Tag Archive for: listen

Conversation Buddies

At our recent zone conferences, we held a communication activity.
We created a safe space to talk out loud and recreate a companionship council.
It was fun to observe, as each missionary verbalised their thinking.
They each taught one another something they didn’t know!
I noticed too, sometimes, we don’t listen to each other at all.
We may speak at each other, or past each other, rather than with each other.
Part of the exercise was to learn how to talk with one another in honest and effective ways.
Communication is an essential part of daily life, it’s like a lubricant for all our relationships.
Entering a conversation, we join with our own opinions, feelings, and experiences.
Conversations can hold immense power, create connection, and help us to grow.
With their conversation buddies, missionaries learned how to communicate more effectively, in turn leading to the need for some change.

Change

Change is hard.
We’re all human, and we all have our struggles, right?
Your biggest rival to change is most likely some internal obstacle that is going on in your head!
– A lack of confidence
– Laziness
– Procrastination
– Stubbornness
When we attempt to change, sometimes we may apply the wrong tactics.
Yet, daily, seemingly small decisions, can all add up to make a big difference.

Time

As I watch each missionary arrive at the start of their mission, over time, I see them develop, and change.
As each of them humbly turns to one another, and then ultimately turn to Jesus Christ’s great example, He increase’s their capacity to change.
Exercising their faith in Jesus Christ, it is only through Him, that they are all given the strength to make lasting changes in their lives.
He literally changes their hearts, because of His great love and empathy for the people He served.
He can and will do the same for each of us, as we accept His invitation to “Come Follow Him”.
Week in, week out, I am a witness to many, who have experienced a “change of heart” (Alma 5:26) as they learn more about divine communication.
Why not seek out a new conversation buddy, and speak with a missionary today…
How can faith in Jesus Christ help you to change?

Notetaking

It is an interesting little four-letter word “note.”
There are all kinds of notes, including bank notes, musical notes, people of note, promissory notes to pay a debt, or a brief record/memorandum used to assist our memories.
In my lifetime, I have sat through all kinds of meetings, thousands of them.
Note taking has frequently been part of my routine.
I know that by listening to and then summarising what you hear can help you understand and remember the information later.
I have probably filled up 100’s if not 1000’s of notebooks too.
Some of which I treasure to this day.
I’ve gathered action points and insights galore.
Taking notes can help you to concentrate and listen more effectively.
In fact, notetaking can also help keep you awake at times and even forces you to pay attention!

Paying attention

Growing older however, I’ve recognised that the most thoughts, impressions and feelings come gently, very softly even.
Last week whilst in a zoom call with Elder David Bednar, with other European mission leaders, he encouraged us to do something different.
Previously, sat in these kinds of meetings my experience is that there is an in initial rush to capture what an Apostle is saying, and like many others I found myself trying to keep up.
This time however, he invited us not to take dictation style notes, but rather to record personal impressions, as President Russell M. Nelson has challenged, so that “I know for myself”.

Knowing

I started to look for and listen for those customised messages, specially crafted so that I could “know for myself” what I needed to learn in that very moment.
As I listened to learn, my note taking changed from words he stated, to personal meaningful impressions that came.
I recognised that there is a space between the words that someone uses to the feelings of the spirit that can stir our souls into action.
Still, small, whisperings of the spirit came.
Why not consider your note taking in your next meeting, seminar or class, consider not recording the words said, but rather the feelings or impressions that come.
Listen to learn and learn to listen.

Empowerment

Yesterday, we met in our six-weekly Mission Leadership Council (MLC).
It’s a time when members of the Mission Presidency, the Assistants, Zone Leaders, Sister Trainer Leaders, Social Media Leaders and Service Leaders come together to counsel with one another.
The result, a very busy mission home!
After we welcomed a few new members of the MLC, we dived straight into the business of the day and began by asking a few questions for consideration.

To council

From the outset we encouraged free expression.
We counselled together as a group about many aspects of our work.
Then we counselled together in pairs.
We listened.
We listened a lot.
Sometimes, we were silent too, so we could listen.
We reflected upon many of our successes and removed assumptions that were limiting our thinking, so we could do better.
We then counselled on some of the challenges and obstacles that are in our way as a mission.
We ate together, laughed together, and received further instruction together.
And we considered the four P’s of Leadership – Purpose, Proactivity, Passion and Persistence.
Missions are very dynamic, as missionaries come and go every six weeks.
I have learned that patience is needed as we practice this council system over and over again!

What is empowerment?

𝐄𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭: authority or power given to someone to do something.
All of our activities and counselling yesterday were about empowering each member of the MLC to step up and lead by example.
There was encouragement to:
• Learn and embrace change.
• Push through obstacles and barriers.
• How they can be more productive.
• Step up and go above and beyond.
• Govern themselves, through autonomous decision making.
• Be closer to and more aligned with their purpose.
Being with these leaders yesterday reminded me that they are amongst some of the greatest young people on the earth today.
It is an honour and a joy to work with them every day.
How can you empower others to lead?

Councils

I was excited to receive the picture attached from my dear friend, Eelco Scheltinga, who serves as President of the Den Haag Stake (diocese).

He and I meet regularly to discuss all aspects of missionary work in his stewardship.

In addition, he also meets regularly (like the other Stake Presidents – Angelo Leman, Percy de Wilde and Jerry Bletterman) with his Zone Leaders (ZL’s) and Sister Trainer Leaders (STL’s), who are assigned to work with many missionaries in other wards & branches.

These 5 missionaries are an essential part of the leadership team in his Stake.

I love the fact that he is sitting with them at home, around his dinner table, welcoming them with warmth, love and understanding.

In addition, it’s clear from their smiles, they enjoy meeting with one another!

“Where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:20)

Missionary Council

Meeting together as a missionary council, with purpose, in a spirit of warm-hearted cooperation, they listen to one another, discuss concerns, make plans, set goals and search for solutions to the problems of the day.

Working through councils is a very effective way to get positive results.

Having sat in many councils, I know that when free, open and candid conversation is filled with love, patience, kindness and respect for the differing opinions and points of view that are usually on hand, the council is always a success.

Sparks of inspiration come, and decisions are made to plan and coordinate missionary work.

Scriptures

In the Old Testament, the Prophet Isaiah said; “Come now, and let us reason together” (Isaiah 1:18).

And in our day, we read in Doctrine & Covenants 50:10; “Let us reason together, that ye may understand.”

I know that it is by reasoning together, that we strengthen one another.

“Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.”  (Proverbs 11:14)

It is clear the council system across our mission is alive and well, it is fully functioning and filled with vibrancy and enthusiasm, thus ensuring safety for each and every one of us.

M. Russell Ballard said those who learn to counsel effectively will “always end up with a better result, always end up with a better answer and, will always end up with a better spirit.”

How can counselling together bless you and your family?

Dialogue

It was an afterthought.
Leaving for the office yesterday afternoon, I nipped back upstairs and picked up my box of CCS cards.

The Task

Later, as I started the meeting, I asked each participant to consider a question and then select three cards they regarded to be an answer to the question I posed.
Each participant was holding an identical pack of cards, with the same photographs, illustrations, and words.
Attentively, I watched as each member of the council started to thumb through the deck and select some images that captured their personal point of view.
I smiled, as I watched their faces light up, obviously amused as they shared and compared images with one another, they’d found interesting.
I was struck by their concentration, and evident delight in finding suitable cards that meant something to them in answer to the question I’d asked.

Sharing

Then, after some time, in our safe space, it was time to share.
I explained a little and observed again.
Quietly, deeply, respectfully, each person asked themselves “what is it that I most want to communicate”?
Randomly, one by one, each person articulated their thoughts with great depth of clarity and understanding, allowing them to speak about what was in their hearts and minds.
The personal insights shared were powerful and thought provoking.
Each participant said something that was true for them and everyone else respectfully listened.
It was clear as participants felt safe to share their half-formed ideas, and discover new meanings in a simple image, the energy in the room began to gather, and the atmosphere started to deepen for the dialogue that followed.

Outcomes

The purpose of the simple activity was to help participants to uncover and talk about their thoughts on the given subject.
Instead of getting down to business straight away as normal, it was just really nice to pause, talk and meet together as fellow human beings, by engaging in a meaningful conversation in a fun way.
It has been my experience as a facilitator, that saying something in a friendly, respectful, and informal way, early in a gathering, can set a pattern of full participation that can help maintain energy levels throughout any meeting.
Setting the scene yesterday, opened up a new way to ensure authentic dialogue throughout our meeting together, where crucially we really listened to one another.
How do you ensure authentic dialogue in your meetings?

The Mission Presidency

“What’s the function of the Mission Presidency?” – I was asked.
Arriving during covid times in June 2021, it was November before counsellors were appointed.
Over those few months, after discussions with several candidates and after taking it to the Lord in prayer, it was abundantly clear that I should have Chris Kleijweg and Jurgen Hoole serve as my Counsellors.
Both Chris and Jurgen have a wealth of knowledge and experience of the church throughout Belgium and the Netherlands.
Two counsellors are always called to assist a mission president with his responsibilities.
We meet regularly, usually weekly, either using technology or in person, to counsel about missionary work, and talk together almost daily.

Counselling

The wise writer of Proverbs tells us that “in … counsellors there is safety.” (Prov. 11:14.)
Counselling together with one another is constant.
When problems arise, when difficult decisions face us, it is wonderful to be able to talk together in confidence and trust.
When the three of us unite in prayer to discuss a concern, we seek the impressions and direction of the Spirit. We counsel together in order to reach a united conclusion, to help us know that the decision is in harmony with the Lord’s will.
We each have specific responsibilities including teaching, finding, social media, office administration, working with local leaders, service missionaries, finance, leadership, youth, young adults, new members, senior couples etc.
Each of us have a sense of responsibility for the whole mission.
We are united.

Service

Over the last 18 months we have developed strong bond of friendship. We are very different, with different family situations and life experience, yet we love being together, especially at Zone Conferences!
We laugh, we cry, we help, we support, we travel, we share, we teach, we interview, we listen, we problem solve, we attend meetings, and we are always on call 24/7, prepared to drop everything at a moment’s notice and go and assist missionaries wherever they are.
Interestingly, in the church, we have a lay ministry.
Chris, Jurgen or I never sought out these assignments, we were simply asked by a church leader to serve, giving many hours voluntarily every week. It’s wonderful!
We invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and his Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost and enduring to the end.
In summary, the function of the Presidency is to prepare, counsel, teach, minister, and lead the Belgium Netherlands Mission.

Hear Him

It’s been a busy week of interviews for us, in Leiden, Amsterdam and Rotterdam.
I mentioned preparing for General Conference in all my interviews.
A common theme was about hearing and following the voice of the Lord.
I shared an experience with a few that I had with prayer some 15 months ago.
In my blog of 3rd January 2022, I recorded the following:
“Arising from my knees early this morning, I asked myself had I simply been “saying a prayer or had I 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒖𝒏𝒆𝒅 with God?”
I paused and reflected upon the question.
I slowed down.
I sunk deeply into my very comfortable chair.
I noticed all of the distractions around me.
The ticking of a clock.
The buzzing of an electric light.
The whistling and howling of the wind.
A car engine roaring into life.
The chirping of an early morning bird.
I noticed my breathing, in an out and the physical sensations of my breath.
I became much more 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕.”

Can I invite you to do an experiment today…

Turn off the television, the radio, your podcast, put your mobile device down, and switch off anything else making a noise in the room where you are sitting.
Listen to the silence.
What can you hear?
The ticking of a clock perhaps?
The sound of traffic from outside?
Someone making noise in another room?
Had you heard those noises before?

Why not?

If our lives are filled with noise, we won’t hear the still, small, whispering voice of the Lord.
Likewise, it’s only in the silence of our little experiment, that we hear the quieter sounds.
We have to learn to quieten both our inner and the outer noise to find stillness.
Henry B. Eyring said “Your problem and mine is not to get God to speak to us; few of us have reached the point where he has been compelled to turn away from us. Our problem is to 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫.”
Some 5 ½ years ago, our dog Fawn, found a quiet, still place to rest her head on mine, for half an hour watching General Conference.
I hope that all of us will take the time to tune in to General Conference this weekend and listen for that still small voice that whispers, as we hear from those who have been called to speak about Him.
In our lives, how can we demonstrate what we think of Him?

Voices

We are beset by a clamour of voices, to which our ears are subjected daily.
Today we face so many kinds of voices on the internet via social media, including Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, Snapchat, LinkedIn, Twitter, Pinterest, to name only a few.
There are so many other kinds of voices that contend with one another, in politics, television news, newspapers, magazines, podcasts and on the radio.
I often wonder what is being communicated in advertising, in books, in movies, the latest Netflix series, and in pop culture to our youth and young people of today.
Voices that threaten, that spread terror, that promise miracle cures, that lust for power, that lull us into a false sense of belief, that set out to deceive, are filled with fake news, along with misinformation and many others that promise something for nothing.

Media

In our day, we are living through a period of blurred media boundaries and of mass communications.
There are many persuasive voices that try so hard to beguile us into believing something that is inherently false.
What do you hear in your homes, or in the streets of your towns and communities?
Centuries ago, the Apostle Paul warned in 1 Corinthians 14:10 “There are…so many kinds of voices in the world, and none of them is without signification.”
I see fulfilled daily the famous quote of Abraham Lincoln, when he said “He who molds public sentiment goes deeper than he who enacts statutes or pronounces decisions.”

Influences

We can be influenced by so many today, whose morals and ethics may be questionable.
However, the story of any great achievement in the world, is nearly always the story of some strong individual.
Speaking of our day, in Isaiah 24:2 we read “as with the servant, so with his master.”
Ultimately, this means that in order for people to have a good way of life, they must have good leaders.
All of us follow someone’s voice.
Above all of them, I know that one day each of us will hear the Voice that many have forgotten, but when they hear, will know again, for every ear shall hear, and every knee shall bow and every tongue confess.
What are the voices you are listening to?

What great leaders do…

Yesterday was amazing.
Every six weeks, we meet as a Mission Leadership Council.
I was surrounded by true leaders.
It is their time to lead.
Young men and women, with pure humble hearts, who are principle driven, selfless, devoted, disciplined and who get things done by bringing out the very best in others.
Our time is spent in training, learning, and counselling together.
Great missionary effort requires great leadership, through faith, love, obedience, and work.
All leaders must be good followers and they do that with exactness.
They see potential everywhere.
They are examples of goodness.
They are bold.
They lift and inspire.
They encourage.
They are prayerful.
They listen with genuine empathy.
They communicate with kindness.
They are great teachers.
They take time to slow down and consider what really matters most.
Ultimately, each of them endeavours to emulate the greatest servant leader of all, even Jesus Christ.
They love to serve others, as Christ centred servants.
They minister, one by one.
Remember, one is the key to the ninety and nine.
They feed their sheep.
Meeting with each of them is an absolute joy.
Ezra Taft Benson said…
“Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whosoever will lose his life in the service of God, will find eternal life.” (See Matthew 10:39)
As a leader, do you constantly remember that you are a servant?

In Summary…

In any coaching conversation, one of the most important skills that a coach needs to learn is to reflect, summarise and paraphrase.
𝐑𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 back is in essence holding up a mirror for the coachee and letting them hear what they said, using their own words and perhaps even how they said it, tone, and all.
It could be several sentences, a sentence, a few words, or perhaps even just one word.
Reflecting provides both clarity and understanding for the coachee.
𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 on the other hand is when you almost always use the clients words or very occasionally your own words, in a shortened concise overview format, to check that you are both aligned.
Frequently I’ll begin by saying “In summary” or “As I understand it then…” or “In my words, I heard…” It is condensing the content of what has been said, down to its very essence.
Whenever I get nearer the action points of a coaching session, I usually turn to the coachee and allow them to start summarising for themselves.
𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠: According to the Oxford Dictionary, “To paraphrase is to express the meaning of (the writer or speaker or something written or spoken) using different words, especially to achieve greater clarity.
Oftentimes I find myself paraphrasing the content of the coachees words, which could be several sentences long.
Or you can also paraphrase the emotion behind the words.
For example a way to paraphrase emotion is to “that sounds really exhausting” when a coachee is finding a situation particularly difficult. This lets the coachee know that you are listening and provides the
evidence that you have really listened!
It also really helps to build trust and develops empathy.
These three principles are important in developing great communication skills.
What principle will you work on in your conversations today?