Are you going nowhere?

Are you going nowhere?

1 year ago, on February 1st 2020, I took delivery of my new car and was excited about the journeys ahead. Yesterday, it was back in the garage for it’s first annual service. In my 20’s and 30’s I’d be regularly driving 40,000 miles plus per year. In my 40’s & 50’s that reduced to circa 15,000 miles per year. This year, I’ve barely driven 5,000 miles and most of those were done in the first 8 weeks of ownership, pre-Covid19. Occasionally, I’ll go for a short spin, but never very far. The car passed it’s annual 40 point health check with flying colours, with tyres too that are hardly worn.

Most of the year, the car has been parked up outside, going nowhere.

Yet, just under the bonnet of the car, there is a powerful finely tuned engine, in prime condition ready to roar into action.

Similarly, there may have been days over these last few months when you’ve felt like you’re going nowhere. If you were to take your 40 point annual service health check, would you pass with flying colours, or are you feeling a little worn out?

If we want to roar into action, then we need to look after ourselves.
– Go out for a little walk (spin)
– Connect with others, listen and support
– Give of yourself
– Set a goal
– Eat well
Then you will be going somewhere!

Don’t Give Up!

Tuesday morning my brain was completely fried due to the complexity of a piece of virtual #facilitation.

“My, oh my, this is tortuous!” I thought.

Then came feelings of self doubt, fear, anxiety and a resignation that I simply couldn’t get my head around what was expected. I became a little grumpy….(well maybe a big bit!)

Consulting with a few other virtual facilitators, they felt exactly the same…(even more scary, and now even more grumpy too!)

I persevered.
Then I persevered a little more.
And still even more.

With a little more effort, a little more #patience, a little more #persistence and some practice & experimentation thrown in too for good measure, eventually…it started to make a little more sense.

By Wednesday afternoon, I’d cracked it! I was overcome with a huge sense of relief and started dancing around the living room.

This morning, as I get back online for the last rounds of the virtual facilitation, I am actually looking forward (and just a little excited too) about the day ahead. And I’ll have a bit of fun too!

Being taken of your comfort zone into your stretch zone, can be very painful at times – I can testify of that! Yet, strangely it also brings a great sense of accomplishment, once you achieve the goal.

Have you been stretched recently?

Unity

Joe Biden spoke last week on #unity. We all know that in society today, you don’t have to look very far to find disunity, disharmony and distrust.

Consider this story, shared by Barbara Lewis…

“A young boy visited his uncle, a lumberjack. At the lumber camp, the boy saw a huge tree standing alone on the top of a hill. He enthusiastically pointed the tree out to his uncle, saying, “Look at that big tree! It will make a lot of good lumber, won’t it?” His uncle looked down at the boy and shook his head. “No, son, that tree will not make a lot of good lumber. It might make a lot of lumber but not a lot of good lumber. When a tree grows off by itself, too many branches grow on it. Those branches produce knots when the tree is cut into lumber. The best lumber comes from trees that grow together in groves. The trees also grow taller and straighter when they grow together.”

Similarly, so it is with all of us.

We are better individuals, more useful timber, when we grow together, unified, rather than alone. Unity begins with you! With a common goal it is the glue that holds us all together.

We build unity when we serve others, showing that we genuinely care. Unity is a critical ingredient for harmony and success.

Let’s build unity and live without disputes among us.

Discovering your gifts.

A life time of coaching experience has helped me realise that each of us, possesses a unique set of gifts, talents and abilities. We are individuals.

Regularly as a coach, I review personality assessments in order to understand these unique characteristics. In fact one of the questions I ask every coachee I engage with directly is this, “Have you undertaken any assessments on your learning style, or personal style such as indicated by the Myers-Briggs type indicator, Belbin or other methods?”

There are many well respected and scientifically validated personality tests, including, Hogan (HPI), Marston (DISC), Schutz (FIRO-B), Kolb, Handy & Schein to name only a few. You may have taken one yourself. These tests are designed to help you understand yourself. Many coaches like me, must take time to understand and get their heads around different assessments to provide accurate feedback and insights for coachees.  These assessments all have their place.

Our gifts, talents, personalities and characteristics differ. Yet, I know that we can all excel at something. I have worked with remarkable lawyers, educators, businessmen, politicians, musicians and scientists.  It is in these personal 1-1, intimate coaching moments, that revelations can be encountered.

My experience of coaching conversations is this; latent gifts or talents are likely to be awakened and new discoveries made. Enjoy your journey!

Coaching in style!

Recently I was asked “Where is the best place for a coaching conversation?”
It made me think of all the many places I’ve held such a conversation.
Of late it has nearly always been on Zoom or Teams, but in this last year I’ve had many walking in parks or along the beach front. Other venues have included client offices, hotel receptions, restaurants, coffee shops, cafes, trains, planes, cars, taxis, corridors and many at home in my living room!
Coaching conversations can happen anywhere. However the best place is where your coachee feels safe, at ease and comfortable to share confidentially what is on their mind. Over the years, I have found it helpful too, to mix up the location, for instance by taking a walk in an open space. A change of scenery can help to change the dynamics of the conversation.
What is key is that both of you are present, in mind, body and spirit – you are really there….together!
Finally, the best place was the restaurant at Gleneagles Hotel, where my client also paid for a beautiful lunch!!

Expect the unexpected!

The unprecedented, unexpected, exceptional and unimaginable are the new norm. “When you look to the future in leadership, what must change, what do you see?” asked a course participant.
This is a huge question.
The world is rapidly changing at lightning speed.
Reflecting for a moment and considering all that is going on in the world my response was a simple one… “even more disruption and expect the unexpected. I believe that the key to future success for any leader will be self-awareness, purpose, authenticity, empathy, humility and knowing exactly what they want to become.”
As the world continues to spiral from one crisis to another, the question I am often asked is “what should we be teaching leaders now?”
Considering the unfolding events on the world stage in the last few days, I was drawn to an article by Boyd Matheson who stated that “setting personal interest aside to contemplate the greater good is the essence of leadership. Far too many leaders are obsessed with a different question “What is best for me?”” Instead, the true leader faced with momentous decisions asks “What is best for the people I lead?”
Consider your families, teams, and organisations today…”What is best for the people you lead?”

Thank you NHS

Millions are suffering. Fear, worry and anxiety have gripped the hearts of so many. Hundreds of thousands of lives are being lost.
Despite all this, I have personally witnessed a flood of helping hands. Kind acts of compassion and service have touched the hearts of millions.
Many homes, pubs, churches, community centres, businesses, colleges, universities, sports clubs and many others have opened their doors to help. In addition thousands of individuals have transformed their local communities by selflessly giving of their time and energy in a multitude of kind acts of service, establishing food banks or simply going out of their way to do good. I cannot say enough about them, for their goodness, drive and vitality.
We are now witness to a Herculean effort by our NHS in the UK and health organisations the world over, to vaccinate populations in record times as COVID-19 spirals out of control. The next few weeks will be challenging. There may be a few more bumps in the road, but I’d like to express my gratitude and thanks to those who serve tirelessly, lovingly and so compassionately. The very least we can do is pray for them every day.
You know who you are. We are indebted to each of you.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart and depths of my soul.

Are you asking the right question?

Asked any good questions lately? As a coach, I am constantly asking questions to help clients move forward.
For example…”What do you want?” “What do you need most right now?” “So what?” “Why now?” “How can you be more true to yourself?” “Can you tell me more?” “How are you, really?”
Querying something can be extremely powerful. They help us to think, feel and do things differently. The best ones usually start with “why.”
Some professionals like doctors, lawyers and journalists are taught how to ask great questions as part of their training. In my own professional career through sales and coaching, I have found it equally important to be able to formulate and ask the right question. Questions aid performance, close sales, help provide inspiration and direction, they even help to build trust and rapport. It is a useful skill to be able to ask great questions.
Its time to be a little more curious. Asking questions is an important part of life and learning, it shows that you want to improve.
What question will you ask today?

Looking & Learning

“Daryl, I love your object lessons!” said a course participant.  “Many years ago you had me construct a periscope, and I’ve never forgotten the principle of lifting my vision.”

You can find lessons for life in everyday items and activities by simply looking around. As you consider your audience, reflect upon the things you do and observe each day. Your surroundings can come alive with answers to help you teach.

Consider using a simple object as a metaphor or an analogy to help connect the learning.

Some of my favourite objects include – Ear plugs, spectacles, a compass, tuning forks, light bulbs, a torch, wool, stabilisers, tools, batteries, eggs, juggling balls, spinning plates, bread, kitchen utensils, remote controls, razors, periscopes – the list is endless! Look around and use your imagination.

Many years ago, my father taught me the power of observation. Sat in the garden he watched and marveled at the industry and work rate of tiny ants. A few days later he shared those observations in a remarkable speech. I have never forgotten the lessons about work, industry and service. I find through small and simple things the most powerful lessons are learned.

What are some of your favourite object lessons?

Don’t interfere!

A recent experience reminded me that as a leadership coach, one of the greatest lessons I ever learned was that the best leaders have sense enough to pick good people to do what needs to be done. But more importantly, they also have self-restraint enough to stop themselves from meddling with them, while they do it!

My invitation today is a gentle reminder to all of us – to stop meddling! Instead, remember to trust others and simply let them get on with it!

Remember – leadership is a lifelong learning process.