Tag Archive for: choice

A spanner in the works

Early yesterday morning around this time (05.30am), I opened my inbox and found a surprise, a significant shift in a voluntary global programme I’m involved in.
No heads-up, no warning.
Just increased complexity.
I reached out for clarification and got on with my day.
Whilst out walking a couple of hours later, a colleague involved in the same project rang and said: “Well, that throws a spanner in the works!”
I hadn’t heard that phrase in years, but it was a great fit.
A perfectly timed, blunt idiom that summed up the situation: something had unexpectedly jammed the gears of our project!
Together we discussed the situation at hand.
It would’ve been easy to react on instinct and fire off another quick reply.
Through the day yesterday in preparing for another matter, I came across the perfect quote from Stephen Covey, which described what happened next, almost perfectly, he once said: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.”
Instead, we both paused and considered a careful response.
We thought about implications, options, and risks.
But before we could act, we received a second and then third message which clarified the new position and an opportunity to address the matter directly in a call later this week.
Here is what I learned yesterday….
• Spanners will always get thrown into the works.
• You can’t stop surprises, but you can control your response.
• Don’t underestimate the power of the pause.
• Reacting is easy, but responding with purpose is leadership.
But remember most of all – slow down!
How do you train yourself to pause when pressure builds?

Come What May

Last night Monic and I went to the cinema and really enjoyed watching the new “How to Train Your Dragon” movie.
A simple phrase uttered by the main character, Hiccup, landed with me.
“𝑪𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑴𝒂𝒚…”
Facing a challenge much bigger than himself, he didn’t run or retreat.
He stood tall, uncertain but unwavering, and chose to press ahead at a moment of great difficulty.
He didn’t have all the answers, but he had great conviction.
And the path wasn’t an easy one, but it was the right one.
That moment and the phrase is still with me this morning.
It reminded me that we all face dragons, challenges that test our resolve, our faith, our identity.
But “come what may” is more than a line in a movie, it’s a quiet anthem of trust in something greater.
In my personal study this morning I decided to reread a talk from some years ago by Joseph B. Wirthlin “Come What may and love it” – a phrase attributed to his mother.
He said, “If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be the times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead to times of greatest happiness.”
Life has taught me that there is opposition in all things.
I’m sure it has for you too.
And still, we carry on.
Not because the path is easy.
Not because we know what’s coming next.
But because something within us, or someone beside us (in the movie – Astrid), helps us to take the next step.
Come what may, we learn.
Come what may, we grow.
Come what may, we love it.
What “dragons” are you facing – and what quiet strength is helping you stand firm?

Two Roads to Humility…

It has been an interesting week thus far in my consulting and coaching world.
I’ve encountered one word, several times over – 𝒉𝒖𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚.
I’ve worked with different organisations on a number of leadership topics, and yet time and again, our conversations have returned to humility.
Life has taught me that there are two main pathways to humility.

By Choice

Firstly, we can 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 to be humble.
There comes a time when we each have to pause and acknowledge that things aren’t going the way we’d hoped.
It takes real courage to admit, first to ourselves and then to others, that we’re stuck, unsure, or sometimes even, simply way out of our depth.
Humbling ourselves means choosing to open up rather than pretend we’ve got it all together.
It might look like asking for advice, learning from someone who’s walked a similar path, picking up a book, or reaching out to someone we trust.
It’s a quiet but powerful step: a willingness to grow, rather than go it alone.

By Compulsion

Secondly, we are 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝 to be humble.
This one can be even tougher, much tougher.
Being humbled often arrives over time, uninvited, through failure, disappointment, or moments when the truth hits home really hard and we realise we’re the ones who got it wrong.
Sometimes even a sense of shame can haunt us for a while.
Its my witness, that it is in those uncomfortable moments that conversely something good can start to happen.
It’s the start of taking ownership, of letting go of pride, and choosing a more sure path.
Though painful, being humbled can become the turning point, where we begin to rebuild more honesty, deeper empathy, and stronger self-respect.
I’ve experienced this in my own life, several times over and it truly is painful.
Research shows, that in the leadership world, when companies hire humble leaders, the whole organisation benefits.
It’s a fact, that leaders who have learned to walk in humility, to be curious, and to engage others collaboratively, are more likely to succeed.
Just think what might happen if we choose to live by this virtue, in our own homes…
Indeed, life is a long lesson in humility!
Which path to humility are you currently walking, and what might change if you chose to take the first step, willingly?

Brain FM: Now Playing…

Have you ever had a song or tune stuck in your head?
It frequently happens in our home.
Randomly, from nowhere, a catchy piece of music keeps replaying involuntarily through your mind.
It’s usually just a few notes, a little fragment, a snippet of music, a catchy chorus, a little jingle, or a repetitive melody from a familiar song.
Do you know what I mean?
It just loops over and over in your head, without intentionally even thinking about it.
It’s if your brain hits repeat on a song, you didn’t even ask it to play!
They’re commonly called “𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒎𝒔”.
They can last for a few minutes, many hours or even days on end, at least that’s our experience.
In our home, Monic and I are pretty good at infecting each other too.
Randomly, either one of us will start humming a tune or whistling a song, only to find that the other one joins in by completing the next part of the melody.
Then, the other one completes the next part, and we go back n forward, over and over again!
And just like that, we’ve passed the earworm on.
It’s like a musical baton relay with no finish line.
Its relentless!
We don’t even know who started it, or why we’re suddenly singing “Sweet Caroline” in the middle of our breakfast.
Or, one hum, one whistle “da-da-da-da-da-DAAA- da…and boom – we’re off again!
But we always end up laughing, every single time.
But here’s a thought: if our brains are that good at replaying nonsense jingles, imagine the power of putting something intentional on loop.
What if we chose our mental soundtrack a little more deliberately?
Like a kind thought, a hopeful mantra of some kind, or a bit of truth you need to hear today.
Gratitude. Encouragement. Hope.
So, tell me, what song gets stuck in your head?
And what thought could you intentionally replace it with today?

Busy

Yesterday, Monic and I were busy with coaching interviews in Leiden all day.
We both enjoy taking walks with missionaries through the day if we possibly can.
Whilst walking with Allana Frost,we stopped and sat by a large pond.
We were talking about how busy we both were with various assignments and deep in conversation.
As we talked this huge goose approached us looking for food.
It looked pretty mean!
The two of us looked at each other, admittedly a little frightened, and thought it was going to bite us!
We sat still, until it turned away in disappointment that we had nothing for it to eat.
The distraction allowed us to pause, have some fun, and capture a picture or two!
For those moments we stopped being busy with our conversation and laughed!

Choices

Busy, is a choice…..right?
An almost standard reply many give or receive these days when asked how things are is “I’m really busy”.
Are we doing ourselves any favours by staying so busy?
Or is it an impression we simply want to make to others by wearing a busy badge?
Is it really too easy to default to the word “busy” to describe your life?
What is it that you are really saying about yourself and your life?
Maybe you are busy, and you need to focus on your time management and being more productive.
“Crazy-busy’ is a great armour; it’s a great way for numbing. What a lot of us do is that we stay so busy, and so out in front of our life, that the truth of how we’re feeling and what we really need can’t catch up with us.” – Brené Brown

Some Ideas

My invitation today – is to consider these four very simple ideas…
1. Slow down a little more and consider what matters most.
2. Determine not to use the word “busy” in response to any question!
3. Lear to say No!
4. Enjoy relaxation time.
Don’t let busyness hold you back from achieving what truly matters.
After all – busy, is a choice – right?

Groundhog Day

Every six weeks, Monic and I return to Schiphol Airport.
In the beginning of our mission, the pattern was arrivals on a Tuesday and departures on a Thursday.
Now, departures and arrivals all happen on the same day, a Friday.
We’re often there in between, for many other reasons too.
Regardless, we have a deep familiarity with Schiphol and our 42 day, six-week cycle.
Over these last 2 ½ years of consistent practice, we have learned many lessons.
Do you remember the 1993 movie Groundhog Day?
In the movie Bill Murray’s plays a cynical weatherman, who for some reason gets stuck in a repetitive time loop.
Repeating the same cycle over and over again (that was our 23rd last week) reminds me of the story line of the movie.
In the movie, through consistent practice, Bill Murray’s character Phil Connors, learns how to be remarkably resourceful by turning a challenging day into a great day.

Changes

During the course of the movie, he 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒔.
The lesson?
The more you focus on others by serving, being grateful and appreciative, the happier you will be.
In real life, through consistent practice, each missionary learns how to be remarkably resourceful by turning many challenging days into many great days.
Each missionary 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒔.
Likewise, their final day, is also a challenging one.
Transformed, these young men and women depart for home having become some of our dearest friends.
We all struggle to say farewell.
Departures are emotion filled, with tears of sadness and hugs aplenty.
In between their arrival and departure, we’ve experienced so much together – we’ve all 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐝.
Moments later, the arrivals are also emotion filled, but this time the tears are filled with joy, wonder, excitement, and hugs aplenty.
The journey ahead will transform them too.
Every time is the same, but different.
What am I learning over and over again?
We create our own reality, by living to learn and learning to live.
Over and over again, we have the choice to make today, and every day, either sad or happy, dull or inspiring, meaningless or fulfilling.
What will you choose today to make it great?

Unearthly

General Conference was a smorgasbord of spiritual instruction and renewal.
Following the instruction leads us to the covenant path and Jesus Christ.
“𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝑪𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒂𝒍” was such a powerful address from President Nelson.

Memories

After his talk, a memory came to mind.
In May 1983, I turned 18, received the Melchizedek Priesthood and was ordained an Elder.
On 10th June, I joined many others on an overnight 12-hour bus journey to the London Temple, in Lingfield, Surrey.
We arrived a little tired on Saturday morning, ready to spend a day in the House of the Lord.
We live in a telestial world. Entering the temple, we symbolically enter a terrestrial world. And the celestial room in the temple allows us a little glimpse into heaven.

Endowment

Receiving your temple endowment is a very personal experience.
We receive instruction and eternal context for our mortal life.
An endowment is literally a “gift.” In this sense, the temple endowment is a gift of sacred blessings from God to each of us.
I recorded these words in my journal that day, “it was an unearthly experience”.
“Unearthly” – it was something spiritual, something deep and meaningful, directly from my soul.

Choices

That same day, I decided to serve a full-time mission and by November I was in the England London Mission.
I have never forgotten the feelings that entered my heart that day.
I made a choice, like many others have, “to take the long view, an eternal view.”
The cherished moments that day, were a few more steps on the covenant path to help me to start to “Think Celestial”.
“When you are confronted with a dilemma, think celestial!
When tested by temptation, think celestial!
When life or loved ones let you down, think celestial!
When someone dies “prematurely,” think celestial.
When someone lingers with a devastating illness, think celestial.
When the pressures of life crowd in upon you, think celestial!
As you recover from an accident or injury, think celestial!”
Call one of the missionaries today, they will help you to think celestial!
How can you think celestial?

Tick Tock

𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞 – it’s always running out for someone.
My assistants and I regularly talk about time.
We plan with exactness each 6-week transfer, 42 days to be precise.
Often, we specify minutes for planned events.
Growing older, my notion of time is that it goes faster and faster.
In the mission, there is always someone running out of time.
It focuses minds on the present.
How a watch measures time and how we as humans perceive it, are seemingly quite different.
Our ancestors measured time in days, weeks, months, seasons, and years.
Unlike our ancestors, our measurement of time is different.
Today, we measure time in milliseconds, seconds, minutes, and hours.
Blink, and weeks have gone.

Hymn

I love these words penned by Robert Baird.
“Time flies on wings of lightning;
We cannot call it back.
It comes, then passes forward
Along its onward track.
And if we are not mindful,
The chance will fade away,
For life is quick in passing.
’Tis as a single day.”
(“Improve the Shining Moments,” Hymns, no. 226)
Time is lightning paced.
Each of us are stewards of our time.
Each day counts.

Today

Commenting on world conditions this week UN Secretary-General Antonio Guterres said, “Our world is becoming unhinged.”
In 2019, President Russell M. Nelson said, “I plead with you who have distanced yourselves from the Church and with you who have not yet really sought to know that the Saviour’s Church has been restored. Do the spiritual work to find out for yourselves, and please do it 𝐧𝐨𝐰. 𝑻𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒓𝒖𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒖𝒕.”
It’s never too early or never too late to learn about Jesus Christ.
Take time today and speak to a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
It’ll be the best time you spend today.
Are you doing everything that you should be doing with your one precious life?

Uncommon

Yesterday, whilst waiting on others, it wasn’t long before I was chatting with a few of the missionaries.
Whilst doing so, I observed an uncommon behaviour.
𝐔𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐨𝐧: “out of the ordinary; unusual, not seen, happening, or experienced often, rare.”
I drew closer to my fellow uncommon friend and we caught an in the moment picture together.
Thank you, Sadie Casperson
We laughed and talked for a little while about our uncommon habit.
See below – we’re focused on our watches!
The vast majority of people wear a watch on top of their wrists.
And I am certain they have a whole host of reasons why they do so.
But Sadie and I, wear our watches, along with the minority of people on the inside of our wrists.
I have often been asked why?
Firstly, it is most definitely a habit! I can’t remember not wearing it on the inside!
Secondly, for me turning my wrist to the inside feels much easier, more subtle, and gentler.
And thirdly, there is a practical implication! Professionally and also in my current responsibilities, it is much easier to discreetly glance at my watch and catch up on time during a coaching session or interview.
For me, it has nothing to do with style, protecting the watch against damage, or even to stop glare or reflection of the sun.
I know many professionals, nurses, plumbers, police, armed forces and others choose to wear their watches on the inside. But take a look around, it is uncommon.
Finally, I wear my watch on my non-dominant wrist. How about you?
What does it matter? – I hear you say….!
At the end of the day, there is no right or wrong way to wear a watch.
After all, it’s simply a matter of choice and preference.
Are you outside or inside? Why?
What uncommon habits do you have?

The Rear View

Ｔｈｅ Ｒｅａｒ Ｖｉｅｗ
Are you spending too much time looking in the rear-view mirror of life?
Periodically looking back on your life and past events with the understanding that some emotions may resurface from time to time, is okay.
It is certainly okay to wonder and ask, what if?
But how much time do you spend there?
Throughout my coaching career I have found that individuals often wonder what may have happened if they had done something differently or made a different choice.
For instance, what would have happened:
– 𝑰𝒇 they’d married the other person…
– 𝑰𝒇 they’d studied for a different degree…
– 𝑰𝒇 they’d taken the other job…
– 𝑰𝒇 they’d lived in another city or country…
It is okay to acknowledge those speculations, but don’t dwell or brood on them for too long.
Experience is a great teacher.
All of us live with some regrets.
They are a part of you, but they do not define you.
Instead focus on what you learned from them and how they have shaped you today.
Ultimately, it’s a bit like those drivers who stare in the rear-view mirror for far too long and run the risk of missing what lies ahead.
There may have been some crashes behind us, but it’s the bends ahead that matter now.
𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖.
Don’t let your rear-view mirror be bigger than your front windshield.
Stop looking backward and start looking forward.
Remember you are the one in the driver’s seat!
How are you living your life by looking forwards?