Tag Archive for: change

Moments That Move Us

I’ve been so focused on facilitation and delivery lately that I almost forgot how easy it is to lose track of what really moves people.

However, a recent experience reminded me of a moment in a workshop from a few years ago.

It taught me a simple truth… Thoughts shape emotions. Emotions drive action.

I recall the energy in the room was buzzing. Everyone was engaged, leaning in. Then, something shifted.

One participant, quiet until then, spoke up: “I can relate to that.”

And just like that, the tears came.

The tone changed instantly. We’d already built a space of psychological safety that day, but this moment, this raw, real moment – cut through even deeper.

The room stilled. Everyone listened.

As this person opened up, they stepped into a deeply vulnerable space. And by doing so, they pulled us in with them. In that fleeting moment, you could feel the silence, it wasn’t awkward, it felt sacred.

No one said a word.

Then it happened.

The people sitting closest reached out, not with words, but with a simple, human touch. A hand on the shoulder. A nod. A connection.

In that instant, the group wasn’t just a room of individuals.

We were one.

United.

Present.

Together.

That one moment changed the whole workshop. And I’ve carried it with me ever since.

These turning points, the ones that really teach us something meaningful, don’t come with warning signs. They show up unannounced. But when they do, welcome them. Lean in. Let them shape you.

Because those are the moments that matter.

Is there someone you can reach out to today?

Small Moments, Big Shifts

Its been nearly two months since I stepped into my new leadership facilitation role with Aviva.
I’ve been busy learning lots about new programmes and perhaps most meaningfully, seeing the power of thinking partnerships.
One of my favourite moments in many of our recent Lead the Way workshops comes during a simple but powerful “buddy coaching” conversation.
There are four different variations of the programme, depending upon seniority level.
During each programme, individuals are frequently randomly paired together.
It’s there, that the coaching conversations begin.
One person reflecting, the other listening deeply and asking thoughtful questions.
We encourage them to be curious.
Two people, fully present, exploring what it means to grow.
On the surface, it seems like a short exercise.
However, I’ve noticed that it only takes a few intentional minutes with a learning buddy like this, to unlock something deeper, a fresh idea or perhaps a new direction for them to consider.

Sitting and Walking

Buddy coaching isn’t simply about sitting opposite each other at a table, some of the best conversations and discoveries are made whilst out for a walk together.
Changing the environment can really help each of us change how we look at things.
“Walking is man’s best medicine.” – Hippocrates
In their conversations, leaders ask each other:
• How would you describe yourself as a leader right now?
• What assumptions do you carry about leadership?
• What would ‘better’ look like for you?
Every time we run this exercise, there is a noticeable, yet subtle shift in the energy in the room, from quiet reflection to rich dialogue.
These short listening and questioning exercises help people slow down and connect.
Interestingly, another upside is they think more intentionally about how they lead and respond to change.
Sometimes the most profound learning moments don’t come from slides or theories, but from being truly heard by another person.
A simple reminder that great leadership often starts with great listening.
When was the last time you truly listened, not to respond, but to understand?

What’s in a Name?

As participants arrived in the room, one by one, they’re given their name tags.
At the same time, they tick their names off the participant list and registration is complete.
A few minutes later during our check in, everyone introduces themselves to the group.
But there’s one challenge that never seems to get any easier for me, even after years of practice… names!
Currently, every few days, I find myself faced with a fresh set of twenty to thirty or so new names to learn.
It’s no small task.
I’m not exactly sure why, but some are easy to remember, others take a few tries, and occasionally I’ll mix up two people completely, especially when there’s a Mark, a Matt, and a Martin in the same room!
Yesterday, the tables turned.
A couple of participants started calling me by the wrong name and not just once!
I could tell they felt a bit embarrassed when they realised, so, in the spirit of fun, I decided to join in.
When one of them said, “Thanks, Darren,” I smiled and replied, “No problem, Martin.” (His name was definitely not Martin.)
Cue a big smile and some laughter.
It broke the tension instantly.
The moment became fun and light-hearted.
Later, as we reflected on the day, I realised something simple yet powerful: learning names is an act of leadership.
It’s about presence.
It’s about seeing people.
When we take the time to remember someone’s name, we’re telling them, “You matter. You’re worth remembering.”
Getting it wrong occasionally?
That’s just part of the journey.
What matters is how we recover, with grace, humour, and a wee bit of warmth.
So, to all the participants out there.
Could you help us facilitator’s out?
If you spot us in an office somewhere, to ease the triggering of the mental panic, please say hello and quickly remind us of your name – just in case!
Leadership, at its best, is all about connection, and sometimes, connection begins with something as small as a name.
What other “small” leadership habits have a big impact on connection and belonging?
p.s. – maybe some bigger name tags may help too! 😅

Learning to Lead

Yesterday whilst co-facilitating the new Lead the Way leadership programme for Aviva in Perth, we got talking about our own leadership journeys for a wee while.
I shared one of my earliest stories.
In the summer of 1977, we had just moved house, and I had also just finished Primary School.
I was twelve years old.
There was lots of change going on for me and our family.
Everything felt a little unfamiliar a new place, new people, and the transition to High School ahead of me.
That summer I took on my first job, in an early morning paper round at the local newsagent.
It was easy enough, delivering newspapers in the quiet stillness before the day began.
But I didn’t just do the job; I paid attention.
I quickly learned the five different routes, how they worked, and who covered them.
Then, it wasn’t long before the newsagent began to trust me with more, including a few extra deliveries, managing new routes, then stepping in when others didn’t show.
Bit by bit, I found myself not just doing a job but being responsible for making sure it all ran smoothly.
Looking back, I see now that’s where my leadership journey quietly began.
Not with a title or a grand plan, but with trust, consistency, and a willingness to step up.
As John Maxwell said, “Leadership is not about titles, positions or flowcharts. It is about one life influencing another.”
That summer, I wasn’t thinking about leadership.
But I was learning how it starts, simply by showing up, taking responsibility, and earning trust.
That lesson has stayed with me ever since.
And as I reflect about it more this morning… maybe it began even earlier, when I was nine and made a seconder in the Cub Scouts, but that’s another story!
What about you?
What early experience taught you the value of responsibility?

A different kind of tired

I’ve had a great, but exhausting week!

At the start of the new leadership programme – Lead the Way, with Aviva in Perth, there’s a familiar pattern emerging.

People arrive mid-afternoon, often after an early start and a long journey.

They mostly arrive with a little travel tiredness, having transitioned from back-to-back meetings into something unknown.

After all, they’ve just stepped away from the buzz of their day jobs, where decisions are constant and time is tight.

So, we slow them down.

It’s one of the quiet, yet very special gifts of this programme: two full days where they’re not doing the day job, rather, they’re encouraged to think differently.

Reflecting.

Paying attention to themselves and others in ways they usually don’t have time for.

A New Tired

And yet by the end of those two days, my discovery this week is they’re still tired, just in a completely other way.

It’s not the tiredness of logistics or deadlines.

It’s the stretch that comes from working with new models, testing fresh ideas, and forming new connections, not only in their minds, but with each other too.

It takes a great deal of effort to tune into those emotions, to have honest conversations, and explore their own leadership habits.

It’s also the kind of tired that comes from meaningful work.

And somewhere in all that effort, I have witnessed many who start to see a shift in mindset.

A quiet clarity.

The occasional Aha moment where something lands differently and opens up in a new way.

It’s not always comfortable, but it is purposeful. And for many, it’s long overdue.

So yes, they do leave tired.

But it’s a good tired, for each of them.

A stretched, thoughtful, worthwhile kind of tired.

And from what I’ve seen, it’s the kind that stays with you.

When was the last time you were stretched in a way that felt meaningful?

Savouring the Small Moments

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve had the privilege of sitting in a large training room and simply watching learning unfold.
The leadership programmes I have been attending stretch over 2 days, beginning mid-afternoon on Day 1, flowing through a full Day 2, and closing at lunch on Day 3.
Yesterday, as the programme drew to a close, and we started to slow down, we stood together in a large circle for final reflections.
In our last 15 minutes, participants were invited to share their learning takeaways, the “a-ha” moments that had lifted, inspired, or even changed the way they think.
What struck me wasn’t the grand or dramatic revelations, but the 𝒔𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒔.
A phrase that stuck.
A comment from a colleague.
A small moment of courage.
A shift in perspective.
A subtle insight that sparked a smile.
These were the things each delegate had chosen to hold onto and savour.
It reminded me of something important about leadership: so often we think learning has to come in big packages, huge breakthroughs, bold strategies, dramatic change.
But yesterday reminded me that it’s the little things that often make the biggest difference.
It has been my life experience that great leaders pay attention to the 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 and encourage others to do the same.
Over the next few days, why not watch out for those small learning moments that deserve a little more savouring.
The subtle experiences you might otherwise overlook.
The quiet insights that whisper rather than shout.
Notice them. Capture them. Reflect on them.
Because sometimes, the smallest takeaway carries the deepest learning and the greatest power to shape lasting change.
What small moment this week has taught you the biggest lesson?

Lighten the Load

Last Saturday, I climbed Arthur’s Seat in Edinburgh for the third time this year – this time, with my good friend Kai.
We’d originally planned to tackle Ben Nevis, but time and fitness made us rethink, so Arthur’s Seat it was.
We travelled over to Edinburgh on the bus, catching up on our latest news.
As we walked along Princes Street and down the Royal Mile, the summit in the distance felt manageable, familiar even.
Kai had brought a heavy bag with him, and I asked, half-joking, “Are you planning to carry that all the way to the top?”
He considered my question, then, sensibly agreed to stash it in the gorse for a couple of hours.
No point in hauling all the extra weight up a hill if you don’t need to.
That small moment stuck with me.

The Life Lesson

When you’re climbing, literally or metaphorically, what are you carrying that you don’t need to?
As leaders, coaches, or just people trying to move forward, we all take on things that slow us down.
Extra responsibilities, assumptions, doubts. Life has taught me that sometimes we need someone beside us to ask the obvious question: Do you really need to carry that right now?
Our route changed early on too.
Recent gorse fires had closed the path I’d taken on previously and rockfalls had made it unsafe.
In the moment, we adapted and took another way up.
It was unfamiliar, but just as scenic, pausing a couple of times when the incline got a bit steeper.
Reaching the top, it was packed with tourists soaking up another glorious blue-sky day!
Coming down was much easier. We picked up Kai’s bag and found a good spot for lunch.
We travelled home on separate buses as Kai had some things to do in Edinburgh, but I found out later, that like me, he’d fallen asleep on the bus within minutes – exhausted!
Sometimes the best coaching happens in walking shoes, halfway up a hill, with the sun on your back and a friend beside you.
The walk reminded me of a few leadership truths:
• Plans change, be ready to adapt and adopt an agile mindset.
• You don’t have to carry everything all the time.
• And sometimes, the best support you can offer is a quiet nudge that says, “You can let that go.”
What load are you carrying that’s no longer serving you?

A 400-year leap

One of my favourite ways to start a learning session is with an icebreaker I call “A conversation with a Time Traveller.”
Two people pair up: one plays someone from the early 1600s, the other plays a modern-day person, it’s like having a conversation with one of your ancestors.
The 2025 partner’s job is to choose something the 1600s person wouldn’t recognise.
Something like a smartphone, Netflix, or a drive-thru, and then try to explain it in a way they can grasp.
The fun comes from realising how hard it is to describe something so normal to us, yet so weird to them.
It’s a reminder that things and our understanding of them, can change dramatically over time.
The same is true with the gospel of Jesus Christ.
The scriptures often speak to people in the language and symbols of their day.
For instance, a shepherd, a fisherman, a farmer in ancient times would hear parables, yet only to those spiritually ready, were revealed the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven.
Concerning the parables of Jesus, Howard W. Hunter said: “They are so simple a child can understand, yet profound enough for the sage and philosopher.”

Our Understanding Today

That was true for someone living in the 1600s, and in our digital world of today.
Those same teachings sometimes require a new frame of reference for us to truly understand.
Jesus promised that the Spirit would “guide you into all truth” (John 16:13).
I know that God meets us where we are and teaches us in ways we can truly understand.
In our time in Belgium and the Netherlands, I saw many young missionaries learn to speak to people from different cultures and in many different languages, as they slowed down to understand.
In the same way, we can learn to share the gospel in ways that make sense to others, no matter how different their “world” may be from ours.
It starts by listening first, seeing through their eyes, hearing with their ears, and understanding their questions, as if we were in their shoes, before we even speak.
Just like in the icebreaker, it takes patience, creativity, and a willingness to see through someone else’s perspective.
The gospel never changes, but the way we understand and share it must speak the language of the listener – whether they come from the 1600s, the 21st century, or anywhere in between.
How might you prepare today to better connect with the “time travellers” you meet tomorrow?

The Crazy Zone

Coming home from a mission can be a disorienting time – that’s because you’re certainly not the same person who left.
Words like weird, unsettled, strange, challenging, and hard come up in nearly every conversation I have with returned missionaries.
And after 200+ coaching conversations in recent months, I can say one thing for sure, you’re just in the neutral zone.
In my experiences, there is nothing so unchanging, so inevitable as change itself.
Yet, we can confuse change with transition. Change is external – it’s coming home, starting school, getting a job, seeing family and friends. Transition is internal. It’s what your mind and heart go through as you adjust to the new reality.
One of the best frameworks I use in coaching is William Bridges’ Transition Model, which breaks transition into three stages:
1. 𝐄𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 – Letting go of what was.
2. 𝐍𝐞𝐮𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐙𝐨𝐧𝐞 – The in-between, uncertain, disoriented time.
3. 𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐁𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 – When the new identity and rhythm take shape.
In many recent conversations, I’ve found a few returned missionaries stuck in the neutral zone, oftentimes called the crazy zone.
You don’t feel fully part of your mission anymore, but you’re not fully settled back into life at home either.
Remember, “It must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things.” – 2 Nephi 2:11
It’s a strange in-between space where routines are missing, identity feels unclear, and emotions can be all over the place.
At times, this zone can apply to each of us, and it isn’t failure, rather it’s new growth!
This is the real path of transformation and sometimes it will feel up hill, slow, or like you’re even going backward.
Life can be like a series of hills and valleys, and yet I know that the best growth often comes in the valleys.
It’s important to hold on to your anchor habits that grounded you during your mission:
• 𝐏𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐫 – You still have your direct line to the Lord, so use it.
• 𝐒𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐲 – Insights will often come in small, daily doses.
• 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐞 – Shifting focus from yourself to others will help
• 𝐆𝐨𝐚𝐥 𝐬𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 – You can still set inspired goals.
You don’t need to live your daily mission schedule – but you can continue your routines.
Yes, there is pain in the transition period, but it will not last forever – patience, love, and long-suffering are needed.
What small habit is helping you stay anchored right now?

Roadshow Surprise

My brother and I had a great day recently at the BBC Antiques Roadshow at the Hill of Tarvit Mansion & Garden in Fife.
It was beautiful sunny day, a great location and there was a wee bit of telly magic in the air.
Paul had brought along a few items to be valued, and after checking-in, we were off queuing with our two tickets – one for jewellery, one for miscellaneous.
The line for jewellery was already fairly long, but everyone was happy, and we had some lovely chats with folk while we waited.
Then the fun started.

Everything Changed

We got to Siobhan (one of the experts), and Paul started sharing some items.
A few estimates were given, all very nice… then he pulled out something else and her face lit up.
She just said, “I think we need to get these filmed,” we looked at each other with big smiles!
“Do not doubt, just believe” – we thought.
From there, it was like entering a different world.
We were moved into another waiting area (and then another!), then finally (after a fair bit of waiting) – filming time.
Paul was great.
When the final valuation came through, I nearly had to pick him up off the grass.
Let’s just say… it was worth the wait! 😊
We never did make it to the miscellaneous line; our time had run out!

Effortless

We were both impressed how well the whole event was run and organised.
Yes, we had a bit of waiting to do, but smooth check-ins, clear signage, friendly staff, and when something unusual cropped up, the process adapted – fast, all made for a hugely enjoyable day out.
I noticed too there was no fuss and no drama throughout the day, just a well-oiled team who knew their roles and trusted each other to get on with it.
That’s how good events feel effortless.
So, whether you’re managing antiques roadshow or running a business, there’s something to be said for:
• Having a clear plan.
• Empowering your team to be in the moment.
• And always being ready to shift gears like Siobhan when something kind of special turns up.
Paul and I had a great day out and fingers crossed we make the cut when it airs!
How agile are you or your team to pivot, when opportunity shows up?