Tag Archive for: empathy

Shoes That Don’t Fit

This week, during a leadership session, I decided to make things a little more practical.
I invited one of the participants to quite literally stand in my shoes.
She slipped her feet into my size 9.5 leather shoes with plenty of room to spare, and I tried stepping into her size 5 trainers.
I couldn’t even get my heels inside them!
There I was, perched awkwardly on the balls of my feet, heels hanging over the back, trying to stay upright.
It was quite funny and slightly ridiculous!
“Your shoes are very warm.” she said.
We were exploring empathy and the phrase “standing in another person’s shoes.”
Empathy is feeling 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 someone, whilst sympathy is feeling 𝒇𝒐𝒓 someone.
I know that empathy begins by showing a little more kindness.
It is our ability to understand another person’s feelings, thoughts, and condition from their perspective rather than our own.
Standing in those trainers, I felt a little unsteady, constrained, definitely off balance and it changed how I felt.
In my experience, empathy is about being present in a conversation, listening attentively, being open-minded without judgement and giving them your undivided attention.
I know too, that sometimes, in those moments, something beautiful happens with a human connection, or a small glimpse into how they are feeling.

Another perspective

Our Saviour Jesus Christ is the perfect example of this. He does not merely observe our struggles. He understands them.
“He will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people…” (Alma 7:11–12)
He didn’t stand at a distance offering sympathy, rather He descended below all things and knew what it felt like to be weary, misunderstood, alone and off balance.
Because He walked our mortal path, He can now walk beside us perfectly.
I believe that empathy is something that can be learned, it simply begins with curiosity.
Empathy isn’t only about words, it’s also about noticing the tone of voice, facial expressions and what’s not being said.
This week, I stood awkwardly in someone else’s shoes and nearly toppled over.
Try walking in another’s shoes today. Go on, give it a go.
I hope we can walk as He walked, with compassion in our hearts and steadiness in our step.
Whose shoes have you never really tried to understand?

Sitting alongside

In a recent learning programme, a participant asked a question that had left her momentarily confused.
Rather than answer from the front of the room, I paused, pulled up a chair, and sat alongside her.
It was a small movement, but it changed everything.
Her face was quite the picture for a second, a clear reminder that pulling up a chair isn’t standard facilitator behaviour!
What followed wasn’t an explanation, but a coaching conversation in real time.
I was curious, empathetic and unhurried.
Listening not to reply, but to understand.
To have empathy is to be able to feel another person’s feelings.
So often, conversations can become a dialogue of the deaf, where people speak past one another, each rehearsing their response in order to reply, rather than receiving the other and seeking to understand.
Empathy interrupts that pattern.
It slows us down.
It lowers our status.
It creates safety.
I know that leadership doesn’t always mean having the answer.
Sometimes it means changing the dynamics of the moment, by stepping out of a role, sitting alongside, and being genuinely curious about where someone is thinking from.
In turn, helping others find their own answers.
When people feel understood, thinking expands.
And when thinking expands, learning follows.
That, quietly, is leading the way.
Who might benefit today from you simply sitting alongside them?

The Power of Being Heard

Recently, while running a virtual learning session for an organisation, a particularly thorny issue surfaced.
Several participants raised it at once.
Supportive comments began to fill the chat and thumbs-up emojis followed.
It clearly struck a chord with everyone.
I slowed down and paused.
My first instinct was, how can I help fix this?
But in that pause, something clicked for me.
I looked at what was happening, not just the words being used, but the energy in the room (even a virtual one).
I realised we’d created something important: a psychologically safe space.
And in that space, those participants weren’t actually asking for solutions, nor were they looking for me to jump in and fix anything.
They simply wanted to be heard.
And I mean 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒍𝒚 heard.
That moment reminded me of what I’ve learned again and again in coaching: people don’t always need answers.
They often don’t need you to solve their problems, how could you really anyway?
What they need is to feel understood.
To know that someone is genuinely listening, without judgement or a checklist of fixes at hand.
This is empathy in action.
Not the soft, fluffy kind that gets tossed around far too easily, but the grounded, humankind.
In that space we stop trying to solve everything and instead sit with people in their reality.
We listen not to reply, but to understand.
Sometimes the most powerful thing we can offer isn’t a solution.
It’s simply our presence.
What gets in the way of your ability to just listen?

Guarding Against Silent Judgment

Five years ago, I wrote about the dangers of pointing out faults in others. See https://www.darylwatson.org/…/the-dangers-of-pointing…/
Reflecting upon that blogpost, one thought comes to mind as I try to do better, is this… “I choose not to let passing judgment become a silent habit that I don’t know is happening.”
It’s easy to slip into judgmental thinking without even realising it, by quietly critiquing others’ choices, behaviours, or appearance in our minds.
Just the other day, I caught myself doing that very thing.
When unchecked, this internal habit can become a barrier to compassion, humility, and true meekness.
Passing judgment often starts as a whisper in our thoughts.
It might seem insignificant, a fleeting observation of someone else’s shortcomings or differences.
However, these seemingly small judgments, left unaddressed, can build up over time, shaping how we view and interact with others.
Worse, they can become so ingrained that we may not even recognise when we’re doing it.
Our perceptions of others become clouded by preconceived ideas, biases and crazy notions, which can erode our ability to extend love and understanding.
To counter this, it’s vital to actively constantly cultivate self-awareness.
Just as we try to monitor our words and actions, we must also be mindful of our thoughts.
A helpful practice is to pause when a critical thought arises.
Ask yourself: “Why am I thinking this? Is it rooted in compassion, or is it a reflexive judgment?”
By catching these thoughts in the moment, we can prevent them from taking root and influencing our attitudes.
More importantly, we need to replace judgment with empathy.
We are each on a unique journey in life, filled with struggles, difficulties, and stories we may never fully understand.
I believe when we shift our focus from judgment to empathy, we can begin to respond with kindness and support, rather than criticism.
We can remind ourselves that, just as we desire grace for our own imperfections, others deserve the same grace.
I am more committed than ever to avoiding the silent habit of judgment.
It requires constant vigilance, self-reflection, and intentionality.
By staying mindful of my thoughts and striving to replace judgment with empathy, I hope to become more mindful of my interactions, seeing the best in others and focusing on love rather than faults.
How can you prevent judgmental thoughts entering your mind?

Heart to Heart

If your heart could speak, what would it say?
What does it really long to say?
What does it long to hear?
Being away for three years, has meant a lot of catch-up conversations recently.
Dialogue, with many dear friends and family, home and abroad, face to face and online.
Reflecting this morning on those conversations, I’ve realised that many of them have been heart to heart.

A definition…

Heart to Heart – “a serious conversation between two people, usually close friends, in which they talk honestly about their feelings.”
They haven’t been trivial or inconsequential.
Rather they’re deeper, somehow they feel much more vital and nourishing to each other’s souls, allowing our hearts to really connect.
There has been much more giving and receiving.
In addition, they have also created an even stronger relationship of mutual trust and understanding.
I have even listened to a lot of heartfelt emotions that I wasn’t aware of before.
And interestingly, I’ve begun to understand myself even more.
Significantly, there has been more undivided attention in those moments.
As the dialogue emerges from each other’s heart, the conversations are vulnerable and delicate.
Maybe it’s because for the first time in a while I have more time and am less distracted, but I have found that I am more thoughtful, more compassionate and found it easier to listen with more love.
I have learned to listen, reflect and respond in that order once more.
And I have also been reminded that without having open vulnerable dialogue – we cannot and will not grow.
Moments of struggle have been openly shared.
It is important too, to mean what you say and say what you mean.
Someone once said ““The beauty of a heart-to-heart conversation is that it allows us to share our deepest fears, joys, and dreams, knowing that we will be met with empathy and kindness.”
As I restart my coaching practice, I look forward to many more of these quite remarkable conversations.
“We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided.” – J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)
When was the last time you had a heart-to-heart conversation with someone?

Promptings

In my prayers one morning this week, I specifically asked that I’d recognise any subtle promptings or spiritual insights that day.
Arising from my knees, I made my to do list for the day and set off getting things done.
Late morning, instead of driving to visit my mum, I felt to take a 45-minute walk instead.
After a lovely visit with mum, I set off for home.

Insightful detour

I felt to take a longer route home, a slight detour.
This route took me near the house of a dear old friend, who I hadn’t seen in a few years.
Approaching the house, I had a feeling to ring the bell, but I chose to ignore the thought.
At the front door, the thought came for the second time… “ring the bell” again, I chose to ignore the prompting.
About 5 metres after passing by the house, the prompting came the third time, much louder “Go back. Ring the bell.”
I stopped.
I turned around, walked back a few steps and rang the bell.
Once – No answer. Twice – No answer. On the third time, the door creaked open and there was my dear old friend….
“Paul” my friend said. “No, it’s Daryl” I replied.
I was ushered inside.
We visited for about an hour.

How can I help?

I listened intently and asked if there was anything I could do.
I returned the next afternoon with medications and listened again a while longer.
I know that spiritual promptings come.
We simply need to recognise them, listen intently and have faith to take action.
In one of their many “Don’t Miss This” series, David Butler and Emily Freeman call these moments “Compassionate Detours.”
Reviewing Matthew Chapter 9 they considered a day in the life of Jesus Christ.
“But when he saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion on them.” – Matthew 9:38.
On several occasions, He stopped and ministered, compassionately to the one.
Why not look out for a compassionate detour today…
Stop long enough to heed and listen to the promptings – that always come.
In the busyness of your complex life, do you notice the needs of others?

The Gift of Weeping

There are many spiritual gifts.
Gift: a notable capacity, talent, or endowment
Weeping is a gift that a few of us have been given.
It is precious.
In missionary interviews, tears are a frequent visitor.
Tissues are always on hand.
Life has taught me that weeping arises from the heart, signifying an open and softened heart.
Tears enable us to get in touch with our deepest feelings.
They are an outward manifestation of our innermost emotions.
They come from deep within.
They can’t be forced.
Some people cry so often, they are known for their tears.
Sometimes others see tears as an embarrassment and weeping as a sign of weakness.

In scripture

Yet, through faith, some of the most loving and compassionate words in scripture are these:
“Jesus wept” – John 11:35
“…. Behold, how he loved him!” – John 11:36
I understand why God weeps.
Tears are a gift of grace from God.
In interviews, tears remind us of mission life on a deeper, more authentic, and soulful level.
Very often they are a sign of empathy, compassion, and vulnerability.
They are tender, sensitive, and can help others move from burdens to blessings.

Our Hearts

My heart has often beat in empathy with other hearts, gently weeping in unison.
Thank you for the privilege to sit with you and listen.
Being easily moved to tears, crying for, or with others, is indeed a beautiful gift.
Watch what happens the next time someone weeps in your presence.
Be with and pay respectful attention to them.
Hand them a tissue.
Weeping can cleanse our souls.
There is strength and a sacredness in tears.
Their fruit is always, ultimately… joy.
How can you help wipe away others tears?

Crucial Conversations

Consider the two words below.
– rea𝐂tive
– 𝐂reative
These two words describe the mindset that you can bring to any conversation.
There is a key difference in the position of the letter “𝐂”
Best-selling author Neale Donald Walsch, says “When we 𝐂 things correctly, life becomes 𝐂reative instead of rea𝐂tive.”
Repositioning a letter… one 𝒔𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒍 move, makes a 𝒉𝒖𝒈𝒆 difference.
Our mindset is vitally important.
Changing the way, we talk with one another; will change the way we act.
And subsequently changing the way people act, will in turn, as a result, change the outcomes.
Recently I’ve been involved in several conversations about presence.
Presence: being aware of what is happening in the moment, experiencing body sensations, noticing thoughts, feeling emotions.
Whilst deepening your presence can be somewhat challenging, the results can be transformative.
When we are present, we are in touch with what’s really happening.
Research reveals that presence is a capacity that can be developed by everyone.
Being 𝐂reative in the here-and-now is pivotal in re-energising and engaging people around you.
Slowing down is equally crucial.
When people listen to each other, they do their best thinking, by surfacing concerns in both directions.
Subsequently, when you are really “present” and “land” in the moment by addressing what matters most, experience has taught me that new unseen possibilities emerge and come into view.
So, what does all this mean for you and me?
Simply stated, a single conversation can potentially open or shut a door on a whole new future that can help us to become more conscious of how we talk with one another.
Choose to be present today and for a while, give someone your undivided attention.
How do you 𝐂/𝐬𝐞𝐞 things?

What great leaders do…

Yesterday was amazing.
Every six weeks, we meet as a Mission Leadership Council.
I was surrounded by true leaders.
It is their time to lead.
Young men and women, with pure humble hearts, who are principle driven, selfless, devoted, disciplined and who get things done by bringing out the very best in others.
Our time is spent in training, learning, and counselling together.
Great missionary effort requires great leadership, through faith, love, obedience, and work.
All leaders must be good followers and they do that with exactness.
They see potential everywhere.
They are examples of goodness.
They are bold.
They lift and inspire.
They encourage.
They are prayerful.
They listen with genuine empathy.
They communicate with kindness.
They are great teachers.
They take time to slow down and consider what really matters most.
Ultimately, each of them endeavours to emulate the greatest servant leader of all, even Jesus Christ.
They love to serve others, as Christ centred servants.
They minister, one by one.
Remember, one is the key to the ninety and nine.
They feed their sheep.
Meeting with each of them is an absolute joy.
Ezra Taft Benson said…
“Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whosoever will lose his life in the service of God, will find eternal life.” (See Matthew 10:39)
As a leader, do you constantly remember that you are a servant?

Conversations Matter

Yesterday, for a while Monic and I sat in conversation together.
Conversation: “a talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged.”
In our conversations, we notice how we express our ideas and yet regularly we still misunderstand one another’s meaning.
Frequently, we repeat ourselves, ask questions, slow down and clarify, 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 we fully understand.
My coaching career has taught me that when we concentrate fully on a conversation, consider the content, and demonstrate an understanding of the message, the person on the other side always feels valued.
Have you experienced that?
Recently in our missionary zone conferences, we learned how to approach dialogue from a point of engagement and connection that leads to more creative problem-solving, perspective and ultimately stronger relationships.
We learned that conversations evoke emotions, they form a bond between you and others, and can make or break any first impression.
After all, conversations are the lifeblood of all relationships – right?

A Conversation

I love this painting “A Conversation with the Master” by Nathan Florence.
The painting depicts a woman walking alongside Jesus, in a purposeful conversation.
She is doing the lion’s share of the talking, while he is listening thoughtfully.
She is animated about something, whilst his compassion unruffles any undue concern.
Perhaps they have wandered for a while in the beautiful countryside.
His focus is completely on her.
He does not heal her with his touch.
Rather, He is listening deeply and accompanying her on their journey together.
He walked, talked, listened, smiled, encouraged, and made time for her.
Listening, guided by love, is one of the greatest gifts we can give one another.
Perhaps we can all be a bit more like Jesus and listen more deeply to one another.
In your next conversation, take some time to find the most authentic words to explain your thoughts and feelings, slow down and be a little more vulnerable.
I hope that we can all enjoy deep and meaningful conversations with one another.
What did it feel like when you last had a really good conversation?