Just Be There

At work, I’ve been thinking a lot about empathy recently.

Some new thinking began in an unexpected place, in the scriptures with Job, a few days ago.

In Job 2:13, after hearing of all that had happened to him, his friends came and sat with him: “So they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him.”

Seven days of silence might be taking things a little too far!

Notice that his friends didn’t arrive with answers or try to explain his suffering.

They simply sat with him.

Reflecting on that, it led me to explore an idea used particularly in military chaplaincy — the ministry of presence.

At its heart, it’s really simple: sometimes our most valuable contribution is not what we say or do, but our willingness to remain present with another person in a difficult moment.

Presence can matter more than explanation.

For years, I thought empathy was about trying to walk in someone else’s shoes — attempting to understand exactly what they were feeling and seeing the world from where they stood.

Now, I am not so sure anymore.

Perhaps empathy is less about walking in someone’s shoes and more about walking beside them — and noticing just how worn their shoes have become.

It reminded me of something that happened a number of years ago.

One day my boss walked into my office in London crying.

This was completely out of character. She was a strong, capable person, and it was obvious that something had deeply upset her.

I had no idea what to say or do.

So I didn’t say anything.

I simply stood up and gave her a hug.

That was it.

Years later, when our paths crossed again, she mentioned that moment and expressed thanks.

I’d almost forgotten it, but she hadn’t.

And perhaps that is one of the things I am learning about empathy.

We don’t always need the right words or need to understand everything.

Sometimes the greatest gift we can offer another person is simply our presence.

To sit beside them.

To notice.

To stay.

And if appropriate, every now and again, perhaps just to give them a hug.

Who in your life might not need your answers right now, but simply your presence?