Tag Archive for: coaching

A Flurry of Facilitators

A group of lions is a pride.

A group of geese is a gaggle.

And apparently, a group of facilitators may well be a flurry — at least according to one of my colleagues.

I heard the phrase a week or two ago while working alongside several fellow facilitators, and somehow it feels pretty accurate.

Facilitation often begins quietly.  There is thinking, pondering and preparing to be done. Plans are made, activities discussed, flipcharts arranged, PowerPoint slides adjusted and everything carefully set in order.

Then the participants arrive and suddenly, the flurry begins.

Ideas are flying, conversations are flowing, chairs are moving, and carefully prepared timings are being treated as gentle suggestions rather than firm commitments.

There is always energy, laughter and the occasional moment when everyone looks towards the facilitator as though we should know exactly what is happening — and have the answer to everything. Naturally, we smile confidently.

Eventually comes the familiar task of gathering everyone back together (which happens several times on any given day), a process often described as herding cats.

Cats, of course, are not natural herd animals. Unlike sheep, horses or cows, they generally prefer to go their own way, follow whatever has caught their attention and return only when they are good and ready.

Much like participants on a Lead the Way programme.

Some are finishing their coffee. Others are making another loo trip, answering an urgent email, or becoming absorbed in a fascinating conversation that has absolutely nothing to do with the session.

And then there are usually a few who appear to quietly wander off altogether.

Cat Herders

Thankfully, my fellow facilitators are not only thoughtful, skilled and experienced — they are also expert cat herders.

It may not appear on the formal facilitator job description, but perhaps it should:

Essential skill: the ability to gather independent-minded adults back into a room without appearing to chase them.

And then, almost as quickly as it began, the room grows quiet again. The participants leave. The flipcharts remain. The facilitators pause, reflect and ask the traditional post-session question:

“Did that go the way we planned?”

Usually, the answer is: “Well… not entirely.”

And often, that is where the best learning happened.

So yes, a flurry of facilitators feels just right: moments of stillness and thought, followed by a wonderful burst of movement, creativity, conversation and barely controlled chaos.

All held together by a small group of people who know how to ask good questions, follow the energy in the room — and gently herd the occasional cat.

What collective noun would you use for a group of facilitators?

Off You Go Then…

Earlier this week, Annmarie and I were preparing to welcome a brand-new cohort to another Lead the Way programme with Aviva in Perth.
We really enjoy working together and we’d taken a wee bit of time to prepare a plan for the session by dividing up the sections and agreed who would lead each part.
Everything was organised, or so we thought. 😉
As the session began, Annmarie and I stood at the front of the room and looked at one another.
There was a brief pause.
“Off you go,” I thought.
But she didn’t start.
Instead, she looked back at me with a slightly quizzical expression, which I interpreted as her perhaps needing a little encouragement.
So, I gave her what I imagined was a wonderfully supportive leadership signal: a gentle tilt of the head, raised eyebrows and an encouraging look that clearly said, “You’ve got this.”
Still, she hesitated.
Eventually, I added the words: “Off you go then.”
And off she went.
She welcomed the group, introduced the session and got us underway nicely. Nobody in the room appeared to notice that anything unusual had happened.
A few minutes later, during a short break, Annmarie leaned towards me with a big smile and whispered:
“You were supposed to start… Check the plan.”
Naturally, I did and she was right! I hadn’t checked the plan carefully enough!
We laughed about it and carried on. No harm was done, the session had begun well, and in fact, the little incident probably helped us to relax as we started working with a new group.
It was a small moment, quickly forgotten by everyone else, but a useful reminder for us.

The Leadership Lesson

In leadership and coaching, we can easily assume that a plan, a look or a subtle hint has made everything clear.
Sometimes it has. Sometimes it really hasn’t.
Often, the warmest and most helpful thing we can do is simply ask the question rather than rely on raised eyebrows and hopeful head tilts – although that can be fun too!
Where might one simple clarifying question prevent a bigger misunderstanding for you this week?

The Pillow Principle

At the start of a recent Lead the Way programme at Aviva in Perth, my co-facilitator, Sophie and I ran our usual check-in.

Nothing too complicated. Just a moment to hear where people were, how they were arriving, and what they were carrying into the room.

We figured out our earliest riser and one participant, Miriam Lacey, shared that she had been up since around 2.00am.

Not 2.00am in Perth, but 2.00am in Galway, Ireland.

She had made the long journey arriving in Perth ready to learn and was still giving her attention and energy to the day. By late afternoon, however, it was becoming clear that the early start was catching up with her – and to be fair, a few others too.

So, during a break, and mostly for a bit of fun, I went off and found her a pillow.

It got a laugh.

But it also got me thinking.

Sometimes leadership is not a grand gesture. It is not always the big speech, the strategic decision, or the perfectly crafted framework.

Sometimes leadership is simply noticing.

Noticing who has gone quiet.
Noticing who is carrying more than they said.
Noticing who is still showing up, even when their energy is running low.

And then doing something about it by showing a little empathy.

The pillow didn’t remove Miriam’s tiredness, or shorten her journey from Galway, or magically restore a full night’s sleep.

But it did say, “I see you.”

And sometimes that is the most human leadership message we can offer.

In organisations, we can become so focused on performance, outputs, pace, and productivity that we forget people are human beings, not machines. Our participants arrive with journeys behind them. Early mornings. Family pressures. Full diaries. Quiet worries. Tired minds. Heavy loads.

Leadership asks us to pay attention to the whole person, not just the role they are performing.

Yes, we still need accountability, standards, contribution, participation, and delivery.

But care and performance are not opposites.

In fact, people often give more of themselves when they know they are seen, understood, and supported.

The pillow principle may not be a leadership model, but it did cushion the point. 😊

Before we try to challenge, coach, or develop people, we may first need to notice them.

Because sometimes the smallest act of care can create the safest space to learn.

And sometimes leadership looks like a pillow placed quietly beside someone who got up at 2.00am in Galway and still chose to show up.

What small act of care could help someone feel seen this week?

Beneath the Lid

Returning from holiday recently, I noticed a new addition to the Learning Centre in Perth.

A 𝒇𝒓𝒆𝒆𝒛𝒆𝒓. 🥶

Not just any freezer, but a large freezer filled with lots of wee tubs of Mackie’s ice cream. 🍦

Chocolate, honeycomb, vanilla and mint.

A small Scottish treasure chest sitting quietly in the corner.

I am told it will be locked most of the time – thank goodness!

Of course, when the freezer was open, it created an unexpected moment of joy for a couple of my fellow facilitators. There was laughter, searching, stretching, choosing and, in one case, Steve almost disappearing headfirst into the freezer in pursuit of the perfect tub.

Thankfully, no facilitators were harmed in the making of this leadership lesson.

It was all very light-hearted, but it got me thinking.

Sometimes leadership is a little like that.

It is easy to stand at the edge and look through the glass. We can observe from a safe distance, make assumptions about what is inside, point helpfully, offer advice, or wait for someone else to do the digging.

But sometimes, if we really want to understand what is going on, we have to lean in a little further.

We have to open the lid and look beneath the surface.

In teams, the most useful insights are not always sitting neatly on top.

Lead the Way

At Aviva, throughout the Lead the Way programme, we often explore the things that sit a little deeper: hidden talent, unspoken frustrations, creative ideas, people needing encouragement, or colleagues who have more to offer than we have yet noticed.

In my experience, good leaders do not just glance across the surface. They get curious. They ask better questions. They listen properly. They are willing to look again.

And sometimes leadership means getting involved rather than simply giving instructions from the side.

I believe there is something powerful about leaders who are prepared to roll up their sleeves, join in, help search and occasionally look a little ridiculous in the process.

I know that trust is not built only in the formal moments. It is also built in the small, human ones too.

Around a freezer. Over a shared laugh. In the search for honeycomb. In the simple act of being present with people.

Perhaps the real leadership lesson was not in the ice cream at all. It was beneath the lid.

Although, to be fair, the honeycomb helped!

What might you discover if you took time to look beneath the surface?

Duct Tape Leadership

There are moments in life when you begin to realise just how important your particular seat on an aeroplane has become.
A couple of days ago, on our Delta flight home from Atlanta, Georgia, that seat happened to be mine, 48E. Or, more precisely, the overhead bin directly above it.
The plane was full. Everyone was seated and the flight was due to depart at 10.50pm. It was now 11.20 pm local time. Most of us were tired, increasingly hungry, and rather keen to begin the journey home.
There was only one small problem.
The overhead bin above my seat would not close. 🤨
At first, one member of staff appeared. Then another. Then another. And then another.
Before long, four mechanics were gathered in the aisle, carefully examining the offending compartment.
There were tools, torches, discussions, puzzled expressions and several increasingly determined attempts to persuade it to cooperate.
The passengers around me became quite invested in the outcome.
It felt a little like watching a particularly tense episode of The Repair Shop, except we were all trapped inside the workshop, with little progress being made.
Of course, safety matters. I was genuinely grateful that the crew took the problem seriously.
However, there was still something quite amusing about the situation.
A large aircraft. Sophisticated technology. Highly trained pilots. Hundreds of passengers. The ability to fly thousands of miles across an ocean.
And the one thing standing between us and Scotland was a cupboard door above seat 48E.
After more than an hour, several tools and a fair amount of brute force, the breakthrough finally came.
The magic solution?… Tape. Lots of tape.
The bin was sealed shut, labelled “UNSERVICEABLE – DO NOT USE”, and quietly retired from active duty for the flight.
It turns out the answer to the question, “How many mechanics does it take to close an overhead bin?” is: Four mechanics, one hour, a couple of metres of tape – and a formal retirement notice for a cupboard door.
There was a wee leadership lesson in it too.
Not every problem needs an elegant solution straight away.
Sometimes good leadership is about making things safe, keeping people moving and fixing it properly later.
What are you overcomplicating that may simply need a practical next step?

Juggling Four

There’s something about a trip to the loft.
You normally go looking for one thing and end up rediscovering three others you had long forgotten about.
Yesterday, I climbed up to bring down some suitcases.
But, as Scotland enjoyed its warmest day of the year, the sun loungers also looked very appealing.
Tucked away beside them were some old juggling balls and a few spinning plates from years ago.
That immediately brought back memories of living in the Netherlands and helping some dear friends learn to juggle.
What fascinated me then still feels true now: three balls are manageable with a little practice.
Four, however, changes everything.
The leap from three to four is far greater than most people expect.
In fact, I have only ever met a handful of people who could consistently juggle four or more well.
And perhaps life works much the same way.
Most of us can normally keep a few important things moving reasonably well: work, family, health, friendships, responsibilities.
But eventually life can add another ball or two into the air including a health concern, a difficult season in life, financial pressures, anxiety, conflict or even exhaustion.
And suddenly what once felt manageable starts becoming noticeably harder.
Perhaps that is why rest is not laziness.
Sometimes it is wisdom.
Yesterday, I left the juggling balls and spinning plates in the loft.
And with Monic’s help we brought down the sun loungers together instead.
Sometimes we do not need greater productivity.
We simply need a little sunlight, stillness and space to breathe again.
As I sat quietly in the sunshine for a while, I found myself wondering whether part of getting older is slowly learning that we were never designed to keep adding more and more balls into the air.
What “fourth ball” might you be trying to keep in the air right now?

Every Club Counts

Yesterday, while co-facilitating a Lead the Way session at Aviva in Perth, we were exploring leadership styles.

Towards the end of the session, I thought it was time to bring a little unexpected fun into the room. Earlier that morning, in my preparations for the session, I’d had a silly idea…

So… out came the golf clubs. ⛳

A driver, 3 wood, 4 iron, pitching wedge, sand wedge and of course… my putter.

A few slightly puzzled faces looked back at me!

I asked if there were any golfers in the room and one participant bravely volunteered to come forward.

What followed was part leadership lesson, part comedy golf challenge.

We talked about how no golfer would ever play an entire round with just one club.

The driver might help you launch down the fairway, but it’s hopeless in a bunker.

And a putter is perfect on the green, but not much use off the tee.

The wedge helps with delicate recovery shots.

Each club has a purpose for a specific situation and good golfers learn to read the course ahead of them.

In a sense Leadership styles are very similar.

Great leaders don’t rely on one dominant style for every circumstance.

Sometimes a team needs a visionary leader who paints a compelling picture of the future.

At other times they need coaching and encouragement.

Or they may need clarity, pace, collaboration, challenge, reassurance or direction.

The real skill is sensing what the situation requires… and then reaching for the right “club.”

Of course, no leadership activity involving golf clubs would be complete without a little chaos.

So naturally, we finished by attempting to putt golf balls into a mug from across the room using different clubs.

Let’s just say the success rate varied considerably depending on the club selected!

There was plenty laughter, a little competitiveness, and more than a few surprisingly passionate putting techniques on display.

But beneath the fun sat a simple reminder:

Leadership flexibility matters and there is always a choice, but as we watched John we all realised how he slowed down and really concentred too.

The key message landed – the best leaders are not those who master only one style.

They are the ones who develop the awareness, confidence and adaptability to use the right style at the right moment for the people in front of them.

Or, to put it another way…

Sometimes leadership requires a driver, and sometimes it simply requires a very careful putt into a pink mug!

As leaders, are we carrying a full bag of clubs… or just swinging the same one over and over again?

The Gentle Rewind

My day always begins early.

This morning, as I sat to write in my journal, I tried something a little different.

So, I sat quietly… and replayed yesterday in my mind’s eye.

I slowed down, even more unhurried, with no sense of rush. And as I did, it felt like watching an old video on rewind. Scene by scene in full colour.

I watched myself.
Where I was.
Who I was with.
What I said.

And how I showed up in each moment.

And something interesting happened.

I began to notice not just what I did… but how I was.

Was I present… or just physically there?
Was I listening… or waiting for my turn to speak?
Was I calm… or quietly hurrying the moment along?

There were moments I liked. Times when I was fully there, engaged, listening, unhurried.

And there were others…

Moments where I could see the subtle rush.
A hint of impatience.
Divided attention.
Tiredness creeping in.
Nothing dramatic.

Just small, human moments.

But really seeing them and properly noticing them, somehow felt different.

There was no harsh judgement.
Just a gentle awareness.

“Did you notice that moment?”
“That’s where you were trying.”
“That’s where you could slow down.”

Those quiet observations changed everything.

Questions…

I found myself asking a simple question as I watched it back:
How did I really show up yesterday?

I realised how rarely I give myself the space to truly see my day.
Not just skim it… but revisit it, unhurried.

Because the truth is, most of leadership – and most of life – isn’t made up of big moments.

It’s made up of small ones, including conversations, glances, pauses, interruptions, fatigue, kindness.

And somewhere in the middle of all that… is who we are becoming.

Slowing down long enough to notice it might be one of the most important leadership practices we develop.

Why not give it a go?

If you were to quietly rewind your day, what might you see that you didn’t notice the first time?

The Thinking Face

The other day, I was co-facilitating a virtual learning session on coaching for Aviva, on their new flagship leadership programme, Lead the Way.

After an initial exploration of the topic and some key areas to focus on, we sent the participants off into breakout rooms in trios and pairs for a little practice.

Armed with good intentions, a handful of questions, some listening skills and a new coaching model, they had just enough structure to get going.

And off they went.

As I dropped in and out of the rooms, something caught my attention.

Not the questions, the coaching model or even their listening skills.

Rather, it was their 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐬.

Many had a very familiar look that said something like, “I’m concentrating very hard on getting this right….”

You know that sort of look that was slightly tense, yet focused, and thinking more about the process, than the person.

There was a kind of intensity about them.

It was coaching… but it didn’t quite feel like connection.

Connection Coaching

I smiled, because (although it’s been a while) I’ve been there too.

In coaching, we can get so wrapped up in doing it right that we forget something simple: Your face is always speaking and more importantly, it is a very powerful tool in the coaching world.

Prior to sending them off into the breakout rooms, we’d spent a while considering questions, those of the verbal variety.

Experience has taught me that you can ask many questions in non-verbal ways through facial expressions, eye contact, a raised eyebrow, a puzzled look, tilting your head to the side, tugging your ear, placing your hand on your cheek, stroking your chin, using hand gestures to help or a combination of them all.

Self-awareness is paramount.

So, I left them with one thought towards the end of the session: “Have a think about what your face was saying.”

It may not something we often think about too often, but it might be one of the simplest ways to become a better coach.

Because great coaching isn’t just in the words we use… it’s frequently in the signals we send.

👉 What is your face saying?

Make it Fun

Sometimes, life can bring along difficult situations, hard or even tedious tasks at times.
Some tasks can just drain you, even just the thought of it!
Or am I alone in that thinking!?
You know the ones.
The long list.
The thing you’ve been putting off for a while.
Or even the bit of the day where your energy quietly slips out the room.
I’ve been noticing this a little more in our learning programmes at work with Aviva too.
There’s a very predictable moment, right after lunch.
We come back into the room…
And within minutes, you can almost feel the shift.
Energy dips.
The room gets quieter… but not in a good way.
And it’s nobody’s fault.
We’re all just human after all…
So, quite often these days, we’ve started doing something very simple.
We 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲 and have a little bit of 𝐟𝐮𝐧.
Nothing complicated.
Nothing forced.
Just a short, slightly playful energiser.
A quick activity.
A bit of movement.
Something that gets people talking, laughing, interacting again.
And without fail… it works.
Shoulders lift.
Eyes re-engage.
Learning comes back to life.
It all starts with a small thoughtful question:
“What’s one small thing we could do to make this a bit more fun?”
And that question changes things.
I’m starting to wonder if this applies far beyond our learning programmes.
That difficult conversation.
That overwhelming to-do list.
That task you keep avoiding.
What’s one small thing you could do to make today just a little more fun?
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