The parable of the bicycle, dad and leadership models

As a facilitator and a learning protagonist, over many years, I have lost count of the number of leadership models shared in workshops. I have probably forgotten more than I have remembered!

Which model?

There are my favourites such as situational leadership, servant leadership, values-based leadership, action centred leadership, adaptive leadership and a whole list of styles and 4 box grids that I have used and am very familiar with. Recently however, towards the end of a workshop a curious thoughtful participant asked, “So, which leadership model is best?” A very direct question indeed. My response was a simple one, “well……that depends”

While most of us can recognise good leadership when we experience or observe it, oftentimes it is hard for us to determine the best model to use in a difficult situation, subsequently blending leadership models as needed is a popular fix. But then it struck me. As I reflected upon the many leadership experiences I’ve had in life, a clear analogy came to mind.

The parable of the bicycle and toolbox

As a child, I recall one day that I wanted to go out on my bicycle for a ride. Forlornly, there were several issues with my bicycle, including a wobbly seat, a flat tyre, a loose wheel, poor brakes, and handle bars that were more than just a little squint. I’d not been out for a ride in a while and sadly my bicycle had fallen into disrepair. I called my dad down to the shed in the garden. He came and looked at the bicycle commenting upon the amount of work it needed to get it back into shape.

After a long pause, I recall that he set to work immediately and pulled out a big box of tools. The box was a little higgledy piggledy, and as I learned throughout his life – that that was my dad! No matter, one small spanner was used to tighten the wobbly seat. Another set of tools were used to remove the wheel, repair the puncture and blow up the tyre again and tighten it into position. Dad then got out a set of pliers to fix the brakes. Finally, another wrench was used to straighten the handlebars. All in all, using a variety of tools, after a short time, the bicycle was fixed and off I went on my ride with a gleeful smile. “Dads are great” I thought!

So, it is with leadership. Oftentimes, whilst managing and leading others we are faced with a vast array of different problems, challenges and issues. Yet, just like the multitude of tools in my dad’s box, so we too have a broad range of different leadership models to help us resolve/fix/repair/manage/lead even the most mind-boggling obstacles at times.

Tools equip us with solutions. What new shiny model do you have in your leadership toolbox, or maybe that old well-worn rusty model, over there in the corner is the best solution perhaps.

“It depends” is indeed the correct answer after all.

  • Do you have a favourite leadership model?
  • How do you apply the “tools” in your day to day responsibilities?

Respect

Why is 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭 so important in building relationships of trust?

Years ago, whilst attending an annual sales conference gala dinner, to celebrate our successes, I recall an experience which has had a long lasting impact upon me. This is a short story of respect in the workplace.

In all of the usual jubilee, back slapping, festivity and party atmosphere, my boss of the time approached me (he’d been directed by his boss, the sponsor of the evening to speak to me). Alistair quietly asked me if I would offer grace to commence dinner. It was an unexpected honour and a request that I’ve never forgotten. Both leaders knew of my strong christian values and beliefs. I said “Yes, of course.”

A few moments later, when invited to do so, I stood and a quiet reverent hush was felt in the large conference room. I offered a simple prayer of thanksgiving and blessing upon the food, then the gala dinner commenced.

I’ll never forget that all evening long, I answered questions on faith & belief! Not quite what I had expected.

Thank you Bruce Ginnever, for teaching all of us a powerful lesson about respect that evening. It was a simple, little thing, yet it had a big impact on many, a lesson that I have never forgotten as I do my best to respect others too.

How can you be more respectful to others?

Eye contact – connections!

Why is making eye contact so important?

Yesterday, I recorded a video for the British Heart Foundation with tips for audience engagement and presentations. I shared a few ideas, but it struck me how really valuable eye contact is!

In every instance and often unwittingly we use our eyes as a means of communication with other people. It’s a very important form of body language. In fact, when you have good eye contact with another person, it demonstrates that you are paying attention and listening.

Using your eyes is a powerful way to really connect with another person, whether with members of an audience as you scan their faces one by one, or in our virtual world by actually looking into the camera! Sharing yourself openly with an audience, builds trust and is literally the window to your soul and theirs!

As you maintain eye contact with the person you are talking to, it denotes your interest and expresses that “You are important and I am listening.” When you don’t look people in the eye, they are much less likely to engage with you. Conversely, when you look someone in the eye, they are more likely to engage with you and much more likely to listen!

Making eye contact builds rapport and always helps to connect. Give it a go today!

Why would anyone want to be led by you?

Why would anyone want to be led by you?

Yesterday, I was busy redesigning a virtual workshop on leadership and management. After some initial contextual positioning on the topic, this forceful reflective question is asked to each participant. It’s posed deliberately, to literally stop participants in their tracks and give them some time to think.

The question arose from a Harvard Business Review some 20 years ago, and has been further developed in their book of a similar name by Rob Goffee and Gareth Jones.

My experience of leadership has been three fold:
– By academic study
– Through first hand experience over many years
– In my own consultancy practice.

My discovery is this simple – ultimately, leadership is all about one thing – 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐬!

Today is a supremely important day in the USA, that comes around every 4 years. It is election day. For months, we have all been witness to a flood of exaggerations, claims, counter claims, fake news and hyperbole. Today is judgement day.

Both candidates have outlined their answer to the question many times over, outlining what they stand for.  Hopefully, we’ll know the result in the next few days.

So, how about you? Are you clear yet?
What do you stand for?
Why would anyone want to be led by you?

Emotional Triggers

You’re having a lovely civil conversation, then BOOM! Suddenly your blood pressure surges, you get agitated, you gasp for air, you raise your voice and you have a noticeable urge to throttle the other person…

What just happened?

Emotions kicked in, that’s what happened.

On two occasions this week, my “hot buttons” have been triggered.

So what are emotional triggers?

They can be almost anything. People, situations, words, opinions, can all provoke extreme and disproportionate emotional reactions within all of us, usually resulting in some kind of unhelpful behaviour. Often, the triggers can unconsciously remind us of past life events or maybe even long established beliefs from childhood.

So, what can you do?

In my case, I took some time to question why I was being triggered. Then I took even more time to pause, breathe, reflect. Then I chose to write down what actually happened in my journal. Capturing what emotions surfaced and what my reaction to the events were, actually helped me to have that inner dialogue with myself and understand what happened.

Another learning experience for sure, pausing, recognising the trigger and being able to change the response is key.

What are you emotional triggers and how do you control them?

Feeling overwhelmed?

Stressed, anxious, worried, tense, overwhelmed, working harder than ever – sound familiar?

One of my favourite stories is told by Stephen Covey in “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”. It’s based on a story by Arthur Gordon entitled “The Turn of the Tide”.

Arthur recalls a time when he was experiencing deep frustration at work and many challenges in life.

Finally, he went to see a Doctor who told him to spend the following day in the place where he’d been happiest as a child. Then, he gave Arthur four prescriptions in sealed envelopes, to be opened at 9, 12, 3 and 6 o’clock the next day.

As day dawned, off he went to his favourite beach.

At 9 – “𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲” – he heard the birds and sound of the sea.

By 12 – “𝐓𝐫𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤” – happy memories came flooding back.

Then at 3 – “𝐄𝐱𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐬” – he discovers he was focused too much on himself.

Finally at 6 – “𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐝” – he did, knowing that the waves would soon wash them away.

This prescription works for everyone..

Make those internal adjustments now.

Why not apply this remedy for yourself today?

𝐖𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐬.

“How do you walk in another person’s shoes?”

“How do you walk in another person’s shoes?” asked the workshop participant…

A great question and one that I have been asked repeatedly in recent coaching workshops.

A big part of the answer is to do with 𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐲.

It begins with simply showing a little more kindness to others.

Empathy is our ability to understand another person’s feelings, thoughts, and condition from their perspective, rather than our own.

In my experience empathy is being very present in any conversation, attentively listening deeply, being open minded without judgement, looking into their eyes and giving someone your undivided attention, in order to sense their emotions.

Frequently a human connection is made, resulting in a peek or a fleeting impression into how or what they are really feeling.

Just be there and listen.

It is a momentary glimpse of their reality.

That’s when I start to feel I am being empathetic.

The good news is – empathy is something that can be learned.

Start by being curious.

Active or deep listening and asking powerful open ended questions helps us to develop an understanding of another persons situation and in turn develops empathy.

Instead of saying, “Are you okay?” try asking, “How are you feeling about everything that’s going on?”

Imagine how you would feel if you were in their situation, considering their history, values, and personality—not yours.

Empathy isn’t only about words; it’s also about noticing facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language.

Paying attention to these non-verbal signals can give you insights into what someone might be feeling, even if they’re not saying it explicitly.

As you seek to understand another person, simple responses are very often the most powerful and meaningful ways to help.

Try walking in another’s shoes today, go on give it a go!

Creativity – walking in the rain

“What shall I do now” I thought?

Yesterday, I had planned to do a charity parachute jump for Mary’s Meals with my daughters, but sadly due to inclement weather, it was postponed and rescheduled for next year. All of a sudden I had several hours gifted back to me.

As I considered my options, I recalled some great advice from Magdalena Bak-Maier‘s book “The Get Productive Grid”, which reminded me that “𝑰 𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒍”. In that moment, I determined that I’d enjoy a little me time, to start my day, and I’d take a walk in the rain. I got kitted out accordingly, brolly in hand and off I marched into the rain!

It was fun, I got a little wet, I enjoyed the bracing wind, the refreshing rain and all the smells of autumn.

The result – the invigorating walk helped me to overcome the early morning disappointment and set me up for one of the most creative and productive days I’ve had in quite a while filled with some new innovation.

Lesson Learned – start your day with some 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞. Pause, reflect, determine what really matters most and especially enjoy those serendipitous moments that are occasionally gifted back to us.

How will you make your time count today?

Opportunities

Its easy to feed the 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒎𝒔 and starve the 𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒆𝒔, a well known phrase, used frequently by legendary Management Consultant – Peter Drucker.

Reflecting this morning after another exceptionally busy week, I got to thinking about the phrase and my question is simply this…

Do you focus on your 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒎𝒔 or your 𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒆𝒔?

All week long I’ve been coaching or leading virtual group sessions on coaching for performance with managers from all over the world. I have learned that effective people are not problem minded, they are 𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒕𝒚 minded. As a coach, working with lots of people, together we consider the present, but more importantly, I help each individual to look to their future.

Which leads to my second question…

What are you devoting your time and attention to?

My thoughts – stop feeding the problems and deal with them as best as you possibly can.

As you make your decisions in life, you will get most of them right, occasionally you may make a mistake, learn from it, put it behind you and move on.

Despite the challenges of today, my invitation is to look ahead to the future and all the bright opportunities that lie before you.

Open your eyes and see, they are all around you.

Are you listening?

This past week it struck me that the word listen is made up of the same letters as silent. Coincidence?

Maybe we need to be silent to really listen a little more perhaps?

Yesterday I was busy redesigning a virtual learning workshop. As I was reflecting upon how much listening I do in my coaching career and as a facilitator, I realised… I listen a lot!!

Here are my top tips on active listening from my design work yesterday…

– Pay Attention! Don’t just listen to the words, or simply respond…hear the complete message, as Stephen Covey always used to say, listen to understand.

– Show that you are interested – nod, use facial expressions, use eye contact, make verbal comments like “uh huh” or I see.

– Listen to the other person’s story without being judgmental.

– Use empathy to understand and feel what the other person is feeling.

– Ask open questions to probe further, check for understanding and summarise.

– Don’t be afraid of silence – frequently that is when the most is going on.

How can you listen a little more today?