Tag Archive for: listening

Notetaking

It is an interesting little four-letter word “note.”
There are all kinds of notes, including bank notes, musical notes, people of note, promissory notes to pay a debt, or a brief record/memorandum used to assist our memories.
In my lifetime, I have sat through all kinds of meetings, thousands of them.
Note taking has frequently been part of my routine.
I know that by listening to and then summarising what you hear can help you understand and remember the information later.
I have probably filled up 100’s if not 1000’s of notebooks too.
Some of which I treasure to this day.
I’ve gathered action points and insights galore.
Taking notes can help you to concentrate and listen more effectively.
In fact, notetaking can also help keep you awake at times and even forces you to pay attention!

Paying attention

Growing older however, I’ve recognised that the most thoughts, impressions and feelings come gently, very softly even.
Last week whilst in a zoom call with Elder David Bednar, with other European mission leaders, he encouraged us to do something different.
Previously, sat in these kinds of meetings my experience is that there is an in initial rush to capture what an Apostle is saying, and like many others I found myself trying to keep up.
This time however, he invited us not to take dictation style notes, but rather to record personal impressions, as President Russell M. Nelson has challenged, so that “I know for myself”.

Knowing

I started to look for and listen for those customised messages, specially crafted so that I could “know for myself” what I needed to learn in that very moment.
As I listened to learn, my note taking changed from words he stated, to personal meaningful impressions that came.
I recognised that there is a space between the words that someone uses to the feelings of the spirit that can stir our souls into action.
Still, small, whisperings of the spirit came.
Why not consider your note taking in your next meeting, seminar or class, consider not recording the words said, but rather the feelings or impressions that come.
Listen to learn and learn to listen.

Walk and Talk

Never before have we lived so close to a temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

In Scotland, it is a 4 ½ hour drive to the temple in Chorley, Lancashire.

Today, we live only a short distance away in Leidschendam, a 20-minute drive from the temple in Zoetermeer.

Temples are different from the thousands of Church meetinghouses located around the world.

Meetinghouses are where Sunday worship services, youth gatherings, service projects, and other community events take place.

Temples have a more specific purpose.

They are places specially set apart for sacred service and ceremonies.

They are the House of The Lord.

The House of the Lord is the most sacred place of worship in the world — a place where heaven touches the earth, a place where marvellous blessings are bestowed, and a place where we can feel closer to our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ as we strive to become more like Them.

Temple Grounds

In recent weeks the temple grounds have become a favourite place to walk and talk.

The grounds are a place of beauty, serenity, and reverence.

The grounds attract many local visitors.

They have become a sanctuary to rest, to contemplate and to consider the deeper purpose and meaning of life.

The grounds have also become for me, a place to listen to, meet with, talk with, read with, laugh with, study with, walk with, pray with, reflect with, ponder with and counsel with our missionaries.

Learning

As we walk and talk, we learn together as our thoughts are elevated heavenward.

In my professional coaching career, I have also found that breakthroughs occur in our thinking more easily when surrounded by nature, open space, and a tranquil environment.

Walking and talking just make good sense!

My wife and I take time to walk and talk every day.

We take in the surroundings and breathe in fresh air. By so doing, we are using all our senses to be in the present and soak up the natural world.

“The sum of the whole is this: walk and be happy; walk and be healthy. The best way to lengthen out our days is to walk steadily and with a purpose.”- Charles Dickens

Imagine for a moment your favourite walking spot.

How does it make you feel when you walk there?

Councils

I was excited to receive the picture attached from my dear friend, Eelco Scheltinga, who serves as President of the Den Haag Stake (diocese).

He and I meet regularly to discuss all aspects of missionary work in his stewardship.

In addition, he also meets regularly (like the other Stake Presidents – Angelo Leman, Percy de Wilde and Jerry Bletterman) with his Zone Leaders (ZL’s) and Sister Trainer Leaders (STL’s), who are assigned to work with many missionaries in other wards & branches.

These 5 missionaries are an essential part of the leadership team in his Stake.

I love the fact that he is sitting with them at home, around his dinner table, welcoming them with warmth, love and understanding.

In addition, it’s clear from their smiles, they enjoy meeting with one another!

“Where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:20)

Missionary Council

Meeting together as a missionary council, with purpose, in a spirit of warm-hearted cooperation, they listen to one another, discuss concerns, make plans, set goals and search for solutions to the problems of the day.

Working through councils is a very effective way to get positive results.

Having sat in many councils, I know that when free, open and candid conversation is filled with love, patience, kindness and respect for the differing opinions and points of view that are usually on hand, the council is always a success.

Sparks of inspiration come, and decisions are made to plan and coordinate missionary work.

Scriptures

In the Old Testament, the Prophet Isaiah said; “Come now, and let us reason together” (Isaiah 1:18).

And in our day, we read in Doctrine & Covenants 50:10; “Let us reason together, that ye may understand.”

I know that it is by reasoning together, that we strengthen one another.

“Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.”  (Proverbs 11:14)

It is clear the council system across our mission is alive and well, it is fully functioning and filled with vibrancy and enthusiasm, thus ensuring safety for each and every one of us.

M. Russell Ballard said those who learn to counsel effectively will “always end up with a better result, always end up with a better answer and, will always end up with a better spirit.”

How can counselling together bless you and your family?

Dialogue

It was an afterthought.
Leaving for the office yesterday afternoon, I nipped back upstairs and picked up my box of CCS cards.

The Task

Later, as I started the meeting, I asked each participant to consider a question and then select three cards they regarded to be an answer to the question I posed.
Each participant was holding an identical pack of cards, with the same photographs, illustrations, and words.
Attentively, I watched as each member of the council started to thumb through the deck and select some images that captured their personal point of view.
I smiled, as I watched their faces light up, obviously amused as they shared and compared images with one another, they’d found interesting.
I was struck by their concentration, and evident delight in finding suitable cards that meant something to them in answer to the question I’d asked.

Sharing

Then, after some time, in our safe space, it was time to share.
I explained a little and observed again.
Quietly, deeply, respectfully, each person asked themselves “what is it that I most want to communicate”?
Randomly, one by one, each person articulated their thoughts with great depth of clarity and understanding, allowing them to speak about what was in their hearts and minds.
The personal insights shared were powerful and thought provoking.
Each participant said something that was true for them and everyone else respectfully listened.
It was clear as participants felt safe to share their half-formed ideas, and discover new meanings in a simple image, the energy in the room began to gather, and the atmosphere started to deepen for the dialogue that followed.

Outcomes

The purpose of the simple activity was to help participants to uncover and talk about their thoughts on the given subject.
Instead of getting down to business straight away as normal, it was just really nice to pause, talk and meet together as fellow human beings, by engaging in a meaningful conversation in a fun way.
It has been my experience as a facilitator, that saying something in a friendly, respectful, and informal way, early in a gathering, can set a pattern of full participation that can help maintain energy levels throughout any meeting.
Setting the scene yesterday, opened up a new way to ensure authentic dialogue throughout our meeting together, where crucially we really listened to one another.
How do you ensure authentic dialogue in your meetings?

𝐋𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐣𝐨?

Years ago, in one of my many coaching conversations, I worked with a senior leader in an organisation who highly valued his professionalism. (To protect his identity, I’ll call him Max).
Max had a great track record with the organisation.
In my first meeting with Max, I noticed something.
In fact, I observed a lot.
His whole body told me that he was lost and really didn’t want to be there.
He’d lost his purpose; his meaning and the organisation had become a frustration for him.
Max had lost his 𝒎𝒐𝒋𝒐.
Mojo; meaning – influence, confidence or personal charisma.
His spirit had shrunk and was sagging.
His body was downtrodden and browbeaten.
His eyes looked jaded and dulled.
His sparkle had long since disappeared.
He was lost.
I felt sad.

Coaching

As his coach, I worked with Max for several months.
Initially, our coaching conversations were more about others in his team and the organisation.
But then the sessions turned towards Max.
We embarked upon an intensive and deep journey together.
We searched long and hard to find answers.
During those profound listening sessions, Max began to find his purpose and meaning.
In those months, he reconnected with himself.
He slowed down.
With a little help and lots of self-reflection a new door had opened.
His search was over.
He discovered a new purpose, much bigger, yet simpler, that filled his entire being.
He’d tuned into himself.
He found the courage to step into his unique calling.
He found his mojo.
Now from a distance, I watch Max shine.
How have you reclaimed your mojo in life?

Crucial Conversations

Consider the two words below.
– rea𝐂tive
– 𝐂reative
These two words describe the mindset that you can bring to any conversation.
There is a key difference in the position of the letter “𝐂”
Best-selling author Neale Donald Walsch, says “When we 𝐂 things correctly, life becomes 𝐂reative instead of rea𝐂tive.”
Repositioning a letter… one 𝒔𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒍 move, makes a 𝒉𝒖𝒈𝒆 difference.
Our mindset is vitally important.
Changing the way, we talk with one another; will change the way we act.
And subsequently changing the way people act, will in turn, as a result, change the outcomes.
Recently I’ve been involved in several conversations about presence.
Presence: being aware of what is happening in the moment, experiencing body sensations, noticing thoughts, feeling emotions.
Whilst deepening your presence can be somewhat challenging, the results can be transformative.
When we are present, we are in touch with what’s really happening.
Research reveals that presence is a capacity that can be developed by everyone.
Being 𝐂reative in the here-and-now is pivotal in re-energising and engaging people around you.
Slowing down is equally crucial.
When people listen to each other, they do their best thinking, by surfacing concerns in both directions.
Subsequently, when you are really “present” and “land” in the moment by addressing what matters most, experience has taught me that new unseen possibilities emerge and come into view.
So, what does all this mean for you and me?
Simply stated, a single conversation can potentially open or shut a door on a whole new future that can help us to become more conscious of how we talk with one another.
Choose to be present today and for a while, give someone your undivided attention.
How do you 𝐂/𝐬𝐞𝐞 things?

Counselling Together

“In the abundance of council, there is wisdom” – Dallin H. Oaks.
Yesterday, we met in our mission leadership council. It was a wonderful opportunity to discuss and counsel together.
Not everyone gets the chance to lead in the mission, so it is a privilege for each of the young missionaries assigned, to serve in a leadership role.
We discussed behaviours of a good leader, including self-awareness, collaboration, respect and influence.
Then, we posed the question…”𝐖𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮?”
With a leadership role there is a responsibility, to come prepared and be ready to share.
“When we can work together cooperatively…, we can accomplish anything. When we do so, we eliminate the weakness of one person standing alone and substitute the strength of many serving together.” – Thomas S. Monson
In our counselling together we discussed objectives and concerns of the mission, with mutual understanding and a shared vision being the ultimate goal.
Encouraging everyone to express their feelings was key.
It was clear that counselling together required everyone to listen as much as they spoke.

What is a SWOT Analysis?

We introduced everyone in the council session to a SWOT analysis and we used the model to address some of the challenges we face.
In essence, we are the problem-solving team of the mission.
The active participation of missionary zone leaders and sister trainer leaders, broadens the base of their leadership experience and understanding, which in turn leads to better solutions and improves communication throughout the mission.
As Russell M. Ballard said; “People who feel ownership of a problem are more willing to help find a solution, greatly improving the possibility of success.”
He also taught that it was important to “Lean upon them. Learn from them. Love them. Listen to them.”
In the Old Testament, the Prophet Isaiah said; “Come now, and let us reason together” (Isaiah 1:18). And in our day, we read in Doctrine & Covenants 50:10; “Let us reason together, that ye may understand.”
Ultimately, we came to some conclusions that everyone agreed with, and then noted some appropriate actions that they had to follow through on.
Russell M Ballard said that he has maintained all his adult life, (stemming from his background in business,) that “if you want to improve something, you’ve got to counsel about it.”
What do you counsel about?

In Summary…

In any coaching conversation, one of the most important skills that a coach needs to learn is to reflect, summarise and paraphrase.
𝐑𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 back is in essence holding up a mirror for the coachee and letting them hear what they said, using their own words and perhaps even how they said it, tone, and all.
It could be several sentences, a sentence, a few words, or perhaps even just one word.
Reflecting provides both clarity and understanding for the coachee.
𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 on the other hand is when you almost always use the clients words or very occasionally your own words, in a shortened concise overview format, to check that you are both aligned.
Frequently I’ll begin by saying “In summary” or “As I understand it then…” or “In my words, I heard…” It is condensing the content of what has been said, down to its very essence.
Whenever I get nearer the action points of a coaching session, I usually turn to the coachee and allow them to start summarising for themselves.
𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠: According to the Oxford Dictionary, “To paraphrase is to express the meaning of (the writer or speaker or something written or spoken) using different words, especially to achieve greater clarity.
Oftentimes I find myself paraphrasing the content of the coachees words, which could be several sentences long.
Or you can also paraphrase the emotion behind the words.
For example a way to paraphrase emotion is to “that sounds really exhausting” when a coachee is finding a situation particularly difficult. This lets the coachee know that you are listening and provides the
evidence that you have really listened!
It also really helps to build trust and develops empathy.
These three principles are important in developing great communication skills.
What principle will you work on in your conversations today?

Conversations Matter

Yesterday, for a while Monic and I sat in conversation together.
Conversation: “a talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged.”
In our conversations, we notice how we express our ideas and yet regularly we still misunderstand one another’s meaning.
Frequently, we repeat ourselves, ask questions, slow down and clarify, 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 we fully understand.
My coaching career has taught me that when we concentrate fully on a conversation, consider the content, and demonstrate an understanding of the message, the person on the other side always feels valued.
Have you experienced that?
Recently in our missionary zone conferences, we learned how to approach dialogue from a point of engagement and connection that leads to more creative problem-solving, perspective and ultimately stronger relationships.
We learned that conversations evoke emotions, they form a bond between you and others, and can make or break any first impression.
After all, conversations are the lifeblood of all relationships – right?

A Conversation

I love this painting “A Conversation with the Master” by Nathan Florence.
The painting depicts a woman walking alongside Jesus, in a purposeful conversation.
She is doing the lion’s share of the talking, while he is listening thoughtfully.
She is animated about something, whilst his compassion unruffles any undue concern.
Perhaps they have wandered for a while in the beautiful countryside.
His focus is completely on her.
He does not heal her with his touch.
Rather, He is listening deeply and accompanying her on their journey together.
He walked, talked, listened, smiled, encouraged, and made time for her.
Listening, guided by love, is one of the greatest gifts we can give one another.
Perhaps we can all be a bit more like Jesus and listen more deeply to one another.
In your next conversation, take some time to find the most authentic words to explain your thoughts and feelings, slow down and be a little more vulnerable.
I hope that we can all enjoy deep and meaningful conversations with one another.
What did it feel like when you last had a really good conversation?

Information leads to Inspiration

“𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐮𝐩𝐨𝐧 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.”– Russell M. Nelson
Serving as mission leaders, our time is planned around a “transfer cycle” of 6 weeks or 42 days to be precise.
This last transfer cycle has been unquestionably the most active of our mission thus far.
With mission conferences, meetings, travel, tours and sadly a period of sickness this transfer, time was always, extremely precious.
During the transfer, every missionary has a 1-1 interview.
Each interview provides us with good information.
In preparation for the next transfer cycle, I’d normally sit down about 10 days in advance to pause, reflect and study things out in my mind, all of the necessary moves required to accommodate the arrival of new incoming missionaries.
This transfer was different.
New arriving missionaries weren’t confirmed until very late in the process, plus with only 5 days left in the transfer cycle, we were still completing the last of our interviews.
Subsequently, the information gathering process was hampered.
This last week, we met together to review the transfer moves and did our best to complete the exercise of new assignments and moves.
Admittedly, we felt a little discomfort, that stretched our spiritual capabilities.
Life has taught me that you cannot force or compel spiritual things, you just have to let things develop, nurture them, and allow them to grow in their own time.
A couple of days later (Friday, only 2 days ago) interviews were completed.

Listening

And then I stopped to really 𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒏.
As yet I still don’t fully comprehend the working or wonder of it all, but pausing once more and studying it out in my mind again, vivid impressions came.
I wrote out the thoughts, noted my feelings and followed through with the actions I was prompted to take.
Reassignments and moves for the next transfer cycle were completed and shared yesterday.
My experience is simply this…
I have complete confidence now, that good inspiration can only come from good information.
How does good information, help your inspiration?