Tag Archive for: coaching

Discouraged?

๐–๐ž ๐ฐ๐ž๐ซ๐ž ๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐›๐จ๐ซ๐ง ๐ญ๐จ ๐›๐ž ๐ก๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฒ โ€“ ๐ซ๐ข๐ ๐ก๐ญ?
Yet, sometimes life happens and it can be discouraging.
At times things we hope for and dream about just don’t turn out that way.
– the pay rise didn’t happen
– you didn’t get the expected exam grade
– the relationship you worked hard at didn’t work out
– you didn’t get the job
– the house purchase fell through
– redundancy became a reality
– ill health sets you back
– you just can’t understand that new language
– its just been a really tough day
When things don’t turn out the way you expected, then discouragement can settle into our minds and can make us feel sad.
None of us are immune from discouragement and especially in these difficult times, reality frequently does not conform to our wishes.
Discouragement does not have to mean defeat!
See it as it really is and donโ€™t blow things up out of proportion.
Overcoming discouragement is absolutely critical for all of us if we are to bounce back and move forward in life.

So, what can you do?

First and foremost – you can change your attitude. Rather than focusing on what you can’t do, focus on what you can do.
Secondly, find something that you are good at right away, get on with it and dispel any negative self-talk, feelings or emotions that may be impacting upon you.
Thirdly – don’t compare yourself with others, remember you are on your own unique path in life.
Fourthly – turn to a friend.
Fifthly – count your many blessings, name them one by one.
Finally โ€“ pray about it, to understand and find the lesson.
โ€œThen shalt thou call, and the Lord shall answer; thou shalt cry, and he shall say, Here I amโ€ (Isaiah 58:9).
To receive comfort and guidance from our Father, we simply need to reach out to Him. I know He is always listening.
It is through the experience of disappointment and discouragement that great treasures and pearls of wisdom in life frequently appear.
What do you do when you feel discouraged?

Do you care?

Do you question your motives?
The crux of my personal philosophy in life, the nucleus of my personal motivation, is centred upon a core belief that โ€œnobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you careโ€ a phrase attributed to Theodore Roosevelt and crafted so purposely by him.
In thousands of coaching conversations, I have learned a little.
As youโ€ฆ.
๐‹๐ข๐ฌ๐ญ๐ž๐ง ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฎ๐ง๐๐ž๐ซ๐ฌ๐ญ๐š๐ง๐
๐€๐ฌ๐ค ๐ฆ๐ž๐š๐ง๐ข๐ง๐ ๐Ÿ๐ฎ๐ฅ ๐ช๐ฎ๐ž๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ
๐€๐ซ๐ž ๐ ๐ž๐ง๐ฎ๐ข๐ง๐ž๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐œ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ข๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ
๐„๐ฑ๐ฉ๐ซ๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐ฉ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ž ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฏ๐ž
๐˜๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐š๐œ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ, ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐๐ž๐ฆ๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐ญ๐ซ๐š๐ญ๐ž ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ฌ๐ข๐ง๐œ๐ž๐ซ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐œ๐š๐ซ๐ž.
Showing interest in others is about being yourself,
being genuine
and sincere in your interest in another person.
๐‡๐จ๐ฐ ๐ƒ๐จ ๐˜๐จ๐ฎ ๐’๐ก๐จ๐ฐ ๐‡๐จ๐ฐ ๐Œ๐ฎ๐œ๐ก ๐˜๐จ๐ฎ ๐‚๐š๐ซ๐ž?

Slow Down.

Did you miss anything?
Every day, I try to learn a new Dutch verb and place it in a sentence using the different tenses.
Todayโ€™s verb was โ€œhaastenโ€ โ€“ to hurry.
For a short moment, as I practiced the tenses out loud, I laughed a little.
One of my key messages over the last few months, including yesterday, is the complete opposite โ€“ to ๐’๐‹๐Ž๐– ๐ƒ๐Ž๐–๐!
We often move too fast.
One route into our home here in the Netherlands, brings us along a road with several speed bumps.
For the optimum experience, I have learned that is it best to reduce my speed, slow down and steady my course.
It is a simple, but critical lesson to learn.
We all know the uncomfortable consequences of a high-speed journey over a speed bump!
I have concluded that speeding up isnโ€™t the answer.
And so, it is with life.
Choosing to slow down, over obstacles and challenges in life is the answer.
In addition, for a much deeper examination of a course of study or to give consideration to a particular challenge, spend a little more time exploring by slowing down.
It will in the long run allow you to speed up elsewhere.
It takes effort.
Sometimes great effort, to catch ourselves and slow down.
My experience… slowing down helps to prevent you from missing anything!
How will you slow down today?

Being heard

Have you ever met someone who not only listened to you but really tried to understand you?
How did you feel about the person?
Have you been heard recently?
I mean, ๐’“๐’†๐’‚๐’๐’๐’š ๐’‰๐’†๐’‚๐’“๐’….
You may have to think long and hard about that question.
It may have been quite a while since you feel that you have been heard.
Can you remember what it felt like?
What words come to mind?
We can all seek to be heard beyond simply the words that we are speaking.
As a coach, frequently I find that coachees want me to know and hear the feelings of their heart.
Sometimes that can take a few sessions to achieve.
My experience has taught me that if you have been heard, then you are much more willing to listen.
Real listening canโ€™t happen unless we have a sincere desire to understand what weโ€™re hearing.
Sometimes โ€“ that isnโ€™t easy for many of us, including me too!
Why? Because we also need to suspend our judgement.
You know that voice in your head that says โ€“ I know better.
Or that frustrated impatient feeling in your heart which says โ€“ I already know how.
When actually โ€“ we donโ€™t know better or how at all.
We may think we do, but we donโ€™t!
Listening to someone means getting out of your own head and trying to understand another personโ€™s mind.
Itโ€™s all about empathy.

Here are some tipsโ€ฆ

1. Slow down.
2. Let go of your own thoughts and opinions
3. Listen with your whole body, not just with your ears, eyes, and head, but by mirroring their body movements (without being too obvious.)
4. Be genuinely curious, by focusing all your attention on the other person and being present.
5. Become comfortable with silence, allowing the other person space and time to access their inner wisdom.
6. Donโ€™t interrupt and wait until the other person is ready for you to speak.
Listening is crucial to presence.
Why not take a moment, reflect on the tips above and help someone to be heard today?
#heard #presence #listening #empathy #silence

Mission Service

Recently, I have been asked this a few times; โ€œWhat do you do as Mission Leaders?โ€

My response was โ€œMany things!โ€

One of our key responsibilities that Monic and I share is for the well-being of our missionaries.

Let me explain furtherโ€ฆ.

Mission life is segmented into a 6-week transfer cycle.

Each cycle starts and ends with arrivals & departures of missionaries.

In between our days are regularly filled with preparation, planning, training sessions, conferences, leadership meetings, travel, medical issues, phone calls, zoom sessions and much more, not forgetting of course, our precious regular catch-up time with family time too, via Zoom!

Professionally, as a coach and counsellor, one of my favourite things to do in life has always been 1-1 coaching sessions. During the 6-week cycle, every missionary in the mission (currently 51) has personal 1-1 time with each mission leaders. In mission lingo, they are called interviews, but essentially, having sat through thousands of coaching sessions, that is exactly what they are.

The last few days have been filled with these sessions.

Each interview (mini coaching session) begins and ends with prayer.

In between, we slow down, talk, laugh, cry, catch up, share, consider, counsel, challenge, soften, teach, learn and ultimately, we listen.

Listening

In fact, we listen a lot.

Then we listen a little more.

Some time ago, I shared a thought about the word โ€œlistenโ€.

The word has six letters. Rearrange them and the word โ€œsilentโ€ is formed. In Dutch the six letters become even shorter, with only four โ€œstilโ€

Frequently, I find as I listen, oftentimes a missionary will suddenly go quiet. Years ago, I used to feel a little awkward when the first quiet spell sets in, but now I understand that these are the moments of real inspiration, when they are thinking.

I donโ€™t know what they are thinking, only that they are thinking!

Experience has taught me that it is in these very quiet active times, when the least seems to be happening, that the most is actually happening.

In those quiet moments one missionary recently shared this verse of scripture, found in Psalms 46:10 โ€œBe still and know that I am Godโ€ฆโ€ Regularly, we hear the whisperings of the Holy Ghost to guide each of us in our missionary work. It is beautiful, reassuring and fills our hearts with love and pure knowledge.

Learning to be still

To listen and to be silent (still) are inseparably connected.

These short interview sessions are by design an opportunity to learn, to listen and grow.

What I have learned most in my life has come in many ways, but the largest part has come from listening to those with much greater experience than me. Generally, it tends to be those who have lived longer and learned many important things that I needed to know โ€“ one of which is learning how to be quiet, to be still and to listen.

Now however, we are being taught frequently by those much younger than ourselves. Daily we find, tender mercies from the Lord, as He has prepared these young people (18 to 26 years of age) to preach the gospel to the world. Indeed, it is a mighty miracle.

We are off to do some more mini-coaching sessions.

Please choose to slow down, be quiet, learn to listen, listen to learn, then you too will hear the whisperings of the spirit of the Lord.

#HearHim

Change 6 things!

Facilitating a meeting earlier this week with our Mission Leadership Council, I used one of my favourite little change activities. I paired each participant up with a buddy, had them stand back to back and then invited them to change 6 things about their appearance.
I always love running this activity as it is such a great little icebreaker. It went very well and everyone had some fun together.
There were also some great points made by the participants and some very positive in the moment learning takeaways…
Two points I want to make today about this little activity.
Firstly, I always change something about myself. It is always very difficult for them to spot. When they are all busy changing various things about themselves, I simply sneakily remove my wedding ring. Eventually, after several guesses, someone always identifies the change. I then explain how difficult it is to remove my ring. Its been there a long time – 27 years! And it has great sentimental value, which brings back many memories too.
๐‹๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ๐จ๐ง ๐Ÿ- Change is sometimes difficult because we have been doing things the same way, for a long time. Little things, are often BIG things!
Secondly, after the activity, everyone changed their appearance, back to how it was. I didn’t ask them to do it, yet every single one of them did!
Why did they do that?
๐‹๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ๐จ๐ง ๐Ÿ- Simply stated, because that was the way they were before and frequently its much more comfortable there!
Two simple reasons why change is sometimes difficult to achieve!
William Bridges Transition Model, is a great place to start to understand more about change.
What change are you facing today?

Understanding

“Do you understand what I mean?” he asked.
In many relationships, one of the big barriers to understanding is a lack of communication, a lack of talking things out, a lack of keeping things in the open. Oftentimes whilst counselling, one half of a relationship will sit in brooding silence, hugging any grievances close to their heart, rather than being open and honest.
Pressures can mount, small things are magnified and frequently much more than is true can be imagined in their minds by either party. Fragmentary listening, misinterpretation of ideas, and mistaken meanings of words can cause misunderstandings. And so there is much not knowing, much mistrust, much heartache, much unhappiness and sitting hurting, in silence. Happiness will not survive in pent up places.
So how do we strengthen these relationships?
We need to engage in meaningful conversations.
It all starts with the greatest of all the communication skills, and that is being an effective listener. That means slowing down. Being listened to is one of the highest forms of respect and recognition. Really listening is not about gaining information, rather it is to gain understanding.
Some years ago Marvin J. Ashton said โ€œCommunication is more than a sharing of words. It is the wise sharing of emotions, feelings, and concerns. It is the sharing of oneself totally.โ€
Regularly setting aside time to talk where there are no distractions can help to solve problems.
Why not start today and resolve to listen a little more.
When will you set aside time to communicate and really listen?

To don’t list!

“How about a “to don’t list”” – that’s a new idea I thought.
Working smart has been at the forefront of my mind the last few days. With an increasing challenge of fewer missionaries in country due to COVID-19 set to continue for the next few months, I’ve been thinking how we can work smart to address all that we need to do!
Once you accept that you have more to do than time to do it all, that is actually a very freeing concept.
We all know about to do lists, but creative thinking techniques encourage us to turn things upside down.
A “to don’t list” seems a bit of a weird idea, but actually thinking about it more, it seems to provide a lot of positives! I am starting to recognise that many times what you do not do is far more important than what you do do! Perhaps a little experiment is in order.
For example here are some ideas for starters…
– Don’t thoughtlessly scroll through social media
– Don’t always try to be right
– Don’t stay up too late
– Don’t try to please everyone
– Don’t interrupt others
Consider any bad habits you want to eliminate and anything that distracts you from being productive – that’s the key.
Go on, give it a go and write your “to don’t list” today!

Asking Questions

What will you do differently because of what you learned today?

Asked any good questions lately?

Questions can be extremely powerful. They help us to think, feel and do things differently.

We all need to learn how to ask great questions!

Some professionals like doctors, lawyers and journalists are taught how to ask great questions as part of their training.

In my own professional career through sales and coaching, I have found it equally important to be able to formulate and ask the right question.

Questions aid performance, close sales, help provide inspiration and direction, they even help to build trust and rapport.

“Management teams aren’t good at asking questions. In business school, we train them to be good at giving answers.” – Clayton Christensen.

Itโ€™s time to be a little more curious. Asking questions is an important part of life and learning.

As a coach, I am constantly asking questions to help clients move forward.

– What do you really want?
– What do you need most right now?
– So what?
– Why now?
– How can you be truer to yourself?
– Can you tell me more?

What question can you use today to unlock your own potential?

Deep Change

“What is your favourite book on change?” asked a course participant.

I’ve spent the last week talking and facilitating workshops all about change (again).

It is likely you are aware of a few change models, including the Kubler Ross Change Curve, Kotterโ€™s 8 stage model, Bridges Transition model, Prosci’s ADKAR model (lots of models) et cetera.

But if you want to really change in your personal life or in your organisation, consider this thought from Deep Change โ€“ Discovering the Leader Within from Robert E.Quinn –ย “Deep change differs from incremental change in that it requires new ways of thinking and behaving. It is change that is major in scope, discontinuous with the past and generally irreversible. The deep change effort distorts existing patterns of action and involves taking risks. Deep change means surrendering control.”……

This is an introspective journey that will challenge your thinking, you’ll need a reflective journal, in Bob’s words it’ll be like “walking naked into the land of uncertainty”.

You will be introduced to new ideas, new ways of thinking, new ways of behaving and can put an end to the slow death dilemma forever.

Consider this book a masterpiece!

Deep Change reveals the remarkable capacity each of us holds to change ourselves and ultimately our organisations.

Do you think I enjoyed it!?

You will too.