Tag Archive for: boundaries

Where We Place the Light

All day I’d been talking about candles.
It was Christmas after all, and I felt the house needed some more atmosphere.
That soft warmth and flickering sense of seasonal intention.
Monic, as ever, was very patient with me.
Perhaps I’d been influenced by recent weeks of encouraging others to let their light shine and light the world. Perhaps I was trying to practice what I’d been sharing. Either way, I eventually settled on what felt like the perfect solution.
Candles, set on the bookcase.
Monic gently suggested I be careful.
We then did what many do at Christmas. We sat down together and started a game of Sequence. Cards dealt. Concentration engaged. Festive harmony achieved.
We didn’t get very far, when only a few minutes into the game, Amilya shrieked:
“𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑩𝑶𝑶𝑲𝑪𝑨𝑺𝑬 𝑰𝑺 𝑶𝑵 𝑭𝑰𝑹𝑬!
And indeed, it certainly was.
A sudden dash. A moment of collective disbelief. One glass of water deployed with impressive urgency. The flames were extinguished. The danger passed.
The damage, however, was done – a scorched bookcase…
In all our years together, we’ve never had a fire quite like that at home.
And certainly not one caused by an attempt to create cosy Christmas atmosphere.
It turns out that not all light belongs everywhere.
This has become something of a cautionary fun tale in our home.
Good intentions matter, but so does wisdom.
Enthusiasm is powerful, but it still needs boundaries.
And light, for all its goodness, must be placed carefully if it’s truly going to bless rather than burn.
Life and Leadership can be a bit like that.
We encourage people to shine. To bring energy. Passion. Conviction. Light. But timing matters. Context matters. And listening to those around us matters too – especially the calm voice saying, “Just be careful.”
Too much light, in the wrong place, without enough thought, can cause unintended damage – even when my motive was a pure one.
The aim isn’t to dim the light, rather It’s to place it well.
And perhaps… keep a glass of water nearby, just in case! 😉
Whose quiet voice saying “be careful” might be worth listening to today?

The Pause That Leads

I meet lots of different people.
A term I frequently hear them use is “𝐈’𝐦 𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐲”.
In fact, I hear it every day, many times over.
More recently however, I have started to hear a new phrase surface.
“𝑪𝒓𝒂𝒛𝒚 𝒃𝒖𝒔𝒚”.
It seems busyness has reached a new level.
Is that you? How did it get this way?
It’s not wrong to get tired, or stressed or anxious, or even feel overwhelmed.
It not wrong to go through seasons where it feels like you are managing chaos, rather than moving with purpose…
Every one of us will pass through periods of complexity in our lives – it happens.
Those times when work simply accelerates, responsibilities layer on top of one another and our capacity to hold on to everything can feel like too much.
The question isn’t “Why am I feeling this way?”
A better question may be “What is this feeling trying to teach me?”
In leadership, we often speak about resilience, agility and capacity.
Yet before we know it, as expectations shift, demands increase and projects multiply, we aren’t leading anymore, we’re simply absorbing.
That’s when we need to slow down and take some time to think.
Take time to acknowledge the pressure, to set boundaries and choose presence over speed, creating a space not only for ourselves to breathe and reset, but also others too.
Its my experience that these seasons of “crazy busy” don’t define us, they simply 𝒓𝒆𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒆 us.
Those times will pass, they always do.
We all need to slow down a little more, take some time to breathe, reset our boundaries and take some moments to recalibrate.
By taking some time to pause long enough and notice what’s happening within us, we can lead the way not from a point of exhaustion, but from a position of clarity and confidence.
As we do so, we give others the permission to do the same.
So, take that pause today, even a small one and let it steady you.
Let it bring you back to yourself, with a clearer mind, a calmer heart and a renewed sense of purpose.
What one shift would help you lead the way with more clarity and less chaos?

Lines that define

Recently whilst working with a business client, we explored the concept of personal boundaries or the red lines we draw for ourselves and are unwilling to cross, even in the most difficult of situations.
The values that define our boundaries protect our well-being and even guide our decisions.
Boundaries can often reflect our deepest principles and non-negotiables.
They shape how we interact with others and help us navigate the challenges we face.
To bring this to life, we engaged in a few activities about boundaries.
We’d already created a psychologically safe space for everyone to share in our learning session.
Participants were asked to visualise a scenario where their boundaries had been tested, a moment when they felt uneasy, conflicted, or even compromised.
They were then invited to reflect: where did they draw the line?
Many chose to share their experiences openly with the group.
Did they stand firm, or did they allow others to cross that line?
The conversations that followed were eye-opening.
People shared how recognising and honouring their boundaries had empowered them, strengthened relationships, and brought clarity in difficult situations.
Others admitted how, at times, they had failed to assert their limits, leading to regret or frustration.
Understanding your own boundaries requires courage, self-awareness, and sometimes, a willingness to say “no.”
So, where do you draw the line?
How do your boundaries reflect who you are and what you stand for?
And, most importantly, how do you ensure those boundaries are respected?

N.O. Two simple letters – No

Do you ever say “𝐘𝐞𝐬” to someone, when you mean to say “𝐍𝐨?”
Its not a bad word.
Sometimes, we commit to do something because we don’t want to appear rude, or we may be afraid to upset someone.
Do you know that feeling?
However, by always saying yes, we can make ourselves ill too.
Saying yes all too often, can and will have a direct impact upon our own wellbeing.
I know that self-care is really important, especially when you are tired!
It really is okay to set personal boundaries and say “no” especially when you may already be juggling lots of different things and multiple projects at the same time.
That said, it can be tough to say no!
N.O.
Two simple letters – No.
One simple word and yet so many of us have a real problem with it.
It’s okay to say no!
If you are just learning to say no, then please be gentle with yourself and be kind too – it can take time.
It is also important to recognise when you have said yes to something, when you should have said, no instead!
On those occasions, I suggest that you make a mental note, and then let it go.
Learning to say no takes practice!
In fact, it’s absolutely essential if you want to simplify your life.
Setting some personal boundaries can help.
Boundaries can be defined as the limits we set with other people.
Our boundaries indicate what we find acceptable and unacceptable in others behaviour towards us.
Boundaries reflect what we value most deeply.
They are a form of empowerment, strength, and a way for us to align with our identity, our desires, where we stand and what we stand for in the world.
Having strong boundaries means knowing what you like, what you accept and equally, what you can tolerate.
Are yours discernible?
We need to recognise them and protect ourselves against hazards that will come in life.
One of those boundaries may be to recognise that it is okay to simply say no.
When you say ‘no’ to others you are making an important statement on boundaries, limits, and respect for your own time.
You also teach them about who you are as a person, and what’s important to you.
Finally, my top tips –
Saying no doesn’t require a thesis length explanation!
For example, some ways to say no, could include the following…
“I’d love to, but I can’t”
“That doesn’t work for me”
“I’m not comfortable with that, so no.”
Is today the day, you finally empower yourself and say no?
What helps you to say no?

Are your boundaries set?

It is never too late to learn about boundaries.  Are yours set? Why do they matter? Do you have poor boundaries?

We understand the need for boundaries in sports such as football, golf, cricket, hockey or tennis.  Boundary lines are clearly marked on the playing field.  Out of bounds always has consequences.  Similarly boundary lines are equally important in the game of life.  Boundaries reflect what we value most deeply. They are a form of empowerment, strength, and a way for us to align with our identity, our desires, where we stand and what we stand for in the world. Having strong boundaries means knowing what you like, what you accept and equally, what you can tolerate.  Are yours discernible? We need to recognise them and protect ourselves against hazards that will come in life.

I am sure that each of us will have our everyday boundary battles.  So – what about your boundaries – have you figured them out yet?  For example, are you regularly working more hours than you get paid for at work?  Are you covering someone else’s responsibilities as well as your own?  Are you frequently bringing work or stress home with you? Are you adopting a do it yourself attitude when it may be more helpful to delegate to someone else or simply ask for help?  Boundaries matter!  We all have the right to set boundaries and have them respected.

Here are some helpful tips to consider:

  • What do you really desire in life, what are your key values?
  • Consider those things that are acceptable and those which are not.
  • Recognise that it is okay to say no!

Sometimes, boundaries will be crossed, view these moments as instructive, rather than a backwards step. Recently I had an experience that pushed me across one of my own personal boundaries, and it was only after sleeping on it, that I understood the power of simply saying no!  In the process I rediscovered a unique sense of freedom and peace of mind too.  I think this post today has been inspired by that one experience, as I simply made a promise to get in touch with my own personal boundaries again and start to reinforce them – doing so, brings great relief!

Building boundaries takes time and practice.  Setting up personal and professional boundaries is not easy, but it is worth it!  In summary boundaries help you stand up for what you believe in. Boundaries include saying what you want and what you don’t want, and recognising that not everyone will agree with that. They help you become the person you want to be.  Know yourself!

So – on you go then, get on with it!  Start living them today!