Tag Archive for: Becoming

Elders

Every week, along with one or two others, I sit in a meeting to coordinate our missionary efforts in Dunfermline.
Two participants are our current missionary Elders Billy Jơckey and Angel Malarde, from the Pacific Islands of Vanuatu and Tahiti.
It’s funny that they are here together in a rather chilly Scottish winter!
Something happened this week, that made me think about them and the word “Elder”, in a slightly different way.
While facilitating a leadership programme, a behavioural change model was referenced by my colleague: Child, Adolescent, Adult, and Elder. Each state carries certain characteristics, depending on the situation.
We discussed the “Elder” state, which is typically wisdom-based, usually marked by perspective, steadiness, and a longer view of life.
As my fellow facilitator waxed lyrical about the “Elder” state, my thoughts drifted elsewhere.

My Understanding

I found myself thinking about the many missionary “Elders” I’ve known, hundreds, perhaps even thousands.
My lived experience of the word “Elder” was rather different from what was being described in that moment.
I don’t mean that unkindly, it’s simply my observation.
What struck me wasn’t that the model was wrong at all, rather it was the word “Elder” was being used in a very different way to how I’ve come to understand it through my lifetime.
In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Elder isn’t a developmental description, it’s an ordained office in the Melchizedek Priesthood.
We don’t wait until a young man has accumulated wisdom, perspective, or life experience and then say, now you qualify to be an Elder.
We do the opposite. We ordain first.
Responsibility is placed on young shoulders, and we trust that growth will follow.
Over the years, I’ve seen that growth happen time and time again.
Some of the youngest missionaries I’ve known have shown moments of remarkable wisdom, humility, and quiet maturity, often surprising themselves as much as anyone else – including me!
In essence they are becoming elders, long before they reach the age that the world associates with the term itself.
Reach out to them and find out for yourself!
What would it look like for you to live a little more “elder-like” today, regardless of your age?

Becoming along the Way

Since I was a teenager, goals have been a big part of my life.
Sometimes daily. Sometimes just sitting quietly in the background.
I’ve written five-year plans and even ten-year life plans. Some of them worked beautifully. Others, well, they didn’t work at all.
Yet both mattered.
Like many others, I’ve felt the pull of the New Year resolution (again). It got me thinking about the summer this last year and the walk along the West Highland Way.
The annual moment at new year, is when many of us will pause, reflect, and decide that something in our life deserves intention – that certainly happened last year.
Yet over time, I’ve learned that goals aren’t really about the calendar. They’re about direction.
Goals have never been about reaching a finish line for me, but about choosing who I’m becoming along the way.
They are also about the struggles and the stretching!
When goals succeed, they build confidence. When they fail, they build clarity.
Failure has been one of my greatest teachers. It forces reflection and invites learning.
I like the idea that FAIL simply means 𝑭𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝑨𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒎𝒑𝒕 𝑰𝒏 𝑳𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈.
Most growth arrives that way, not through perfection, but through adjustment.
Looking back, the goals I missed shaped me just as much as the ones I achieved.
They helped me to understand my personal values.
They also showed me where I needed more patience, more honesty, and even more courage.
That’s the quiet power of goals. They don’t just guide what we do. They shape how we show up. In small, repeated choices, they help us become a little more aligned with who we want to be.
And in the end, that matters far more than any finish line.
Who are you becoming through the goals you’re setting right now?

We Are Our Thoughts

Our thoughts are incredibly powerful.
They affect us in many ways – our mood, our behaviours and our outlook on life.
I’ve always loved the scripture in Proverbs 23:7, “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he…”
Recently I have been paying much more attention to the things I am thinking every day.
I consider whether my thoughts are positive, negative or even neutral.
…Apply the proverb to real life…
If my thoughts are filled with positivity, then so I will be.
…with negativity, then so I will be.
We literally become our thoughts.
We 𝒂𝒓𝒆 our thoughts.
In short – I am learning again that the quality of my thoughts has a direct impact on the quality of my life.
I love this quote by Dr. Wayne Dyer: “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”
Subsequently, if you want to have a more meaningful and purposeful life, then begin to pay more attention to the things you think about every day.
Start by considering the things you tell yourself every day.
For example, are you struggling with someone?
A spouse, partner, a sibling, parents, a friend, or a workmate perhaps?
Pause for a moment and stop yourself.
Watch your thoughts…
Do you see what is happening in that moment?
What do you think about in your heart, when you think of them?
What do you notice?
Are your thoughts negative or positive?
If its negative, challenge yourself, and your thinking.
For me those challenges start early in the morning, when I make plans for the day ahead.
Start by engaging new positive thoughts and watch them start to grow day by day.
See how it feels.
I am relearning that when we change your thoughts, you can change your life, one thought at a time.
What would happen if you took just one thought today and intentionally shifted it from negative to positive?

Be

Put your mobile down.
Set your tablet or laptop aside.
Turn the television off.
Put down your book.
Are you paying attention?
Just be here.

𝐁𝐞.

In a world filled with distractions it can be easy to get side-tracked and lose focus on the person or people that matter most of all.
In a recent coaching interview, one missionary asked me a question something like this…
“President, how can I improve my communication skills?”
Reflecting for a moment, as I observed the missionary and made eye contact, I asked a question that focused on being present and the unspoken dialogue I observed before me.
I asked, “Look at me and tell me what you observe?”
Hesitating the missionary responded… “I see you!”
“What else do you see?” I asked.
“You’re sitting comfortably”.
“Yes, I am sitting comfortably, but what else?” I said.
There were a few more interactions.
However, unable to see what I was driving at; I described my body language.
Then the missionary understood that I’d been delicately mirroring or matching the gesture’s, expressions, tone of voice and seating posture throughout our conversation.
What was I really saying?
I was indicating… “I am curious about you and making an effort to understand you.”
I had slowed down.
It was a moment of true bewilderment, to watch the reaction unfold.
Observing and listening, along with things we speak, are equally critical parts of communicating, that show you care.
“We must develop the capacity to see [others] not as they are at present but as they may become.” – Thomas S. Monson.
True disciples of Jesus Christ seek to follow His example in the ways they communicate.
I love this scripture from Ephesians 4:29 …“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”
If you want to develop Christlike communication, then speak with a missionary today.

Habits

𝐇𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬!
I have a regular early morning routine.
It’s a habit of mine.
It’s precious time, to set me up for all the activities and plans for the day ahead.
I pray, meditate, read, study, ponder, plan, journal and reflect on those things that matter most.
Frequently, it is the most insightful couple of hour’s of my day.
In fact, getting up early has also become a habit of a lifetime.
At home in Scotland in our living room, we have a massive clock that hangs on our wall, above the fireplace.
In the wee small hours of every morning, it has an extremely loud TICK TOCK! Here in the Netherlands, the clock is smaller, but equally loud!
So much so, that I have for many years now reverted to placing ear plugs in each of my ears to block out the noise of the clock, during my precious morning routine.
In fact, that has become another habit of mine.
The reward is silence!
I guess I could sit elsewhere in another room perhaps, but no, my choice is always the living room, because it is comfortable there and I love to pick up a book to study!
How I love the silence of the morning.
These habits, have become part of who I am.
“Your habits shape your identity and your identity shapes your habits.” – James Clear.
Your habits shape what you will become.
I believe that one of the keys to success in life is instilling good habits.
So, what are your habits?
What regular routines do you have in your life that formulate the essence of your being?

Practice!

What makes a man or a woman a good musician?
𝐏𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞.
What makes someone a good singer?
𝐏𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞.
What makes someone a good footballer?
𝐏𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞.
A good artist?
𝐏𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞.
A good teacher?
𝐏𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞.
A good boss?
𝐏𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞.
A good cook?
𝐏𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞.
A good missionary?
𝐏𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞.
A good mum, or dad?
𝐏𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞.
A good man or woman?
𝐏𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞.
There is really nothing else, but 𝐩𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞..
What are you becoming through your 𝐩𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞?

Be there!

𝐁𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞!
Whilst on a video call last night with our three grown children, my mind drifted back to when they were all much smaller.
In my minds eye, I was holding hands with our youngest daughter, walking through our beautiful park in town.
It felt like only yesterday, but 10 years have swiftly passed by.
Those tender moments are one of the sweetest, most enjoyable parts of life.
Suddenly – growing older, there can come a sense of having been there – and yet knowingly perhaps, I should have enjoyed the journey much, much more.
I’m sure those old like me, or older even – will understand my sentiment.
Life is going on all of the time.
Sometimes we are so focused on the next big thing, that we miss much of the beautiful scenery along the way.
Time with loved ones, the holidays, the picnics, the walks, the challenges are all part of 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞.
There is purpose and meaning to all that we experience and undergo in this life.
We should enjoy our children when we have them around us, as I know now, they won’t always be with us.
Back then when they were young, they not only needed us, they also wanted us too!
We live through each part of our life only once, we don’t go back, so it is vitally important that we 𝒃𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆!
There are few sweeter memories than your child’s hand in yours, walking with you.
Wherever you are, 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞, be present and enjoy the moment, our life after all, is only a nanosecond of time.
How can you focus better, be present and be engaged in the here and now?

What do you want to become?

Are you clear about what you want to become?
Dallin H. Oaks, shared this understanding…
“A wealthy father knew that if he were to bestow his wealth upon a child who had not yet developed the needed wisdom and stature, the inheritance would probably be wasted.
The father said to his child: “All that I have I desire to give you—not only my wealth, but also my position and standing among men. That which I have I can easily give you, but that which I am, you must obtain for yourself. You will qualify for your inheritance by learning what I have learned and by living as I have lived. I will give you the laws and principles by which I have acquired my wisdom and stature. Follow my example, mastering as I have mastered, and you will become as I am, and all that I have will be yours.””
I know we can all become the person we were born to be!
At home in our families, our communities and our workplaces.
When we’re desperate to become the people we were born to be, our vision changes.
What is your true identity?
What do you really want to do with your life, family and career?
Through my daily choices – who am I becoming?
Am I progressing in the right direction?
In the nanosecond of life – be mindful of what you choose to become.

Growth Rings

Every human being is also a human 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈.
A careful study of the growth rings of a tree, always tell an interesting story.
Look carefully, it requires some close inspection.
Discovering whether any particular year provided a favourable or unfavourable period of growth, is easy to identify.
Some years, there is quite a bit of new wood added.
In other years when growth was unfavourable, only a small fraction of that amount was added.
Similarly – stop for a moment, reflect back and consider how your own life, is like the history of a tree.
There may have been years of great spurts of new growth where favourable conditions allowed you to flourish and develop.
In other years, unfavourable conditions, and experiences, may have reduced the amount of development and growth.
Wouldn’t it be fascinating if we could see our personal growth records as we are making them in our own lives, just like trees do?!
If we could see that record, perhaps we’d be much more motivated in our daily choices and decision making to make our growing conditions more favourable year on year, thus producing a fair amount of new wood.
I may be prone to say, “Yep, 1983 I was at my best” or “1992 was a challenging year.”
How can we keep our lives under better control?
For me, keeping a regular journal, maintaining regular study habits & routines, plus setting stretching goals, really helps to maintain a growth trajectory.
As a human 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈, what do your yearly growth rings look like?

Becoming a somebody

Have you reached that point in life where you can afford to allow yourself to stop growing or to stop improving?

Do you remember the old adage “If you consider yourself a nobody and do nothing to improve yourself to become a somebody, you truly will end up being a nobody.”

Every single one of us can choose to improve ourselves daily.

Self improvement begins with self-awareness and the ability to transform our personal habits. There is no one size fits all in our unique and individual journey through life. Yet, I believe that there is a need for constant improvement in all of our lives if we are to become a somebody.

“None of us will become perfect in a day or a month or a year. We will not accomplish it in a lifetime, but we can begin now, starting with our more obvious weaknesses and gradually converting them into strengths.” – Gordon B. Hinckley.

Over time, as we choose to make small adjustments in our life routines, they can bring greater balance, direction and peace to each of our lives. Remember, one step at a time.

Every leader can be a better leader than he or she is today.

Every father, mother, daughter or son can be a better father, mother, daughter or son than he or she is today.

Are you a somebody?