Tag Archive for: compassion

Shoes That Don’t Fit

This week, during a leadership session, I decided to make things a little more practical.
I invited one of the participants to quite literally stand in my shoes.
She slipped her feet into my size 9.5 leather shoes with plenty of room to spare, and I tried stepping into her size 5 trainers.
I couldn’t even get my heels inside them!
There I was, perched awkwardly on the balls of my feet, heels hanging over the back, trying to stay upright.
It was quite funny and slightly ridiculous!
“Your shoes are very warm.” she said.
We were exploring empathy and the phrase “standing in another person’s shoes.”
Empathy is feeling 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 someone, whilst sympathy is feeling 𝒇𝒐𝒓 someone.
I know that empathy begins by showing a little more kindness.
It is our ability to understand another person’s feelings, thoughts, and condition from their perspective rather than our own.
Standing in those trainers, I felt a little unsteady, constrained, definitely off balance and it changed how I felt.
In my experience, empathy is about being present in a conversation, listening attentively, being open-minded without judgement and giving them your undivided attention.
I know too, that sometimes, in those moments, something beautiful happens with a human connection, or a small glimpse into how they are feeling.

Another perspective

Our Saviour Jesus Christ is the perfect example of this. He does not merely observe our struggles. He understands them.
“He will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people…” (Alma 7:11–12)
He didn’t stand at a distance offering sympathy, rather He descended below all things and knew what it felt like to be weary, misunderstood, alone and off balance.
Because He walked our mortal path, He can now walk beside us perfectly.
I believe that empathy is something that can be learned, it simply begins with curiosity.
Empathy isn’t only about words, it’s also about noticing the tone of voice, facial expressions and what’s not being said.
This week, I stood awkwardly in someone else’s shoes and nearly toppled over.
Try walking in another’s shoes today. Go on, give it a go.
I hope we can walk as He walked, with compassion in our hearts and steadiness in our step.
Whose shoes have you never really tried to understand?

Two Doors, One Important Lesson

Yesterday I popped into Marks and Spencer for a few bits n pieces and came out feeling a little weighed down.
I had a bag in each hand and no spare fingers to speak of.
When I reached the exit, I leaned into the door with my shoulder and shuffled my way outside.
Success…or so I thought.
As the door swung shut behind me, I glanced back and locked eyes on another shopper who was right behind me.
Because of my shoulder charge, the door had closed much faster than expected.
I quickly apologised for not noticing them sooner.
They were gracious about it, but I walked away thinking, I could have done better there.
I suppose as we grow older, we’re meant to grow gentler too.
Yesterday reminded me I’m still learning that.
A few minutes later, on my way home, I passed the local baker’s shop.
A man had just come out, arms full of bread and boxes, looking at his van door the way I had looked at that shop door.  His hands were completely full. This time I didn’t hesitate.  I put my own bags down and asked, “Can I help?”  He smiled and said, “Yes please.” And I opened the van door for him.  He thanked me warmly, and I carried on home feeling lighter than when I’d left Marks and Spencer, even though my shopping hadn’t changed at all.
It struck me how quickly we’re given another chance.
One moment we miss an opportunity to notice someone.
The next moment, we’re given one.
There’s a simple scripture that says it best: “Be ye kind one to another.” – Ephesians 4:32
And remember this little song?…
“I want to be kind to ev’ryone,
For that is right, you see.
So I say to myself, “Remember this:
Kindness begins with me.” – Children’s Songbook 145
Decency, courtesy and kindness don’t require grand gestures.
Sometimes it’s just holding a door or perhaps noticing when someone can’t.
“Ask yourself: Have you been kind today? Make kindness your daily modus operandi and change your world.” – Annie Lennox
If you miss an opportunity for kindness today, are you ready for the next one?

Care as a response to Chaos…

After a long and productive day of team meetings in London yesterday, returning to my hotel room late in the evening, (somewhat foolishly on reflection now) I turned the news on.

Some words came to mind as I watched the stories unfold, and wrote them in my journal.

Conflict.
Confusion.
Calamities.
Commotion.
Conspiracies.

I didn’t invite those words into my thoughts; they simply arrived there.

We do, indeed, live in perilous times.

For some, there is a growing collective anxiety, as these c’s of chaos flooded into my mind.

“What can I do?” I thought.

Then I recalled one of Stephen Covey’s simple models mentioned earlier in the day, the circle of influence and control. Thankfully, it brought some peace to my mind.

The model reminds us that there are many things we are concerned about, yet there are only a smaller number of things we can truly influence.

The trouble begins when we spend too much emotional energy living in the outer circle, where the headlines, the geopolitics, the speculation, the fear and anxiety can flourish – if unchecked.

But when I consciously stepped back into my own circle of influence, something shifted for me.

In the quiet of the hotel room, I drew a simple circle on the hotel notepaper and wrote down the C’s that matter most to me.

I realised that I can choose a different set of C’s to live by.

Again, my mind returned to one of Aviva’s core values that we’d been talking about earlier in the day – care.  As I did so, some other c’s came to mind…

Within my own circle of influence, I can choose care in how I treat others. I can practice compassion when fear shows up in a conversation. I can seek clarity in what I choose to watch and share. I can also cultivate calm rather than constant reaction. But above all I can act with courage by living my values quietly and consistently.

Of course, none of this will change the news headlines.

But it does change something closer to home.

It steadies my own inner world.

And perhaps, in some small way, it might help steady yours too.

Because when the C’s of chaos feel overwhelming, choosing the C’s of care within our own circle of influence, may be the most personal and the most powerful response we have.

Where can you choose care today?

Sixty Seconds of Christmas

And so, this is Christmas…
For weeks, actually months, it’s been anything but simple.
Countless calls and meetings. Spreadsheets. Logistics. Risk assessments. Transport. Permissions. Volunteers. Charities. Launch plans.
A small army of remarkable people giving their time, energy and hearts to make the Light the World Machines in Birmingham and London a reality.
The effort to get those machines switched on and standing proudly in the middle of busy shopping centres was, frankly, huge.
And yet…the most precious moment of my entire year with the machines didn’t come at the launch. It didn’t come from a speech, a photo opportunity, or a “job well done”.
It came in about sixty seconds.
Whilst in Birmingham, a young woman approached the machines and paused in front of them.
She asked me a question, then scanned the machines slowly and thoughtfully. Settling on a hygiene kit, she tapped her card, spent £20, smiled warmly and simply said, “Thank you.”💕
That was it.
No fanfare.
No explanation.
No need for agreement on beliefs, backgrounds or labels.
Just generosity.
Just kindness.
Just a human recognising the quiet opportunity to help another human.
In that moment, all the noise fell away and it just felt good.
It didn’t feel like a campaign.
Or an initiative.
Or even an event.
It felt like Christmas.
Because Christmas, at its heart, isn’t about scale or spectacle.
It’s not about how polished the lights are or how perfectly the plan came together.
It’s about noticing.
It’s about choosing compassion.
It’s about giving – freely, quietly, and without needing recognition.
That young woman will probably never know what her simple act meant to me.
But in that very moment, through her act of kindness, she captured the true spirit of Christmas.
And so, this is Christmas.
Where has Christmas quietly revealed itself to you this year?

Moments That Move Us

I’ve been so focused on facilitation and delivery lately that I almost forgot how easy it is to lose track of what really moves people.

However, a recent experience reminded me of a moment in a workshop from a few years ago.

It taught me a simple truth… Thoughts shape emotions. Emotions drive action.

I recall the energy in the room was buzzing. Everyone was engaged, leaning in. Then, something shifted.

One participant, quiet until then, spoke up: “I can relate to that.”

And just like that, the tears came.

The tone changed instantly. We’d already built a space of psychological safety that day, but this moment, this raw, real moment – cut through even deeper.

The room stilled. Everyone listened.

As this person opened up, they stepped into a deeply vulnerable space. And by doing so, they pulled us in with them. In that fleeting moment, you could feel the silence, it wasn’t awkward, it felt sacred.

No one said a word.

Then it happened.

The people sitting closest reached out, not with words, but with a simple, human touch. A hand on the shoulder. A nod. A connection.

In that instant, the group wasn’t just a room of individuals.

We were one.

United.

Present.

Together.

That one moment changed the whole workshop. And I’ve carried it with me ever since.

These turning points, the ones that really teach us something meaningful, don’t come with warning signs. They show up unannounced. But when they do, welcome them. Lean in. Let them shape you.

Because those are the moments that matter.

Is there someone you can reach out to today?

Shoulder to Shoulder

Life is complex and human beings are complex.
In my lifetime, I’ve had the privilege of working with people from all walks of life and from a host of different nations and cultures.
Subsequently, in the various professional and voluntary roles I’ve enjoyed, I am a witness to the happiness and joy life can bring for many, along with the problems and challenges that come along too.
In so many ways, our life can be good, great even – and then in an instant, it can be filled with disappointment, grief, anguish, misery and pain.
There is one thing I know for sure, and that is life will intermittently bring challenges to each and every one of us, arriving when we least expect them, in good times or bad.
We all experience difficult times in our lives, and then we must endure for a while.
Yet, in the trials, there are frequently many opportunities for growth and learning.

Coaching and Leadership

That’s where coaching and leadership come in.
As John Wooden said, “A good coach can change a game, a great coach can change a life.”
I’ve seen this in action countless times, not just on playing fields, but in workplaces, communities, congregations, and moments of personal crisis.
One of my most vivid memories was sitting quietly by a dear friend’s side in hospital.
I didn’t have the right words, and maybe there weren’t any.
But I listened. I was present.
And in the stillness, they turned to me and said, “Thanks for being here, you give me confidence.”
That moment reminded me that leadership isn’t always about grand gestures, rather, it’s often about showing up, holding space, and helping others believe in their own strength.
Coaching is about helping people find clarity in the fog, and strength they didn’t know they had.
Leadership is about creating an environment where people can thrive, even when the road is rough.
While we can’t always control what happens, we can control how we respond and with the right support, people are capable of amazing resilience.
Life’s challenges are inevitable.
But with guidance, encouragement, and shared purpose, they can become the very stepping stones that carry us to our next best chapter.
Who in your life right now might be waiting for you to simply show up, listen, and help them believe in their own strength?

Help Isn’t Always Easy

Recently, whilst in London, I was coming up the stairs from the underground at Victoria Station.
I saw her, seated quietly, seeking help.
In that moment, I reached into my pocket and gave what little change I had.
It wasn’t planned, it was simply the right thing to do in that moment, a quiet offering to help.
Moments later, as I rushed to sort out my ticket and catch a train to Mitcham, another woman approached me, much faster, louder and demanding money.
I had nothing left to give, yet she insisted.
I apologised and kept walking towards my train, feeling shaken and guilty.
That moment has stayed with me, especially this morning as I have been studying all about charity.
I gave freely at first yet somehow, I felt like I’d failed in the second.
Have you ever experienced something similar?
Reflecting further this morning, I remembered that helping people isn’t always simple.
That has certainly been my experience.
Some needs are gentle through a simple act of kindness, others can feel overwhelming.
Showing love isn’t about trying to please everyone, it’s much more about doing what you can with a willing heart.
“Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” – 2 Corinthians 9:7
We can’t solve every problem, but to give what we can and to let go of our guilt when our hands are empty.
Sometimes our offering is a coin.
Other times it is a simple act of kindness.
And sometimes we simply have to walk away with nothing else to give.
We give what we can and trust God with the rest.
How do you discern between when to give and when to step back?

Please Give!

“Give – Charity and the Art of Living Generously” is the second book by Magnus MacFarlane-Barrow, CEO of Mary’s Meals.
It’s a powerful reminder that charity is not just an act but a way of life, but rather a way of seeing others with love, of lifting burdens, and of making small sacrifices that ripple into something greater.
Many of you know that from May 28th, 2025, I will be walking 96 miles along the West Highland Way in Scotland over 8 days.
But I won’t be doing it alone.
I’ll be joined by 20 of my dearest friends, all of whom I had the privilege of serving alongside in the Belgium Netherlands Mission of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Together, we are embracing this adventure with excitement, determination, and a shared commitment to raising money for Mary’s Meals – a cause close to our hearts.
Each of us has spent months preparing, walking mile after mile, training our bodies and minds for the challenge ahead.
But more than the physical preparation, this journey is about something far deeper – it’s about walking with purpose, with faith, and with love for those in need.
The way we practice charity reflects the depth of our compassion, humility, and willingness to serve – not for recognition, but simply because it is the right thing to do.
True charity isn’t just about donating money; it’s about offering our time, kindness, and understanding.

Charity Never Faileth

It is in giving that we receive, in serving that we grow, and in walking together that we strengthen not only our legs but also our hearts.
As Mother Teresa beautifully said, “Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.”
Along the way, we may come to realise that charity is not only something we give to others, but something we, too, need from time to time, whether in the form of support, encouragement, or simply a helping hand.
Many of my friends are travelling from the USA and the Netherlands at their own expense, ensuring that every penny we raise goes directly to feeding children in need.
If you’d like to be part of our journey and help provide a meal for a hungry child, please consider making a donation through the link below.
Together, we can turn small acts of generosity into something truly life changing.
Will you join us in making a difference, one meal at a time?

Heart to Heart

If your heart could speak, what would it say?
What does it really long to say?
What does it long to hear?
Being away for three years, has meant a lot of catch-up conversations recently.
Dialogue, with many dear friends and family, home and abroad, face to face and online.
Reflecting this morning on those conversations, I’ve realised that many of them have been heart to heart.

A definition…

Heart to Heart – “a serious conversation between two people, usually close friends, in which they talk honestly about their feelings.”
They haven’t been trivial or inconsequential.
Rather they’re deeper, somehow they feel much more vital and nourishing to each other’s souls, allowing our hearts to really connect.
There has been much more giving and receiving.
In addition, they have also created an even stronger relationship of mutual trust and understanding.
I have even listened to a lot of heartfelt emotions that I wasn’t aware of before.
And interestingly, I’ve begun to understand myself even more.
Significantly, there has been more undivided attention in those moments.
As the dialogue emerges from each other’s heart, the conversations are vulnerable and delicate.
Maybe it’s because for the first time in a while I have more time and am less distracted, but I have found that I am more thoughtful, more compassionate and found it easier to listen with more love.
I have learned to listen, reflect and respond in that order once more.
And I have also been reminded that without having open vulnerable dialogue – we cannot and will not grow.
Moments of struggle have been openly shared.
It is important too, to mean what you say and say what you mean.
Someone once said ““The beauty of a heart-to-heart conversation is that it allows us to share our deepest fears, joys, and dreams, knowing that we will be met with empathy and kindness.”
As I restart my coaching practice, I look forward to many more of these quite remarkable conversations.
“We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided.” – J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)
When was the last time you had a heart-to-heart conversation with someone?

Promptings

In my prayers one morning this week, I specifically asked that I’d recognise any subtle promptings or spiritual insights that day.
Arising from my knees, I made my to do list for the day and set off getting things done.
Late morning, instead of driving to visit my mum, I felt to take a 45-minute walk instead.
After a lovely visit with mum, I set off for home.

Insightful detour

I felt to take a longer route home, a slight detour.
This route took me near the house of a dear old friend, who I hadn’t seen in a few years.
Approaching the house, I had a feeling to ring the bell, but I chose to ignore the thought.
At the front door, the thought came for the second time… “ring the bell” again, I chose to ignore the prompting.
About 5 metres after passing by the house, the prompting came the third time, much louder “Go back. Ring the bell.”
I stopped.
I turned around, walked back a few steps and rang the bell.
Once – No answer. Twice – No answer. On the third time, the door creaked open and there was my dear old friend….
“Paul” my friend said. “No, it’s Daryl” I replied.
I was ushered inside.
We visited for about an hour.

How can I help?

I listened intently and asked if there was anything I could do.
I returned the next afternoon with medications and listened again a while longer.
I know that spiritual promptings come.
We simply need to recognise them, listen intently and have faith to take action.
In one of their many “Don’t Miss This” series, David Butler and Emily Freeman call these moments “Compassionate Detours.”
Reviewing Matthew Chapter 9 they considered a day in the life of Jesus Christ.
“But when he saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion on them.” – Matthew 9:38.
On several occasions, He stopped and ministered, compassionately to the one.
Why not look out for a compassionate detour today…
Stop long enough to heed and listen to the promptings – that always come.
In the busyness of your complex life, do you notice the needs of others?