Tag Archive for: empathy

Guarding Against Silent Judgment

Five years ago, I wrote about the dangers of pointing out faults in others. See https://www.darylwatson.org/…/the-dangers-of-pointing…/
Reflecting upon that blogpost, one thought comes to mind as I try to do better, is this… “I choose not to let passing judgment become a silent habit that I don’t know is happening.”
It’s easy to slip into judgmental thinking without even realising it, by quietly critiquing others’ choices, behaviours, or appearance in our minds.
Just the other day, I caught myself doing that very thing.
When unchecked, this internal habit can become a barrier to compassion, humility, and true meekness.
Passing judgment often starts as a whisper in our thoughts.
It might seem insignificant, a fleeting observation of someone else’s shortcomings or differences.
However, these seemingly small judgments, left unaddressed, can build up over time, shaping how we view and interact with others.
Worse, they can become so ingrained that we may not even recognise when we’re doing it.
Our perceptions of others become clouded by preconceived ideas, biases and crazy notions, which can erode our ability to extend love and understanding.
To counter this, it’s vital to actively constantly cultivate self-awareness.
Just as we try to monitor our words and actions, we must also be mindful of our thoughts.
A helpful practice is to pause when a critical thought arises.
Ask yourself: “Why am I thinking this? Is it rooted in compassion, or is it a reflexive judgment?”
By catching these thoughts in the moment, we can prevent them from taking root and influencing our attitudes.
More importantly, we need to replace judgment with empathy.
We are each on a unique journey in life, filled with struggles, difficulties, and stories we may never fully understand.
I believe when we shift our focus from judgment to empathy, we can begin to respond with kindness and support, rather than criticism.
We can remind ourselves that, just as we desire grace for our own imperfections, others deserve the same grace.
I am more committed than ever to avoiding the silent habit of judgment.
It requires constant vigilance, self-reflection, and intentionality.
By staying mindful of my thoughts and striving to replace judgment with empathy, I hope to become more mindful of my interactions, seeing the best in others and focusing on love rather than faults.
How can you prevent judgmental thoughts entering your mind?

Heart to Heart

If your heart could speak, what would it say?
What does it really long to say?
What does it long to hear?
Being away for three years, has meant a lot of catch-up conversations recently.
Dialogue, with many dear friends and family, home and abroad, face to face and online.
Reflecting this morning on those conversations, I’ve realised that many of them have been heart to heart.

A definition…

Heart to Heart – “a serious conversation between two people, usually close friends, in which they talk honestly about their feelings.”
They haven’t been trivial or inconsequential.
Rather they’re deeper, somehow they feel much more vital and nourishing to each other’s souls, allowing our hearts to really connect.
There has been much more giving and receiving.
In addition, they have also created an even stronger relationship of mutual trust and understanding.
I have even listened to a lot of heartfelt emotions that I wasn’t aware of before.
And interestingly, I’ve begun to understand myself even more.
Significantly, there has been more undivided attention in those moments.
As the dialogue emerges from each other’s heart, the conversations are vulnerable and delicate.
Maybe it’s because for the first time in a while I have more time and am less distracted, but I have found that I am more thoughtful, more compassionate and found it easier to listen with more love.
I have learned to listen, reflect and respond in that order once more.
And I have also been reminded that without having open vulnerable dialogue – we cannot and will not grow.
Moments of struggle have been openly shared.
It is important too, to mean what you say and say what you mean.
Someone once said ““The beauty of a heart-to-heart conversation is that it allows us to share our deepest fears, joys, and dreams, knowing that we will be met with empathy and kindness.”
As I restart my coaching practice, I look forward to many more of these quite remarkable conversations.
“We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided.” – J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)
When was the last time you had a heart-to-heart conversation with someone?

Promptings

In my prayers one morning this week, I specifically asked that I’d recognise any subtle promptings or spiritual insights that day.
Arising from my knees, I made my to do list for the day and set off getting things done.
Late morning, instead of driving to visit my mum, I felt to take a 45-minute walk instead.
After a lovely visit with mum, I set off for home.

Insightful detour

I felt to take a longer route home, a slight detour.
This route took me near the house of a dear old friend, who I hadn’t seen in a few years.
Approaching the house, I had a feeling to ring the bell, but I chose to ignore the thought.
At the front door, the thought came for the second time… “ring the bell” again, I chose to ignore the prompting.
About 5 metres after passing by the house, the prompting came the third time, much louder “Go back. Ring the bell.”
I stopped.
I turned around, walked back a few steps and rang the bell.
Once – No answer. Twice – No answer. On the third time, the door creaked open and there was my dear old friend….
“Paul” my friend said. “No, it’s Daryl” I replied.
I was ushered inside.
We visited for about an hour.

How can I help?

I listened intently and asked if there was anything I could do.
I returned the next afternoon with medications and listened again a while longer.
I know that spiritual promptings come.
We simply need to recognise them, listen intently and have faith to take action.
In one of their many “Don’t Miss This” series, David Butler and Emily Freeman call these moments “Compassionate Detours.”
Reviewing Matthew Chapter 9 they considered a day in the life of Jesus Christ.
“But when he saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion on them.” – Matthew 9:38.
On several occasions, He stopped and ministered, compassionately to the one.
Why not look out for a compassionate detour today…
Stop long enough to heed and listen to the promptings – that always come.
In the busyness of your complex life, do you notice the needs of others?

The Gift of Weeping

There are many spiritual gifts.
Gift: a notable capacity, talent, or endowment
Weeping is a gift that a few of us have been given.
It is precious.
In missionary interviews, tears are a frequent visitor.
Tissues are always on hand.
Life has taught me that weeping arises from the heart, signifying an open and softened heart.
Tears enable us to get in touch with our deepest feelings.
They are an outward manifestation of our innermost emotions.
They come from deep within.
They can’t be forced.
Some people cry so often, they are known for their tears.
Sometimes others see tears as an embarrassment and weeping as a sign of weakness.

In scripture

Yet, through faith, some of the most loving and compassionate words in scripture are these:
“Jesus wept” – John 11:35
“…. Behold, how he loved him!” – John 11:36
I understand why God weeps.
Tears are a gift of grace from God.
In interviews, tears remind us of mission life on a deeper, more authentic, and soulful level.
Very often they are a sign of empathy, compassion, and vulnerability.
They are tender, sensitive, and can help others move from burdens to blessings.

Our Hearts

My heart has often beat in empathy with other hearts, gently weeping in unison.
Thank you for the privilege to sit with you and listen.
Being easily moved to tears, crying for, or with others, is indeed a beautiful gift.
Watch what happens the next time someone weeps in your presence.
Be with and pay respectful attention to them.
Hand them a tissue.
Weeping can cleanse our souls.
There is strength and a sacredness in tears.
Their fruit is always, ultimately… joy.
How can you help wipe away others tears?

Crucial Conversations

Consider the two words below.
– rea𝐂tive
– 𝐂reative
These two words describe the mindset that you can bring to any conversation.
There is a key difference in the position of the letter “𝐂”
Best-selling author Neale Donald Walsch, says “When we 𝐂 things correctly, life becomes 𝐂reative instead of rea𝐂tive.”
Repositioning a letter… one 𝒔𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒍 move, makes a 𝒉𝒖𝒈𝒆 difference.
Our mindset is vitally important.
Changing the way, we talk with one another; will change the way we act.
And subsequently changing the way people act, will in turn, as a result, change the outcomes.
Recently I’ve been involved in several conversations about presence.
Presence: being aware of what is happening in the moment, experiencing body sensations, noticing thoughts, feeling emotions.
Whilst deepening your presence can be somewhat challenging, the results can be transformative.
When we are present, we are in touch with what’s really happening.
Research reveals that presence is a capacity that can be developed by everyone.
Being 𝐂reative in the here-and-now is pivotal in re-energising and engaging people around you.
Slowing down is equally crucial.
When people listen to each other, they do their best thinking, by surfacing concerns in both directions.
Subsequently, when you are really “present” and “land” in the moment by addressing what matters most, experience has taught me that new unseen possibilities emerge and come into view.
So, what does all this mean for you and me?
Simply stated, a single conversation can potentially open or shut a door on a whole new future that can help us to become more conscious of how we talk with one another.
Choose to be present today and for a while, give someone your undivided attention.
How do you 𝐂/𝐬𝐞𝐞 things?

What great leaders do…

Yesterday was amazing.
Every six weeks, we meet as a Mission Leadership Council.
I was surrounded by true leaders.
It is their time to lead.
Young men and women, with pure humble hearts, who are principle driven, selfless, devoted, disciplined and who get things done by bringing out the very best in others.
Our time is spent in training, learning, and counselling together.
Great missionary effort requires great leadership, through faith, love, obedience, and work.
All leaders must be good followers and they do that with exactness.
They see potential everywhere.
They are examples of goodness.
They are bold.
They lift and inspire.
They encourage.
They are prayerful.
They listen with genuine empathy.
They communicate with kindness.
They are great teachers.
They take time to slow down and consider what really matters most.
Ultimately, each of them endeavours to emulate the greatest servant leader of all, even Jesus Christ.
They love to serve others, as Christ centred servants.
They minister, one by one.
Remember, one is the key to the ninety and nine.
They feed their sheep.
Meeting with each of them is an absolute joy.
Ezra Taft Benson said…
“Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whosoever will lose his life in the service of God, will find eternal life.” (See Matthew 10:39)
As a leader, do you constantly remember that you are a servant?

Conversations Matter

Yesterday, for a while Monic and I sat in conversation together.
Conversation: “a talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged.”
In our conversations, we notice how we express our ideas and yet regularly we still misunderstand one another’s meaning.
Frequently, we repeat ourselves, ask questions, slow down and clarify, 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 we fully understand.
My coaching career has taught me that when we concentrate fully on a conversation, consider the content, and demonstrate an understanding of the message, the person on the other side always feels valued.
Have you experienced that?
Recently in our missionary zone conferences, we learned how to approach dialogue from a point of engagement and connection that leads to more creative problem-solving, perspective and ultimately stronger relationships.
We learned that conversations evoke emotions, they form a bond between you and others, and can make or break any first impression.
After all, conversations are the lifeblood of all relationships – right?

A Conversation

I love this painting “A Conversation with the Master” by Nathan Florence.
The painting depicts a woman walking alongside Jesus, in a purposeful conversation.
She is doing the lion’s share of the talking, while he is listening thoughtfully.
She is animated about something, whilst his compassion unruffles any undue concern.
Perhaps they have wandered for a while in the beautiful countryside.
His focus is completely on her.
He does not heal her with his touch.
Rather, He is listening deeply and accompanying her on their journey together.
He walked, talked, listened, smiled, encouraged, and made time for her.
Listening, guided by love, is one of the greatest gifts we can give one another.
Perhaps we can all be a bit more like Jesus and listen more deeply to one another.
In your next conversation, take some time to find the most authentic words to explain your thoughts and feelings, slow down and be a little more vulnerable.
I hope that we can all enjoy deep and meaningful conversations with one another.
What did it feel like when you last had a really good conversation?

Building Rapport

Recently I was asked – “How do you build rapport?”
Rapport – “a relationship characterized by agreement, mutual understanding, or empathy that makes communication possible or easy – a friendly, harmonious relationship.”
I see rapport as being the sense of connection that I may have with someone.
When you have good rapport it’s like being in sync with someone, and are mutually interested in each other. Often you’ll discover that you have similar feelings and emotions too.
It is also about effective communication and building a healthy camaraderie.
Building rapport is all about establishing that connection and the process of creating deeper relationships.

Top Tips

Firstly, start with yourself!
You really need to know and understand your truest self. Who are you, what are your core values, what are your interests and hobbies, how do you go about getting things done? Importantly – do not pretend to be someone you’re not!
Secondly, empathy is key.
What is empathy? It’s understanding how others feel and being compassionate toward them. The key part to empathy is being genuinely curious. Don’t just stand in another person’s shoes, go, and actually take a walk in them!
Thirdly, ask questions.
Some variation of “tell me about yourself” is often a great way to start a conversation. Asking questions can remove uncomfortable small talk and help you get into more meaningful conversations.
Fourthly, listen!
Active listening means giving your full attention to someone who is speaking. If someone feels like you are hearing them, they will likely listen to you in return, which can establish a good relationship and build great rapport.
Fifthly, take time to understand.
When you take the time to really understand someone, you’ll begin to be able to see the world from the other person’s perspective. It helps to find some common ground and create some shared experiences together.
I know that building great rapport will improve your relationships and will make you a better communicator.
What can you do to build rapport?

Being heard

Have you ever met someone who not only listened to you but really tried to understand you?
How did you feel about the person?
Have you been heard recently?
I mean, 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒅.
You may have to think long and hard about that question.
It may have been quite a while since you feel that you have been heard.
Can you remember what it felt like?
What words come to mind?
We can all seek to be heard beyond simply the words that we are speaking.
As a coach, frequently I find that coachees want me to know and hear the feelings of their heart.
Sometimes that can take a few sessions to achieve.
My experience has taught me that if you have been heard, then you are much more willing to listen.
Real listening can’t happen unless we have a sincere desire to understand what we’re hearing.
Sometimes – that isn’t easy for many of us, including me too!
Why? Because we also need to suspend our judgement.
You know that voice in your head that says – I know better.
Or that frustrated impatient feeling in your heart which says – I already know how.
When actually – we don’t know better or how at all.
We may think we do, but we don’t!
Listening to someone means getting out of your own head and trying to understand another person’s mind.
It’s all about empathy.

Here are some tips…

1. Slow down.
2. Let go of your own thoughts and opinions
3. Listen with your whole body, not just with your ears, eyes, and head, but by mirroring their body movements (without being too obvious.)
4. Be genuinely curious, by focusing all your attention on the other person and being present.
5. Become comfortable with silence, allowing the other person space and time to access their inner wisdom.
6. Don’t interrupt and wait until the other person is ready for you to speak.
Listening is crucial to presence.
Why not take a moment, reflect on the tips above and help someone to be heard today?
#heard #presence #listening #empathy #silence

Curiosity

“Tell me, on a scale from 1 to 10, where are you right now?” I asked curiously…

Since my earliest childhood memories, I’ve been curious about things, people, nature, places, history, travel and culture to name a few. I have always been eager to know or learn something new and understand “why?” That probably explains one of the seemingly insatiable penchant’s of mine…..reading books!

One vivid memory from my childhood involved filling a jam jar with some foliage and then capturing a bumble bee. I’d already had some help to put some holes in the lid of the jar, so that any bee’s I captured could breath. I recall observing and listening to the bee for no more than a day, studying it, feeling sad about keeping it in a jar and then setting it free again.

Curiosity is often seen as the driving force behind not only human development, but developments in science, language, and industry. I know too that it is a vital component in coaching and mentoring

My experience is that questions driven by the curiosity of a coach can be the catalyst and driving force for change. I have come to understand that curiosity is the key to learning. It can help to expand our empathy too by helping us understand life experiences different than our own.

What are you curious about?