Mistakes

It was a painful error. “That one wrong move cost me the game” said my son, as his younger sister wrapped up Settlers of Catan at the weekend.

Catan is a family favourite in our home – and possibly yours too.

For the second week in a row, the youngest member of our family was victorious. It was also much to the chagrin of her older brother! Yet, only a few moments previously the game was in the balance. It was simply because of one move made a little earlier in the game, that the damage was done. Ultimately, a short term advantage led to the defeat. It wasn’t until a few moments after making the move, did he realise his error, which ultimately cost him the game.

The learning occurred for my son when he owned up to making the mistake. Yes, he was irritated a little by his lapse in judgement and I’m sure he’ll learn from the error and think things through more carefully next time.

One wrong move in a game of Catan, isn’t as serious as making a wrong move in life. Yet, in life too, we sometimes make poor choices that can ultimately have life changing consequences.

Mistakes are simply a part of the learning process and are very valuable. Its okay to make them, as long as you learn from them and remember the lesson.  So, lets embrace them and keep moving forward!

What mistakes or wrong moves have you made at home, at work, or even in life and what lessons did you learn?

Massage!

Four months ago today, the UK went into lockdown – everything changed. No more travel for me. No more flights, trains, taxi’s or hotels.

I have spent 125 nights in my own bed! My sleeping patterns have never been better! But, with the new ways of working, new tests arise. Yesterday, whilst facilitating a virtual workshop on remote working, we discussed the many challenges it brings.

Video call after video call sounds like fun, but those of us now in that daily routine, are finding it pretty tough. Popping paracetamol and ibuprofen a few times a day to combat headaches, muscle pain in your shoulders, neck and back is becoming the new normal for many. In our session we talked about the tension, fatigue and exhaustion that comes at the end of the day from the high intensity of virtual interactions.

As we got into our top tips, brainstorming ideas, work patterns, moving around, setting boundaries, hydrating etc – it struck me that something happened this week that really helped me. A massage! And the salons are back open this week too!

Luckily my sister is a massage therapist. As she worked her magic on my neck, shoulders and back it relieved so much tightness and stress. I’m booked in again next week!

Go on – give it a go – you know you want to!

Annoying!

“There’s something not right with that tyre dad, I’ve had to blow it up again” said my son Kyle.

Both my son and daughter had mentioned this fact to me several times over the last few weeks. It was a little thing really, but it was starting to bug all of us.

So on Saturday I took their car into the garage and had them look at the back tyre. After a couple of minutes, he’d found a nail in the tyre and subsequently off he went to fix the puncture. Ten minutes later – the job was done and my wallet was £20 lighter.

The tyre had become a bit of an annoyance, due to the infrequent, unpredictability and intermittent nature of the flat tyre. Finally, it had been going on for quite a few weeks, plus Kyle had been into the garage before and they’d found nothing – even more annoying!

Annoyance – a cause of irritation or vexation; a nuisance.

What little things do you find annoying? What pushes your buttons?

Some top tips to deal with those little irritants!

– Slow down, breathe – is it worth getting upset about?
– Consider your perspective, the momentary issue will pass.
– Have fun, laugh at yourself, don’t take it too seriously.
– Ask yourself how important the matter really is.
– Ask yourself is their something I can do to make it better?

Obstacles

As a youngster, I was always picking up a new sport, entering a race, or trying out for a new team.

Somehow, in my first year at high school, I managed to qualify for the 100 metres hurdles at our annual schools sports day at the local athletics stadium.

My hurdling technique was limited at best, and yet I made it to the final.

I gave it my all that day, but ended up finishing in last place.

That was the end of my hurdling career! However, I did end up playing football, rugby, basketball and badminton through my high school years, enjoying a fair bit of success and failure too in many of the team sports.

The key to success in my sports journey was having highly effective coaches to help us all along the way.

I have fond recollections of the enthusiastic guidance Mr Montgomery and Mr Galbraith provided on many occasions.

In a similar manner, I feel extraordinarily blessed to do something I love every day.

As a qualified coach and recently recognised as a fellow by the Association of Coaching I have regular opportunities to help people along their way in their personal life or professional development.

Life has a great tendency to keep raising the hurdles that come along.

Yet, experience has taught me that working with a coach can help overcome any obstacles.

How can I help you improve your position?

How do you decide?

The tension was tangible in the gymnasium as the girls lined up on one side and the boys on the other.

As a youngster at school in preparation every year for St. Andrews Day, we learned how to do some Scottish Ceilidh Dances – The Gay Gordons, The Dashing White Sergeant, The Pride of Erin Waltz, The St. Bernards Waltz and a Canadian Barn Dance have all been etched into my memory. Don’t get me wrong, over many years these dances have provided many hours of fun and created wonderful memories.

However, those days of lining up at school were both painful and unforgettable! The boys had to cross the gym floor and pick a girl to dance with.  I have no idea how the girls felt?! All kinds of teenage angst and turmoil were exposed in those fleeting moments. Far reaching, defining decisions effecting your credibility and status amongst friends were determined in those character building seconds. Somehow, I found the courage from somewhere and learned that it was best to get off your marks quickly and race across the gym floor, otherwise the biggest dread of all was that you’d end up with the last pick of the girls. That was risky and always had consequences!

When it comes to decision making, I’ll never forget those lessons from my dance classes – pause, breathe, ponder, choose, do!

How do you decide?

The 18th Camel

Many years ago, an old man died and left his camels to his three sons; one-half to the oldest, one-third to the second son, and one-ninth to the youngest. However, there was a problem, he had only 17 camels.

The three sons got into an intense negotiation over who should get how many, because 17 doesn’t divide by two, or by three, or by nine.

In time, tempers became very strained.  In an effort to resolve the situation, they finally agreed to go to a wise old woman in the community. She listened to their problem and after some time says, “Well, I don’t know if I can help you, but if you want, at least you can have my camel.  Then you will have 18 camels and you can divide them among the three of you.”

Accepting her offer the brothers gave half (or 9) of the 18 camels to the eldest son, a third (or 6) of them to the second son and a ninth (or 2) of them to the youngest son. One camel remained. There is one camel left over, so the brothers give it back to the woman.

Many of our challenges and conflicts today are like those 17 camels — they seem impossible to resolve, with no apparent solution in sight.

Sometimes we just need more imaginative ways to overcome our problems. Every problem has a solution! What we need to do is step back from the situation, look at it through a fresh lens, and come up with an 18th camel.

What is your 18th camel?

Thinking!

“What do I want to do from here?” said the small voice in my head – then the wacky thoughts started to explode!

In preparation for a virtual creative thinking session with a work colleague (thanks Paul – it was fun!) – I worked my way through some of Edward de Bono’s six creative thinking hats.

I started to think about the thinking – Blue
Next, I considered the facts of what I knew – White
I was mindful of my feelings and hunches – Red
The wacky, pie in the sky ideas surfaced – Green
Lots of useful positivity emerged – Yellow
Together, later in the day, Paul and I would discuss the risks – Black

My thinking complete, I emailed Paul with a number of my zany ideas. I carefully couched the descriptive language of my nutty thoughts, followed by some more traditional models and rational group exercises.

I was a little apprehensive, but curious too, as to what he’d make of my thinking! For over an hour, we bounced around a whole range of ideas together and what emerged, was a smorgasbord of creative concepts that were extremely satisfying to digest! It was great fun!

Working together – we created more in a balanced way. We both know that all of the thinking isn’t complete, but we are well on our way.

How do you brainstorm new ideas?

Building Trust

“The job’s yours – when can you start?” asked Tony. It was December 1988, a new chapter in my career was about to begin.

A few weeks earlier, Tony was visiting his brother in Dunfermline and heard me give a talk, on journals and building good daily habits. After my talk, we spoke for a while and he asked about my current work situation – Tony was a Sales Director. Shortly thereafter he invited me down to Doncaster for an interview. We found that we had similar interests, lots in common and were hungry for success. The job was mine if I wanted it. Thus began my career in sales.

The last few days, working with new clients, building trust has been at the forefront of my mind. Recalling the story with Tony, reminded me of three core foundations of trust.

– Open, honest, candid and direct in our conversation
– We listened to really understand one another
– We honoured our commitments.

In the days that followed we began to rely upon each other for success. Quickly, our trust and respect grew for one another and the next 12 months proved to be a winning formula.

What is your winning formula for building trust?

Presence

Walking recently in our local park, my wife remarked about the beauty of nature – I must confess, I missed it.

In fact, upon reflection however, over these last few weeks as our number of daily walks together has increased, I have a second confession, I believe I am beginning to see, feel and hear.

Interestingly, I am noticing that many more moments are now filled with a sense of connection and peace.

Why is that we miss so many moments in our own life? Is it that there are always more busy or interesting thoughts that preoccupy and entertain our minds?

In my coaching practice I always endeavour to be present, attentive and observe what is happening in the moment, when meeting with clients.

In a like manner, a big learning take away during lockdown has occurred for me in magical woodland walks with my wife. She has taught me so much about being present, being in the moment to enjoy the beauty, see and smell the flowers and to hear the birds.

I am learning to stop and awaken my five senses of listening, touching, looking, smelling and tasting. In slowing down, I recognise that I still have much to learn.

How many moments do you miss?

Intuition

At the start of my coaching career I often thought – “I can’t say that” – but now as the years have gone by, I always do.

One of the great lessons I have learned in my coaching practice is to trust my intuition. “A thing that one knows or considers likely from instinctive feeling rather than conscious reasoning.”

In the beginning, I’d worry about where that may lead a coaching session, I guess it felt a little risky. Oftentimes, it does take the flow of the session in a new direction, but never a wrong one, simply a different one. On reflection those moments frequently turn into the most meaningful and insightful learning opportunities.

My philosophy now after years of practice, is to listen to that still small voice, its a feeling that always comes. Paying attention to and observing what is really going on, is a powerful enabler. It brings clarity. There are lots of different names in the coaching world for this, but experience has taught me to always follow and trust your intuition.

My invitation – start to take notice of yours and good things will happen too.