Tag Archive for: understanding

Councils

I was excited to receive the picture attached from my dear friend, Eelco Scheltinga, who serves as President of the Den Haag Stake (diocese).

He and I meet regularly to discuss all aspects of missionary work in his stewardship.

In addition, he also meets regularly (like the other Stake Presidents – Angelo Leman, Percy de Wilde and Jerry Bletterman) with his Zone Leaders (ZL’s) and Sister Trainer Leaders (STL’s), who are assigned to work with many missionaries in other wards & branches.

These 5 missionaries are an essential part of the leadership team in his Stake.

I love the fact that he is sitting with them at home, around his dinner table, welcoming them with warmth, love and understanding.

In addition, it’s clear from their smiles, they enjoy meeting with one another!

“Where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:20)

Missionary Council

Meeting together as a missionary council, with purpose, in a spirit of warm-hearted cooperation, they listen to one another, discuss concerns, make plans, set goals and search for solutions to the problems of the day.

Working through councils is a very effective way to get positive results.

Having sat in many councils, I know that when free, open and candid conversation is filled with love, patience, kindness and respect for the differing opinions and points of view that are usually on hand, the council is always a success.

Sparks of inspiration come, and decisions are made to plan and coordinate missionary work.

Scriptures

In the Old Testament, the Prophet Isaiah said; “Come now, and let us reason together” (Isaiah 1:18).

And in our day, we read in Doctrine & Covenants 50:10; “Let us reason together, that ye may understand.”

I know that it is by reasoning together, that we strengthen one another.

“Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.”  (Proverbs 11:14)

It is clear the council system across our mission is alive and well, it is fully functioning and filled with vibrancy and enthusiasm, thus ensuring safety for each and every one of us.

M. Russell Ballard said those who learn to counsel effectively will “always end up with a better result, always end up with a better answer and, will always end up with a better spirit.”

How can counselling together bless you and your family?

The Gift of Weeping

There are many spiritual gifts.
Gift: a notable capacity, talent, or endowment
Weeping is a gift that a few of us have been given.
It is precious.
In missionary interviews, tears are a frequent visitor.
Tissues are always on hand.
Life has taught me that weeping arises from the heart, signifying an open and softened heart.
Tears enable us to get in touch with our deepest feelings.
They are an outward manifestation of our innermost emotions.
They come from deep within.
They can’t be forced.
Some people cry so often, they are known for their tears.
Sometimes others see tears as an embarrassment and weeping as a sign of weakness.

In scripture

Yet, through faith, some of the most loving and compassionate words in scripture are these:
“Jesus wept” – John 11:35
“…. Behold, how he loved him!” – John 11:36
I understand why God weeps.
Tears are a gift of grace from God.
In interviews, tears remind us of mission life on a deeper, more authentic, and soulful level.
Very often they are a sign of empathy, compassion, and vulnerability.
They are tender, sensitive, and can help others move from burdens to blessings.

Our Hearts

My heart has often beat in empathy with other hearts, gently weeping in unison.
Thank you for the privilege to sit with you and listen.
Being easily moved to tears, crying for, or with others, is indeed a beautiful gift.
Watch what happens the next time someone weeps in your presence.
Be with and pay respectful attention to them.
Hand them a tissue.
Weeping can cleanse our souls.
There is strength and a sacredness in tears.
Their fruit is always, ultimately… joy.
How can you help wipe away others tears?

𝐋𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐣𝐨?

Years ago, in one of my many coaching conversations, I worked with a senior leader in an organisation who highly valued his professionalism. (To protect his identity, I’ll call him Max).
Max had a great track record with the organisation.
In my first meeting with Max, I noticed something.
In fact, I observed a lot.
His whole body told me that he was lost and really didn’t want to be there.
He’d lost his purpose; his meaning and the organisation had become a frustration for him.
Max had lost his 𝒎𝒐𝒋𝒐.
Mojo; meaning – influence, confidence or personal charisma.
His spirit had shrunk and was sagging.
His body was downtrodden and browbeaten.
His eyes looked jaded and dulled.
His sparkle had long since disappeared.
He was lost.
I felt sad.

Coaching

As his coach, I worked with Max for several months.
Initially, our coaching conversations were more about others in his team and the organisation.
But then the sessions turned towards Max.
We embarked upon an intensive and deep journey together.
We searched long and hard to find answers.
During those profound listening sessions, Max began to find his purpose and meaning.
In those months, he reconnected with himself.
He slowed down.
With a little help and lots of self-reflection a new door had opened.
His search was over.
He discovered a new purpose, much bigger, yet simpler, that filled his entire being.
He’d tuned into himself.
He found the courage to step into his unique calling.
He found his mojo.
Now from a distance, I watch Max shine.
How have you reclaimed your mojo in life?

Lost in Translation

Anyone who speaks two languages knows that some phrases in one language communicate certain ideas better than in another.
For instance the word “gezellig” in Dutch.
In English it is pronounced “heh-sell-ick.”
According to Wikipedia, “A perfect example of untranslatability is seen in the Dutch language through the word gezellig, which does not have an English equivalent. Literally, it means cozy, quaint, or nice, but can also connote time spent with loved ones, seeing a friend after a long absence, or general togetherness.”
It means everything from cozy to friendly, from comfortable to relaxing, and from enjoyable to gregarious.
Just one word and eight letters in Dutch, and it takes Wikipedia and me two dozen words to try and summarise, define and understand that one Dutch word, of which there is no English equivalent.
In fact different cultures prescribe different words to various emotions, and words to express a particular emotion may not be found in another language.
I have learned that all languages have strengths and weaknesses.
Recent observations have taught me something about the Dutch.
Firstly, many Dutch will explain something, and then secondly, they’ll add an English translation to emphasise a point they wish to make, or ensure understanding.
Frequently I now do it myself!
Consider this example in English and the possible interpretations, depending on the emphasis you give different words. (𝒃𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒊𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒔 added)
“𝑰 never said he stole my phone”. Suggests I never said it, but someone else did.
“I 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 said he stole my phone”. Suggests that I never said that at all.
“I never 𝒔𝒂𝒊𝒅 he stole my phone”. Suggests I may have implied it, even if I didn’t directly say it.
“I never said 𝒉𝒆 stole my phone”. Suggests that I didn’t say that boy stole it, but some other boy did.
“I never said he 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒍𝒆 my phone”. Suggests that I never said he stole my phone, but perhaps he borrowed it.
“I never said he stole 𝒎𝒚 phone”. Suggests that he stole someone’s else phone, not mine.
“I never said he stole my 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆”. Suggests that he stole something else, but not my phone.
𝐄𝐦𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐬, changes meaning – a lot!
What have you lost in translation?

Are you wrestling?

Are you wrestling with something or someone?
Perhaps things are a little tense at the moment?
Recently I was asked “how do you deal with conflict President?”
One of my key goals is to ensure that as mission leaders we foster a mission culture of collaboration, encouragement, and unity.
Sounds simple enough, right?
But human beings are oftentimes far from simple!
Communication is strained, there are opposing positions, emotions run high – sound familiar?
And what happens if there are disagreements that impact relationships?
There are some simple things that we can do to overcome differences.
As a leader it is important to consider the following.

Top Tips

– Start with one-on-one conversations and get the full story by listening to understand.
Help each person do the important basic initial work at hand, namely – seeing the other person’s viewpoint, discerning their own emotions, and preparing for conversations to come.
——
– Ask purposeful, meaningful questions by starting a dialogue
It is helpful to ask questions that focus on the facts and also on their emotions. “What is going on for you right now?” or “What’s motivating you?”
To help foster mutual understanding , it is also useful to have each person take the other persons perspective. This in turn will help everyone to feel heard and empowered.
——
– Look forward – together
Once a little bit of clarity has started to evolve for each other, encourage each party to share what they have discussed with you as their leader.
In addition, remind them that they can work out their differences and find resolutions on their own by focussing on their relationship. Once the immediate disagreements are addressed, then make a plan to get everyone back on the same page.
——
Some other important things to remember.
• Use this opportunity to revisit agreed purpose and goals.
• Promote more interactions to create better cohesion.
• Don’t assume everyone knows what they’re supposed to be working on! Clarify each other’s roles so that people know exactly what is expected of them.
Compassion, empathy, finding common ground, forgiveness, kindness, being an active listener and above all, selfless service are key to build bridges to resolve any conflicts.
Finally, choosing to slow down and focus on what matters most – really helps!
How can you repair some broken bridges?

The Enos Challenge

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐲?
“Studying – the act of texting, eating and watching Netflix with an open textbook nearby” – that’s one definition at least!
Growing older, I’ve discovered that I love to study, i.e., “devoting time and attention to gain knowledge” – perhaps that is a more traditional definition!
In Doctrine & Covenants 88:118, the Lords describes how to learn the gospel “…yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith.
Reading and studying are both part of the learning process.
So – is there a difference between the two?
Another definition I found suggests that – Studying means to concentrate and devote time in completing or researching any task; while reading means to understand and grasp the meaning of any content without devoting much time to it.
In simple terms, “you’re only going to get out of this what you put into it.” – Boyd K. Packer.
Whilst listening to a podcast in our pre-mission training, we were encouraged to take the Enos challenge.
The invitation was to study the one chapter of Enos in the Book of Mormon for 30 days.
My immediate thought was “How can I study Enos for 30 days, there are only 27 verses!”
However, I accepted the challenge and learned many wonderful lessons, as I slowed down and studied those verses, one by one.
The book of Enos is like a pure journal entry and is a very personal chapter of scripture.
There was indeed much to learn.

The Process of Studying…

The process of studying the scriptures has three important parts:
1 – Understanding the background and setting of the scriptures.
2 – Identifying the principles and doctrines being taught.
3 – Applying those truths to our own lives.
I learned that studying is better when you take your time, by looking out for key words, you’ll discover that truths about Jesus Christ are everywhere.
Recently I invited all of the missionaries to complete the Enos challenge.
I love this piece of street art graffiti in Friesland.
It was a timely serendipitous find by Tess Flake upon her completion of the challenge!
Have you ever taken time to study the scriptures?
Enos may be a good place to start!

Understanding

Let me dispel the misunderstanding…
Today I will be attending church in Utrecht (again).
I first attended there over 28 years ago, on Sunday 5th September 1993.
It was my first Sunday in the Netherlands.
I had no knowledge of the language and struggled throughout to understand.
Thankfully Monic was on hand to help my understanding a little.
Consider for a moment the word 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠.
It is defined as – “to know how something works or to know what something means.”
As everyone knows, I am religiously active as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
In my efforts to promote understanding, perhaps I can be a bit annoying and even unduly enthusiastic about my faith at times!
I certainly understand how easily that can happen, as the subject of religion can be a little touchy for many people.
Have you ever wondered why I am so anxious to share my views?
Like me, you may worry about the conflicts in the world, the political turmoil, the economic instability, and the pressures of living in a world where illness, or the death of a loved one may have taken their toll on you in all kinds of physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional ways.
I certainly do not understand the complexities of all of the volatility and turmoil in the world.
Through it all however – your family are probably the most important thing in the world for you.
As you look to the future, you may be anxious what it may hold for you, your partner, your children, and your grandchildren.
At times, I am.
But then I stop and remember my why.
My understanding of a much greater plan, which I believe to be immensely important for everyone.
It centres around my belief in Jesus Christ.
He always brings peace and safety.
My faith in Him it is not passive; it is very active.
Like so many others, maybe you are searching for something?
Just as Monic helped me understand Dutch a little all those years ago, our missionaries can help you come to understand a little more about the purpose of life, why you are here, the plan of salvation and even answer that question that troubles so many – is there life after death?
Perhaps it’s time, once and for all to understand these things, to let God prevail – He is no great mystery after all.
I promise – you too can 𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒅.
#HearHim

Signs of Progress

How do you measure progress?
After 9 weeks of immersion in the culture of Belgium and the Netherlands, something significant, yet very subtle happened in my head this week.
For several weeks, I hear the Dutch language and then translate what I hear into English.
In order to respond, I then translate my English thinking into Dutch.
This week though, things started to change – just a little.
I am beginning to think in Dutch… 🙂
What a difference it makes!
The result?
I am even struggling to recall some simple English words and replacing them with Dutch ones!
The transition is starting to happen!
Don’t get me wrong, I have still lots of learning, but genuinely feel after some tough weeks, that I am making some progress.
So how do you measure progress?
…One day at a time! And then recognising the change.
When I’m dreaming in Dutch – that will be a real sign!
And for our new missionary arrivals next week, remember to speak it every day – that is so crucial. There is hope!!

Tips!

The problem with the word “tip” is that it has many definitions.

At a recent CIPD event, we had a few moments of miscommunication and hilarity, as we tried to contextualise a three-letter word into a definitive description!

For example, consider the following…..

– Leaving a tip for the waiter is good practice.
– Fly tipping is a problem around the country.
– It was on the tip of my tongue to say exactly what I thought.
– Tipping the glass of water over wasn’t what I’d planned.
– The tip of the pencil needs to be sharpened.
– The goalkeeper tipped the ball over the crossbar.
– A good tip for the Grand National is Tiger Roll.

We were trying to get to a succinct definition of the word “tip”! In our case it was about a good idea or more specifically a “helpful hint”.

And so, my tip (oops) helpful hint for today is simply this one life saving daily habit – have a talk with yourself and don’t take life so seriously! “In all of living, have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured” said Gordon B. Hinckley.

A little craziness once in a while perpetuates sanity! Learn to laugh at the little things, and life will be easier. Laughter is the best form of therapy.

Remember, life isn’t all business, it can be mixed with fun & laughter too.

Look out for some laughter today!

Curiosity

“Tell me, on a scale from 1 to 10, where are you right now?” I asked curiously…

Since my earliest childhood memories, I’ve been curious about things, people, nature, places, history, travel and culture to name a few. I have always been eager to know or learn something new and understand “why?” That probably explains one of the seemingly insatiable penchant’s of mine…..reading books!

One vivid memory from my childhood involved filling a jam jar with some foliage and then capturing a bumble bee. I’d already had some help to put some holes in the lid of the jar, so that any bee’s I captured could breath. I recall observing and listening to the bee for no more than a day, studying it, feeling sad about keeping it in a jar and then setting it free again.

Curiosity is often seen as the driving force behind not only human development, but developments in science, language, and industry. I know too that it is a vital component in coaching and mentoring

My experience is that questions driven by the curiosity of a coach can be the catalyst and driving force for change. I have come to understand that curiosity is the key to learning. It can help to expand our empathy too by helping us understand life experiences different than our own.

What are you curious about?