No Regrets
Reflecting this morning, I recalled a phrase Iโve used many times over, in coaching interviews for departing missionaries these last few weeks.
I interview them when they still have a few weeks to serve. In our time together, I share the phrase โ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐โ and we discuss together what it means for them.
It got me thinking more broadly about โThe Top 5 Regrets of the Dyingโ (Bronnie Ware 2012)
As a Palliative care nurse, Bronnieโs life was transformed by tending to the needs of those who were dying. In her book she writes about the most common regrets that the people she had cared for had expressed to her.
Top Regrets
Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as shared by Ware:
๐. ๐ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฌ๐ก ๐’๐ ๐ก๐๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐๐ ๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฅ๐ข๐ฏ๐ ๐ ๐ฅ๐ข๐๐ ๐ญ๐ซ๐ฎ๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฆ๐ฒ๐ฌ๐๐ฅ๐, ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ฅ๐ข๐๐ ๐จ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ซ๐ฌ ๐๐ฑ๐ฉ๐๐๐ญ๐๐ ๐จ๐ ๐ฆ๐.
“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled.
๐. ๐ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฌ๐ก ๐ ๐ก๐๐๐ง’๐ญ ๐ฐ๐จ๐ซ๐ค๐๐ ๐ฌ๐จ ๐ก๐๐ซ๐.
“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”
๐. ๐ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฌ๐ก ๐’๐ ๐ก๐๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐๐ ๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐๐ฑ๐ฉ๐ซ๐๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐๐๐๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฌ.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”
๐. ๐ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฌ๐ก ๐ ๐ก๐๐ ๐ฌ๐ญ๐๐ฒ๐๐ ๐ข๐ง ๐ญ๐จ๐ฎ๐๐ก ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐๐ซ๐ข๐๐ง๐๐ฌ.
“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years.โ
๐. ๐ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฌ๐ก ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ ๐ก๐๐ ๐ฅ๐๐ญ ๐ฆ๐ฒ๐ฌ๐๐ฅ๐ ๐๐ ๐ก๐๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ข๐๐ซ.
โMany did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”
What would your biggest ๐ซ๐๐ ๐ซ๐๐ญ be if this was your last day of life?
What will you set out to change today?
