Tag Archive for: coaching

The Breakfast TV Effect

At the end of a Lead the Way leadership session last week with Aviva in Perth, one of the participants came up to my co-facilitator Jackie with a smile and said:
“You two are like a TV hosting couple.”
Jackie and I looked at each other and laughed. 😆
In that moment, I thought about some of the hosts on BBC Breakfast and just smiled again!
Thankfully, no one asked us to read the weather or comment on traffic on the M90! 😉
The funny thing is, we’ve actually known each other for around twenty years, going all the way back to our days when Jackie worked at RBS and I was part of a management consultancy team acting as a thinking and delivery partner.
Like many professional relationships, life and careers took us in different directions for a while. But recently we’ve found ourselves facilitating together, helping leaders think, reflect and grow.
And it’s been great fun.
There’s something quite special about working with someone where there is already a shared history. Our conversations flow naturally. The rhythm of the room seems easier to read. One person picks up where the other leaves off. A question here, an observation there, a gentle challenge at just the right moment.
Perhaps that’s what the participant was noticing.
In my view, Breakfast TV hosts have that same dynamic.
They create a sense of warmth, energy and ease while guiding people through the morning’s conversations.
In many ways, good facilitation is a little like that too.
It’s not about performing or dominating the stage. It’s about creating a space where people feel comfortable enough to think aloud, challenge assumptions, laugh a little, and leave the room seeing things slightly differently.
I think that is what it felt like last week with Jackie.
When trust and familiarity are already there, the focus stays where it should be – on the learning in the room.
And yes… there was a healthy supply of Tunnock’s Caramel wafers involved last week too.
Some things never change.
It’s been a real pleasure working alongside Jackie again after all these years.
Who knows… perhaps we should start a “Good Morning Leadership” show next?!
Who is the colleague you’d happily host a “leadership breakfast show” with?

Shoes That Don’t Fit

This week, during a leadership session, I decided to make things a little more practical.
I invited one of the participants to quite literally stand in my shoes.
She slipped her feet into my size 9.5 leather shoes with plenty of room to spare, and I tried stepping into her size 5 trainers.
I couldn’t even get my heels inside them!
There I was, perched awkwardly on the balls of my feet, heels hanging over the back, trying to stay upright.
It was quite funny and slightly ridiculous!
“Your shoes are very warm.” she said.
We were exploring empathy and the phrase “standing in another person’s shoes.”
Empathy is feeling 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 someone, whilst sympathy is feeling 𝒇𝒐𝒓 someone.
I know that empathy begins by showing a little more kindness.
It is our ability to understand another person’s feelings, thoughts, and condition from their perspective rather than our own.
Standing in those trainers, I felt a little unsteady, constrained, definitely off balance and it changed how I felt.
In my experience, empathy is about being present in a conversation, listening attentively, being open-minded without judgement and giving them your undivided attention.
I know too, that sometimes, in those moments, something beautiful happens with a human connection, or a small glimpse into how they are feeling.

Another perspective

Our Saviour Jesus Christ is the perfect example of this. He does not merely observe our struggles. He understands them.
“He will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people…” (Alma 7:11–12)
He didn’t stand at a distance offering sympathy, rather He descended below all things and knew what it felt like to be weary, misunderstood, alone and off balance.
Because He walked our mortal path, He can now walk beside us perfectly.
I believe that empathy is something that can be learned, it simply begins with curiosity.
Empathy isn’t only about words, it’s also about noticing the tone of voice, facial expressions and what’s not being said.
This week, I stood awkwardly in someone else’s shoes and nearly toppled over.
Try walking in another’s shoes today. Go on, give it a go.
I hope we can walk as He walked, with compassion in our hearts and steadiness in our step.
Whose shoes have you never really tried to understand?

In the Room

There was an air of excitement and anticipation in the learning centre at Aviva in Perth last week.
The ExCo and CEO Amanda Blanc were in town, for their second module of Lead the Way, a new flagship leadership programme.
Over lunch, everyone had the opportunity to munch n mingle together.
Jaycee, one of our cohort participants approached me, and asked if Amanda would join our group for a little while for a chat and a photo opportunity too.
So, off I went to ask the question to her business manager and secretary.
Sure enough, a little after lunch, Amanda joined us for a photo and mixed with our cohort delegates.
As a key strategic priority, it was clear that she has a strong vested interest in the programme, participants and outcomes.
What stood out even more was how she showed that interest.
She didn’t just step in for a quick photo and move on. Taking time to engage with members of the cohort, she looked around the room, asked questions about the flipcharts we’d created and posted on the windows.
Then she listened.
The kind of listening where you can see someone thinking about what you’ve said, not waiting for their turn to speak.
There was warmth in it.
A genuine curiosity about people’s experience of the programme and what it meant for them.
It was a quiet but powerful signal.
There’s a paradox in leadership that’s easy to talk about and harder to live: personal humility alongside professional will. High standards and clear ambition, paired with the willingness to stand in a busy room over lunch and simply be present. To ask, to hear and to learn.
Of course, we did get the photo.
It was a slightly jostled, everyone-squeeze-in moment that took a little longer than expected. But what people will remember isn’t the picture. It’s the few minutes of real connection.
A small act, perhaps. But sometimes leadership is exactly that.
Where might a few minutes of genuine attention make a difference for you?

The Quiet Signals We Send

I was reminded of an old, but meaningful story yesterday, while facilitating a leadership session at Aviva in Perth.
As my co-facilitator George set up a buddy coaching activity, he mentioned the importance of eye contact.
He simply said that whoever you made eye contact with on the count of 3, would be your buddy for the next activity.
It was a simple passing comment, but it really landed.
In that moment it took me back to an experience from a few years ago.
I was in Brussels, Belgium to address a large conference.
A few minutes before I was to share my remarks, I noticed a little boy, around 6 years old, looking directly at me.
In that split second, I made eye contact with him, tilted my head slightly to one side, smiled, and gave him a friendly little wink.
He smiled back and tried a little wink too.
For a brief moment in time – we enjoyed our little connection and smiled together.
It was an innocent thing.
It was just a quiet, human signal that said, 𝑰 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖.
In that instant, connection happened, without any words, or any effort.
Watching participants pair up yesterday, I noticed the same thing happen.
It is particularly important in building rapport and establishing a connection.
When eye contact was present, people slowed down.
Listening deepened and somehow the room softened.
And that’s the thing, we didn’t create connection by doing more.
We simply created it by noticing more.
These moments are easy to miss and easy to rush past.
But they’re often where the real work happens.
In leadership, coaching, and facilitation, we often focus on what we say.
But connection is just as often created in the quiet moments…through presence, attention, and the signals we send without speaking.
Sometimes, all it takes is a little wink to remind someone they matter.
Who in your world might simply need to feel seen?

Let’s take this for a walk…

Yesterday on a Lead the Way programme for Aviva in Perth, my colleague invited participants to leave their chairs behind and head out for a walk-and-talk coaching conversation.

As people paired up and started moving, I was reminded once again of the quiet power of coaching on the move.

I recalled a moment from a few years ago, when I was asked: “Where is the best place for a coaching conversation?”

I think I’ve coached in just about every setting you can imagine.

These days it’s more often on Zoom or Teams.

However, over the last few years, it’s also been parks and beachfronts as well as offices, hotel receptions, coffee shops, trains, planes, taxis, corridors, and more conversations in my own living room than I ever expected when I first trained as a coach.

What I’ve learned is this: Coaching conversations can happen anywhere.

But the best place is always the one where the coachee feels safe, at ease, and able to speak freely about what really matters.

Like yesterday, walking together added something extra.

Participants tend to be calmer, less tense, and more open than when sitting in a chair.

The shared movement can soften the intensity, reduce the pressure of eye contact, and help thoughts flow more easily.

Research also shows that it boosts creativity and cognitive flexibility.

A change of scenery often helps to change the conversation.

It shifts the energy, the pace, and sometimes the insights too.

What matters most, though, is presence.

Being fully there, in mind, body, and spirit.

Two people genuinely paying attention to one another and actively listening.

In one conversation I had yesterday, somehow the topic of Gleneagles Hotel arose.

And yes, for the record, one of the very best places I have ever coached was the restaurant there… where the coaching came with a beautiful lunch that my client kindly paid for!

I remain open to repeating that particular environment once more! 😉

Commonly leadership development looks like frameworks and models.

But in my experience, sometimes it looks like a good walk, an open conversation, and making time for some space to think.

How does changing the setting change the conversation for you?

Be Prepared

Our Monday morning team call yesterday was focused on something very practical: contingency planning.
Some of my colleagues had clearly put a lot of thought into how we prepare for disruption around our Learning Programme, Lead the Way, in Perth. With participants travelling from far and wide, winter brings the real risk of snow, heavy rain, and the knock-on effects that tend to follow travel delays.
The conversation wasn’t about predicting every possible problem, although we did talk through quite a few. It was about agreeing a set of guiding principles so that, whatever happens, we’d be ready to respond accordingly.
After the call, I found myself thinking about an idea that’s been with me far longer than any programme plan.
When I was much younger, I was a Cub Scout. Our motto was simple: 𝑩𝒆 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒅.
I have thought about that motto often throughout my life.
Back then, that meant remembering my kit, listening to instructions, and having some idea of what to do if plans changed. At the time, it felt small and practical.
Looking back now, it feels like an early lesson in something far more useful: how to face the unexpected with confidence rather than fear, and how to take responsibility not only for myself, but for others too, when things don’t go to plan.
That same principle sits at the heart of learning, leadership, and development.
Good learning isn’t just about information. It helps us think ahead, make sound judgements, and act when the situation isn’t clear.
Leadership development builds the confidence to move forward without perfect answers and the awareness to support others through change.
Together, they don’t remove all disruption, but they help us respond with agility when it matters.
It’s been my experience too, that our careers and lives are rarely linear.
Plans shift, priorities change and disruption can show up in many forms. What matters isn’t whether it happens, but how we respond when it does.
That’s why yesterday’s conversation mattered.
By agreeing shared principles and preparing together, we weren’t just protecting a programme. We were reinforcing a mindset that accepts uncertainty and treats preparation as a shared responsibility.
In that sense, for me, the Cub Scout motto still holds up remarkably well, even after all these years.
Learning, leadership, and development help us be prepared not for one specific scenario, but for whatever comes next.
So perhaps the real question is this: when your plans change, are you ready to adapt?

Better Together

Back in June last year, I found myself in Rome at a 2-day conference.

After 13 years of working for myself, I was feeling a little restless. I was older, the market had shifted, and I sensed it might be time for something a bit different.

An opportunity popped up in a group chat, and on a bit of a whim, I responded.

A few hours later whilst at the airport waiting to fly home, I had a conversation with Sophie.

A few weeks passed…and, as they say, the rest is history, starting with Aviva on September 1st.

This week, we’re co-facilitating together again in Perth.

Co-facilitation is when two or more facilitators deliver a session as a team.

It means sharing responsibility, switching between leading and supporting, and staying in tune with the room throughout.

Minute by minute, hour by hour, our working relationship really matters.

When you work with someone you genuinely get along with, something shifts in the room.

There’s ease and trust – constantly.

A real sense of “we’ve got this together.”

To me it seems we listen better, adapt faster and learn from each other.

I have noticed that we’re able to laugh when things don’t go exactly to plan – and somehow we seem more resilient too!

Managing energy levels, keeping an eye on group dynamics, being the subject matter expert or even the timekeeper – all to ensure great outcomes, is a genuine joy with Sophie.

In leadership and in learning, we often focus on what we deliver:
The content. The outcomes. The impact.

But just as important is how we stand alongside one another while doing it.

Because when people work well together – truly well – it shows.

Participants feel it. Energy lifts. Conversations deepen.

And the work becomes not just effective, but really enjoyable.

Over the next two days, we’ll facilitate discussions, invite reflection, and hold space for learning. But underpinning all of it will be something quieter and more powerful:

A good working relationship.
Built on trust.
Strengthened by humour.

And occasionally like yesterday sharing a memory of NHS milk bottle glasses, when we were 8 & 11 respectively!

Who makes work feel lighter for you?

Sitting alongside

In a recent learning programme, a participant asked a question that had left her momentarily confused.
Rather than answer from the front of the room, I paused, pulled up a chair, and sat alongside her.
It was a small movement, but it changed everything.
Her face was quite the picture for a second, a clear reminder that pulling up a chair isn’t standard facilitator behaviour!
What followed wasn’t an explanation, but a coaching conversation in real time.
I was curious, empathetic and unhurried.
Listening not to reply, but to understand.
To have empathy is to be able to feel another person’s feelings.
So often, conversations can become a dialogue of the deaf, where people speak past one another, each rehearsing their response in order to reply, rather than receiving the other and seeking to understand.
Empathy interrupts that pattern.
It slows us down.
It lowers our status.
It creates safety.
I know that leadership doesn’t always mean having the answer.
Sometimes it means changing the dynamics of the moment, by stepping out of a role, sitting alongside, and being genuinely curious about where someone is thinking from.
In turn, helping others find their own answers.
When people feel understood, thinking expands.
And when thinking expands, learning follows.
That, quietly, is leading the way.
Who might benefit today from you simply sitting alongside them?

The Power of the Small

Yesterday, whilst driving to Perth, I was listening to Radio 4 when a true story was shared about an event from this week, 65 years ago, that I’d never heard before.
On 24 January 1961, a U.S. Air Force B-52 bomber suffered a catastrophic failure over eastern North Carolina. The incident is now known as the Goldsboro crash.
The aircraft was carrying two thermonuclear bombs, each with a yield hundreds of times more powerful than Hiroshima.
A fuel leak worsened mid-flight.
As the crew attempted to land, the aircraft broke apart in the air near Goldsboro.
Five of the eight crew members managed to eject. Three were killed.
Both nuclear bombs fell.
One descended by parachute and landed largely intact.
The other began its arming sequence.
Safety systems failed. One after another.
All but one final, low-voltage switch.
That small component, unremarkable, unseen – prevented a nuclear detonation.
The system just held. Barely.
It was a near-miss, at the height of the Cold War, and the scale of it is hard to comprehend.

Lessons Learned

What stayed with me isn’t the drama of the moment, but the imbalance of it all.
A tiny switch. Against a catastrophic outcome.
It’s a sobering reminder that in complex systems, and also in leadership, learning, and life – things rarely fall apart because of one big failure. They unravel through the accumulation of small things: assumptions left unchecked, habits ignored, signals dismissed as insignificant etc.
And sometimes, survival comes down not to heroics or bold intervention, but to something small simply doing what it was meant to do.
As the end of the day, small things, really are big things.
Co-facilitating the Lead the Way programme at Aviva yesterday, made me wonder what the “small switches” are in our teams, our organisations, our families and even ourselves.
The things we barely notice.
The moments we’re tempted to dismiss.
Because occasionally, those small things turn out to be everything.
What small thing, quietly holding in your world right now, might matter far more than you realise?

Why leaders tell stories

We’re all unique.
If you are anything like me, through our daily experiences, each of us gathers small nuggets of wisdom.
When we share our stories, we pass those nuggets on.
They help others learn, reflect, change, and grow.
That has certainly been my experience over the last few months.
In my new role as a leadership facilitator with Aviva, I’ve shared many personal stories.
Not to be the centre of attention, but to support learning and development.
It’s about being vulnerable and building connection by sharing a story with your whole heart.
Life experience has taught me that you need to be able to share your personal and organisational stories in all kinds of settings.
These last few months the stories I have shared have mostly been in the learning rooms or a virtual session.
Some stories are small, others are long, some are funny and entertaining, whilst others are serious and significant.
But the best stories, are always the ones that come to you in the very moment you need them.
I’ve learned to trust that. When a story comes to mind, it’s usually there for a reason.
Last week, during a leadership session, a story surfaced unexpectedly.
I asked for a volunteer and shared an experience from thirty years ago that had suddenly come into my thoughts and the impact was immediate.
It opened up insight, discussion, and learning for everyone in the room.
Don’t be afraid to tell your stories in those moments of truth.
Storytelling is a powerful leadership and learning tool. When used with intention, it creates connection, deepens understanding, and brings learning to life.
If you’ve been carrying a story, one shaped by success, challenge, failure, or learning, consider sharing it.
You never quite know who needs to hear it, or what it might unlock for them.
I’d love to hear your stories too.
The moments that shaped you, taught you something unexpected, or changed the way you lead or live.
What would change if you trusted your story and shared it when it surfaced?