Tag Archive for: Negotiation

Reading the Room

Some years ago, I was sat in a room in a hi-powered negotiation for a major multi-million-pound contract for the company I was working for.
Discussions, pricing, and contract negotiations had been going on for several weeks.
It was time for our final meeting to agree the contract.
I’ll never forget that meeting, as I did something I’d never done before.

And so it began…

It was immediately evident that they were trying very hard to undo some of our previous agreements to find a more satisfactory arrangement for their company.
I had prepared well for the negotiation and was aware of any concessions that could be made.
Having been through many negotiations before, I knew the importance of being able to read the room, by listening for facts, details, or any signals and feelings that could arise.
Tuning in, I felt the vibe was different than our previous meetings.
I recall the body language, the vocal tones, raised eyebrows, the fleeting smiles and even frowns that day.
Those tiny facial micro expressions helped me to read between the lines, the nuances of what was being said, clues if you will, as to what was actually going on, that helped me to understand the dynamics in the room and individual emotional states.
Essentially, it was about trying to figure out or understand how the others in the room were thinking, without them actually saying something.
I worked hard to mirror and match the energy and tone of the others in order to connect with them.

Tactics

The lead negotiator from the other side was trying very hard to squeeze me on price by another 2% (read tens of thousands of pounds) and were in a hurry to close out the contract negotiations and give me the contract that day.
The win-win for us both, was becoming a win-lose for me.
It just felt-off.
They were keen for me to shake hands and sign the deal.

Now what?

Looking around the room, taking a deep breath, boldly and risking all, I thanked them for their time, closed my folder, packed up and left.
The negotiation was over.
Within an hour, they called me.
The additional 2% demand was removed, I signed, and we agreed the contract.
Whether it’s a presentation to a large audience, or an important meeting or negotiation, be mindful of reading the room.
It takes a little practice, but stop, look and listen for those non-verbal clues, they’re always there.
How can you “read the room” better?

The 18th Camel

Many years ago, an old man died and left his camels to his three sons; one-half to the oldest, one-third to the second son, and one-ninth to the youngest. However, there was a problem, he had only 17 camels.

The three sons got into an intense negotiation over who should get how many, because 17 doesn’t divide by two, or by three, or by nine.

In time, tempers became very strained.  In an effort to resolve the situation, they finally agreed to go to a wise old woman in the community. She listened to their problem and after some time says, “Well, I don’t know if I can help you, but if you want, at least you can have my camel.  Then you will have 18 camels and you can divide them among the three of you.”

Accepting her offer the brothers gave half (or 9) of the 18 camels to the eldest son, a third (or 6) of them to the second son and a ninth (or 2) of them to the youngest son. One camel remained. There is one camel left over, so the brothers give it back to the woman.

Many of our challenges and conflicts today are like those 17 camels — they seem impossible to resolve, with no apparent solution in sight.

Sometimes we just need more imaginative ways to overcome our problems. Every problem has a solution! What we need to do is step back from the situation, look at it through a fresh lens, and come up with an 18th camel.

What is your 18th camel?

Influence or Persuasion

In preparation for a forthcoming learning event I was reminded one of Aesop’s classic fables of “The Wind and the Sun.”

As I recall, it goes something like this….

In the story, the Wind and the Sun argue over who is stronger, and decide to settle their debate by seeing who can compel a passing traveller to remove his cloak.

The Wind, confident in his strength, begins by blowing fiercely.

The Wind blew with all his might, but the stronger he blew, the closer the traveller wrapped his cloak around him and the tighter he grasped it with his hands.

When the Wind finally tires, the Sun takes a gentler approach.

With the welcome beams of light and warmth, the traveller began to feel the gradual heat of the sun, as it shone brighter and brighter.

Eventually, overcome with the heat, without resistance the traveller cast his cloak on the ground.

Thus, the sun was champion.

This fable highlights a fundamental difference between influence and persuasion versus the use of force or coercion.

The Wind

The Wind’s approach represents an attempt to dominate and overpower the traveller’s will, pushing him into action.

However, the result is the opposite: the more the Wind exerts force, the more the traveller resists.

Coercion or manipulation comes to mind.

When people feel pushed or controlled, their natural instinct is to resist, much like the traveller tightening his cloak.

The harder the push, the stronger the resistance.

This is seen in situations where force or threats are used to compel behaviour — the results are often fleeting or met with opposition.

The Sun

In contrast, the Sun’s method embodies the power of influence and persuasion.

Rather than forcing the traveller to act, the Sun creates an environment where the traveller chooses to remove his cloak willingly.

This symbolises the effectiveness of using warmth, patience, and empathy to guide others toward a desired outcome.

Persuasion taps into intrinsic motivation, making people feel like they are in control of their decisions.

By fostering comfort and trust, the Sun influences the traveller’s behaviour subtly but effectively, leading to a more lasting change.

In the realms of leadership, negotiation, or communication, this fable demonstrates that soft power—the ability to persuade and influence through positive means—is often more powerful than direct force.

True influence creates conditions where others willingly adopt ideas or behaviours, rather than acting out of fear or obligation.

Just as the Sun outshone the Wind by gently encouraging the traveller to remove his cloak, the most effective forms of persuasion appeal to reason, trust, and mutual respect.

For me, there is a great lesson in this simple fable that persuasion is better than force.

Indeed, the sunshine of a kind and gentle manner is much more powerful than the threat of force of blustering might.

What lesson does the tale teach you?