Today, will mark the end of missionary interviews, the last two with our Assistants this evening.

After three years, I think Monic and I are now approaching some 6,000 coaching interviews.

We shall miss these special times; they have been a labour of love.

Whilst in one interview this week, a missionary inquired, “How do I ask good questions?”

Initially, I remarked about being fully present, by giving my full and utmost attention.

I mentioned the importance of deep listening, not only to the words used but the emotions felt and being guided by humility, compassion, and love.

Then, I introduced the power of clarifying.

Pausing, I said “Let’s do some roleplays…”

The missionary spoke and shared an opinion with me.

Carefully crafting the missionary’s own words in a different order, I drew attention to an aspect of the experience and asked a clarifying question.

In other words, I reflected the words back to the missionary and used them to ask a question in a different tone and a slower voice.

At first the missionary was startled by the insight, but after a little practice, soon cottoned on.

Then, I said, “You can also ask questions without words.”

“Huh?” came the response.

You can ask questions in non-verbal ways through facial expressions, eye contact, a raised eyebrow, a puzzled look, tilting your head to the side, tugging your ear, placing your hand on your cheek, stroking your chin, using hand gestures or a combination of them all.

Self-awareness is paramount.

We practiced a little more.

To understand each other better, try slowing down and be silent.

Jesus Christ knew the importance of Psalms 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God…”

A favourite saying of mine often attributed to St. Francis of Assisi reads, “Preach the gospel at all times and if necessary, use words.”

Jesus asked perceptive questions and then waited for answers, frequently listening not only with His ears but with also with His heart.

Key is to focus on what you feel inside, rather than on what you see and hear outside.

A good example is the story of faith filled Bartimaeus in Mark 10:46-52, where Jesus stopped and healed him.

Often teaching without words, simply through His actions; that is the Master’s way.

How can you listen and ask questions more compassionately?