Tag Archive for: coaching

Signals

At the start of our leadership session yesterday, my fellow facilitator was sitting in a very tall chair, and I was sat nearby in a much smaller one.
I couldn’t help myself; I looked up at her, then looked at all of the participants and made a silly comment about how it felt down in my seat, to some laughter in the room.
It was a fun light moment that struck me again this morning.
All of us are always sending signals, often without realising it.
They can take many forms.
It is not always the things we say or our tone of voice.
For example, through where we position ourselves, the space we take up, our body language or even the height of the chair we sit on.
These small, often unintentional cues can strongly influence how safe people feel to speak up, to question, or to offer a different perspective.
In Gestalt coaching, there is a simple idea that awareness precedes choice.
Until we notice what is happening, whether in the room, between people, or within ourselves, then nothing really changes.
Once we do notice however, even a small choice can shift the experience for everyone.
Soon after that moment, my colleague quietly went and found another tall chair, so we were more level again.
No explanation. No fuss. Just a small, thoughtful adjustment.
That is the kind of quiet leadership that often goes unnoticed.
Not loud or performative, but attentive and responsive.
A willingness to notice impact, not just intent and to act in the service of others.
It reminded me that leadership doesn’t always require a big intervention.
Sometimes it’s the smallest shifts that make the biggest difference to how people experience us.
Paying attention to these non-verbal signals can give you insights into what someone might be feeling, even if they’re not saying it explicitly.
We just have to notice.
What signals might you be sending without realising it?

Care as a response to Chaos…

After a long and productive day of team meetings in London yesterday, returning to my hotel room late in the evening, (somewhat foolishly on reflection now) I turned the news on.

Some words came to mind as I watched the stories unfold, and wrote them in my journal.

Conflict.
Confusion.
Calamities.
Commotion.
Conspiracies.

I didn’t invite those words into my thoughts; they simply arrived there.

We do, indeed, live in perilous times.

For some, there is a growing collective anxiety, as these c’s of chaos flooded into my mind.

“What can I do?” I thought.

Then I recalled one of Stephen Covey’s simple models mentioned earlier in the day, the circle of influence and control. Thankfully, it brought some peace to my mind.

The model reminds us that there are many things we are concerned about, yet there are only a smaller number of things we can truly influence.

The trouble begins when we spend too much emotional energy living in the outer circle, where the headlines, the geopolitics, the speculation, the fear and anxiety can flourish – if unchecked.

But when I consciously stepped back into my own circle of influence, something shifted for me.

In the quiet of the hotel room, I drew a simple circle on the hotel notepaper and wrote down the C’s that matter most to me.

I realised that I can choose a different set of C’s to live by.

Again, my mind returned to one of Aviva’s core values that we’d been talking about earlier in the day – care.  As I did so, some other c’s came to mind…

Within my own circle of influence, I can choose care in how I treat others. I can practice compassion when fear shows up in a conversation. I can seek clarity in what I choose to watch and share. I can also cultivate calm rather than constant reaction. But above all I can act with courage by living my values quietly and consistently.

Of course, none of this will change the news headlines.

But it does change something closer to home.

It steadies my own inner world.

And perhaps, in some small way, it might help steady yours too.

Because when the C’s of chaos feel overwhelming, choosing the C’s of care within our own circle of influence, may be the most personal and the most powerful response we have.

Where can you choose care today?

The Parable of the bicycle – updated.

As a facilitator and a learning protagonist, over many years, I have lost count of the number of leadership models shared in workshops. I have probably forgotten more than I have remembered!

Which Model?

There are my favourites such as situational leadership, servant leadership, values-based leadership, action centred leadership, adaptive leadership and a whole list of styles and 4 box grids that I have used and am very familiar with. Recently however, towards the end of a workshop a curious thoughtful participant asked, “So, which leadership model is best?” A very direct question indeed. My response was a simple one, “well……that depends”

While most of us can recognise good leadership when we experience or observe it, oftentimes it is hard for us to determine the best model to use in a difficult situation, subsequently blending leadership models as needed is a popular fix. But then it struck me. As I reflected upon the many leadership experiences I’ve had in life, a clear analogy came to mind.

The Toolbox

As a child, I recall one day that I wanted to go out on my bicycle for a ride. Forlornly, there were several issues with my bicycle, including a wobbly seat, a flat tyre, a loose wheel, poor brakes, and handle bars that were more than just a little squint. I’d not been out for a ride in a while and sadly my bicycle had fallen into disrepair. I called my dad down to the shed in the garden. He came and looked at the bicycle commenting upon the amount of work it needed to get it back into shape.

After a long pause, I recall that he set to work immediately and pulled out a big box of tools. The box was a little higgledy piggledy, and as I learned throughout his life – that that was my dad! No matter, one small spanner was used to tighten the wobbly seat. Another set of tools were used to remove the wheel, repair the puncture and blow up the tyre again and tighten it into position. Dad then got out a set of pliers to fix the brakes. Finally, another wrench was used to straighten the handlebars. All in all, using a variety of tools, after a short time, the bicycle was fixed and off I went on my ride with a gleeful smile. “Dads are great” I thought!

So, it is with leadership. Oftentimes, whilst managing and leading others we are faced with a vast array of different problems, challenges and issues. Yet, just like the multitude of tools in my dad’s box, so we too have a broad range of different leadership models to help us resolve/fix/repair/manage/lead even the most mind-boggling obstacles at times.

Tools equip us with solutions. What new shiny model do you have in your leadership toolbox, or maybe that old well-worn rusty model, over there in the corner is the best solution perhaps.

“It depends” is indeed the correct answer after all.

  • Do you have a favourite leadership model?
  • How do you apply the “tools” in your day-to-day responsibilities?

Postscript – January 2026 – A short update: six years on

I wrote the original bicycle parable a few years ago.
Different problem. Different tool. Simple.

Recently, working at Aviva, I was asked a very similar question to the one that prompted the original post:

“Which leadership model should we be using?”

What struck me wasn’t the question. It was that my answer hadn’t changed.

It depends.

That phrase often frustrates people. It can sound vague or non-committal. But it isn’t. It’s precise.

Just like the bike, leadership problems are rarely the same problem twice. A loose handlebar isn’t a puncture. A puncture isn’t a brake issue. You wouldn’t reach for the same tool and hope for the best.

Leadership models are no different.

At Aviva, where I am working now there are many models available to use. That’s not confusion. That’s a toolbox.

The real work isn’t choosing the model.
It’s understanding the problem well enough to choose a tool and your mindset is key.

So, if my answer still sounds like “it depends,” that’s because leadership still does.

And that’s probably how it should be.

 

One Step at a Time

On a New Years Day trip to Glasgow, we enjoyed taking our grandson out for a while.
It was a chilly one, but we all got dressed as warmly as we could.
We headed towards the park and had some fun there.
At one point, he walked towards the steps and Monic said “just let him go, he loves steps.”
And off he went.
He has only been walking a few weeks, so I watched with interest how he’d master 4 flights of stairs.

Stepping Up

Step by step, he’d pull himself up, one by one.
He was frequently distracted by small pebbles, and he’d stop and try and pick one up, but with his winter gloves on that proved tricky for him.
I was behind him the whole time, to support and steady him on his big adventure, ready to step in if needed.
And every now and again, he looked around just to make sure that I was there.
Making it to the top seemed to me that it was a long way for him to go.
It proved to be a little too much and I helped him complete his journey in his time of need.

Help on Hand

Reflecting this morning, I am so grateful for all who have been there for me in my time of need.
Sometimes as we set out on life’s big adventure, unexpected challenges, difficulties and distractions can arise that can test us in many ways, temporally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Adversity is often the refining fire that can strengthen us in so many ways, including our faith.
Rarely by removing the challenge, but by reminding us that we are not alone in it.
Looking back, I can see how often help has come at just the right moment for me.
Through family. Through friends. Through quiet acts of kindness and timely reassurance.
And, at times, through the unseen watchful care of a loving Heavenly Father.
“I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders… that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.” – Mosiah 24:14
As a new year begins, I’m grateful not just for the journeys we are invited to take, but for the help we are given along the way.
I am thankful too for the gentle reminder that when the climb becomes too much, there is always Someone close by, ready to steady us and help us home.
Who has helped steady you along the way?

Drawn to Learn

One of the habits I’ve carried with me for a long time is having my head buried in personal and leadership development books.

Over the years, I’ve gathered countless ideas and insights through my reading, many of which have shaped my thinking, my coaching, and the way I show up.

In almost every learning session I facilitate, I take a small stack of these books along with me, that I feel relevant for the topics at hand.

I place them quietly at the front of the room, arranged at eye level, just visible enough to stir a little curiosity.

Surfacing Ideas

Whilst facilitating, a thought, a principle, or an idea often surfaces in the room as part of a discussion.

Frequently, I have noticed that somehow in those moments a memory is triggered – a storyline, a poem or a quote and I just quietly reach for the book, to share it with the group.

And without fail, at some point, perhaps during a break, after a reflective exercise, or on the way out the door, someone wanders up to me, half-whispering the same familiar question:

“Can I have a look at your books?”

There’s something lovely about that moment.

It’s a reminder that learning is magnetic.

People are drawn to ideas, stories, and tools that promise to help them become a little more than they were yesterday.

The books aren’t there to impress.

They’re there as a silent, open invitation.

A gentle nudge that says: There’s always more to uncover. More to question. More to grow into.

And perhaps that’s one of my favourite parts of facilitation, the quiet exchanges that don’t happen when I’m speaking, but when someone chooses to explore a new possibility for themselves.

Because sometimes all it takes is the right book in the right moment… placed in just the right spot.

What’s the next idea you need to explore to grow as a leader?

Lighter Hearts, Better Days…

I meet a lot of people.
Lots.
Politely they’ll ask me, “How are you?”
Over the years, I have tried many different responses…
You know the type…
“Good”… “fine”… “alright”… perhaps even an occasional “great”… “superb” or even “brilliant!”
You have probably tried a few of these yourself.
When I ask the question myself, regularly I get very similar replies.
Some years ago, dear friends gifted me a book written by George Durrant, entitled “My Best day so far.”
Of all the responses I now love to give is “its my best day so far…”
Listen out for it, when I meet you next.
It got me thinking however…
Recently in many facilitated workshops, at the very start of our sessions together, we slow down and check in with attendees asking them how they are feeling, to bring some clarity to their thinking.
We share a “feelings wheel” and ask them to consider how they are really doing as we begin the programme.
Over these last few months, I have heard many responses, including “excited, nervous, curious, anxious, enthusiastic etc…”
In the conversations that follow it’s clear that many arrive with light and buoyant hearts, whilst others are much heavier, often after a long day of travel.
What I’m learning is this: a light heart in leadership isn’t accidental, it’s chosen.
And more often than not, I’ve discovered it’s shaped by simple habits that quietly reveal themselves as we work together.
When we start with that kind of openness, groups breathe easier and conversations deepen.
I’ve learned that’s the best part of checking in with one another, it gives us permission to show up honestly and offers a gentle reminder that we don’t have to navigate the day with a heavy heart.
In fact, if we choose it to be, it really could be “my best day so far…”
What helps your own heart stay buoyant, even on the heavy days?

Shared Purpose, Individual Paths

This week I’ve been delivering to a senior group on the new Lead the Way programme with Aviva in Perth.
As the pace of delivery picks up for me, I’m starting to see the programme in a slightly different way, from the inside out.
More people are coming through the learning centre, more conversations are happening, and each session adds a deeper layer to my understanding of the learning outcomes.
What hit me most this week, is how different every group feels, even when the content is identical.
My co-facilitators and I often use the same stories, the same themes, and similar ways of framing ideas.
Yet the reactions and insights keep shifting. A point that sparks debate in one room lands quietly in another. And a topic that feels simple one day becomes the heart of a long discussion the next.
No two programmes ever seem to unfold in the same way.
Yesterday, I also noticed a few balloons from last week’s launch are still in the learning centre. They share the same space and purpose, but each one has its own colour and shape. A simple reminder that even with a shared programme, every person brings something different to the room.
It is a clear reminder that every person attending is unique.
Each delegate brings their own mix of experience, questions, confidence, and expectations. It also means that our approach as facilitators can never be that one size fits all.
The content doesn’t shift, but everyone brings it to life in their own way.
We have to notice what each participant needs, respond to the moment, and make space for each participant to think for themselves.
For me, leadership and coaching follow similar patterns.
Leadership begins with meeting people where they are.
Coaching grows from listening, adapting, and supporting the next step that fits them.
With every session, the more I see what matters most.
Content helps, but it is not the heart of the experience. The heart is seeing each person one by one, as they really are. That is where learning starts. That is where leadership grows.
How would your leadership change if you slowed down long enough to understand what each person needs?

Reality? Aye, Right!

Last night Scotland reminded the world that we do not qualify for tournaments, we survive them.
Somewhere between divine intervention, blind panic, and the national pastime of making simple things impossibly stressful, Scotland beat Denmark 4–2.
Somehow Scotland booked a place at a World Cup for the first time since 1998, taking a new generation into a different reality!
All they had to do was win.
So naturally, they scored a wonder overhead kick in the third minute, just to lure us into a false sense of comfort. Then they spent the next eighty-odd minutes proving once again that no team can snatch chaos from the jaws of death quite like Scotland.
Denmark equalised. Of course they did. Play offs looming. Blood pressure soaring. We were glued to the TV, unable to move. Denmark went down to ten men, which somehow made them look even better. Then Scotland poked in a second and for a brief moment it was 2-1.
Naturally, Denmark scored again and it was 2–2. Hampden and the whole nation groaned. Play offs back on the horizon. The clock hit injury time.
Then it happened. A wonder strike out of nowhere. 3–2.
Pandemonium. Absolute mayhem.
Seconds left, Denmark surged forward and looked dangerous again because Scotland do not believe in calm endings. The ball broke, and from the halfway line came a goal so absurd it felt like a glitch in reality. 4–2. Full time. The Nation collapsed in a joyful heap.
The commentator summed it up. “Nine forty-eight pm on Tuesday the eighteenth of November. We will never forget it.” Mainly because our nerves will never recover!
Scotland qualified the only way Scotland know how. The hard way. The torturous way! 😆
And we would not have it any other way, would we?!
Is there is a lesson in all this?
Coaching Scotland must be the purest test of leadership on the planet. It is not about strategy or a philosophy. It is managing a squad of talented players who insist on performing every match like a Hollywood thriller where nobody knows the script until the last thirty seconds.
Leading this team means keeping belief alive when the rest of us are hiding behind the couch. It is about steadying the nerves of a nation that has none left.
It is about turning mayhem into magic.
So, after a night that broke the laws of logic and possibly physics too, only one question remains.
If Scotland can rewrite reality, what excuse do the rest of us have?

Small Moments, Big Shifts

Its been nearly two months since I stepped into my new leadership facilitation role with Aviva.
I’ve been busy learning lots about new programmes and perhaps most meaningfully, seeing the power of thinking partnerships.
One of my favourite moments in many of our recent Lead the Way workshops comes during a simple but powerful “buddy coaching” conversation.
There are four different variations of the programme, depending upon seniority level.
During each programme, individuals are frequently randomly paired together.
It’s there, that the coaching conversations begin.
One person reflecting, the other listening deeply and asking thoughtful questions.
We encourage them to be curious.
Two people, fully present, exploring what it means to grow.
On the surface, it seems like a short exercise.
However, I’ve noticed that it only takes a few intentional minutes with a learning buddy like this, to unlock something deeper, a fresh idea or perhaps a new direction for them to consider.

Sitting and Walking

Buddy coaching isn’t simply about sitting opposite each other at a table, some of the best conversations and discoveries are made whilst out for a walk together.
Changing the environment can really help each of us change how we look at things.
“Walking is man’s best medicine.” – Hippocrates
In their conversations, leaders ask each other:
• How would you describe yourself as a leader right now?
• What assumptions do you carry about leadership?
• What would ‘better’ look like for you?
Every time we run this exercise, there is a noticeable, yet subtle shift in the energy in the room, from quiet reflection to rich dialogue.
These short listening and questioning exercises help people slow down and connect.
Interestingly, another upside is they think more intentionally about how they lead and respond to change.
Sometimes the most profound learning moments don’t come from slides or theories, but from being truly heard by another person.
A simple reminder that great leadership often starts with great listening.
When was the last time you truly listened, not to respond, but to understand?

Reflections from the Edge

Yesterday, I was co-facilitating a leadership session in Perth with my colleague Sophie Edmond.
Early in the session, we were talking about past leadership programmes the participants had attended.
As stories were shared, a favourite poem by Christopher Logue came to mind.
I recited it as best I could to the group and then after finding it again online, wrote it up on a flipchart…
𝑪𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒆𝒅𝒈𝒆.
We might fall.
Come to the edge.
It’s too high!
COME TO THE EDGE!
And they came,
and he pushed,
And they 𝒇𝒍𝒆𝒘.
Afterwards, I noticed a few puzzled expressions around the room.
I took some time to explain my thoughts.

From comfort to stretch zone

When asked to be a leader, it can often bring us right to the very edge of our comfort zone.
It can also challenge our capability, of what we think we can handle.
And yet, here they were, leaders from all walks of life, and different parts of the Aviva organisation, showing up with curiosity, openness, and the courage to start stretching their wings.
Yes, there was hesitation.
Yes, there was fear.
But there was also a real willingness to grow, to take risks, to learn and to move into their stretch zones.
Through my lifetime, I have learned that leadership is oftentimes about pushing past our fears.
Sometimes it’s about holding the space while others get ready.
But time and again, it’s about standing at the edge with your people… encouraging, challenging, supporting and knowing when to move forward together.
That’s what I witnessed in Perth yesterday.
Leaders on the edge.
Some nervous. Some unsure. But all leaning in.
Not just ready to learn, but ready to lead others to the edge, to fly… and beyond.
I can’t wait to be back with them all today and encourage a little more!
What are you doing and how are you helping others to find their wings?