Tag Archive for: communication

A Matter of Manner

Recently, Monic and I met with a doctor about a medical matter.
We left however feeling a little less reassured than we had hoped, not because we questioned his expertise, but because something in the conversation didn’t quite connect for us.
We also recognise that medical professionals carry pressures we cannot see, and that one brief encounter never tells the whole story. Even so, it prompted me to reflect on how much the manner of a difficult conversation matters.
The experience got us thinking about the phrase 𝒃𝒆𝒅𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒓.
It has very little to do with the bed and almost everything to do with the manner: how someone speaks, listens, asks questions, explains difficult things and responds to another person’s vulnerability.
And it struck me that bedside manner doesn’t belong only to medicine.

Leadership

𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 leader has one too.
It shows up when we have to share difficult news, challenge someone’s behaviour, address poor performance, navigate uncertainty or simply sit with someone who is struggling.
There may be no hospital bed in the room, but the other person can still feel exposed, worried or vulnerable.
On our Lead the Way programmes with Aviva, we spend a lot of time considering leadership behaviours such as crucial conversations.
We explore respect, active listening, empathy and thoughtful questions. We consider not only what needs to be said, but how we help another person feel safe enough to hear it and able to respond honestly.
The image below looks like a professional toolkit—but it contains no ordinary instruments. Instead, there is an ear for listening, a question mark for curiosity, a speech bubble for honest conversation and an open hand for empathy and respect.
Expertise matters. So does authority. But neither automatically creates trust.
Whether we are doctors, lawyers, leaders, call handlers, coaches or colleagues, difficult conversations call for the same human tools.
Trust is often formed in the manner we bring to the moment: in our tone, our questions, our willingness to listen and the care we show when the conversation becomes difficult.
People may forget the precise words we use, but they rarely forget whether they felt heard, understood and valued.
What do people experience in the “bedside manner” you bring to crucial conversations?

Off You Go Then…

Earlier this week, Annmarie and I were preparing to welcome a brand-new cohort to another Lead the Way programme with Aviva in Perth.
We really enjoy working together and we’d taken a wee bit of time to prepare a plan for the session by dividing up the sections and agreed who would lead each part.
Everything was organised, or so we thought. 😉
As the session began, Annmarie and I stood at the front of the room and looked at one another.
There was a brief pause.
“Off you go,” I thought.
But she didn’t start.
Instead, she looked back at me with a slightly quizzical expression, which I interpreted as her perhaps needing a little encouragement.
So, I gave her what I imagined was a wonderfully supportive leadership signal: a gentle tilt of the head, raised eyebrows and an encouraging look that clearly said, “You’ve got this.”
Still, she hesitated.
Eventually, I added the words: “Off you go then.”
And off she went.
She welcomed the group, introduced the session and got us underway nicely. Nobody in the room appeared to notice that anything unusual had happened.
A few minutes later, during a short break, Annmarie leaned towards me with a big smile and whispered:
“You were supposed to start… Check the plan.”
Naturally, I did and she was right! I hadn’t checked the plan carefully enough!
We laughed about it and carried on. No harm was done, the session had begun well, and in fact, the little incident probably helped us to relax as we started working with a new group.
It was a small moment, quickly forgotten by everyone else, but a useful reminder for us.

The Leadership Lesson

In leadership and coaching, we can easily assume that a plan, a look or a subtle hint has made everything clear.
Sometimes it has. Sometimes it really hasn’t.
Often, the warmest and most helpful thing we can do is simply ask the question rather than rely on raised eyebrows and hopeful head tilts – although that can be fun too!
Where might one simple clarifying question prevent a bigger misunderstanding for you this week?

A View From the Other Side

I’ve always liked learning something new.

Last week was no different, when I got the chance to spend some time with my new buddy, Ruth Birrell, from Personal Insurance at Aviva in Perth. She was helping me understand what it’s really like to be a call handler dealing with travel insurance calls for Nationwide and Barclays.

I realised pretty quickly that, while I’ve spent years being the person calling into a contact centre, I’d never actually seen what it looks like on the other side.
It turned out to be a really eye-opening experience.

I listened in on a number of customer calls and saw first-hand how Ruth supports each person. In my 90 minutes of observation, I learned a lot!

She talked me through how calls are handled, the kinds of questions people ask, and how she makes sure each customers get the right cover and the support they need.

What really stood out was the level of care, patience and, most importantly, listening that goes into every single call. No two conversations were the same, and I began to recognise it takes real skill to properly understand what someone needs and then to explain things clearly.

There were a few moments where I realised I’d completely missed key details… and yet Ruth hadn’t missed a thing! She made it look easy (I’m fairly sure it isn’t).

And the multitasking…? Well, that was simply the next level. Her nimble fingers danced over her keyboard at lightning speed! ⚡

Spending time with Ruth definitely gave me a new appreciation for her role and I began to understand the impact the whole team can have on the customer experience.

Swap!

After that, it felt only fair to return the favour. I invited Ruth down to the Learning Centre to sit in on a Lead the Way session for an hour.

On Friday morning she joined us and, just like me before, she really enjoyed the experience. It was great to have her there and share a bit of what we do. The session she joined was all about role modelling leadership in our personal behaviours.

She even left determined to complete a learning exercise herself, which felt like a fun thing to do.

Overall, it turned into a really nice exchange. I got a better understanding of life on the phones, and Ruth got to see how we support colleagues through the Lead the Way programme.

It’s a good reminder of how much we can learn just by stepping into someone else’s world for a short time.

A simple swap, but a useful one and I think there were some real benefits for both of us.

When was the last time you swapped roles with someone for an hour to see things from their perspective?

A 400-year leap

One of my favourite ways to start a learning session is with an icebreaker I call “A conversation with a Time Traveller.”
Two people pair up: one plays someone from the early 1600s, the other plays a modern-day person, it’s like having a conversation with one of your ancestors.
The 2025 partner’s job is to choose something the 1600s person wouldn’t recognise.
Something like a smartphone, Netflix, or a drive-thru, and then try to explain it in a way they can grasp.
The fun comes from realising how hard it is to describe something so normal to us, yet so weird to them.
It’s a reminder that things and our understanding of them, can change dramatically over time.
The same is true with the gospel of Jesus Christ.
The scriptures often speak to people in the language and symbols of their day.
For instance, a shepherd, a fisherman, a farmer in ancient times would hear parables, yet only to those spiritually ready, were revealed the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven.
Concerning the parables of Jesus, Howard W. Hunter said: “They are so simple a child can understand, yet profound enough for the sage and philosopher.”

Our Understanding Today

That was true for someone living in the 1600s, and in our digital world of today.
Those same teachings sometimes require a new frame of reference for us to truly understand.
Jesus promised that the Spirit would “guide you into all truth” (John 16:13).
I know that God meets us where we are and teaches us in ways we can truly understand.
In our time in Belgium and the Netherlands, I saw many young missionaries learn to speak to people from different cultures and in many different languages, as they slowed down to understand.
In the same way, we can learn to share the gospel in ways that make sense to others, no matter how different their “world” may be from ours.
It starts by listening first, seeing through their eyes, hearing with their ears, and understanding their questions, as if we were in their shoes, before we even speak.
Just like in the icebreaker, it takes patience, creativity, and a willingness to see through someone else’s perspective.
The gospel never changes, but the way we understand and share it must speak the language of the listener – whether they come from the 1600s, the 21st century, or anywhere in between.
How might you prepare today to better connect with the “time travellers” you meet tomorrow?

What’s your one word?

In a recent virtual learning session, I kicked off with a simple question as a little icebreaker…
“Give me one word to describe how you’re communicating these days.”
Pausing for a moment to consider their responses, words started to appear in the chat box, including some of the following:
Friendly. Rationally. Deeply. Detailed. Concisely. Comprehensively and many more.
Immediately, we were off to a powerful and thoughtful start.
Some participants then chose to explain further why they were communicating in that manner.
They mentioned their tone, their intentions and the impact it was having.
They began to see and understand the impact beyond their words.
New insights about presence, awareness, mindset and leadership came to the fore.
It turned out to be a moment of powerful reflection for everyone.
Each of us communicate in some way or form every day.
Speaking.
Texting.
Writing.
Posting.
And it doesn’t have to be words, more powerful is our body language and the visual clues we send.
Often, it’s the unspoken that lands the loudest, such as, silence, tone and eye contact.
When was the last time you stopped to ask how you’re actually communicating?
In our session, the simple act of naming how we communicate opened the door to group learning, personal insight, and stronger accountability.
So, pause for a second.
What’s your one word?
And more importantly: is it working for you?

A Ball of String

Recently I was asked, “As a facilitator, what are your favourite learning tools in your backpack?”
I smiled…
There are many “essentials” that I carry in my backpack when I facilitate a workshop.
– Pens, markers (sharpies or neuland refillables), dry board markers, paper, post it notes.
– CCS Cards, Organisation Cards and other cards to write on
– My laptop, a pointer/clicker, extra batteries, an external mouse and a thumb drive.
– Masking tape.
– Power adaptors
– Rubber bands and Paper clips
And last but not least, my very favourite, it goes everywhere, my 𝒃𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈!
It’s a short list but these few supplies have gotten me out of a lot of jams, consistently bring energy to the room, and help me to create memorable moments in any learning session.
So why a ball of string?
A simple ball of string is often underestimated, but it is a highly effective tool in facilitation.
Its versatility makes it a powerful symbol and practical tool for measuring and demonstrating different behaviours and concepts in various workshops.
Here are 2 simple examples of how I’ve used it recently…

Example 1

As a measurement tool, by using it as a line on the floor and asking participants to gauge their thoughts and feelings about something.
For example, I explain that one end of the line is “Strongly Agree,” the opposite end is “Strongly Disagree,” and the middle represents a neutral stance.
The activity always involves making decisions about how much they agree or disagree with statements or questions that I ask.
On every occasion, I invite participants to position themselves on the line to indicate their view, leading to some fascinating discussion and varied opinions.
Another one I use string for is to help people understand the importance of connection and communication within a team.

Example 2

When one person talks or shares an idea, they hold onto the string and toss the ball to someone else.
As the string weaves across the group, it creates a visual web of connections, symbolising how each person’s input influences the others.
It can be a powerful illustration of interdependency in any team, and how communication flows through and binds a team together.
A ball of string is more than a basic tool as it can symbolise and practically demonstrate essential leadership behaviours.
What’s in your backpack?

Collaboration

Working together, with a group of returned missionaries is such a joyful delight.
Last night, despite being geographically dispersed, literally thousands of miles apart, through the marvel of technology, we were focused, unified and purposeful in the pursuit of a new book project.
Our working title – “𝑫𝒂𝒊𝒍𝒚 𝑺𝒂𝒍𝒕 – 𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒍𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝑮𝒐𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒍 𝑻𝒓𝒖𝒕𝒉𝒔”
It is a collaborative effort.
Collaboration: “is the act of working together to produce a piece of work, especially a book or some research.”
I certainly liked the feeling of being a team again.
Any successful collaboration requires our time as well as effort to communicate and gain understanding.
Whilst serving in Belgium and the Netherlands, each of them learned that to be successful in their work, they must be together, as one.
Creating a culture of collaboration was essential in the mission field, and now a new opportunity has arisen for them to co-create in a collaborative way.
Together they shared their views, we heard different perspectives, and received a broader understanding of the project at hand in a respectful and loving way.
It was captivating, engaging and quite frankly just so exciting to be working together again.
I was so grateful to sit in counsel once more with so many of my dear friends.
Individuals brought their own unique perspectives to our discussions, which is of course highly desirable in any great collaboration.
I count it a great blessing and privilege to work with each one of them.
It was as if we’d switched on a powerful divine light as we collaborated and shared ideas.
We began to understand each of our roles and how the project work will move forward.
Through experience, we all know the best collaborators also need to be great communicators.
We learned that successful collaboration allows for lots of benefits to emerge that are essential to success, including delegation, innovation, planning, persuasion, agility, and speed.
And we got off to a marvellous start!
It feels that all of this experience didn’t just happen by accident, or random chance, but rather by divine design.
I can’t wait to meet again in two weeks’ time.
How do you feel about working in a collaborative team?

Be

Put your mobile down.
Set your tablet or laptop aside.
Turn the television off.
Put down your book.
Are you paying attention?
Just be here.

𝐁𝐞.

In a world filled with distractions it can be easy to get side-tracked and lose focus on the person or people that matter most of all.
In a recent coaching interview, one missionary asked me a question something like this…
“President, how can I improve my communication skills?”
Reflecting for a moment, as I observed the missionary and made eye contact, I asked a question that focused on being present and the unspoken dialogue I observed before me.
I asked, “Look at me and tell me what you observe?”
Hesitating the missionary responded… “I see you!”
“What else do you see?” I asked.
“You’re sitting comfortably”.
“Yes, I am sitting comfortably, but what else?” I said.
There were a few more interactions.
However, unable to see what I was driving at; I described my body language.
Then the missionary understood that I’d been delicately mirroring or matching the gesture’s, expressions, tone of voice and seating posture throughout our conversation.
What was I really saying?
I was indicating… “I am curious about you and making an effort to understand you.”
I had slowed down.
It was a moment of true bewilderment, to watch the reaction unfold.
Observing and listening, along with things we speak, are equally critical parts of communicating, that show you care.
“We must develop the capacity to see [others] not as they are at present but as they may become.” – Thomas S. Monson.
True disciples of Jesus Christ seek to follow His example in the ways they communicate.
I love this scripture from Ephesians 4:29 …“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”
If you want to develop Christlike communication, then speak with a missionary today.

Mission Leadership Council

Every six weeks, the leaders of the mission gather together to counsel about the relevant matters of the day.
Our topics yesterday included:
– Study Your Language (SYL) – daily!
– Teaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ
– Drawing on the Powers of Heaven
– Being united, knit together as one
– Dealing with constant Change
– Hot Chocolate and Sifting – see Luke 22:31-32
– To the Rescue – Ministering to the one.
– Christlike attributes
– Team work
– Communication Skills
– Social Media and Content Updates…
These are very special days, never to be forgotten.
As missionaries come and go in the mission, gaining an understanding of leadership and counselling together, is such an important part of their growth and development.
Oh – and we also like to have a little bit of fun too!
The pictures capture just one of our lively learning activities of the day!

Conversation Buddies

At our recent zone conferences, we held a communication activity.
We created a safe space to talk out loud and recreate a companionship council.
It was fun to observe, as each missionary verbalised their thinking.
They each taught one another something they didn’t know!
I noticed too, sometimes, we don’t listen to each other at all.
We may speak at each other, or past each other, rather than with each other.
Part of the exercise was to learn how to talk with one another in honest and effective ways.
Communication is an essential part of daily life, it’s like a lubricant for all our relationships.
Entering a conversation, we join with our own opinions, feelings, and experiences.
Conversations can hold immense power, create connection, and help us to grow.
With their conversation buddies, missionaries learned how to communicate more effectively, in turn leading to the need for some change.

Change

Change is hard.
We’re all human, and we all have our struggles, right?
Your biggest rival to change is most likely some internal obstacle that is going on in your head!
– A lack of confidence
– Laziness
– Procrastination
– Stubbornness
When we attempt to change, sometimes we may apply the wrong tactics.
Yet, daily, seemingly small decisions, can all add up to make a big difference.

Time

As I watch each missionary arrive at the start of their mission, over time, I see them develop, and change.
As each of them humbly turns to one another, and then ultimately turn to Jesus Christ’s great example, He increase’s their capacity to change.
Exercising their faith in Jesus Christ, it is only through Him, that they are all given the strength to make lasting changes in their lives.
He literally changes their hearts, because of His great love and empathy for the people He served.
He can and will do the same for each of us, as we accept His invitation to “Come Follow Him”.
Week in, week out, I am a witness to many, who have experienced a “change of heart” (Alma 5:26) as they learn more about divine communication.
Why not seek out a new conversation buddy, and speak with a missionary today…
How can faith in Jesus Christ help you to change?
© Copyright 2024 Daryl Watson. All Rights Reserved. Registered in Scotland, Company Number SC473068