Handling Failure

Experience has taught me, that to suffer some anxiety, some stress, some low moods or depression, some disappointment, or even some failure is ๐’๐’๐’“๐’Ž๐’‚๐’.
Let me repeat that…. ๐๐Ž๐‘๐Œ๐€๐‹!
Everyone fails.
Everyone.
Everyone has bad things happen to them at some point.
Every now and then, a really good miserable day, or even a few of them may come along all at once, lined up perfectly all in a row, day after day!
Maybe you have felt days like that?
Doomed to failure.
Defeated, lost, discouraged, possibly even feelings of shame and inferiority may ariseโ€ฆ
You may even choose to prolong the agony by engaging in some mental torture, relentless self-criticism, beating yourself up and continually berating yourself.
When we feel like this, we may even want to hide, to shrivel up or even just disappear.
Have you been there?
Itโ€™s easy to be tough on ourselves. Isn’t it!

If this is you, choose to ๐’๐“๐Ž๐!

It is time to change your relationship with failure.
Take a momentโ€ฆ
Breathe.
Think.
Let me assure you, ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ซ๐ž ๐ข๐ฌ ๐š ๐›๐ž๐ญ๐ญ๐ž๐ซ ๐ฐ๐š๐ฒ…
What would you do to support a friend through a similar difficult period?
By showing ourselves some kindness, respect and encouragement, we can practice self-compassion.
With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care weโ€™d give to a good friend.
โ€œSelf-compassion has been defined as a self-attitude that involves treating oneself with warmth and understanding in difficult times and recognizing that making mistakes is part of being human (Neff, 2003)
Realising that things donโ€™t always go the way you want them to, is a reality shared by each and every one of us.
My experience is to see failure as a step closer to success, not a step backwards.
How can you be kinder to yourself?
Think of a time when you failed at something and someone responded with kindness and reassurance…
How did that make you feel?

Side by Side

I enjoy my early morning studies.
Sleep is very important, but for me my desire to learn the gospel and to come to know my Saviour Jesus Christ has always been more important than lying in my bed for too long each morning.
Russell M. Nelson has said โ€œTo those who feel defeated and downtrodden, look to the early hours of the day for your rescue.โ€
In the wee small hours every morning, when all is quiet and peaceful, there is nothing I enjoy more than to sit on the living room sofa, wrap myself in a blanket and snuggle up with a good book to help me come to know my Saviour Jesus Christ, a little more.

Scriptures

The scriptures have always been a good friend and in them there are many examples of those who arose early in the morning:
โ€ข Genesis 19:27 โ€œAbraham gat up ๐’†๐’‚๐’“๐’๐’š ๐’Š๐’ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’Ž๐’๐’“๐’๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ to the place where he stood before the Lordโ€
โ€ข Exodus 34:4 โ€œMoses rose up ๐’†๐’‚๐’“๐’๐’š ๐’Š๐’ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’Ž๐’๐’“๐’๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ, and went up unto mount Sinai, as the Lord had commanded him, and took in his hand the two tables of stoneโ€
โ€ข Joshua 6:12 โ€œAnd Joshua rose ๐’†๐’‚๐’“๐’๐’š ๐’Š๐’ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’Ž๐’๐’“๐’๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ, and the priests took up the ark of the Lordโ€
โ€ข In Mark 1:35 we read that the Saviour himself arose ๐’†๐’‚๐’“๐’๐’š โ€œ…๐’Š๐’ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’Ž๐’๐’“๐’๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ, rising up a great while before day, he went out, and departed into a solitary place, and there prayedโ€.
I know that more flashes of inspiration and insight come in those early morning hours, than at any other time of the day.
In the early mornings of the last two weeks, my thoughts have turned to Palm Sunday and General Conference weekend of Saturday 1st and Sunday 2nd April.
Why not join us online?
Iโ€™ve enjoyed the General Conference talks from six months ago.

Side by Side

Each morning, I pick up two copies of the Liahona and study them ๐ฌ๐ข๐๐ž ๐›๐ฒ ๐ฌ๐ข๐๐ž.
One in Dutch and one in English.
Firstly, I study a talk in Dutch and try to understand as much of the talk as I can.
Secondly, I study the same talk, but this time in English to gain further clarity.
Interestingly, the two-language approach, brings additional inspiration, insight and understanding.
In a letter of 2nd March, the First Presidency said, โ€œGeneral conference provides an opportunity to receive personal revelation as general Church leaders give counsel and directionโ€
I know personally, that one of the best ways to come to Christ is to listen and study the words of His special witnesses.
The best time for me to that, is ๐ฌ๐ข๐๐ž ๐›๐ฒ ๐ฌ๐ข๐๐ž in the early hours of the morning.
Our missionaries can help you learn of Jesus Christ.
They also like the early mornings too!
What is your favourite time to study?

In a dark place?

Sometimes, we can find ourselves in some dark places in our life.
It can be debilitating.
Itโ€™s been my experience, that everyone has low mood days.
And I mean everyone.
When they come (and they will), what can you do about it?
There has been lots written in recent years about positive thinking, mindset, mindfulness, sleeping patterns etc.
Personally, for years, I have maintained a daily habit of journaling.
Unquestionably, it has helped to maintain my mental well-being.
However, one of the most frequently recommended practices by psychologists, counsellors and coaches to help those with dark moods, anxiety or stress, is to keep a ๐ ๐ซ๐š๐ญ๐ข๐ญ๐ฎ๐๐ž ๐ฃ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ง๐š๐ฅ.
What is a gratitude journal anyway?
Simply, a gratitude journal helps you appreciate life more.
Its easy to begin.
Find a small notebook, some quiet โ€œmeโ€ time to reflect, maybe 15 minutes at the end of the day and write down three things that you are grateful for.
Let the gratitude flowโ€ฆ
Here are some ideas to get you startedโ€ฆ
โ€ข Someone youโ€™re happy to have in your life.
โ€ข Your favourite part of the day
โ€ข Someone who gave you good advice.
โ€ข Good news or something that made you smile.
โ€ข Something beautiful you saw today.
โ€ข Someone who inspired you.
โ€ข Something you love about your work.
The outcomes?
Itโ€™ll reduce stress, lower anxiety, release tension, provides clarity, itโ€™ll make you happier and will help you gain a better understanding of yourself.
The more practice you get, the easier it becomes, and youโ€™ll more easily feel the sensations that come into your thoughts as you focus on gratitude.
Go on, give it a go, and start today.

4 Ingredients for Success

As a child, I enjoyed baking scones, cakes and biscuits under the watchful eye of my mother.
It was fun, and a great way to spend Saturday afternoons together.
Licking the wooden spoon at the end of the baking was always the best part!
As I grew older, I recognised that in order to bake a delicious banana loaf, the best way to ensure great results was to follow a good recipe with exactness.
Over many years, my banana loaf has now become somewhat of a Daryl Watson classic in our family!
The result, a happy family, especially my wife, with her gluten free version – (that is a fine art in itself!)
Following a simple recipe, oftentimes leads to great success.
And so, it is in our home, family and business life.
For me, there are 4 simple ingredients to ensure happiness throughout our journey in life.
1. Do something you love – Just like baking banana loaf, I love coaching!
2. Find your purpose – Why are you here? Determine that & follow it!
3. Serve Others – That will help you find joy in your journey.
4. Act – Do not be acted upon – take ownership of your own journey.
Mix them all together and the result will be scrumptious.
Enjoy!
What is included in your simple recipe for success?

Lingering

It started last Saturday with a tickle in my throat.
By Sunday morning, speaking in Hengelo, I had turned into an excellent bass.
By Monday, I was in bed for a whole day to get some rest.
Then all week long, despite my best efforts, to get rid of this sore throat, it has lingered.
My best friends have been an array of products and remedies including: Hot water with honey, oranges, fresh orange juice, lots of water, Strepsils, tissues, Vicks Menthol Rub, an inhaler, multivitamins, paracetamol, ibuprofen and finally, as much rest as I can get!
And thank you too for all the tips!
Sadly, yesterday, we had to postpone a visit from some good friends. I still wasnโ€™t right.
Coughing and spluttering, have lingered with me all week.
๐‹๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ž๐ซ๐ข๐ง๐ : โ€œlasting for a long time or to be slow in parting or slow to act.โ€
This sore throat is lingering, like aโ€ฆ lingering thing!
Some things seem to linger.
Do you find yourself lingering at times, in places, with friends or even online?
It fascinates me when our missionaries are in any gathering together, they love to linger!
They’re friends after all, and they canโ€™t get enough of lingering.
The toughest part is to encourage them to depart and return to their areas.
Yet, who has time to linger in this busy frantic world we live in?
Do you fit lingering into your daily schedule?
I know that something really special can happen in our relationship with Jesus Christ when we value lingering in His presence.
Every morning before you plunge yourself into the activities of your day, take time to linger with Him.
Psalms 27:14 reads โ€œWait on the Lord; be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart; wait I say on the Lord.โ€
In spending more time in prayer, Iโ€™m rediscovering the power of lingering.
Prayer is personal, its about communing, thanking, asking, listening, waiting and now Iโ€™d add lingering.
Jesus Christ always welcomes those who linger.
And those who linger with Jesus Christ, find that He lingers with them.
If you are in any doubt, simply ask our missionaries โ€“ they love to linger!

The Flu…

I donโ€™t like being sick.
Iโ€™ve spent the last 24 hours in bed dealing with a bad cold or maybe itโ€™s the flu?
Iโ€™m not too certain what virus I currently have, Iโ€™m sure it probably doesnโ€™t really matter, although the test tells me its not covid.
This morning, the last thing I wanted to do was get out of bed and get dressed.
Headache, fever, runny nose, sore throat, coughing fits, muscle ache, generally lethargic and so forth.
I guess Iโ€™m just feeling sorry for myself.
Iโ€™ve gone through a box of tissues, the kind with extra balsam that are supposed to be gentle on your nose.
Paracetamol and ibuprofen have taken the edge off the fever and helped to deal with the symptoms Iโ€™m experiencing.
I take all the help I can get, to get healthy again.
Why does it take so long to get over the flu?
Iโ€™m an impatient patient!
In fact, Iโ€™m a terrible patient.
Monic has been in the bedroom a few times to see how Iโ€™m doing, one thing I know for sure, Iโ€™m a little bit grumpy!
Everything is more difficult when Iโ€™m ill.
Perhaps I should see this as an opportunity for a break from my busy schedule.
Although taking time out is a good thing, Iโ€™m not thrilled about staying in my bed.
Iโ€™ve written my journal.
Dealt with several emails.
Booked hotel rooms.
Read a book.
Watched a movie.
Got caught up on social media.
Slept.
Drank lots of water.
Two hot cups of water with honey were actually quite nice.
Ultimately, my body is saying “Hey listen, it would be really great if you would just take a rest.”
Roll on the next 24 hours!
How do you deal with being sick? Any suggestions?

Smile

I am not too certain what it is about missionaries, but they are always smiling!
Being with them yesterday, reminded me of an experiment I conducted some years ago.
It was to ๐’”๐’Ž๐’Š๐’๐’† ๐’‚๐’• ๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’š๐’๐’๐’†!
When at home back then, I walked our dog (Fawn) early one afternoon in the “Glen” in Dunfermline.
A perfect time to experiment!
Setting off, school kids were at lunch – they gave me some unusual looks in response.
I bumped into an old friend I hadn’t seen in over 30 years. We talked, laughed and shared many memories.
Next, I met a young family feeding the squirrels, we smiled and they commented about the beauty of the Glen and we struck up a lovely conversation.

Ball throwing time.

Fawn was delighted!
Other dog owners joined in.
Further conversation ensued!
Next – tourists from Gent, Belgium. I practised my Dutch – it was great! We talked and smiled at our language skills.
Finally, nearing home again as I smiled, I received a smile or a cheerful comment in return.
In fact, with the exception of the school kids, everyone I made eye contact with, when I smiled at them, they smiled back or shared a positive greeting.
The results were astonishing!
I was happier, more relaxed, more positive and somehow more approachable.
I loved the walk.
I realised the great power of a smile.
Wearing a SMILE everyday brightens someone’s day.
โ€œGo forward in life with a smile on your face, a sparkle in your eyes, and with great and strong purpose in your heart. The best things in life are the people in your life, the moments we live, and memories we made along the way.โ€ Gordon B. Hinckley
As a child growing up in church, I learned this little song:
โ€œIf you chance to meet a frown, do not let it stay.
Quickly turn it upside down and smile that frown away.
No one likes a frowning face. Change it for a smile.
Make the world a better place by smiling all the while.โ€
Why not conduct your own experiment today and pass on your smile!

In Summary…

In any coaching conversation, one of the most important skills that a coach needs to learn is to reflect, summarise and paraphrase.
๐‘๐ž๐Ÿ๐ฅ๐ž๐œ๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐  back is in essence holding up a mirror for the coachee and letting them hear what they said, using their own words and perhaps even how they said it, tone, and all.
It could be several sentences, a sentence, a few words, or perhaps even just one word.
Reflecting provides both clarity and understanding for the coachee.
๐’๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐š๐ซ๐ข๐ฌ๐ข๐ง๐  on the other hand is when you almost always use the clients words or very occasionally your own words, in a shortened concise overview format, to check that you are both aligned.
Frequently Iโ€™ll begin by saying โ€œIn summaryโ€ or โ€œAs I understand it thenโ€ฆโ€ or โ€œIn my words, I heardโ€ฆโ€ It is condensing the content of what has been said, down to its very essence.
Whenever I get nearer the action points of a coaching session, I usually turn to the coachee and allow them to start summarising for themselves.
๐๐š๐ซ๐š๐ฉ๐ก๐ซ๐š๐ฌ๐ข๐ง๐ : According to the Oxford Dictionary, โ€œTo paraphrase is to express the meaning of (the writer or speaker or something written or spoken) using different words, especially to achieve greater clarity.
Oftentimes I find myself paraphrasing the content of the coachees words, which could be several sentences long.
Or you can also paraphrase the emotion behind the words.
For example a way to paraphrase emotion is to โ€œthat sounds really exhaustingโ€ when a coachee is finding a situation particularly difficult. This lets the coachee know that you are listening and provides the
evidence that you have really listened!
It also really helps to build trust and develops empathy.
These three principles are important in developing great communication skills.
What principle will you work on in your conversations today?

Lost in Translation

Anyone who speaks two languages knows that some phrases in one language communicate certain ideas better than in another.
For instance the word “gezellig” in Dutch.
In English it is pronounced โ€œheh-sell-ick.โ€
According to Wikipedia, โ€œA perfect example of untranslatability is seen in the Dutch language through the word gezellig, which does not have an English equivalent. Literally, it means cozy, quaint, or nice, but can also connote time spent with loved ones, seeing a friend after a long absence, or general togetherness.โ€
It means everything from cozy to friendly, from comfortable to relaxing, and from enjoyable to gregarious.
Just one word and eight letters in Dutch, and it takes Wikipedia and me two dozen words to try and summarise, define and understand that one Dutch word, of which there is no English equivalent.
In fact different cultures prescribe different words to various emotions, and words to express a particular emotion may not be found in another language.
I have learned that all languages have strengths and weaknesses.
Recent observations have taught me something about the Dutch.
Firstly, many Dutch will explain something, and then secondly, theyโ€™ll add an English translation to emphasise a point they wish to make, or ensure understanding.
Frequently I now do it myself!
Consider this example in English and the possible interpretations, depending on the emphasis you give different words. (๐’ƒ๐’๐’๐’… ๐’Š๐’•๐’‚๐’๐’Š๐’„๐’” added)
โ€œ๐‘ฐ never said he stole my phoneโ€. Suggests I never said it, but someone else did.
โ€œI ๐’๐’†๐’—๐’†๐’“ said he stole my phoneโ€. Suggests that I never said that at all.
โ€œI never ๐’”๐’‚๐’Š๐’… he stole my phoneโ€. Suggests I may have implied it, even if I didnโ€™t directly say it.
โ€œI never said ๐’‰๐’† stole my phoneโ€. Suggests that I didnโ€™t say that boy stole it, but some other boy did.
โ€œI never said he ๐’”๐’•๐’๐’๐’† my phoneโ€. Suggests that I never said he stole my phone, but perhaps he borrowed it.
โ€œI never said he stole ๐’Ž๐’š phoneโ€. Suggests that he stole someoneโ€™s else phone, not mine.
โ€œI never said he stole my ๐’‘๐’‰๐’๐’๐’†โ€. Suggests that he stole something else, but not my phone.
๐„๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ก๐š๐ฌ๐ข๐ฌ, changes meaning โ€“ a lot!
What have you lost in translation?

Living Waters…

In the Netherlands, water is everywhere.
The Dutch are experts on living with water.
In fact, 17%, nearly a fifth of the surface area of the Netherlands consists of water.
Water is an essential part of life in the Netherlands.
It nourishes, sustains life, and quenches our thirst – it has a vital role for all of us.
Leaving the Randstad behind and driving north to Leeuwarden this week, I was reminded of the many waterways, coastline, canals, vast lakes, acres of flat grassland, windmills, hunchbacked dikes, dams and water defences everywhere.
A walk-through history shows that the Netherlands, its fertile soils, its culture, and its people have been shaped by water for generations.
Here, they must constantly manage the complicated balance of keeping water out and inviting it in.
Water flows through the life of the Dutch, yet like all of us, they’re still thirsty.
Iโ€™ve even heard it said โ€œthat God created the world, but the Dutch created the Netherlands.โ€
Talking of God, there is another type of water Iโ€™d like you to consider.

Living Waters

Two thousand years ago, Jesus of Nazareth sat by a well in Samaria and talked to a woman about living waters.
He taught that โ€œwhosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give… shall never thirst; for it shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.โ€ โ€“ John 4:13-14
The living water is the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Our missionaries invite people daily to drink from the living waters.
Just as water is essential to sustain physical life, the Saviour taught that drinking deeply of the living waters are essential for eternal life.
Joseph B. Wirthlin said; โ€œBy living the gospel of Jesus Christ, we develop within ourselves a living spring that will quench eternally our thirst for happiness, peace, and everlasting life.โ€
Spiritual thirst indicates a need for living water.
Are you ๐ฌ๐ฉ๐ข๐ซ๐ข๐ญ๐ฎ๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ซ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ฒ?