Tag Archive for: growth mindset

A spanner in the works

Early yesterday morning around this time (05.30am), I opened my inbox and found a surprise, a significant shift in a voluntary global programme I’m involved in.
No heads-up, no warning.
Just increased complexity.
I reached out for clarification and got on with my day.
Whilst out walking a couple of hours later, a colleague involved in the same project rang and said: “Well, that throws a spanner in the works!”
I hadn’t heard that phrase in years, but it was a great fit.
A perfectly timed, blunt idiom that summed up the situation: something had unexpectedly jammed the gears of our project!
Together we discussed the situation at hand.
It would’ve been easy to react on instinct and fire off another quick reply.
Through the day yesterday in preparing for another matter, I came across the perfect quote from Stephen Covey, which described what happened next, almost perfectly, he once said: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.”
Instead, we both paused and considered a careful response.
We thought about implications, options, and risks.
But before we could act, we received a second and then third message which clarified the new position and an opportunity to address the matter directly in a call later this week.
Here is what I learned yesterday….
• Spanners will always get thrown into the works.
• You can’t stop surprises, but you can control your response.
• Don’t underestimate the power of the pause.
• Reacting is easy, but responding with purpose is leadership.
But remember most of all – slow down!
How do you train yourself to pause when pressure builds?

Lighten the Load

Last Saturday, I climbed Arthur’s Seat in Edinburgh for the third time this year – this time, with my good friend Kai.
We’d originally planned to tackle Ben Nevis, but time and fitness made us rethink, so Arthur’s Seat it was.
We travelled over to Edinburgh on the bus, catching up on our latest news.
As we walked along Princes Street and down the Royal Mile, the summit in the distance felt manageable, familiar even.
Kai had brought a heavy bag with him, and I asked, half-joking, “Are you planning to carry that all the way to the top?”
He considered my question, then, sensibly agreed to stash it in the gorse for a couple of hours.
No point in hauling all the extra weight up a hill if you don’t need to.
That small moment stuck with me.

The Life Lesson

When you’re climbing, literally or metaphorically, what are you carrying that you don’t need to?
As leaders, coaches, or just people trying to move forward, we all take on things that slow us down.
Extra responsibilities, assumptions, doubts. Life has taught me that sometimes we need someone beside us to ask the obvious question: Do you really need to carry that right now?
Our route changed early on too.
Recent gorse fires had closed the path I’d taken on previously and rockfalls had made it unsafe.
In the moment, we adapted and took another way up.
It was unfamiliar, but just as scenic, pausing a couple of times when the incline got a bit steeper.
Reaching the top, it was packed with tourists soaking up another glorious blue-sky day!
Coming down was much easier. We picked up Kai’s bag and found a good spot for lunch.
We travelled home on separate buses as Kai had some things to do in Edinburgh, but I found out later, that like me, he’d fallen asleep on the bus within minutes – exhausted!
Sometimes the best coaching happens in walking shoes, halfway up a hill, with the sun on your back and a friend beside you.
The walk reminded me of a few leadership truths:
• Plans change, be ready to adapt and adopt an agile mindset.
• You don’t have to carry everything all the time.
• And sometimes, the best support you can offer is a quiet nudge that says, “You can let that go.”
What load are you carrying that’s no longer serving you?

The Crazy Zone

Coming home from a mission can be a disorienting time – that’s because you’re certainly not the same person who left.
Words like weird, unsettled, strange, challenging, and hard come up in nearly every conversation I have with returned missionaries.
And after 200+ coaching conversations in recent months, I can say one thing for sure, you’re just in the neutral zone.
In my experiences, there is nothing so unchanging, so inevitable as change itself.
Yet, we can confuse change with transition. Change is external – it’s coming home, starting school, getting a job, seeing family and friends. Transition is internal. It’s what your mind and heart go through as you adjust to the new reality.
One of the best frameworks I use in coaching is William Bridges’ Transition Model, which breaks transition into three stages:
1. 𝐄𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 – Letting go of what was.
2. 𝐍𝐞𝐮𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐙𝐨𝐧𝐞 – The in-between, uncertain, disoriented time.
3. 𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐁𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 – When the new identity and rhythm take shape.
In many recent conversations, I’ve found a few returned missionaries stuck in the neutral zone, oftentimes called the crazy zone.
You don’t feel fully part of your mission anymore, but you’re not fully settled back into life at home either.
Remember, “It must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things.” – 2 Nephi 2:11
It’s a strange in-between space where routines are missing, identity feels unclear, and emotions can be all over the place.
At times, this zone can apply to each of us, and it isn’t failure, rather it’s new growth!
This is the real path of transformation and sometimes it will feel up hill, slow, or like you’re even going backward.
Life can be like a series of hills and valleys, and yet I know that the best growth often comes in the valleys.
It’s important to hold on to your anchor habits that grounded you during your mission:
• 𝐏𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐫 – You still have your direct line to the Lord, so use it.
• 𝐒𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐲 – Insights will often come in small, daily doses.
• 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐞 – Shifting focus from yourself to others will help
• 𝐆𝐨𝐚𝐥 𝐬𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 – You can still set inspired goals.
You don’t need to live your daily mission schedule – but you can continue your routines.
Yes, there is pain in the transition period, but it will not last forever – patience, love, and long-suffering are needed.
What small habit is helping you stay anchored right now?

Making Metamorphosis Stick

Graduating from university many years ago, literally changed the direction of my life.
I recall attending one of a myriad of careers fairs, where numerous companies visited the university and talked about job opportunities.
One company in particular “Metamorphose” sourced and developed graduates for sales positions and after enduring an intensive selection process, I was offered my first graduate sales role with a major company.
Over the course of the next year Metamorphose were set to fine tune my sales skills through a series of training seminars and inspirational leadership events.
During each session and the subsequent year-long follow up, the big idea was to transfer some of the greatest sales skills and ideas into our daily conduct and routines.
To make it “sticky” enough to make a real difference in our sales abilities, our effectiveness and ultimately the results that we achieved.
In essence it was important for Metamorphose that their training manifested itself in the personality, conduct and performance of each graduate student.
The training certainly was first class and to this day, I still use their materials and powerful techniques.
Sadly however, along the way, there were many who failed.

Adaptation

In life, I’ve discovered that there are many who can hear a great message and not be deeply stirred – we are all different after all.
Yet others, have the ability to take ideas successfully through the early stages of their metamorphosis to where they become ingrained habits that drive long-term success.
The difference often lies in commitment, mindset, and the willingness to apply what is learned consistently.
I saw first-hand how some graduates thrived, seizing every opportunity to refine their skills, while others struggled to implement the lessons.
The most successful individuals were those who embraced continuous learning, adapted to challenges, and stayed persistent even when results were slow to appear.
An effective way to make learning “sticky” is through constant practice, by applying new skills in real-world scenarios until they become second nature.
Another is by repetition, revisiting key concepts over and over to reinforce retention.
For me, coaching and mentoring others has proven to be the best “sticky” method of all.
Looking back, I realise how much of that early training has shaped my approach to business and personal growth today.
What’s one lesson from your early career that has stayed with you?

We Are Our Thoughts

Our thoughts are incredibly powerful.
They affect us in many ways – our mood, our behaviours and our outlook on life.
I’ve always loved the scripture in Proverbs 23:7, “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he…”
Recently I have been paying much more attention to the things I am thinking every day.
I consider whether my thoughts are positive, negative or even neutral.
…Apply the proverb to real life…
If my thoughts are filled with positivity, then so I will be.
…with negativity, then so I will be.
We literally become our thoughts.
We 𝒂𝒓𝒆 our thoughts.
In short – I am learning again that the quality of my thoughts has a direct impact on the quality of my life.
I love this quote by Dr. Wayne Dyer: “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”
Subsequently, if you want to have a more meaningful and purposeful life, then begin to pay more attention to the things you think about every day.
Start by considering the things you tell yourself every day.
For example, are you struggling with someone?
A spouse, partner, a sibling, parents, a friend, or a workmate perhaps?
Pause for a moment and stop yourself.
Watch your thoughts…
Do you see what is happening in that moment?
What do you think about in your heart, when you think of them?
What do you notice?
Are your thoughts negative or positive?
If its negative, challenge yourself, and your thinking.
For me those challenges start early in the morning, when I make plans for the day ahead.
Start by engaging new positive thoughts and watch them start to grow day by day.
See how it feels.
I am relearning that when we change your thoughts, you can change your life, one thought at a time.
What would happen if you took just one thought today and intentionally shifted it from negative to positive?

Looking Back

“You’re looking well Dave” I said.
“And you too Daryl” he replied.
And so began our lovely lunch with one another, earlier this week in Stirling.
Dave and I were colleagues many years ago, collaborating on numerous large-scale, challenging projects during our time working together.
Lunch was delicious.
We got caught up on our family situations.
And we talked about what we were doing now.
But what we really enjoyed was taking time to reflect upon our many experiences we’d share together, twenty plus years ago.
Looking back allowed us to revisit past experiences with the clarity of hindsight.

New Insights

As we shared our thoughts and feelings, we found they often revealed insights that we’d missed in the moment, from many years ago.
Indeed, we found looking back useful, because it gave us both a new perspective.
Revisiting those moments with Dave added another layer of richness, as his perspective shed light on details I’d never considered.
Part of enjoying life lies in celebrating our accomplishments and milestones, and there were certainly plenty of those during the time Dave and I worked side by side.
Whilst reflecting on some of those daunting challenges we faced together, our shared response was, “I’d never thought about it quite like that before.”
Looking back isn’t just about nostalgia—it’s an opportunity for growth.
We both recognised how far we’d come and understood a little better how the many challenges we’d faced together had shaped us, and to some extent, influenced our future decisions.
There is something very powerful about reflecting on the past together.
We both realised how much we’d influenced each other; in ways we’d never considered.
Looking back certainly helped us to understand how our past experiences had shaped us, but somehow it also helped us to look ahead to the future with renewed confidence.
It was a real joy to strengthen our bonds of friendship, celebrate our successes and gain a deeper empathy for and understanding of each other – after far, far too long!
Thanks Dave – and I’ll pay next time!
When you look back on where you’ve been, how does it shape the way you see your path ahead?

Nobody is a Nobody

𝐍𝐨𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐧𝐨𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲!
Through my life, career and church service, oftentimes I’ve heard phrases like “what does it really matter, I’m nobody,” or “I’m just one of the thousands, I’m nobody really”.
Perhaps in the past you may have felt you were a nobody, or maybe you are feeling right now that you are a nobody?
“We do ourselves a great injustice when we allow ourselves, through tragedy, misfortune, challenge, discouragement, or whatever the earthly situation, to so identify ourselves. No matter how or where we find ourselves, we cannot with any justification label ourselves “nobody.”” – said Marvin J. Ashton.
Frequently life, work and family challenges can get us down and cause us to question who we really are. We doubt ourselves, we doubt our self worth and confidence may fail us. I have been in too many coaching conversations where that has been the case.
Please, please be assured – you are a somebody!!!
You are endowed with great gifts, unique capabilities, special talents all waiting to be discovered, developed and finely tuned.
Each of us are needed.
You are unique.
You are where you are supposed to be.
No one, absolutely no one can take your place.
Everybody is somebody to me.
My simple invitation today is to invite you to be somebody, nobody thought you could be.

Doubt your Doubts

“No, I just can’t do it!” said the coachee.
As a professional coach I have heard that comment on so, so many occasions. It is frequently followed by limiting or debilitating stories of some kind of another.
Centuries ago addressing this issue William Shakespeare in “Measure for Measure” wrote; “Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt.”
Much has been written in more recent recent years about our mindset.
Listening to Max Whitlock the British Gymnast after winning his 3rd Olympic Gold medal yesterday, he talked about the importance of a growth mindset, by focusing on the process and ignoring the distractions that come, then enjoying the challenge as much as the conclusion.

𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐓𝐢𝐩𝐬

Another way to look at is to doubt your doubts, before you doubt yourself, by addressing your inner critic directly.
– In short – question your doubt!
– Face the fear, look at it and break it down into smaller actionable steps.
– Remember most folks have impostor-y feelings, fairly often, its quite normal!
– Focus on what you can do and not on what you can’t do.
Remember the view that you adopt for yourself will profoundly affect the way you lead your life.
What can you do today to dismiss those doubts?

Baby Steps

𝑨 𝒋𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒚 𝒐𝒇 𝒂 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒂 𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒑 – Chinese Proverb.
Arriving in a different country, understanding a new culture and an unfamiliar language can be overwhelming at times – it certainly isn’t an instant process!
It has been over 26 years since Monic and I have lived in the Netherlands and we are already noticing how so many things have changed.
That said, one big thing that I have already learned is the value and importance of taking 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒔𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒚 𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒑 𝒂𝒕 𝒂 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆.

The first few steps

Tentatively, we have taken our first few steps of exploration in and around our local area. It is so beautiful, with lovely scenic walks and the people are so friendly.
Meeting with each of our missionaries one by one, has been an absolute joy.
For the first time yesterday, I was able to travel from one destination to another in the car with only a little help from the GPS. Driving can be especially challenging, especially due to the high volume of traffic and the proliferation of cyclists, everywhere!
Sitting in meetings where the language is completely Dutch no longer feels quite so painful or complete gobbledygook.
Slow, but sure, steady progress.
I have found that many of the happiest and most successful people I have encountered in life have achieved their level of life and work success by taking small baby steps, and then making one positive choice after another.
Positive new habits and routines are created incrementally, one baby step at a time. Indeed, it is through the process of change, that we discover who we really are. Patiently and carefully I am learning to lengthen my stride, one little baby step at a time!
What is a small, first step you can take and implement now in the changes you are facing in life?

New beginnings

I know I can’t turn back time, but this I do know…… it’s never too early and it’s never too late for a new beginning.

“Four young men sit by the bedside of their dying father. The old man, with his last breath, tells them there is a huge treasure buried in the family fields. The sons crowd around him crying, “Where, where?” but it is too late. The day after the funeral and for many days to come, the young men go out with their picks and shovels and turn the soil, digging deeply into the ground from one end of each field to the other. They find nothing and bitterly disappointed, abandon the search……

…𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝘀𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗿𝗺 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗶𝘁𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝘃𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿.”
– As told by Benjamin Zander in “The Art of Possibility”

Perhaps now is a good time to refine your plans for future harvests.

Is it time to start and dig a little deeper perhaps?
What new beginnings lie ahead for you?