principle, speaks truth to power or tells peers what they are doing is wrong, others will sometimes fall away.  In my opinion, moral courage often puts people in a lonely place; and subsequently, extreme strength of character is required by anyone displaying moral courage.

Thomas S. Monson has stated that “Life’s journey is not travelled on a freeway devoid of obstacles, pitfalls and snares.  Rather it is a pathway marked by forks and turnings.  Decisions are constantly before us.  To make them wisely, courage is needed: the courage to say ‘No’ the courage to say ‘Yes.’ Decisions do determine destiny. The call for courage comes constantly to each of us.  It has ever been so, and so shall it ever be.”

Each of us will have to face up to ethical and moral challenges in life.  The clock continues to tick by, for your very own personal moment of truth to arrive…. and it will.  We may not be able to solve every corrupt action in the world, but each decision is taken one by one, by one… by you, me and others just like us around planet earth.

What decision will you choose to determine your own destiny?

Harvesting

What we sow, is what we reap.

Anything of great value and worth in life, takes persistence, patience and perseverance, as well as great attention to detail in order to ensure a great harvest.

Growing anything takes time. With any crop the process of fertilising and tilling the ground, planting seeds, weeding, feeding and regular watering will eventually lead to a great harvest. Sometimes bad weather can damage or destroy crops too and so a great deal of preparation is called for in order protect the harvest. I’m always amazed that one tiny seed, can multiply itself so many times over to produce a bounteous harvest.

So it is in life.

As a coach I work with people who are faced with seemingly insurmountable challenges. And yet, over time as we work together in planting new seeds, or work through a process that takes persistence, patience and perseverance – these challenges start to diminish, simply through the law of the harvest – reaping what you sow. Frequently, its never easy, in fact, its often difficult to face up to the challenges. Yet, with hard work and effort, I wholeheartedly believe, that through time, with the right help and using the correct tools, all of our harvests can be great ones, no matter how tough it may seem.

What will you sow today?