Tag Archive for: failure

Becoming along the Way

Since I was a teenager, goals have been a big part of my life.
Sometimes daily. Sometimes just sitting quietly in the background.
I’ve written five-year plans and even ten-year life plans. Some of them worked beautifully. Others, well, they didn’t work at all.
Yet both mattered.
Like many others, I’ve felt the pull of the New Year resolution (again). It got me thinking about the summer this last year and the walk along the West Highland Way.
The annual moment at new year, is when many of us will pause, reflect, and decide that something in our life deserves intention – that certainly happened last year.
Yet over time, I’ve learned that goals aren’t really about the calendar. They’re about direction.
Goals have never been about reaching a finish line for me, but about choosing who I’m becoming along the way.
They are also about the struggles and the stretching!
When goals succeed, they build confidence. When they fail, they build clarity.
Failure has been one of my greatest teachers. It forces reflection and invites learning.
I like the idea that FAIL simply means 𝑭𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝑨𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒎𝒑𝒕 𝑰𝒏 𝑳𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈.
Most growth arrives that way, not through perfection, but through adjustment.
Looking back, the goals I missed shaped me just as much as the ones I achieved.
They helped me to understand my personal values.
They also showed me where I needed more patience, more honesty, and even more courage.
That’s the quiet power of goals. They don’t just guide what we do. They shape how we show up. In small, repeated choices, they help us become a little more aligned with who we want to be.
And in the end, that matters far more than any finish line.
Who are you becoming through the goals you’re setting right now?

Handling Failure

Experience has taught me, that to suffer some anxiety, some stress, some low moods or depression, some disappointment, or even some failure is 𝒏𝒐𝒓𝒎𝒂𝒍.
Let me repeat that…. 𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐋!
Everyone fails.
Everyone.
Everyone has bad things happen to them at some point.
Every now and then, a really good miserable day, or even a few of them may come along all at once, lined up perfectly all in a row, day after day!
Maybe you have felt days like that?
Doomed to failure.
Defeated, lost, discouraged, possibly even feelings of shame and inferiority may arise…
You may even choose to prolong the agony by engaging in some mental torture, relentless self-criticism, beating yourself up and continually berating yourself.
When we feel like this, we may even want to hide, to shrivel up or even just disappear.
Have you been there?
It’s easy to be tough on ourselves. Isn’t it!

If this is you, choose to 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐏!

It is time to change your relationship with failure.
Take a moment…
Breathe.
Think.
Let me assure you, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐲…
What would you do to support a friend through a similar difficult period?
By showing ourselves some kindness, respect and encouragement, we can practice self-compassion.
With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend.
“Self-compassion has been defined as a self-attitude that involves treating oneself with warmth and understanding in difficult times and recognizing that making mistakes is part of being human (Neff, 2003)
Realising that things don’t always go the way you want them to, is a reality shared by each and every one of us.
My experience is to see failure as a step closer to success, not a step backwards.
How can you be kinder to yourself?
Think of a time when you failed at something and someone responded with kindness and reassurance…
How did that make you feel?

Forgetfulness!

“That’ll be £29.50 please.” “No problem” I replied…. And then it happened!

I checked my jacket pocket for my wallet, then my other pocket, then my trouser pockets. “What a plonker” I thought and confessed to the checkout operator, that I’d forgotten my wallet. She laughed. “Don’t worry about it, it happens all the time!” I laughed too. I realised I’d changed my winter jacket to a summer jacket and simply hadn’t put my wallet in my pocket. The shopping was set aside and I promised I’d be back in 20 minutes.

On arriving home, my wife was working in the garden. She looked at me quizzically and asked “where’s the shopping?” I responded “I forgot my wallet.” She burst out in laughter too!

Back to Tesco. I collected the frozen products, back to the same checkout, paid my £29.50 and we laughed together a little more…

Almost all of us do thoughtless, impulsive silly things, sometimes through a simple oversight. In fact, blunders are not only an acceptable part of life, but they may even be very helpful. Mistakes frequently help us learn and grow. My experience is that past failures may be guideposts to future success!

Thank you Tesco for helping me see the funny side of my little gaffe and for the good laugh too!

Eat Cake

How do you cope with failure? Coping with failure and disappointment are never easy…

Like you, I’ve had my fair share.

Early in my career, I was in charge of a major event that ended up being an absolute disaster. It was just awful, embarrassing, ending up with an extremely upset client.

I recall returning home late that evening considering what I should do next. Our team’s efforts had fallen woefully short of client expectations.

After wallowing in the mire for a few hours and dealing with the personal disappointment – to make me feel better, I turned to some comfort food for immediate relief! I ate cake!….For a brief moment it helped the negative emotions.

On quiet reflection I thought – “What the heck – we can do better than this”.

Key for me in that one experience included learning not to take the disaster personally, letting go of the immediate emotional baggage that arose, reflect and consider on the why of the failure, accept it, then move on.

I recall I visited the client the next day, apologised profusely, agreed some financial compensation – then moved on. Over the years though, I must confess to having eaten a few of those cakes! What have you learned from failure?

Eaten much cake lately!?