Tag Archive for: coaching

The Patience Spectrum

Following a recent coaching conversation, I decided to study the topic of patience for the last few weeks.
Yesterday, I was running a virtual learning session on a completely different topic and a spectrum or continuum was used to explore one key idea.
It got me thinking about patience again and figuring out what it would look like on a spectrum.
Patience is often praised as a virtue, but it’s not one-size-fits-all.
This morning, I started to see patience not as a fixed trait, but as a spectrum.
And like most spectrums, the extremes can be just as unhelpful as the absence of it.
On one end, there’s over-patience, the kind that borders on passivity and inaction.
You wait too long, tolerate too much, delay the hard conversations.
It feels calm on the outside, but underneath it might be fear, avoidance, or indecision.
On the other end, there’s impatience in overdrive.
Everything’s urgent.
There’s no space for process or people.
Things have to happen now, and if they don’t, then frustrations can arise.
Somewhere in between is the sweet spot: 𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒊𝒑𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒑𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆.
This version is intentional.
Balance is important.
Patience isn’t about stepping back and doing nothing.
It’s about staying connected while giving things the space they need.
You’re not rushing to control the outcome, but you’re not disengaging either.
You stay aware, you stay ready and most importantly you trust the timing.
But here’s the difficult question – it’s hard to know where you are on the spectrum.
If you’re not sure where you stand, ask someone you trust.
Someone who’s seen you in both calm and crisis.
“Do I tend to wait too long, or perhaps not long enough?”
The answer might surprise you, and possibly, it might be exactly what you need to hear.
“Patience is not indifference. Actually, it means caring very much but being willing, nevertheless, to submit to the Lord and to what the scriptures call the “process of time.”” – Neal A. Maxwell.
Where on the patience spectrum do you see yourself right now – and what might help you move closer to the sweet spot?

Learning Off the Tracks

On the final day of our West Highland Way Walk, a few of us rode aboard the Jacobite Express from Fort William to Mallaig.
It is the classic steam train across the Glenfinnan Viaduct, which I am sure many of you may have already taken – especially any Harry Potter fans!
As we approached the viaduct, the guard announced to get ready for a photo opportunity and to have our cameras handy, but not to lean out of the windows!
Everyone on board was focused on the moment: the train curving over the bridge, cameras out, trying to capture the perfect shot.
But the best photo I took wasn’t of the train and the viaduct, rather it was of the crowd below!

The Other View

Hundreds of people in the fields, some who I guess had travelled for hours, all there just to watch.
Yet something else clicked as I watched the little matchstick people below – it seemed much more fun down there than it was on the train!
They chose where to stand, what to notice, when to click.
They weren’t guided by announcements or told what to focus on.
Each of them was part of the moment on their own terms.
And that made me think about how we approach our personal development and learning.
Too often, learning is structured like the train ride: linear, controlled, timed to the minute.
Someone tells you when the “big moment” is, what to focus on, and how to capture it.
But real learning often looks more like the crowd: informal, self-directed, sparked by interest, not instruction.
Each of us seek meaning in our own way, turning up when something matters to us personally and learning most, when we have space to explore, reflect, and choose for yourself.
In the learning and development world, we spend a lot of time designing the “train ride”, but maybe we need to think more about how to support the people in the field.
The 70/20/10 model comes to mind.
Because sometimes the most valuable learning doesn’t happen on the tracks.
It happens off to the side, where curiosity lives, and where people are free to really see.
Where would you rather be – on the train, or choosing your own view?

Switching Hats

Recently whilst visiting Edinburgh with friends, we wandered in and out of a few shops.
My friends were interested in the T-shirts, but my eyes landed on a new hat.
A flat cap actually, and for the Scots amongst you, Paw Broon style!
I like my collection of hats and caps.
Sometimes a hat just seems to migrate to me!
As I’ve worn it in the days since, it’s come to symbolise something more meaningful, especially in my work as a coach and facilitator.
In business and leadership, we often talk about “wearing many hats.”
Leader. Listener. Strategist. Facilitator. Coach. Friend. Challenger. Visionary.
Each of these hats demands something different of us.
One calls for boldness, another for stillness.
One requires you to take the lead; another asks you to step back.
Some hats feel familiar and well-worn; others take time to grow into.

When to switch

What I’ve learned over the years is that great leaders know not just how to wear many hats, but also when to switch them, and how to do so with grace.
Sometimes when I step into lead or facilitate a meeting, I need to offer clarity and direction.
Later, perhaps in the same day, I may meet a coaching client who needs me to say very little at all, just to listen deeply and hold some quiet space for them to have time to think.
And by evening, I’m a mentor or friend, simply present, with no agenda.
It’s not about performing different roles.
It’s about being adaptable while staying authentic to my true values.
The key isn’t in the number of hats that I wear, or I have in my collection, it’s the wisdom to know which one is needed in the moment, and to take one off when it no longer serves.
So, the next time you feel stretched, pulled in different directions, or unsure of what’s being asked of you, just pause for moment, slow down and ask yourself:
Which hat is needed right now?
Am I clinging to a hat that no longer fits this situation?
How can I switch hats without losing who I am?
Leadership isn’t about having all the answers or wearing the fanciest hat in the room.
It’s about serving others well, by being ready to step into what’s needed, with intention, empathy, and perhaps a wee bit of humour too!
What hat will you be wearing today?

What’s your one word?

In a recent virtual learning session, I kicked off with a simple question as a little icebreaker…
“Give me one word to describe how you’re communicating these days.”
Pausing for a moment to consider their responses, words started to appear in the chat box, including some of the following:
Friendly. Rationally. Deeply. Detailed. Concisely. Comprehensively and many more.
Immediately, we were off to a powerful and thoughtful start.
Some participants then chose to explain further why they were communicating in that manner.
They mentioned their tone, their intentions and the impact it was having.
They began to see and understand the impact beyond their words.
New insights about presence, awareness, mindset and leadership came to the fore.
It turned out to be a moment of powerful reflection for everyone.
Each of us communicate in some way or form every day.
Speaking.
Texting.
Writing.
Posting.
And it doesn’t have to be words, more powerful is our body language and the visual clues we send.
Often, it’s the unspoken that lands the loudest, such as, silence, tone and eye contact.
When was the last time you stopped to ask how you’re actually communicating?
In our session, the simple act of naming how we communicate opened the door to group learning, personal insight, and stronger accountability.
So, pause for a second.
What’s your one word?
And more importantly: is it working for you?

Unpredictable, and That’s Okay!

“Help me understand how this works for you?”
That’s a question I’ve used a lot in my coaching practice recently.
Especially when working with minds of all kinds, each one wired differently, each one worthy of being understood on its own terms.
There have been a few sessions where, being honest, I thought, “We didn’t go anywhere today.”
Lately, I’ve been learning to see those moments differently.
What’s changed?
I have been doing a bit of work with clients who are neurodivergent.
Those living with ADHD, Autism, anxiety, or simply a different way of processing the world.
I’ve realised: We always go somewhere.
…It just might not be where I expected, or how I expected to get there!
The pace of any progress is much less linear and far more unpredictable.
I’ve noticed that some clients speak in bursts, that are full of energy, with fast and fragmented thoughts being expressed simultaneously.
It’s often messy!
I hold that space without rushing to fill it or “tidy it up.”
And so, I adapt.
I shift.
I follow their cues.
Listening, observing even more.
I flex.
I slow down.
Interestingly, I’ve also noticed my own routines and habits more closely.
I’m growing curious about the ways my own neurodiverse traits and stress responses show up.
In many ways, it feels like I’m becoming a student again.
I used to think my job as a coach was to guide people to clarity.
But now, I wonder if it’s more about staying curious while they create their own clarity, in their own way, and most importantly, in their own time.
And as they evolve… so do I.
I’m still learning.
Who in your life might need you to slow down, adapt, and simply ask, “Help me understand how this works for you”?

Two Roads to Humility…

It has been an interesting week thus far in my consulting and coaching world.
I’ve encountered one word, several times over – 𝒉𝒖𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚.
I’ve worked with different organisations on a number of leadership topics, and yet time and again, our conversations have returned to humility.
Life has taught me that there are two main pathways to humility.

By Choice

Firstly, we can 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 to be humble.
There comes a time when we each have to pause and acknowledge that things aren’t going the way we’d hoped.
It takes real courage to admit, first to ourselves and then to others, that we’re stuck, unsure, or sometimes even, simply way out of our depth.
Humbling ourselves means choosing to open up rather than pretend we’ve got it all together.
It might look like asking for advice, learning from someone who’s walked a similar path, picking up a book, or reaching out to someone we trust.
It’s a quiet but powerful step: a willingness to grow, rather than go it alone.

By Compulsion

Secondly, we are 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝 to be humble.
This one can be even tougher, much tougher.
Being humbled often arrives over time, uninvited, through failure, disappointment, or moments when the truth hits home really hard and we realise we’re the ones who got it wrong.
Sometimes even a sense of shame can haunt us for a while.
Its my witness, that it is in those uncomfortable moments that conversely something good can start to happen.
It’s the start of taking ownership, of letting go of pride, and choosing a more sure path.
Though painful, being humbled can become the turning point, where we begin to rebuild more honesty, deeper empathy, and stronger self-respect.
I’ve experienced this in my own life, several times over and it truly is painful.
Research shows, that in the leadership world, when companies hire humble leaders, the whole organisation benefits.
It’s a fact, that leaders who have learned to walk in humility, to be curious, and to engage others collaboratively, are more likely to succeed.
Just think what might happen if we choose to live by this virtue, in our own homes…
Indeed, life is a long lesson in humility!
Which path to humility are you currently walking, and what might change if you chose to take the first step, willingly?

Lighter Hearts, Clearer Minds.

Real change doesn’t usually come all at once.
It comes like water, sometimes in a 𝒔𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒍𝒆..
A passing moment.
A small insight.
A gentle nudge of encouragement or an unexpected kindness.
Other times through full 𝒊𝒎𝒎𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏.
Those deeper moments that may require repeated attempts but yet call us to change at a more profound level.
A courageous conversation.
A personal crisis.
A significant realisation.
Both matter.
A sprinkle might be a kind word, a thoughtful question, a moment of silence that invites reflection.
These are small, sacred touches, gentle reminders that growth is possible.
Immersion goes deeper.
It’s the honest heart to heart discussion, the shift in thinking, the willingness to step fully into discomfort and come out changed.
It’s not always easy, but it transforms.
In my coaching work and life, I’ve come to see my purpose this way:
To sprinkle hope.
To immerse in presence.
𝑻𝒐 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒓, 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝑰 𝒈𝒐.
Whether coaching, mentoring, counselling, teaching, listening, or simply being there for someone, I offer what I can: a drop of trust, a wave of clarity, or even a simple whisper of encouragement.
A small adjustment in the way we think about something can bring great change in our thoughts and behaviours.
Change comes drop by drop and other times, it’s a plunge into something much deeper.
But it comes.
“By small and simple things are great things brought to pass.” – Alma 37:6
What are the sprinkles you offer to others?

The Depth of Feeling

Life is full of transitions.
Some are joyous, others heart-wrenching.
Returning home from Belgium and the Netherlands nearly 9 months ago now, frequently, I’ve reflected on the deep emotions that often accompany such changes.
Many missionaries experience this upon returning home, facing an unexpected void where purpose once thrived.
Having coached and counselled literally hundreds of these missionaries, and many others professionally too, through difficult challenges and change, I have seen firsthand the power of deep, genuine emotion.
The depth of those feelings intensifies further in moments of crisis, an injury to a loved one, the loss of someone dear, or personal struggles that weigh deeply upon our soul.
I have seen that these emotions are often raw and very real, born from love and deep within our hearts.
They remind us of our humanity, our connection to others, and our need for belonging.
In these moments, listening with empathy and understanding truly helps.
As a coach, I find that empathy creates a safe space for growth, allowing others to feel truly heard, understood, and supported as they navigate change and discover their own path forward.
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” – Viktor E. Frankl
It has been my experience, that we may not always be able to control our circumstances, but we can choose how we respond.
In my own struggles with transition, I’ve found that reaching out to serve others brings clarity, grounding, and renewed purpose.
For me, love in action helps transform difficulties and sorrows into purpose and meaning.
In times of deep emotion, how do you find your way forward?

Making Metamorphosis Stick

Graduating from university many years ago, literally changed the direction of my life.
I recall attending one of a myriad of careers fairs, where numerous companies visited the university and talked about job opportunities.
One company in particular “Metamorphose” sourced and developed graduates for sales positions and after enduring an intensive selection process, I was offered my first graduate sales role with a major company.
Over the course of the next year Metamorphose were set to fine tune my sales skills through a series of training seminars and inspirational leadership events.
During each session and the subsequent year-long follow up, the big idea was to transfer some of the greatest sales skills and ideas into our daily conduct and routines.
To make it “sticky” enough to make a real difference in our sales abilities, our effectiveness and ultimately the results that we achieved.
In essence it was important for Metamorphose that their training manifested itself in the personality, conduct and performance of each graduate student.
The training certainly was first class and to this day, I still use their materials and powerful techniques.
Sadly however, along the way, there were many who failed.

Adaptation

In life, I’ve discovered that there are many who can hear a great message and not be deeply stirred – we are all different after all.
Yet others, have the ability to take ideas successfully through the early stages of their metamorphosis to where they become ingrained habits that drive long-term success.
The difference often lies in commitment, mindset, and the willingness to apply what is learned consistently.
I saw first-hand how some graduates thrived, seizing every opportunity to refine their skills, while others struggled to implement the lessons.
The most successful individuals were those who embraced continuous learning, adapted to challenges, and stayed persistent even when results were slow to appear.
An effective way to make learning “sticky” is through constant practice, by applying new skills in real-world scenarios until they become second nature.
Another is by repetition, revisiting key concepts over and over to reinforce retention.
For me, coaching and mentoring others has proven to be the best “sticky” method of all.
Looking back, I realise how much of that early training has shaped my approach to business and personal growth today.
What’s one lesson from your early career that has stayed with you?

Bee-Inspired

Last night, I had the chance to meet up with some dear friends and fellow coaches, Philip Atkinson and Dave Kesby.
I joined with many other guests for the launch of Philip’s leadership book “Bee Wise” at the Royal Over-Seas League in London.
Philip is not only a remarkable Organisational Coach, but he is also a beekeeper and an accomplished one at that.
In his book he “lifts the lid on what happens inside a hard-working hive and uses this as a refreshing metaphor to examine working life.”
In essence, “the beehive is the ultimate business case of complex organisations and working life today.”
Philip gifted me a limited-edition hard copy of his book around Christmas time, and I’ve loved perusing it ever since.
The book considers twelve key topics relevant for leadership in organisations today, including change, communication, continuous learning, decision making, diversity, purpose, productivity, teamwork and many more, all through the fascinating metaphor of an industrious beehive.
I’ve discovered a few favourite chapters and understand a little more about the life of bees, and the lessons they can teach us.
Dave was one of 12 guest writers who Philip partnered with to share additional or alternative views, helping to create a community of shared thinking or in other words some hive-logic!
Last night was not just about celebrating the launch of a book; it was about celebrating friendship, shared learning, and the power of collaboration.
Spending time with Philip, Dave, and so many like-minded professionals reminded me of the importance of community and the strength we find in exchanging ideas.
Philip’s ability to weave wisdom and leadership lessons from the natural world into our working lives is truly inspiring.
I wish you every success Philip with “Bee Wise” – may it continue to spark meaningful conversations and insightful reflections in organisations far and wide!
And to all those who have yet to pick up a copy, I wholeheartedly encourage you to dive in and discover the buzz for yourselves! 🐝
Bees thrive on teamwork; just as great leaders foster collaboration – I have a free limited edition signed hard copy to give away!
Tag a colleague, mentor, or friend who embodies the spirit of teamwork and share why they inspire you below.
I’ll pick a winner and send the signed copy to one lucky participant!