Tag Archive for: facilitation

Why leaders tell stories

We’re all unique.
If you are anything like me, through our daily experiences, each of us gathers small nuggets of wisdom.
When we share our stories, we pass those nuggets on.
They help others learn, reflect, change, and grow.
That has certainly been my experience over the last few months.
In my new role as a leadership facilitator with Aviva, I’ve shared many personal stories.
Not to be the centre of attention, but to support learning and development.
It’s about being vulnerable and building connection by sharing a story with your whole heart.
Life experience has taught me that you need to be able to share your personal and organisational stories in all kinds of settings.
These last few months the stories I have shared have mostly been in the learning rooms or a virtual session.
Some stories are small, others are long, some are funny and entertaining, whilst others are serious and significant.
But the best stories, are always the ones that come to you in the very moment you need them.
I’ve learned to trust that. When a story comes to mind, it’s usually there for a reason.
Last week, during a leadership session, a story surfaced unexpectedly.
I asked for a volunteer and shared an experience from thirty years ago that had suddenly come into my thoughts and the impact was immediate.
It opened up insight, discussion, and learning for everyone in the room.
Don’t be afraid to tell your stories in those moments of truth.
Storytelling is a powerful leadership and learning tool. When used with intention, it creates connection, deepens understanding, and brings learning to life.
If you’ve been carrying a story, one shaped by success, challenge, failure, or learning, consider sharing it.
You never quite know who needs to hear it, or what it might unlock for them.
I’d love to hear your stories too.
The moments that shaped you, taught you something unexpected, or changed the way you lead or live.
What would change if you trusted your story and shared it when it surfaced?

Signals

At the start of our leadership session yesterday, my fellow facilitator was sitting in a very tall chair, and I was sat nearby in a much smaller one.
I couldn’t help myself; I looked up at her, then looked at all of the participants and made a silly comment about how it felt down in my seat, to some laughter in the room.
It was a fun light moment that struck me again this morning.
All of us are always sending signals, often without realising it.
They can take many forms.
It is not always the things we say or our tone of voice.
For example, through where we position ourselves, the space we take up, our body language or even the height of the chair we sit on.
These small, often unintentional cues can strongly influence how safe people feel to speak up, to question, or to offer a different perspective.
In Gestalt coaching, there is a simple idea that awareness precedes choice.
Until we notice what is happening, whether in the room, between people, or within ourselves, then nothing really changes.
Once we do notice however, even a small choice can shift the experience for everyone.
Soon after that moment, my colleague quietly went and found another tall chair, so we were more level again.
No explanation. No fuss. Just a small, thoughtful adjustment.
That is the kind of quiet leadership that often goes unnoticed.
Not loud or performative, but attentive and responsive.
A willingness to notice impact, not just intent and to act in the service of others.
It reminded me that leadership doesn’t always require a big intervention.
Sometimes it’s the smallest shifts that make the biggest difference to how people experience us.
Paying attention to these non-verbal signals can give you insights into what someone might be feeling, even if they’re not saying it explicitly.
We just have to notice.
What signals might you be sending without realising it?

Learning by Doing

Last week, whilst down in London, I spent some time with a couple of colleagues puzzling over a new activity for our learning programme.
The bench test in our team meeting suggested it needed a little tweaking. A few “what ifs”, some honest debate, a couple of scribbles on paper… and a revised version emerged.
Yesterday, it went live for real.
One of the things I enjoy most about my work as a facilitator is designing experiential activities that allow people to discover leadership and behavioural principles for themselves, rather than simply being told about them.
Yesterday was no exception.
As the activity was introduced in a very simple manner, I noticed those familiar puzzled expressions around the room, including the slight head tilt, the raised eyebrow, the quiet “I’m not quite sure where this is going…” look.
Off they all went…
Within minutes, those faces softened, conversations sparked, and each group leaned in, fully absorbed in the task at hand.
Half an hour later, as the groups returned to the main room to share their thinking, there was a gentle nervous anticipation in the air.
Presentations followed. Then table discussions. Then a facilitator debrief.

And so…?

And just like that, many of the leadership behaviours we’d hoped would surface began to reveal themselves – sometimes explicitly, sometimes subtly, often with a few smiles along the way.
Sitting there, as I observed it all unfold, I was reminded of something simple but important: you can learn a great deal by watching…
But the much deeper learning for us as facilitators doesn’t live in the design alone; it lives in the very moment, in how we read the room, respond to what’s emerging, and trusting ourselves to act accordingly.
And that’s the bit I never tire of watching happen.
Off to start day 2 this morning and learn a little more! 😊
What recent experience has quietly reshaped how you lead the way?

The Parable of the bicycle – updated.

As a facilitator and a learning protagonist, over many years, I have lost count of the number of leadership models shared in workshops. I have probably forgotten more than I have remembered!

Which Model?

There are my favourites such as situational leadership, servant leadership, values-based leadership, action centred leadership, adaptive leadership and a whole list of styles and 4 box grids that I have used and am very familiar with. Recently however, towards the end of a workshop a curious thoughtful participant asked, “So, which leadership model is best?” A very direct question indeed. My response was a simple one, “well……that depends”

While most of us can recognise good leadership when we experience or observe it, oftentimes it is hard for us to determine the best model to use in a difficult situation, subsequently blending leadership models as needed is a popular fix. But then it struck me. As I reflected upon the many leadership experiences I’ve had in life, a clear analogy came to mind.

The Toolbox

As a child, I recall one day that I wanted to go out on my bicycle for a ride. Forlornly, there were several issues with my bicycle, including a wobbly seat, a flat tyre, a loose wheel, poor brakes, and handle bars that were more than just a little squint. I’d not been out for a ride in a while and sadly my bicycle had fallen into disrepair. I called my dad down to the shed in the garden. He came and looked at the bicycle commenting upon the amount of work it needed to get it back into shape.

After a long pause, I recall that he set to work immediately and pulled out a big box of tools. The box was a little higgledy piggledy, and as I learned throughout his life – that that was my dad! No matter, one small spanner was used to tighten the wobbly seat. Another set of tools were used to remove the wheel, repair the puncture and blow up the tyre again and tighten it into position. Dad then got out a set of pliers to fix the brakes. Finally, another wrench was used to straighten the handlebars. All in all, using a variety of tools, after a short time, the bicycle was fixed and off I went on my ride with a gleeful smile. “Dads are great” I thought!

So, it is with leadership. Oftentimes, whilst managing and leading others we are faced with a vast array of different problems, challenges and issues. Yet, just like the multitude of tools in my dad’s box, so we too have a broad range of different leadership models to help us resolve/fix/repair/manage/lead even the most mind-boggling obstacles at times.

Tools equip us with solutions. What new shiny model do you have in your leadership toolbox, or maybe that old well-worn rusty model, over there in the corner is the best solution perhaps.

“It depends” is indeed the correct answer after all.

  • Do you have a favourite leadership model?
  • How do you apply the “tools” in your day-to-day responsibilities?

Postscript – January 2026 – A short update: six years on

I wrote the original bicycle parable a few years ago.
Different problem. Different tool. Simple.

Recently, working at Aviva, I was asked a very similar question to the one that prompted the original post:

“Which leadership model should we be using?”

What struck me wasn’t the question. It was that my answer hadn’t changed.

It depends.

That phrase often frustrates people. It can sound vague or non-committal. But it isn’t. It’s precise.

Just like the bike, leadership problems are rarely the same problem twice. A loose handlebar isn’t a puncture. A puncture isn’t a brake issue. You wouldn’t reach for the same tool and hope for the best.

Leadership models are no different.

At Aviva, where I am working now there are many models available to use. That’s not confusion. That’s a toolbox.

The real work isn’t choosing the model.
It’s understanding the problem well enough to choose a tool and your mindset is key.

So, if my answer still sounds like “it depends,” that’s because leadership still does.

And that’s probably how it should be.

 

Drawn to Learn

One of the habits I’ve carried with me for a long time is having my head buried in personal and leadership development books.

Over the years, I’ve gathered countless ideas and insights through my reading, many of which have shaped my thinking, my coaching, and the way I show up.

In almost every learning session I facilitate, I take a small stack of these books along with me, that I feel relevant for the topics at hand.

I place them quietly at the front of the room, arranged at eye level, just visible enough to stir a little curiosity.

Surfacing Ideas

Whilst facilitating, a thought, a principle, or an idea often surfaces in the room as part of a discussion.

Frequently, I have noticed that somehow in those moments a memory is triggered – a storyline, a poem or a quote and I just quietly reach for the book, to share it with the group.

And without fail, at some point, perhaps during a break, after a reflective exercise, or on the way out the door, someone wanders up to me, half-whispering the same familiar question:

“Can I have a look at your books?”

There’s something lovely about that moment.

It’s a reminder that learning is magnetic.

People are drawn to ideas, stories, and tools that promise to help them become a little more than they were yesterday.

The books aren’t there to impress.

They’re there as a silent, open invitation.

A gentle nudge that says: There’s always more to uncover. More to question. More to grow into.

And perhaps that’s one of my favourite parts of facilitation, the quiet exchanges that don’t happen when I’m speaking, but when someone chooses to explore a new possibility for themselves.

Because sometimes all it takes is the right book in the right moment… placed in just the right spot.

What’s the next idea you need to explore to grow as a leader?

Bouncing Back

This week reminded me that life has a funny way of keeping us grounded… sometimes literally.
On Monday, I was present at the official launch of the brand-new Learning Centre at Aviva in Perth, and I was fortunate to co-facilitate one of the very first sessions in the new facility.
The excitement in the building was fantastic, after months of work finally came to life. New rooms, new tech, new possibilities.
Meanwhile back at home, things were a little different. My poor wife Monic took suddenly unwell that very morning. We thought it might have been something from the weekend in the Netherlands… and by the time I got home that evening with all the family together to celebrate Cristi’s birthday, I was down with it too… 🤨
A rough 24 hours, to say the least!
What we first thought was potentially food poisoning soon felt much more like a norovirus, the sort that leaves you just completely wiped out.

A little wobble…

Thankfully, a few days later I’m back on my feet, but my brilliant co-facilitator had to deliver a two-day programme on her own. Thank you, Jodi, and thanks too to the team members who stepped in to cover the latter half of the week. I’m very grateful.
It reminded me that leadership isn’t always about being the one at the front of the room.
Resilience isn’t always about pushing through. Sometimes it’s about resting when you need to, trusting others when you must, and bouncing back when you’re able.
Life brings these little wobble moments of unexpected highs, plus unexpected lows, yet each one teaches us something if we let it.
I’m simply grateful to be feeling a little better today… and grateful for the people around me who carry things forward when I can’t.
Here’s to new beginnings, good colleagues, recovering strength, and the quiet courage it takes to keep going.
I also sincerely hope I never passed the bug onto any others!
Where in your life do you need to slow down, trust someone else, or simply take a breath in order to come back stronger?

Small Moments, Big Shifts

Its been nearly two months since I stepped into my new leadership facilitation role with Aviva.
I’ve been busy learning lots about new programmes and perhaps most meaningfully, seeing the power of thinking partnerships.
One of my favourite moments in many of our recent Lead the Way workshops comes during a simple but powerful “buddy coaching” conversation.
There are four different variations of the programme, depending upon seniority level.
During each programme, individuals are frequently randomly paired together.
It’s there, that the coaching conversations begin.
One person reflecting, the other listening deeply and asking thoughtful questions.
We encourage them to be curious.
Two people, fully present, exploring what it means to grow.
On the surface, it seems like a short exercise.
However, I’ve noticed that it only takes a few intentional minutes with a learning buddy like this, to unlock something deeper, a fresh idea or perhaps a new direction for them to consider.

Sitting and Walking

Buddy coaching isn’t simply about sitting opposite each other at a table, some of the best conversations and discoveries are made whilst out for a walk together.
Changing the environment can really help each of us change how we look at things.
“Walking is man’s best medicine.” – Hippocrates
In their conversations, leaders ask each other:
• How would you describe yourself as a leader right now?
• What assumptions do you carry about leadership?
• What would ‘better’ look like for you?
Every time we run this exercise, there is a noticeable, yet subtle shift in the energy in the room, from quiet reflection to rich dialogue.
These short listening and questioning exercises help people slow down and connect.
Interestingly, another upside is they think more intentionally about how they lead and respond to change.
Sometimes the most profound learning moments don’t come from slides or theories, but from being truly heard by another person.
A simple reminder that great leadership often starts with great listening.
When was the last time you truly listened, not to respond, but to understand?

What’s in a Name?

As participants arrived in the room, one by one, they’re given their name tags.
At the same time, they tick their names off the participant list and registration is complete.
A few minutes later during our check in, everyone introduces themselves to the group.
But there’s one challenge that never seems to get any easier for me, even after years of practice… names!
Currently, every few days, I find myself faced with a fresh set of twenty to thirty or so new names to learn.
It’s no small task.
I’m not exactly sure why, but some are easy to remember, others take a few tries, and occasionally I’ll mix up two people completely, especially when there’s a Mark, a Matt, and a Martin in the same room!
Yesterday, the tables turned.
A couple of participants started calling me by the wrong name and not just once!
I could tell they felt a bit embarrassed when they realised, so, in the spirit of fun, I decided to join in.
When one of them said, “Thanks, Darren,” I smiled and replied, “No problem, Martin.” (His name was definitely not Martin.)
Cue a big smile and some laughter.
It broke the tension instantly.
The moment became fun and light-hearted.
Later, as we reflected on the day, I realised something simple yet powerful: learning names is an act of leadership.
It’s about presence.
It’s about seeing people.
When we take the time to remember someone’s name, we’re telling them, “You matter. You’re worth remembering.”
Getting it wrong occasionally?
That’s just part of the journey.
What matters is how we recover, with grace, humour, and a wee bit of warmth.
So, to all the participants out there.
Could you help us facilitator’s out?
If you spot us in an office somewhere, to ease the triggering of the mental panic, please say hello and quickly remind us of your name – just in case!
Leadership, at its best, is all about connection, and sometimes, connection begins with something as small as a name.
What other “small” leadership habits have a big impact on connection and belonging?
p.s. – maybe some bigger name tags may help too! 😅

Creating Space to Learn

Its been a quick week.

On Monday, I arrived at our venue a couple of hours before the start of the latest leadership session, I was just observing after all, but my fellow facilitators had been there for a good wee while longer!

Arriving early as a learning facilitator, is critical.

The magic however of a great learning experience doesn’t begin when the first participant walks into the room, it starts days, weeks and even months, before.

Long before a single chair is straightened or a workbook is placed on the table, facilitators are already deep in preparation.

For this programme, the preparation began in partnership, working closely with Korn Ferry Management Consultants to shape the design, alongside Aviva’s learning consultants to refine the flow and feel of the sessions.

From there came hours of reviewing materials, crafting thoughtful questions, building stories, and attending to the small details that help people connect and learn together.

Then of course there is hours of work done by our events team, who have been organising venues, coursebooks, materials, travel, meals, and most importantly of all – delegates!

This week our facilitators travelled from far and wide, bringing not only their suitcases but their energy, insights, and passion for helping others grow.

Arriving early to set up the space, check the slides, arrange materials, and make sure every table feels ready for learning, it’s all part of facilitation life.

Because when the first delegate walks in, everything should quietly say, you matter, and we’re ready for you.

Facilitation isn’t just about delivery.

It’s about intention. Preparation. Presence.

It’s about creating the conditions where learning can truly come alive.

What does great preparation look like in your world?

A new chapter

I’m happy to share that I’m starting a new position as Leadership Development Facilitator at Aviva!
Day one (yesterday) was all about collecting my new IT kit, getting set up, and (most importantly!) receiving a very warm virtual welcome from my new colleagues.
I’m really looking forward to collaborating on impactful leadership development programmes over the coming months with them all in Perth.
And yes… the thoughtful wee welcome biscuit that arrived in the post was the perfect finishing touch! It was much appreciated and enjoyed! 🍪⭐
I’ll still be doing a little bit of coaching and leadership work through my own company, plus all the other voluntary work including the FORB Foundation.
Here’s to learning, growing and making a difference together.