Discouragement

Even in the darkest of nights, never give up….

Just married and living in Holland, I’d just finished a long backshift in Montfoort. It had just gone midnight and it was a 5 mile bicycle ride home to Harmelen.
I got on my bike in the heavy rain and wind, to start my journey. Seconds later, I discovered that I had a puncture in the back tyre. With no repair kit, filled with discouragement and annoyance, I had no option but to wearily set out on a walk along a poorly lit road for home. Over an hour later, weather worn and drenched to the skin, I made it into the house.
I have never forgotten the feelings of frustration in my heart and mind in the early hours of that gloomy morning.
Discouragement can be a pretty common ailment and frequent visitor in our life – do you agree?
I learned an important lesson that dreary morning. The road home was a slog, but despite the setback and the hardship, I pushed forward through the darkness, against the wind and the rain – and made it safely home.
In a like manner, there are many times in our life that discouragement may prevail. Yet, by placing things in perspective, I know that some things are only for a brief moment in time – temporary obstacles that can be overcome. I learn from it and move on.
Remember, even in the darkest of nights, never give up. Morning always comes.
What do you do when you are feeling discouraged?

The 4 best ways to get through tough times.

In difficult times, I frequently find little gems of insight by revisiting defining moments in my life. Fortunately, I have recorded lots of those occasions in my journals. This weekend was a challenging one and I turned to my journals reading excerpts from 1982 and 1983. A powerful lesson emerged that I’d like to share.

What was happening in 1982?

My journal entries reveal a lot about what was happening in 1982. The Falklands War. Margaret Thatcher held a huge majority. Italy won the World Cup. ET, Gandhi and Chariots of Fire were all in the cinema.

Friday 14th May 1982 was my last day at school and 5 days later I turned 17. I had no immediate plans and found some casual work through family and friends. (It was a number of years before I made it to University.) My entries reveal that it was a time of testing and trial. Mum & Dad gave me regular encouragement, in time becomingΒ my cheerleaders.Β  Summer quickly passed into autumn and a regular pattern emerged in my journal.

It was abundantly clear that I had loftier aspirations, and my journal indicates that I expended daily effort to find alternative employment. In fact, there are entries aplenty of a journey of exploration into lots of different possibilities, where I focused on writing letters, making applications and securing numerous interviews. It was evident that I was determined to make progress. On reflection, all these years later, I recognised that establishing habits and routines made me strong enough to endure the constant disappointments of the almost daily rejections I received through the post. Quite incredible really, for a young 17 year old. Sticking to a task, with gritty determination to succeed, appeared to be my mindset of the time.

And it came to pass…

One entry stated in early October stated that I had 47 live applications in due process! 47!! Eventually, success arrived. After six months of trying, on 23 December 1982, my efforts were rewarded with a job offer from Standard Life Assurance (as they were then). A few weeks later I walked to Dunfermline Station, starting in Edinburgh on 10th January 1983 and I caught the train into Waverley Station. I worked with Standard Life, for around 12 months before embarking upon another great adventure in London.

My life has taken many twists and turns in the ensuing years, travelling near and far in the leadership development world. Remarkably, after 37 years, in some serendipitous twist of fate, I have come full circle. Over the last 18 months, (as an associate with https://www.ontrackinternational.com) I have had the marvellous opportunity to work with Standard Life Aberdeen (as they are now) once again. I have been lucky to facilitate a whole range of learning and development programmes and absolutely loved it. Now, these same sessions continue virtually! When working in Edinburgh, once more I walk to the same station and catch the train into Waverley, feeling a sense of deja vu! At peak travel times, sadly some of the rolling stock still looks very similar from years gone by. Fortunately, I do earn more in a day now, than I earned in a whole month in 1983!

Lessons Learned

In the midst of times of trials, we can choose how we wish to respond. There are two kinds of knowledge – cognitive (what we learn and know in the mind) and experiential (what we learn by doing). Upon reflection, I’ve recognised some key knowledge principles that got me through the challenges of 1982 and throughout my career too, yet they seem even more valid for the struggles of 2020. It is a simple formula for success, let me share it with you….

Encouragement: The action of giving someone support, confidence, or hope

+ Effort: Use of energy to do something; physical or mental exertion; a try and attempt

+ Exploration: To search out, to look into closely, investigate, to examine

+ Endurance: Ability to last, continue or remain, to hold out

= Rewards: Something given in return for effort, service or achievement

  • π™€π™£π™˜π™€π™ͺπ™§π™–π™œπ™šπ™’π™šπ™£π™© + 𝙀𝙛𝙛𝙀𝙧𝙩 + 𝙀𝙭π™₯π™‘π™€π™§π™–π™©π™žπ™€π™£ + 𝙀𝙣𝙙π™ͺπ™§π™–π™£π™˜π™š = π™π™šπ™¬π™–π™§π™™π™¨

I recognise that these 4 E’s have been constants in my life. Indeed, they have been key principles that have enabled me to get through the toughest of challenges and most difficult of times. I’ve learned never to give up.

As you reflect upon your own challenges of today, please consider who encourages you, what efforts you need to apply in your own life, what do you need to explore and how can you endure it well? Although the road made appear to be filled with many obstacles at times, I know that following this simple pattern, always leads to success.

  • Who gives you encouragement to succeed?
  • Are your efforts appropriate for the challenges of today?
  • Are you exploring your possibilities?
  • What daily habits and routines have you established to enable you to endure well?

As a coach, facilitator, mentor and trainer, I regularly use this formula to help others find their way.

Turbulence

Turbulence is an unpleasant experience when flying. Such was the case at the weekend (10th March 2019) when flying back from Frankfurt. It was awful, one of the worst I’ve ever experienced.

I was sat in seat 25A, no-one in B, but there was a passenger in C, who turned to me and asked my name. I said, “I’m Daryl”. I looked at her, she was ashen white, and not in a good place. She said “Please speak to me”. I leaned over, clasping her hand in order to try to comfort and reassure her. We took a deep breath and started to talk. I asked her name, she was anxious and shaky. I spoke as reassuringly as I could whilst the plane continued to bounce up and down. Our conversation continued until gradually the turbulence subsided. Holding on, clasping hands, brought security.Β  We found much in common together, as we spoke for the remainder of the flight home.

Life is much like flying in an aeroplane. There is turbulence more often than not, but just like the aeroplane, we are built to handle the turbulence in life. Sometimes it can be a bit alarming and unnerving (like Sunday), however we all have times when we need to hope and cling on to someone else for something better. Together we remained focused on our conversation to get us through the difficulty of the moment.

When turbulence comes how do you distract yourself, what do you focus on?Β  What are you holding on to – that will enable you to get through the current storm?

Slow Ahead

Are your summer holiday plans in ruin? Our hopes of a Norwegian Fjord cruise planned for July with a dear friend faded, as the global pandemic impacted holidaymakers the world over.

And what now? In the current global turmoil, holidays almost seem so trivial.

Waking up this morning to the disturbing news of further rioting in the USA over the death of George Floyd, put into context any thoughts of holidays.Β  Watching the protests and Trump’s response was tragic. Slow ahead or even half astern may be more appropriate terms to use as chaos unfolds in the land of dreams.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr said in 1962, “We are simply seeking to bring into full realization the American dream – a dream yet unfulfilled. A dream of equality, of opportunity, of privilege of property widely distributed; a dream of a land where men no longer argue that the color of a mans skin determines the content of his character, the dream of a land where every man will respect the dignity and worth of human personality.”

Currently, there are many leaders sat in the Captain’s chair. Their greatest challenge is to navigate their organisations and governments through stormy waters, into a safe harbour – slow ahead. Working together, building mutual respect, understanding and leading by serving one another is key.

Consider this question – how can I best serve others?

Order

Is your life in order?

Our lives are typically often hectic and filled with stress. There seems to be so many demands placed upon our time, that those things that matter most, are frequently sacrificed for those things that matter least. Can you relate to that?

For example, my office space had become so over run with stuff and clutter all around, it took me an age to find and locate key materials. It was a mess. Figuratively speaking, in some ways, my office space had become a metaphor for some aspects of my life.

Subsequently, several weeks ago at the start of lockdown, I made a firm commitment to change. I put some time, attention and energy into my office space. I have literally thrown out 1000’s of pieces of paper, lots of useless stuff and junk galore! I’ve been challenging my hoarder psyche… and it has been so liberating!

This one simple act, has helped me to refocus again on those things that matter most of all in life, its quite simple really – purpose, family, service and work!

What can you do today to declutter and put your life back in order?

Connections

Is disconnection from Wi-Fi an annoyance in your home? It was in ours! “The Wi-Fi is down again” was often a topic of daily conversation.Β  Resetting the router became a regular household activity.

After some investigation, I discovered the router was over 10 years old – and was overdue for an upgrade. Eventually, I ordered up a new router, and during lockdown – being forced to slowdown – I took the time to set it up correctly. In turn that day, one by one – mobiles, laptops, a tablet, a smart speaker and televisions were all reconnected. Result – no more daily disconnects.

Similarly, these last few weeks, I have noticed something about my personal behaviour. Just like my faulty old router with its technical problems, over the years, I’d become disconnected from far too many of my colleagues, acquaintances and too many friends to even mention. Perhaps, with age too, I had become a little slower!

It was time for an upgrade! With a little focus, slowing down during lockdown has allowed me to speed up again, strengthen my signal and reconnect – one by one! It’s been great fun, lifting my spirits and catching up on a lot of personal news stories!

If you are feeling disconnected, in need of a lift, why not reconnect – go for that upgrade today!

Serving

What can I give today?

That thought alone – has helped me to endure the challenges of recent weeks. How often have you intended to help, but something else has come along and you’ve left others to help instead?

Right now we are surrounded by so many in need of our attention, our help, our encouragement, our support, our comfort, our sympathy, our understanding and our kindness. Kindness is what charity is and being kind is what we do when we have charity and compassion. The charity that we render unto others will surely define each of us and the organisations that we work for. Indeed l know that charity never faileth.

In times past when the busyness of the world blinkered our view of reality, perhaps we didn’t see? But now that we have been forced to stop and step back – take a look around, what do you see? In the grand schemes of things, perhaps you have been focused on things that don’t really matter at all?

What can you do to help someone in need today?

Storms

I celebrated my birthday in lockdown yesterday.Β  One of my daughters posted this picture of me on my Facebook page, which she’d obviously kept hidden from me for a while! 😊

It’s from a few months ago, atop one of my favourite visitor attractions, the Wallace Monument in Stirling, Scotland.

As I recall, it was a relatively clear day. There was however a gale force wind howling all around the top of the Monument, blowing visitors in every direction.Β  As I looked at the photo, it occurredΒ  to me – the wind was so strong that just to stand still and in order to stand straight, I had to lean into the wind.

Figuratively speaking, there are some mighty strong winds, whirlwinds even, howling all around us at this very moment in time.

I sense too that many may feel that they are being tossed to and fro in this perilous storm of global turmoil.

My invitation today is a simple one, consider what you need to do to stand tall – lean into the wind and figure out what you need to do in the current storm.

Step by step, little by little, you can and will get through this.

Like all real storms, the winds will eventually pass.

Teaching

How do you learn?

Experience has taught me that the best way to π₯𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧 something is actually to 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐑 𝐒𝐭.

It is really a simple principle.

Several times recently whilst grappling with learning on virtual platform technologies, I was reminded about the very moment you feel that you’re responsible to teach something. In that moment, I know that I learn it so much better. At least I know I do ……do you?

Why is that?

I recognise I delve into things a little deeper, I pay more attention. I work much harder to understand. I’ve noticed too that I ask better questions to gain clarification. I study and explore more. In essence its because I feel much more responsible, not only for my own learning, but I recognise too that I need to convey that learning with power, conviction and understanding to others.

So – do you really want to learn something? Then go on, give it a go – 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐑 𝐒𝐭!

Learning in Lockdown

The first 50 days (and counting) in lockdown.Β Here is what I learned.

I have some good habits and routines already in place.Β I’m an early riser, I study, meditate, plan my day, set my goals and take regular exercise.Β Work has changed from mostly face to face, to all virtual.Β So, what have I been learning?

Waiting is hard – I still have much more to learn about patience!

These last 50 days I have learned that patience is far more than simply waiting for something to happen.Β Rather, patience requires that I actively work towards a worthwhile goal by focusing on those things I can control and choose not to get discouraged when results don’t appear as quickly as I’d hoped for. Β It also requires that I have had to put on hold some of the biggest desires of my heart for a little while longer by making alternative plans. (Charity Skydive – on hold ☹)

Patience means actively waiting and enduring really well.

In these challenging times I have learned not to be dismayed or to give up too easily, when I know that I’m doing the best I can. Β I am also beginning to understand that I should be satisfied with my progress even though it may come very, very slowly at times.

In what area of your life do you struggle to be patient?

What have you learned during lockdown?