What does the world of tomorrow need from you?
As a coach, I find that many clients arrive weighed down by events from the past. Others are burdened by the things of today – their here and now.
There is much to be learned from the past and the present, but as a coach I help clients to unlock what needs to be different for them in the future.
Before you get sucked back into today’s reality, consider what do you want your future to look like….?
I have realised – its actually okay for me not to know the answer!
Several years ago, starting out in the coaching profession, I got a little concerned about how I can help others, when I knew very little about them, their profession, their situation or even their capabilities. In the beginning of my coaching career it did create a little personal anxiety!
As time passed, this may sound kind of strange or unusual to anyone not in the coaching world, but one of the greatest lessons that I have learned as a coach, is that I really don’t need to know the whole story. Nor is it for me to come up with answers!
As a coach I have to establish a safe space, build rapport, listen to understand, ask questions, guide, challenge and along the way, I may provide suitable interventions. My role is in fact to help every coachee to learn, grow, draw up their own answers, create a plan of action and follow up to achieve their aims.
If you are in need of some coaching – please do get in touch, I’m here to help!
In preparation for a forthcoming learning event I was reminded one of Aesop’s classic fables of “The Wind and the Sun.”
As I recall, it goes something like this….
In the story, the Wind and the Sun argue over who is stronger, and decide to settle their debate by seeing who can compel a passing traveller to remove his cloak.
The Wind, confident in his strength, begins by blowing fiercely.
The Wind blew with all his might, but the stronger he blew, the closer the traveller wrapped his cloak around him and the tighter he grasped it with his hands.
When the Wind finally tires, the Sun takes a gentler approach.
With the welcome beams of light and warmth, the traveller began to feel the gradual heat of the sun, as it shone brighter and brighter.
Eventually, overcome with the heat, without resistance the traveller cast his cloak on the ground.
Thus, the sun was champion.
This fable highlights a fundamental difference between influence and persuasion versus the use of force or coercion.
The Wind’s approach represents an attempt to dominate and overpower the traveller’s will, pushing him into action.
However, the result is the opposite: the more the Wind exerts force, the more the traveller resists.
Coercion or manipulation comes to mind.
When people feel pushed or controlled, their natural instinct is to resist, much like the traveller tightening his cloak.
The harder the push, the stronger the resistance.
This is seen in situations where force or threats are used to compel behaviour — the results are often fleeting or met with opposition.
In contrast, the Sun’s method embodies the power of influence and persuasion.
Rather than forcing the traveller to act, the Sun creates an environment where the traveller chooses to remove his cloak willingly.
This symbolises the effectiveness of using warmth, patience, and empathy to guide others toward a desired outcome.
Persuasion taps into intrinsic motivation, making people feel like they are in control of their decisions.
By fostering comfort and trust, the Sun influences the traveller’s behaviour subtly but effectively, leading to a more lasting change.
In the realms of leadership, negotiation, or communication, this fable demonstrates that soft power—the ability to persuade and influence through positive means—is often more powerful than direct force.
True influence creates conditions where others willingly adopt ideas or behaviours, rather than acting out of fear or obligation.
Just as the Sun outshone the Wind by gently encouraging the traveller to remove his cloak, the most effective forms of persuasion appeal to reason, trust, and mutual respect.
For me, there is a great lesson in this simple fable that persuasion is better than force.
Indeed, the sunshine of a kind and gentle manner is much more powerful than the threat of force of blustering might.
What lesson does the tale teach you?
Who supports you?
As a 4 year old, I set off with family and friends to climb this hill near Dunning, Perthshire. Since 1969, I have climbed this hill on many occasions, with my own children, family and friends. In fact it’s become one of my favourite spots on earth, to seek some peace, solitude and to reflect on life.
Just prior to my father’s death, I recall that we were talking about this photo. As we spoke about it, he asked if I could remember anything about the climb up the hill. I said “No”. He laughed and then responded “You can’t remember anything?” Once again..”No”. He then shared the story of our ascent. He told me that as we were about half way up the hill, I started to complain about sore legs and that I couldn’t make it to the top.
As we carried on, dad encouraged me and told me that I could make it. So, seemingly I persevered for a little longer, but then after a while, I told him once again – “I can’t do it”. As a loving parent, he picked me up, put me on his shoulders and carried me the last little distance to the top of the hill. Resulting with this photo taken a few minutes later – of a very happy child atop the stone for the very first time!
There are so many principles in this story about getting tired, taking my eyes off the goal etc … But most of all I want to make the point that in our conversations together, lets be ever mindful of supporting each other to achieve our goals!
Who can you support?
More than just affirming widely held character traits like honesty, kindness and compassion, I believe in 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 – or in other words 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈 what I say I believe. Thus these character traits are not just a simple belief, but an actual practice, a way of life, not just a way of thinking.
During many of my coaching conversations magical discoveries are made during the process of self-reflection and self-exploration. Oftentimes, individuals rediscover who they are at their very core. If you are plodding along, day to day, not understanding yourself at all – then perhaps it is time to begin the process of introspection and develop more self awareness. A coach can help you on your way.
Once you are aware of who you are, 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 who you are is key!
– Love who you are
– Don’t let others tell you who you are
– Don’t make apologies for who you are
– Have the courage to be different from others
– Laugh at yourself – frequently!
Quickly you’ll learn, like I have, that I am best at 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 me!
Our values are under attack…. personal, societal, organisational – open your eyes and see. This is a momentous challenge of our day.
Actions speak much louder than words. Know your values. Live them. Know your organisations values. Live them. Walk your talk. Be true to yourself, and those who you lead. Act, do not be acted upon.
In organisations when values are ignored and people don’t live by them, they have no meaning. When this occurs, I’ve witnessed business cultures becoming hypocritical, and employees losing respect for the organisation and its leaders. Conversely, when values are put into action, people feel engaged, energy, enthusiasm, and the drive to go beyond the ordinary all come to the fore.
“Vertigo to values brings a special dizziness” – Neal A Maxwell.
Identify the obstacles on your own path, get rid of the roadblocks and eliminate them! Always remember to choose the harder right instead of the easier wrong. Strongly-held values create powerful foundations in personal, family, societal and organisation structures. Be true to who you are and stand by your values.
Start today. Pause, reflect, identify your values and what matters most.
Whether you are familiar with the bible or not, you are likely to have heard this quote from Proverbs (29:18); “Where there is no vision, the people perish.”
It has taken me quite a while to understand what that statement really means, but a recent experience may help.
When driving at 70 mph on the motorway, what does it feel like to drive when dense fog starts to settle in front of you?
As the fog starts to thicken and you realise that you can only see a few metres in front of you, I know that my heart starts racing a little.
I flick the fog lights on taking my foot off the accelerator at the same time.
When the fog is really thick, I’ll slow down to a crawl and take it very slow, so that I don’t run into someone ahead of me.
Take that experience to its extreme.
When fog is so dense that even moving forward very slowly is dangerous, there is also the fear that someone may rear end you, which can be very alarming.
As the fog starts to lift and you emerge from its grasp, you can see a few metres ahead, then 20, 30 and its gone.
How do you feel then?
Relief perhaps?
You start to accelerate once more.
Think about what actually changed during those few minutes on the road.
The only thing that really changed was your vision, your ability to see.
With vision you saw the road clearly ahead.
When there was no vision, you were as is states in Proverbs, in danger of perishing.
And so it is with anything in life.
When you have no vision for your life, your family, your career or for what you want to accomplish, its a bit like being caught in the fog on the motorway.
To accomplish anything you must first have a mission, a goal, a hope, a vision.
And when challenges arise, or when the fog creeps in, remember to slow down.
We must catch the vision of who we really are.
How can you increase the vision in your own life?
