Tag Archive for: coaching

“How do you walk in another person’s shoes?”

“How do you walk in another person’s shoes?” asked the workshop participant…

A great question and one that I have been asked repeatedly in recent coaching workshops.

A big part of the answer is to do with 𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐲.

It begins with simply showing a little more kindness to others.

Empathy is our ability to understand another person’s feelings, thoughts, and condition from their perspective, rather than our own.

In my experience empathy is being very present in any conversation, attentively listening deeply, being open minded without judgement, looking into their eyes and giving someone your undivided attention, in order to sense their emotions.

Frequently a human connection is made, resulting in a peek or a fleeting impression into how or what they are really feeling.

Just be there and listen.

It is a momentary glimpse of their reality.

That’s when I start to feel I am being empathetic.

The good news is – empathy is something that can be learned.

Start by being curious.

Active or deep listening and asking powerful open ended questions helps us to develop an understanding of another persons situation and in turn develops empathy.

Instead of saying, “Are you okay?” try asking, “How are you feeling about everything that’s going on?”

Imagine how you would feel if you were in their situation, considering their history, values, and personality—not yours.

Empathy isn’t only about words; it’s also about noticing facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language.

Paying attention to these non-verbal signals can give you insights into what someone might be feeling, even if they’re not saying it explicitly.

As you seek to understand another person, simple responses are very often the most powerful and meaningful ways to help.

Try walking in another’s shoes today, go on give it a go!

Work

“There is no substitute for hard work” – so said Thomas Edison.

It was in my childhood that I started to learn the value of work. Throughout much of my school years, I was up early to deliver the morning papers. No matter the weather, I was up and out on my round by 6 am.  An early rise has been the pattern of my entire life.

Even before my early departure, I remember, mum or dad being up to clean out the coal fire, remove all the ash and set it for the day ahead.

There is a certain charm in a real coal fire, but there is also a lot of hard work to enjoy those benefits.

“Work is honourable. It is good therapy for most problems. It is the antidote for worry. Work is the equaliser for deficiency of native endowment. Work makes it possible for the average to approach genius. What we may lack in aptitude, we can make up for in performance” – J. Richard Clarke.

No matter what we do, or who we work for, we should give of our best – always.

By finding something that you really love to do, working will then not be a chore or a burden, it will be a joy.

I’ve seen work without success, but never success without work.

Keep stoking the flames of your own coal fires of life, a strong work ethic, will always keep the fire burning.

One by One

Over the last 30 + years, I have had many opportunities, with 1000’s of individuals to provide coaching, counselling or to share in a mentoring session together.

There are numerous articles, suggestions, models and books outlining what makes a great coaching conversation. In addition, I have also contributed to many discussions in lots of forums on the topic too.

I was however recently reminded again of a blindingly obvious point, it is this – simply stated, these conversations happen 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙗𝙮 𝙤𝙣𝙚.

Intimate one by one conversations enable the most effective and powerful opportunities for change to occur. Giving someone your undivided attention for 30, 60 or even 90 minutes creates a powerful, meaningful, candid and insightful crucible for change. It is distraction free time.

Frequently, during these one by one moments a “reality check” occurs for the coachee. Indeed, a coaching conversation is perhaps the most personal and powerful form of communication and change that there is.

If you want change to happen, then you need to slow down, make time, listen to understand and consider the power of a coaching conversation, 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙗𝙮 𝙤𝙣𝙚.

Who will you hold a coaching conversation with today?

Does 9.00 am exist?

“Does 9.00 am exist” I asked the delegates on the virtual time management workshop. Unanimously they responded “yes!” followed by a few whispers and puzzled faces.

As we explored the concept of time together, everyone soon realised that 9.00 am, along with 24 hours, 1,440 minutes and indeed 86,400 seconds were all simply something that mankind had created to manage time better – the study of horology is fascinating! We concluded – 9.00 am isn’t real! In fact the only thing that is real, is day & night, along with the seasons – spring, summer, autumn and winter.

Each of us are stewards of our time here upon earth. Each and every day counts.

Henry B. Eyring captured it well when he said – “Someday, when you know who you really are, you will be sorry you didn’t use your time better.”

I love these words penned by Robert Baird:

Time flies on wings of lightning;
We cannot call it back.
It comes, then passes forward
Along its onward track.
And if we are not mindful,
The chance will fade away,
For life is quick in passing.
’Tis as a single day.

Consider these questions focused on different time frames…

Are you doing everything that you should be doing with your one precious life?

How will you choose to fill the blank pages of your book of life today?

Simplify

Slowly, …in fact very slowly, I’m beginning to learn that small and simple is much better than big and complex.

Lots of virtual facilitation recently has reminded me of the following…

𝐒𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐮𝐥.

We must eliminate the unnecessary. It cuts through the noise. Great results follow.

When simplifying – consider these five questions…
1. Will it matter in 10 years?
2. What do I need more of in my life?
3. What do I need less of?
4. Is it essential?
5. How can I make this simpler?

By answering these questions regularly and honestly a new ability, perhaps a skill even – of being able to say no, deciding not to do something, being able to identify the things that are really worth doing and conversely the things that really aren’t worth doing at all – will start to shine through. Things become much simpler, clearer and understandable.

Why not start today and ask yourself the questions!

Mistakes

It was a painful error. “That one wrong move cost me the game” said my son, as his younger sister wrapped up Settlers of Catan at the weekend.

Catan is a family favourite in our home – and possibly yours too.

For the second week in a row, the youngest member of our family was victorious. It was also much to the chagrin of her older brother! Yet, only a few moments previously the game was in the balance. It was simply because of one move made a little earlier in the game, that the damage was done. Ultimately, a short term advantage led to the defeat. It wasn’t until a few moments after making the move, did he realise his error, which ultimately cost him the game.

The learning occurred for my son when he owned up to making the mistake. Yes, he was irritated a little by his lapse in judgement and I’m sure he’ll learn from the error and think things through more carefully next time.

One wrong move in a game of Catan, isn’t as serious as making a wrong move in life. Yet, in life too, we sometimes make poor choices that can ultimately have life changing consequences.

Mistakes are simply a part of the learning process and are very valuable. Its okay to make them, as long as you learn from them and remember the lesson.  So, lets embrace them and keep moving forward!

What mistakes or wrong moves have you made at home, at work, or even in life and what lessons did you learn?

Obstacles

As a youngster, I was always picking up a new sport, entering a race, or trying out for a new team.

Somehow, in my first year at high school, I managed to qualify for the 100 metres hurdles at our annual schools sports day at the local athletics stadium.

My hurdling technique was limited at best, and yet I made it to the final.

I gave it my all that day, but ended up finishing in last place.

That was the end of my hurdling career! However, I did end up playing football, rugby, basketball and badminton through my high school years, enjoying a fair bit of success and failure too in many of the team sports.

The key to success in my sports journey was having highly effective coaches to help us all along the way.

I have fond recollections of the enthusiastic guidance Mr Montgomery and Mr Galbraith provided on many occasions.

In a similar manner, I feel extraordinarily blessed to do something I love every day.

As a qualified coach and recently recognised as a fellow by the Association of Coaching I have regular opportunities to help people along their way in their personal life or professional development.

Life has a great tendency to keep raising the hurdles that come along.

Yet, experience has taught me that working with a coach can help overcome any obstacles.

How can I help you improve your position?

Tomorrow

What does the world of tomorrow need from you?

As a coach, I find that many clients arrive weighed down by events from the past. Others are burdened by the things of today – their here and now.

There is much to be learned from the past and the present, but as a coach I help clients to unlock what needs to be different for them in the future.

Before you get sucked back into today’s reality, consider what do you want your future to look like….?

Good enough?

I have realised – its actually okay for me not to know the answer!

Several years ago, starting out in the coaching profession, I got a little concerned about how I can help others, when I knew very little about them, their profession, their situation or even their capabilities. In the beginning of my coaching career it did create a little personal anxiety!

As time passed, this may sound kind of strange or unusual to anyone not in the coaching world, but one of the greatest lessons that I have learned as a coach, is that I really don’t need to know the whole story. Nor is it for me to come up with answers!

As a coach I have to establish a safe space, build rapport, listen to understand, ask questions, guide, challenge and along the way, I may provide suitable interventions. My role is in fact to help every coachee to learn, grow, draw up their own answers, create a plan of action and follow up to achieve their aims.

If you are in need of some coaching – please do get in touch, I’m here to help!

Influence or Persuasion

In preparation for a forthcoming learning event I was reminded one of Aesop’s classic fables of “The Wind and the Sun.”

As I recall, it goes something like this….

In the story, the Wind and the Sun argue over who is stronger, and decide to settle their debate by seeing who can compel a passing traveller to remove his cloak.

The Wind, confident in his strength, begins by blowing fiercely.

The Wind blew with all his might, but the stronger he blew, the closer the traveller wrapped his cloak around him and the tighter he grasped it with his hands.

When the Wind finally tires, the Sun takes a gentler approach.

With the welcome beams of light and warmth, the traveller began to feel the gradual heat of the sun, as it shone brighter and brighter.

Eventually, overcome with the heat, without resistance the traveller cast his cloak on the ground.

Thus, the sun was champion.

This fable highlights a fundamental difference between influence and persuasion versus the use of force or coercion.

The Wind

The Wind’s approach represents an attempt to dominate and overpower the traveller’s will, pushing him into action.

However, the result is the opposite: the more the Wind exerts force, the more the traveller resists.

Coercion or manipulation comes to mind.

When people feel pushed or controlled, their natural instinct is to resist, much like the traveller tightening his cloak.

The harder the push, the stronger the resistance.

This is seen in situations where force or threats are used to compel behaviour — the results are often fleeting or met with opposition.

The Sun

In contrast, the Sun’s method embodies the power of influence and persuasion.

Rather than forcing the traveller to act, the Sun creates an environment where the traveller chooses to remove his cloak willingly.

This symbolises the effectiveness of using warmth, patience, and empathy to guide others toward a desired outcome.

Persuasion taps into intrinsic motivation, making people feel like they are in control of their decisions.

By fostering comfort and trust, the Sun influences the traveller’s behaviour subtly but effectively, leading to a more lasting change.

In the realms of leadership, negotiation, or communication, this fable demonstrates that soft power—the ability to persuade and influence through positive means—is often more powerful than direct force.

True influence creates conditions where others willingly adopt ideas or behaviours, rather than acting out of fear or obligation.

Just as the Sun outshone the Wind by gently encouraging the traveller to remove his cloak, the most effective forms of persuasion appeal to reason, trust, and mutual respect.

For me, there is a great lesson in this simple fable that persuasion is better than force.

Indeed, the sunshine of a kind and gentle manner is much more powerful than the threat of force of blustering might.

What lesson does the tale teach you?