Tag Archive for: friendship

The Things We See More Clearly with Time

In the spring of 1985, Marty Andrews and I served together for a couple of months, as missionary companions in Cambridge, England, for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Shortly after finishing my mission, we met again at the London Temple and had our photograph taken. We were young, full of hope, with so much of life still ahead of us.
Fast forward 41 years.
Last weekend, Monic and I had the wonderful opportunity to spend time with Marty and his wife, Wendy, in Utah. We enjoyed some lovely days together in Circleville and a memorable visit to Bryce Canyon National Park.
And, of course, another photograph! How much life has happened between those two pictures!
Marriages, children, grandchildren, careers, countless experiences, unexpected challenges, joys and sorrows. We’ve grown older, hopefully a little wiser, and perhaps gathered a few more wrinkles along the way!
But something rather interesting happened at Bryce Canyon.
We drove all the way up to the top, to Rainbow Point, at 9,115 feet. At that height, admittedly I did become a little light headed! Although, we were excited to enjoy the spectacular views from the highest point in the park.
There was just one problem – We could barely see a thing! I quipped; “We’ve come all this way to see some Scotch mist!”
Clouds and lots of mist obscured much of the landscape.
But as we began our descent, stopping at the various viewpoints along the way, something wonderful happened. The mist gave way to increasingly spectacular views. The magnificent amphitheatres, colourful rock formations and extraordinary beauty of Bryce Canyon gradually came into sight.
The lower we went, the clearer things became. Normally, we associate greater height with greater perspective. Yet that day, the opposite was true.
It got me thinking – perhaps life is a little like that?
We don’t always gain clarity by climbing higher, achieving more or looking further ahead.
Sometimes perspective comes from the journey itself. From the years of loving, learning, serving, struggling and growing – we’ve both had plenty of those things.
And through all those years, one constant in both our lives has been the gospel of Jesus Christ.
We both know that it hasn’t removed every cloud or answered every question. But it has given us direction, purpose and an enduring source of light.
The scriptures teach: “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” – Psalm 119:105.
That certainly rings true for us.
Forty-one years later, the view looks rather different.
And perhaps we don’t need to see everything clearly to know we’re travelling in the right direction.
Sometimes the greatest clarity comes not from how high we’ve climbed, but from what we’ve come to understand along the way.
What has helped you see life more clearly as the years have passed?

Gathering – Part 2

After months of planning by a few of our wonderful senior couples from the Belgium Netherlands Mission, the day finally arrived.
And what a day it was!
More than 100 of our former missionaries gathered at the Jordan River Utah Temple for a temple session in Dutch. Temple moments are always special, but somehow this one felt extra special.
As we sat reverently waiting for the session to begin, I suddenly noticed lots of little “finger hearts” being pointed in my direction from around the room.
My heart felt as if it might burst. And for just a few seconds, one simple thought came into my mind: “Am I in heaven?”
It was one of those moments when I just wanted time to stop.
My heart was completely full, overflowing with love and tears came easily. I arose form my seat and went to find some tissues!
From the temple, we travelled to a nearby chapel where more than 200 missionaries, family and friends gathered again that evening.
And what a gathering that was.
Food, music, stories, laughter, tears, hugs, more stories, plenty of reminiscing and photo opportunities galore.
Many had travelled hundreds, some even thousands of miles, who’d served together a few years ago, were suddenly back together again as if very little time had passed at all.
There was so much joy in the room.
It was one of those evenings that I suspect we will all remember for a very, very long time.
The following day, Elder Ronald A. Rasband shared these words at General Conference: “Jesus Christ is the perfect embodiment of love. Love is the centrepiece of His gospel and the essence of being like Him.”
Those words captured beautifully what I had been feeling.
There was certainly an abundance of love for one another in that temple and in that chapel. But I also think it was magnified by something much, much deeper.
We were gathered together because of a shared love for our Saviour, Jesus Christ.
Different lives. Different countries. Different journeys since our mission days.
Yet still connected by something that remains very precious to us all.
For one evening, and perhaps for those few moments in the temple too, it really did feel just a little bit like heaven.
Gathering – What a beautiful thing it can be.
What gatherings in your life have left your heart especially full?

Gathering

One word keeps coming to mind as I think about these first few days in Salt Lake City…
𝐆𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠.
Monic and I arrived late on Monday evening, and already our days have been filled with people we love, unexpected reunions, familiar faces and some very tender moments.
On our first day together, our dear friends and hosts, Cathy and Paul Ehlert, took us into downtown Salt Lake City to visit the beautiful new Temple Square Visitors’ Centre.
Part of the experience is a new guided 25-minute tour which gives visitors an opportunity to see full-scale replicas of rooms found in many temples of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
There is a welcome desk, a baptistry, an instruction room, a sealing room and a celestial room.
For anyone who has wondered what a temple looks like inside, it offers a lovely, simple way to understand a little more about what happens there and why temples mean so much to members of the Church.
Afterwards, we wandered around Temple Square.
There is still so much change taking place, but it was wonderful to see many of the new statues and displays that have been added, all helping visitors turn their thoughts towards Jesus Christ and His life and teachings.
And then came another kind of gathering.
As we walked around Temple Square, we quite literally bumped into some very dear friends from our years serving as Mission Leaders in Belgium and the Netherlands.
First Bruce and Jean Bingham, then Brian and Angie Cordray and finally Stan Neilson.
It was just one of those lovely little moments when paths cross again.
We also took some time to visit with our dear friend Elder Massimo De Feo.
I think that is one of the things I love most about Salt Lake City at this time of year.
People come from so many different far flung places.
Friends, families, missionaries, former missionaries, and church leaders. People whose lives crossed years ago and who suddenly find themselves standing beside one another again, gathering for General Conference and reunions.
Of course, there is never enough time to see everyone we would love to see. That is already becoming very clear. But perhaps too, that makes the moments we do have together even more precious.
Salt Lake City has long been known as the “Crossroads of the West.” For me, this week, it feels like that in a very personal way.
Our lives seem to be crossing again with people who have become part of our own story. And as I catch up this week, I’m only capturing the experiences here of day one!
Since then, our days have been filled with even more joy, wonder, friendship and gathering.
There is much more still to come.
Who has been part of your story that you would love to gather with again?

The Music That Remains

With the Royal Edinburgh Military Tattoo and the Festival Fringe now well under way, Auld Reekie has once again been filled with music, colour and tens of thousands of visitors.
Monic and I spent the last couple of days in Edinburgh – and we can definitely confirm… it’s very busy again… you can hardly move!
We didn’t so much walk through the streets as shuffle along with several thousand new friends.
On a lovely clear Friday evening, from our seats on the esplanade beneath the walls of Edinburgh Castle, we loved the unmistakable sound of bagpipes galore, massed military bands and music from around the world. There was marching, lots of dancing, colour and spectacle aplenty as the Tattoo unfolded before us.
On Saturday afternoon, the music sounded rather different and somehow the streets were even more crowded!
We’d returned to see the BYU Young Ambassadors perform their lively mixture of contemporary music, singing and dance. It really was great fun.
Two days and two very different performances.
Yet for Monic and me, another, quieter melody ran through them both.
At the Tattoo, we were joined by Mallory Grunander, her parents and other family members. Mallory served with us as a missionary in Belgium and the Netherlands.
At the Young Ambassadors show, we met another of our former missionaries, Dallin Doxford.
Their missionary name tags have long since been removed and the daily missionary schedules have ended.

Friendships

Yet our friendships remain as strong and vibrant as ever.
Over Vietnamese food with Mallory and Italian food with Dallin, we caught up, shared memories and created some new ones together. Apparently, missionary reunions are best conducted with an international menu! 😉
Paul beautifully described the bond that can grow through serving together: “…we were willing to have imparted unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because ye were dear unto us.” – 1 Thessalonians 2:8
Those words capture something of how Monic and I feel about Mallory, Dallin and all the hundreds of missionaries who shared such an important season of life with us.
Missions eventually end, people move on and the music changes – but the love, laughter and shared faith continue to echo across the distance and the years.
Some music lasts only for a performance.
Other music remains in our hearts forever.
Whose friendship still brings music to your life, long after the season you shared has passed?

Beyond the Badge

Another Lead the Way programme cohort concluded earlier this week for me with Aviva in Perth .

One of the unexpected highlights was the development of a rather unlikely new friendship.

I am a supporter of my local football team, Dunfermline Athletic. During introductions on our first day, I discovered that one of our participants, Andrew, regrettably, supports Falkirk.

For those unfamiliar with the finer points of Scottish football, this is not an insignificant detail. We are proper rivals.  The kind of rivalry where friendly conversation is perfectly acceptable, provided it includes a little teasing, a suspicious glance and the occasional reminder of who supports the better team.

So, naturally, when we first met, we played it up.

There was banter. There were accusations. There may even have been some wholly objective observations about the questionable judgement required to support Falkirk or Dunfermline for that matter.

But something rather lovely happened as the programme continued: we began to discover how much we had in common.

We both have strong backgrounds in sales. I’d also previously carried out some learning and development work in Andrew’s former company. We share similar interests and experiences.

We are also both relatively new to Aviva, having joined within the last year.

And then came the real surprise – both our wives are Dutch.

That unusual discovery opened up an entirely new conversation about the Netherlands, language, culture, family life and some of the shared experiences that come from being married to Dutch women.

Suddenly, the football rivalry seemed a little less important.

Leadership can sometimes be like that.

We meet people through the labels we can immediately see: department, organisation, role, background, nationality, belief, or sometimes even a football team. Those labels can create distance before a real conversation has even begun.

It’s my experience that good leaders remain curious, moving beyond the badge to discover the person.

They ask questions, listen carefully and look for the experiences, hopes and values that connect us. It doesn’t mean pretending that our differences don’t exist. Andrew will still support Falkirk, and I will continue trying to help him see the error of his ways… 😉

But differences do not have to become divisions.

Sometimes the person standing on the opposite side of a rivalry has far more in common with us than we first imagined – that was our experience this week.

Perhaps leadership begins when we stop asking, “Which side are you on?” and become curious enough to ask, “What might we share?”

What might you discover if you became genuinely curious?

Rivals may not always change their colours, but with a little humour, openness and genuine conversation, they can certainly become friends.

The Language of Friendship

Yesterday, Monic and I collected our dear friend Ans from the airport, arriving from the Netherlands.
Our friendship stretches all the way back to 1985, when Ans and I were both serving as young missionaries in the England London Mission. Life carried us in different directions after that, but our friendship was renewed and deepened during the years Monic and I served as Mission Leaders in Belgium and the Netherlands.
Some friendships seem able to pick up a conversation even after many years have passed.
We spent the afternoon catching up wandering through the cobbled streets of the little historic village of Culross and then afterwards over a lovely meal at the Red Lion Inn.
Of course, the first challenge was learning how to pronounce its name.
Culross looks as though it should be pronounced exactly as it is written. It is not.
The correct pronunciation is closer to “Coo-riss.”
With one Scottish accent, two Dutch accents and more than one language moving around the table, there were a few attempts for sure. Throughout the day, words were misheard, syllables wandered off in unexpected directions and familiar expressions sounded entirely unfamiliar in someone else’s accent.
There were a few giggles too.
Yet beneath all the teasing and mispronunciation was something rather beautiful. We didn’t need to speak with the same accent to understand one another. And we didn’t need perfect words to know that we were loved, welcomed and valued.

Languages

Perhaps friendship has its own language.

The Book of Mormon describes a people who had their “…hearts knit together in unity and in love one towards another.” – Mosiah 18:21
That phrase seemed quite fitting yesterday.
Our accents were different. Our languages occasionally became tangled. Some words needed repeating, and the pronunciation of Culross caused a little amusement for us all. Yet our hearts understood one another perfectly well.
Perhaps that is one of the quiet miracles of enduring friendship.
Time may pass, geography may separate us and life may carry us through very different experiences, but love can knit the years together again.
God does not require us all to speak alike, sound alike or come from the same place. He simply invites us to draw closer, listen generously and allow our hearts to be joined in love.
Yesterday, in the little village of Culross – or Coo-riss, if you are saying it properly – I was reminded once more that the loveliest conversations are not always the most fluent ones.
They are the ones in which friendship does the translating.
Who might need to hear the language of your friendship today?

The Stones Remain

One of our favourite experiences over the last few days has been spending a wee bit of time again with my missionary companion Marty Andrews and his wife Wendy.
Each day we carve out an hour or two to spend together.
One favourite moment for Marty and me was at the Palmyra, New York Temple, overlooking the Sacred Grove and the Joseph Smith Family Home.
Forty-one years ago, in a small, forested area near Saffron Walden in England, as young missionaries, Marty and I shared a moment that was sacred to us as we knelt in prayer together.
There were no heavenly manifestations like those experienced by Joseph Smith, but there came a powerful and unmistakable knowledge that the work in which we were engaged was indeed true.
And now, four decades later, we found ourselves walking together through another forest, this time beside the temple in Palmyra.

Memories

As we walked, memories and tears flooded back. We were overwhelmed by our thoughts and emotions as we embraced and reflected on the sacred nature of all that had happened in our lives since those early days as missionaries.
Marty explained the significance of a line of stones piled together along the edge of the forest. Just over 200 years ago, as recorded in journals of the day, Joseph Smith and members of his family cleared that very land in preparation for planting crops. The stones they removed were gathered and placed along the boundary of the field.
Resting there on the edge of the forest, they looked almost like a defensive wall.
We gazed upon the stones for a while and sat upon them considering what message there was in that moment for us.
For nearly two centuries those stones have remained where they were placed.
Generations have come and gone. Seasons have changed. Storms, snow and sunshine have all left their mark. Yet the stones remain.
We could only imagine the toil and sacrifice required to clear that land. Day after day, Joseph and his family would have lifted countless stones from the soil, carrying them one by one to the edge of the field. It must have been demanding work, but necessary if something worthwhile was to grow.

Testimonies

As we sat there, I wondered if testimonies are built in much the same way.
Rarely are they formed in a single dramatic moment. More often they are built stone by stone through prayer, service, scripture study, obedience, sacrifice and countless small acts of faith. Over time, those experiences are gathered together until they form something strong enough to withstand the seasons of life.
Much has changed since our prayer together in 1985 in Saffron Walden. Life has brought joy and sorrow, success and disappointment, unexpected blessings and difficult challenges. Yet the witness we received that day remains.
Perhaps that is one of the purposes of sacred experiences. They become spiritual stones of remembrance that we can return to throughout our lives, reminding us of what we once knew and still know to be true.
As Marty and I sat together on those old stones overlooking the temple and the Sacred Grove, we felt grateful – not only for testimonies that have endured, but for a friendship that has flourished.
Some things, when built upon a sure foundation, grow stronger with time.
Which experiences have become the foundation stones of your testimony?

The View from the Top

It’s been 41 years since Marty and I served together as missionary companions in Cambridge, England, through April/May of 1985.
Yesterday, as part of our visit to Philadelphia, we stopped at one of the city’s most iconic landmarks, the Rocky statue outside the Museum of Art.
Like countless visitors before us, and just like Rocky some 50 years ago, I couldn’t resist running up the famous steps.
Standing at the top, looking out across the city skyline, I found myself reflecting on how different the view looks depending on where you stand in life.
One of the things I love about the Rocky story is that it was never really about boxing. It was about perseverance and refusing to quit. About becoming something more than you were before. In the movie, I remember Rocky raising his arms in triumph at the top of the stairs.
Yet, what we sometimes forget is that the view only came after the challenges and the climb.
As I stood there with Marty, my mind drifted back to those days in Cambridge. Two young missionaries with plenty of enthusiasm, very little experience, and absolutely no idea where life would eventually take us. Back then, almost everything lay ahead of us.
Careers, marriage, children, challenges, successes, disappointments, lessons – life!
Like many young people, we spent most of our time looking forward.
Now, four decades later, there is also value in looking back.
Later in the afternoon, we smiled and laughed as I shared some entries together from my missionary journal from all those years ago.
Looking back helps us see things we could never fully appreciate at the time.
The prayers that were answered, the disappointments that became blessings and our friendship that has flourished.
This morning, my thoughts are turning from looking back to looking forward once again.
In a few hours’ time, we begin a Church History Tour with around 100 young 16- to 19-year-olds. They may not even know much about Rocky, but perhaps that doesn’t matter.
Yet, they are at an exciting stage of life, standing at the bottom of their own staircase, with dreams to pursue, lessons to learn and experiences still to come.
They cannot yet see the view from the top.
What stories will they tell? What lessons will they learn? After all it is the climb that creates them.
Forty-one years ago, Marty and I stood in much the same place.
Looking back now, I am grateful we kept climbing.
Every generation has its own staircase to climb. What does yours look like today?

Fleeting Days, Eternal Bonds

Sometimes life quietly reminds us just how fleeting it is.
We’re twenty; we’re forty; we’re sixty; we’re grey.
From an eternal perspective, our mortality on earth is indeed brief.
Last week, along with family and others who held him dear, I said goodbye to my special friend Raymond, who I’ve known for over 47 years.
These last few days, a montage of memories of him has flooded through my mind.
We each have a story.
He was a great friend, who felt almost like a second brother to me.
A man of deep Christian faith, who was well versed in the scriptures.
A lover of books, computers, family history, temple service and someone who loved a long conversation about life and eternity.
He worked tirelessly for his ancestors in the temple for many, many generations of the Byers family. He simply went quietly to work, and I am certain that those eternal ties will bring him much joy on the other side of the veil.
Throughout all those years, Raymond faced many physical challenges, yet somehow despite the adversities, he always found a way to get back up again and again.
There was an uncommon resilience in him.
He was quietly determined.
And filled with humour too.
Reflecting on our friendship this morning, I found myself thinking about how precious people really are.

Memories

From our many conversations and long journeys together, filled with laughter, teasing and little brotherly annoyances.
To the ordinary moments that have slowly become sacred memories over time.
Life moves quickly…too quickly.
Like a brief Scottish mist drifting across the hills… or a tiny will-o’-the-wisp flickering for a moment in the darkness… we are here for such a short time.
And perhaps one of the great lessons of days like today is simply this:
Love people while you have them.
Speak kindly.
Forgive quickly.
Take time for people.
Create memories.
…And never assume there will always be another opportunity.
I’ll miss you dearly Raymond.
I look forward to our runs together through the eternities.
Until we meet again, dear friend… 𝑨𝒅𝒊𝒆𝒖
Who might you need to appreciate a little more while you still can?

The Mission Never Really Ends

Whenever one of our missionaries from the Belgium Netherlands Mission (BNZ) comes to visit, it’s always a special day.
Yesterday was one of those days as Monic and I picked up Drew Tadje at Edinburgh Airport.
Drew is interning this semester at the European Union and International Affairs Office of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Brussels and came over to visit us this weekend.
During our time together in the BNZ, friendships were formed and memories were made that have lasted well beyond the mission field.
Our conversations yesterday flowed easily as mission stories resurfaced throughout the day. Little moments that once seemed quite ordinary now feel like treasured memories.
Later, back at home, we pulled out the old mission photo albums and spent time looking back. There was something very special about revisiting those moments, including the places, the people, and the quiet miracles that shaped us all.
What struck me again is how the mission continues long after our name badges come off.
Friendships endure and, in many ways, grow even stronger. Those shared experiences bind our hearts together across countries and across the years.
The Book of Mormon describes this beautifully when it speaks of people “having their hearts knit together in unity and in love one towards another.” (Mosiah 18:21)
A friend is someone who cares.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote, “The only way to have a friend is to be one.”
And sometimes those friendships simply show up at your door for a weekend in Scotland.
It was a joyful day.
Friendship is truly a sacred possession.
During our time serving together in the BNZ, we discovered that our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ is our truest friend.
Moments like this weekend quietly remind me how the Lord continues to weave lasting connections through the people we serve alongside.
Which friendships from earlier seasons of your life still bring joy when you meet again?
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