Tag Archive for: compassion

Beyond words

Today, will mark the end of missionary interviews, the last two with our Assistants this evening.
After three years, I think Monic and I are now approaching some 6,000 coaching interviews.
We shall miss these special times; they have been a labour of love.

The Last Round

Whilst in one interview this week, a missionary inquired, “How do I ask good questions?”
Initially, I remarked about being fully present, by giving my full and utmost attention.
I mentioned the importance of deep listening, not only to the words used but the emotions felt and being guided by humility, compassion, and love.
Then, I introduced the power of clarifying.
Pausing, I said “Let’s do some roleplays…”
The missionary spoke and shared an opinion with me.
Carefully crafting the missionary’s own words in a different order, I drew attention to an aspect of the experience and asked a clarifying question.
In other words, I reflected the words back to the missionary and used them to ask a question in a different tone and a slower voice.
At first the missionary was startled by the insight, but after a little practice, soon cottoned on.
Then, I said, “You can also ask questions without words.”
“Huh?” came the response.

Body Language

You can ask questions in non-verbal ways through facial expressions, eye contact, a raised eyebrow, a puzzled look, tilting your head to the side, tugging your ear, placing your hand on your cheek, stroking your chin, using hand gestures or a combination of them all.
Self-awareness is paramount.
We practiced a little more.
To understand each other better, try slowing down and be silent.
Jesus Christ knew the importance of Psalms 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God…”
A favourite saying of mine often attributed to St. Francis of Assisi reads, “Preach the gospel at all times and if necessary, use words.”
Jesus asked perceptive questions and then waited for answers, frequently listening not only with His ears but with also with His heart.
Key is to focus on what you feel inside, rather than on what you see and hear outside.
A good example is the story of faith filled Bartimaeus in Mark 10:46-52, where Jesus stopped and healed him.
Often teaching without words, simply through His actions; that is the Master’s way.
How can you listen and ask questions more compassionately?

The Gift of Weeping

There are many spiritual gifts.
Gift: a notable capacity, talent, or endowment
Weeping is a gift that a few of us have been given.
It is precious.
In missionary interviews, tears are a frequent visitor.
Tissues are always on hand.
Life has taught me that weeping arises from the heart, signifying an open and softened heart.
Tears enable us to get in touch with our deepest feelings.
They are an outward manifestation of our innermost emotions.
They come from deep within.
They can’t be forced.
Some people cry so often, they are known for their tears.
Sometimes others see tears as an embarrassment and weeping as a sign of weakness.

In scripture

Yet, through faith, some of the most loving and compassionate words in scripture are these:
“Jesus wept” – John 11:35
“…. Behold, how he loved him!” – John 11:36
I understand why God weeps.
Tears are a gift of grace from God.
In interviews, tears remind us of mission life on a deeper, more authentic, and soulful level.
Very often they are a sign of empathy, compassion, and vulnerability.
They are tender, sensitive, and can help others move from burdens to blessings.

Our Hearts

My heart has often beat in empathy with other hearts, gently weeping in unison.
Thank you for the privilege to sit with you and listen.
Being easily moved to tears, crying for, or with others, is indeed a beautiful gift.
Watch what happens the next time someone weeps in your presence.
Be with and pay respectful attention to them.
Hand them a tissue.
Weeping can cleanse our souls.
There is strength and a sacredness in tears.
Their fruit is always, ultimately… joy.
How can you help wipe away others tears?

Ministering

Several times in the last week or two, I have been asked “What is ministering?”
In my answers I have used different words like listening, observing, helping, serving, sharing by effectively learning to attend to the needs of others by lifting and strengthening those around us.
This morning, as I was reflecting further I recalled this experience from a few years ago in Blackpool, England. Whilst facilitating a learning workshop, I experienced something I’d never witnessed before, in such a way that everyone in the room was moved to tears, when one delegate shared a very personal story, that brought great insight to the point we were discussing…
I wrote the experience up in one of my blogs, see https://darylwatson.org/2020/02/19/touched/ however, I will share it below too….
“The energy in the room was high. Then in a reflective moment one participant shared “I can relate to that” and tears started to flow freely.
The atmosphere changed.
We had already created a safe environment for sharing that day, but the authenticity in the room soared to a different level. Attentively, everyone focused on the personal story being shared. It was a moment of high emotion and an intimate turning point in the workshop. In opening up in such a manner the participant had taken a great risk in approaching a vulnerable area in their life by sharing it so deeply.
The silence was palpable.
Unwittingly, by speaking so candidly and tenderly, the participant had completely engaged everyone in the room.

Then it happened.

I watched, as those on either side felt impressed to reach out in a compassionate and reassuring way by physically touching our storyteller.
The whole experience had a profound effect on all of us in the room. There was a feeling of connection, togetherness and unity for a fleeting moment in time.
Deep and meaningful learning moments come quite unexpectedly at times. When they do, don’t be afraid to welcome them, gently explore them, embrace them and cherish them….forever.”
That day, in that moment, we were all “present”. Every part of our being was sensing something very different.
Each of us in that room were moved in a compassionate, loving and gentle way as we listened and observed one by one to the story being told.
Everyone in the room was emotionally touched.
So much so, that each of us then moved physically, to touch the storyteller in a gentle, kind and supportive way.
That is ministering.
Can you reach out, minister and touch someone today?

Generosity

When you think of a generous person, who first comes to mind?

Generosity – “a willingness to give help or support, especially more than is usual or expected.”

Who has inspired you the most to greater generosity?

I hope that it won’t be some famous celebrities or philanthropists, rather it’ll be a family member, a friend, someone in the community, or a co-worker perhaps.

“You can’t live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.” said Debbie Macomber.

One by One.
Act by Act.
Service by Service.
Little by Little.
Each of us can make a difference.

I am encouraged by the words of the Dalai Lama who said – “Generosity is the most natural outward expression of an inner attitude of compassion and loving-kindness.”

We simply don’t talk about generosity enough.

We desperately need more men and women in society at large to look around, to look beyond themselves and consider the needs of others. To become more selfless, outward looking, to give more, to be more compassionate and much, much more generous. Some will think it airy-fairy. Yet, it is a powerful, personal, potent, peace giving potion.

What can you do, who will you help today?

Travelling the Road of Life

What a challenging year.
As I slow down for Christmas and reflect upon the last 12 months, I am reminded of one of my favourite old fables. Time and again it reminds me of what really matters most of all. Despite the challenges of 2020, I hope it will give you some clues to your own purpose in life.

The King’s Highway

“Once a king had a great highway built for the members of his kingdom. After it was completed, but before it was opened to the public, the king decided to hold a contest. He invited as many as desired to participate. Their challenge was to see who could travel the highway best.
On the day of the contest, the people came. Some of them had fine chariots, some had fine clothing, fine hairdos or great food. Some young men came in their sports togas and ran along the highway. People travelled the highway all day, but each one, when he arrived at the end, complained to the king that there was a large pile of rocks and debris on the road at one spot, and this had hindered their travel.
The Finishing Line
At the end of the day, a lone traveller crossed the finish line and wearily walked over to the king. He was tired and dirty – but he addressed the king with great respect, and handed him a bag of gold. He explained, “I stopped along the way to clear away a pile of rocks and debris that was blocking the road. This bag of gold was under it, and I would like you to help me return it to its rightful owner.” The King replied, “You are the rightful owner.” The traveller replied, “Oh no, this is not mine. I’ve never known so much money.” “Oh yes,” said the king, “you’ve earned this gold, for you have won my contest. He who travels the road best is he who makes the road smoother for those who will follow”… Author Unknown.
As you have served others this year, what have you discovered?
It is my sincere hope that as we serve and help others along their paths in life at home, in our families, in our communities, in government and business organisations we will be ever mindful of the greatest servant of all, whose birth we celebrate this Christmas Season.
It has been wonderful working with many familiar folks this year, making so many new friends along the way too. In addition, working with new clients and organisations as well in 2020 has been incredible. To each and everyone, may I wish you a very Merry Christmas and Prosperous New Year.

Generosity

When you think of a generous person, who first comes to mind?

Generosity – “a willingness to give help or support, especially more than is usual or expected.”

Who has inspired you the most to greater generosity?

I’d like to think that it won’t be some famous celebrities or philanthropists, rather it’ll be a family member, a friend, someone in the community, or a co-worker perhaps. “You can’t live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.” said Debbie Macomber.

One by One. Act by Act. Service by Service. Little by Little. Each of us can make a difference.

I am encouraged by the words of the Dalai Lama who said – “Generosity is the most natural outward expression of an inner attitude of compassion and loving-kindness.”

We simply don’t talk about generosity enough. We desperately need more men and women in society at large to look around, to look beyond themselves and consider the needs of others. To become more selfless, outward looking, to give more, to be more compassionate and much, much more generous.

Some will think it airy-fairy. Yet, it is a powerful, personal, potent, peace giving potion.

What can you do, who will you help today?

“How do you walk in another person’s shoes?”

“How do you walk in another person’s shoes?” asked the workshop participant…

A great question and one that I have been asked repeatedly in recent coaching workshops.

A big part of the answer is to do with 𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐲.

It begins with simply showing a little more kindness to others.

Empathy is our ability to understand another person’s feelings, thoughts, and condition from their perspective, rather than our own.

In my experience empathy is being very present in any conversation, attentively listening deeply, being open minded without judgement, looking into their eyes and giving someone your undivided attention, in order to sense their emotions.

Frequently a human connection is made, resulting in a peek or a fleeting impression into how or what they are really feeling.

Just be there and listen.

It is a momentary glimpse of their reality.

That’s when I start to feel I am being empathetic.

The good news is – empathy is something that can be learned.

Start by being curious.

Active or deep listening and asking powerful open ended questions helps us to develop an understanding of another persons situation and in turn develops empathy.

Instead of saying, “Are you okay?” try asking, “How are you feeling about everything that’s going on?”

Imagine how you would feel if you were in their situation, considering their history, values, and personality—not yours.

Empathy isn’t only about words; it’s also about noticing facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language.

Paying attention to these non-verbal signals can give you insights into what someone might be feeling, even if they’re not saying it explicitly.

As you seek to understand another person, simple responses are very often the most powerful and meaningful ways to help.

Try walking in another’s shoes today, go on give it a go!

Loud voices

As the flames rage, smoke billows and the embers burn, 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 loud voices argue on……good morning world.

Global Pandemic, economic carnage, climate change, terrorism, disease – need I go on!

The world is in commotion.

Welcome to Planet Earth – 2020

What can I do? What can we do?

Sure, I can make certain that I follow social distancing, recycle my waste and follow the laws of the land.

And yet, this morning, like every morning, somehow I look to the future with hope for a better world, a brighter future.

There are better days ahead. We will get through this challenge. And the next , and the next and the next.

You see, I can choose to make a difference every single day.

An act of kindness.

An act of service.

An act of compassion.

There is always someone to reach out to.

Just open your eyes and look.

It is up to you and me, to make a difference, every single day, one by one.

What will you choose to do today?

Compassion

We are entering unknown territory. One word plays constantly through my mind – 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏. It literally means “to suffer with” to show mercy, pity and sympathy for another.

I am certain that as we enter the uncharted waters of our day, in the weeks that lie ahead, being more compassionate and having an awareness of others’ distress along with a desire to lighten or relieve those difficulties will be crucial for each and everyone of us.

You can show compassion by listening to others and being understanding. Please, put yourself in their circumstances and consider how they might feel. Showing compassion can be as simple as showing genuine interest in peoples’ lives.

Think of a time when someone really listened to you. How did it make you feel? How do you feel toward that person?

Lets be mindful of our family, friends, work colleagues, neighbours, especially the elderly and infirm – consider their physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.

Who could benefit from your compassionate listening today? Who could use your actions of compassion today?

Touched

The energy in the room was high.

Then in a reflective moment one participant shared “I can relate to that” and tears started to flow freely.

The atmosphere changed.

We had already created a psychologically safe environment for sharing that day, but then the authenticity in the room soared to a different level.

Attentively, everyone focused on the personal story being shared.

It was a moment of high emotion and an intimate turning point in the workshop.

In opening up in such a manner the participant had taken a great risk in approaching a vulnerable area in their life by sharing it so deeply.

The silence was palpable.

Unwittingly, by speaking so candidly and tenderly, the participant had completely engaged everyone in the room.

Then it happened.

I watched, as those on either side felt impressed to reach out in a compassionate and reassuring way by physically touching our storyteller.

The whole experience had a profound effect on all of us in the room.

There was a feeling of connection, togetherness and unity for a fleeting moment in time.

Deep and meaningful learning moments come quite unexpectedly at times.

When they do, don’t be afraid to welcome them, gently explore them, embrace them and cherish them….forever.

Can you reach out and touch someone today?